


Only Life

by ifzi0531



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Niall-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:43:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 62
Words: 155,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifzi0531/pseuds/ifzi0531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    <em> “Niall! What the hell were you thinking?!” Zayn scolded angrily. </em>
  </p>
  <p>  </p>
  <p> <br/><em>Niall swallowed hard as he heard Zayn’s angry voice. He knew Zayn was mad at him out of worry, but it was his own decision. </em></p>
  <p>  <br/> <br/><em>“Zayn..just let me go..” Niall said. </em></p>
  <p> <br/></p>
  <p>  <em>Zayn gasped in shock and was left speechless at his brother’s words. “Niall..what the hell are you talking about? You want me to let him kill you?” </em></p>
  <p> <br/></p>
  <p> <br/><em>Silence filled the conversation for a few seconds before Niall finally decided to break it through. “Yes." </em><br/></p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest chaptered story that I've written on onedirectionfanfiction.com. Mainly focus on Niall's life (it's no surprise that he is my favorite..:D ).

_“I want my mum!” The kid cried. His hand clutched a small guitar while looking at Patricia with wide eyes brimmed with tears. Patricia felt her heart broke at the sight._

_“Hey, buddy. Your mum is not here right now. I’m going to bring you back to my home. From now on, you can call me mum, okay?” Patricia coaxed softly as she pulled the six years old kid closer to her body despite the small protest that came from the little boy. The kid cried on Patricia’s shoulder, still begging for his mum and Patricia felt her eyes welled with tears. Patricia didn’t really imagine that her week would start with news like that. Where a little boy with a small frame for 6 years old, along with babyface like and bright blue eyes, was brought to her as she was appointed as his social worker. She learnt from her colleague that poor little boy had lost his parents and older brother in an accident near his hometown. There’s no other family and the little kid was brought to the center so that someone could adopt him. Patricia’s instinct kicked in right away when she first saw the little boy. Everyday he will cry looking for his mum and Patricia fell in love with the kid right away when he smiled at her after she comforted him. She knew she did the right thing when she decided to adopt the little kid. She had one son at home and he was excited that he was going to get a little brother when Patricia told him about the plan. It wasn’t her intention for not giving his son another brother or sister but the doctor told her that she had some complication during the birth and she couldn’t get to get pregnant again. And when her husband agreed and supported the decision, she knew she did a right thing._

_***_

_“Mummy!!” Patricia smiled as her son came to hug her after she arrived at the front door._

_“Hey, do you remember that I told you I’m going to bring someone home today?” Patricia asked as her son nodded enthusiastically. Turning around, Patricia called the small boy that had stood silently watching the scene in front of him and the kid walked slowly toward her._

_“This is my son..” Patricia said before she was cut off by her son as he stepped forward and hugged the little kid tightly before he pulled away and grinning widely._

_“Hi! I’m Zayn! What’s your name?”_

_The bright blue eyes looked at Patricia unsurely and Patricia nodded encouragingly making the beautiful eyes of the kid stared at Zayn’s again. “Niall. I’m Niall.” The kid said._

_Zayn smiled again as he took Niall’s right hand and led him towards the upstairs. “I want to show you something. It’s your room, you know. I picked the colour and toys. Mummy said we can play later.” Zayn rambled as Niall followed him blindly and almost tripped his feet on the stairs._

_Niall stared in awe as he looked at the room and grinned as he looked at Zayn. Just now he was unsure but suddenly he felt excited at the prospect of having a new room. “It’s nice.” Niall managed to say._

_Zayn turned around and stared at Niall in disbelief. “Just nice?” He asked as he took a step forward towards Niall. Niall backed away a little as he felt afraid looking at the dark haired boy and his dangerous glare. “I mean..I mean..it’s perfect..” Niall stammered. He didn’t say anything wrong, did he?_

_A few seconds later, Zayn burst out laughing and tackled Niall to the ground as he started the tickle war. “Aw, Niall..you think I was mad, didn’t you?” Zayn asked between his laughter and Niall also laughed as Zayn didn’t stop tickling his feet. “Stopppp..” Niall said, giggling. Both of them continued wrestled with each other and finally ended up lying side by side on the floor, staring at the ceiling._

_“Niall..” Zayn called after several minutes of silence._

_Niall hummed in response._

_“Mummy said that you don’t have anyone anymore, is that true?” Zayn asked bluntly as a curious 7 years old kid he was._

_Niall nodded slowly. “Yeah..your mum told me that my parents and Greg were in heaven now and I couldn’t get to see them anymore. But she said they’ll always be in my heart with me.” Niall said. He couldn’t understand at first but when he heard that he couldn’t see his family again, he cried and screamed until Patricia wrapped him in her arms and soothed him. She made him calm and he couldn’t help but feeling jealous of Zayn for having such a great mum._

_“Does that make you sad?” Zayn asked, this time he turned to his side to look at Niall._

_Niall turned to his side too and his blue eyes met the dark brown eyes in front of him as he whispered. “Yeah…I have no one..”_

_Zayn moved closer to Niall as he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and smiled softly at him. “No. You have mum. You have dad. And don’t forget, you have me.” Zayn said sincerely that it made Niall trusted him right away at the moment. He smiled back at Zayn and let Zayn ruffled his hair protectively._

_“Niall..” Zayn called again._

_“Yeah..”_

_“I really want a little brother, would you be mine?” Zayn asked as he held his breath and looked at Niall’s face waiting for the answer. He only knew Niall through his mum’s story but he didn’t expect that he would felt brotherly love towards Niall at the first time he laid his eyes on the younger boy. Plus, he really wanted a little brother to play with. Being an only child at 7 years old was a little dull to him. Niall was like the Christmas’s gift that he always wished for. He waited nervously as Niall stared at him with a hanging mouth and blinked rapidly. Niall looked like a little puppy and Zayn felt a little bit disappointed when Niall didn’t answer his question. Was he that bad that Niall didn’t want to be his brother? He was about to pout and went away when suddenly Niall hugged him and said the thing that Zayn never ever forget for the rest of his life. “I’d love to be your little brother!”_

 

***

 

“Nialllerrrr…wake up!!! You’re late!” Niall groaned and closed his ears with his pillow. He didn’t want to wake up, why would Zayn barged into his room at….he looked at his clock and his eyes widened. Fuck! It’s almost 8 o’clock! He was supposed to take a math test this morning, how in the hell nobody wake him up? He rushed into the bathroom and brushed his teeth quickly and decided to forget about taking a bath. 

Niall grabbed his bagpack and totally ignored Zayn who had sat at the edge of his bed watching Niall amusingly. He fleed out from his room and headed towards the door with a quick goodbye to Zayn and stopped abruptly when he almost crashed into Zayn’s mum at the porch in front of the house. “Mum..why didn’t you wake me up..” Niall whined. Well yeah, he started to call Patricia ‘mum’ after he turned to 12 years old and Patricia had cried a river when he called her that. Hell, why must he had a flashback at time like this! Niall cleared his throat and began to whine again when his mum raised her eyebrows. 

“Wake you up for what? I thought you said you want to wake up late?” 

Niall shook his head and glanced at his watch. 8.05 a.m. Shit! He really was late. “But I have a math test today! And now I’m late..” Niall pouted. 

Patricia laughed and shook her head. Niall and his antics. Those cute and adorable face are so hard to resist. “But baby, it’s Saturday. Your test would be on Monday, right?” 

Niall blinked his eyes. Once. Twice. _What??_ He felt his mum’s hand on his forehead checking if he had a temperature since how in the hell he could forget that today was Saturday??! 

“Are you alright, baby? You’re not drunk, are you?” 

Niall choked and shook his head frantically. He wasn’t drunk. He was just…senile? Before he could reply, he heard a howl of laughter behind him and right at that moment, he knew who was the culprit behind his stupidity on Saturday morning. Turning around, he started to chase Zayn who had his laugh filled the entire house. Patricia shook her head and murmured to herself. “Teenagers.” 

“Zayn, you bastard! Why did you wake me up like that! I really thought I was late for school!” Niall yelled annoyingly as Zayn sprawled on his bed laughing his ass off at Niall. 

“Look at your face..I couldn’t..I just..it was so funny..” Zayn said between his laughter. His laugh was louder when Niall glared at him. Niall and ‘being mad’ really didn’t fit into a sentence together. 

“I hate you.” Niall pouted and sat besides Zayn while crossing his arms. Tell him again why he decided to be Zayn’s brother 10 years ago? 

Zayn wiped his tears of laughter and sling one of his arms on Niall’s shoulder, bringing the younger boy towards his body. “No, you don’t hate me. I’m Zayn. Nobody could hate me.” 

Niall snorted at Zayn’s cockiness. Deep down Niall knew it was true. Who could hate those sexy cheekbones and long eyelashes, complete with the angelic voice and great hair? In short, Zayn was the perfect description of tall, dark and handsome. 

“Auw..Nialler..I didn’t mean to prank you like that. I was completely innocent.” 

“But why did you want me to wake up early on weekend….” Niall continuously whining. Zayn had interrupted Niall’s plan to sleep for the whole day on weekend. 

“Because, my little brother..” Zayn said as he stood up and stretched. Then he grabbed Niall’s arm and pushed the younger boy towards the door. “..we have a band practice today. Aren’t you glad that we could meet those three idiots again?” 

Niall groaned and followed the older boy with only one thing running in his mind. Whose idea was it to have a band practice so early in morning especially on weekend?? 

 

**

 

“Do you think we could make it through the audition?” Harry asked as five of them laid on the grass in front of Liam’s house, just enjoying the moment of peacefulness after they finished with their band practice. Niall shrugged and was about to response when Liam’s voice piped in. “I have a feeling that we could do it this time.” Liam sounded confident and it made Niall’s heart swelled with pride. Liam, always the one being the voice of confidence between all of them. 

 

How to describe Liam James Payne? Well besides having the same middle name with Niall, the blonde lad thought that Liam had another common thing with him; music. Niall first met Liam when he was 12 years old. He was sitting alone at the park with his guitar and played a Michael Buble’s song when Liam suddenly appeared besides him and started to sing along. From that moment on, they were instantly clicked and Niall was thankful that he had found such a great friend like Liam. The thing with Liam was, he was quite sensible compared to carefree-Niall. Sometimes they ended up frusfrating with each other since they were quite opposite but they always ended up laughing together after a few hours. They didn’t hold grudges towards each other. Liam was like another Zayn to Niall. He treated Niall like his own little brother eventhough their age gap was not really that different. Their birthday was only two weeks apart for God’s sake. When they were 14, Liam tried to audition for the X-Factor and only made it to the judge’s house before he was rejected for being too young and wasn’t prepared. Niall knew Liam was devastated at that moment but he was admired by the spirit that Liam had about his music and talent. Liam refused to give up and slowly he gained his confidence and decided to try again for the audition, this time with the group category. 

 

“Nice vote of confidence there, Li Li.” Louis’s voice was heard and Niall knew by the tone of it, Louis was teasing Liam for his sensibleness and Niall couldn’t help but chuckle. Louis William Tolimson. The lad was the eldest but Niall swore sometimes Louis didn’t even realize that. Acting immature and cheeky and sassy and anything related to executing the pranks, well you can give it all to Louis. Niall vaguely remembered on how he met Louis. He knew Louis was one of Zayn’s bestfriend since Zayn always told him about the eldest lad but at that time, Niall didn’t know that Louis was Zayn’s partner in crime in pranks. He first met Louis at their home when he was being pranked by Zayn with the help of the eldest lad. Niall remembered on how he screamed horrorly when he woke up and didn’t see anything at all. He thought he was going blind! But what exactly happened was Zayn put on his reading sunglasses while Niall was sleeping and put on toothpaste on the glasses so when Niall woke up, he can’t see anything at all. The thing was, Louis was there too with Zayn, laughing his big ass off cause honestly, he was the one who came up with that idea. And that moment, Niall knew that Louis was going to be part of his life cause whoever Zayn’s friend with, they always ended being Niall’s friend too, and vice versa. 

 

“It’s just that..I’m nervous..” Harry’s voice was heard after a few beats of silence. Harry Edward Styles. The youngest but the other lads always said that he was the most perverted one. He was charming and cheeky and between all of them, Niall actually liked to talk to Harry because he listened. Yes, Zayn and Liam and even Louis sometimes were there for him too but being the second youngest of the group, making Niall connected with Harry the most. Plus, Harry took his words seriously compared to the other lads. Niall met Harry, well at the most boring place in the world; school. Niall was on his way to meet Liam during the lunch break and was in rush when he bumped into someone that both of them ended up cracked their heads together. Trust Niall, he felt like the other lad’s head was made of concrete. That was the first time that Niall met the curly haired lad and those cheeky dimple smiles of him. They laughed the incident off and next thing Niall knew, he was in the same music class with Harry. From then, they always teased each other about their own clumsiness and slowly they became friends and the rest was history. 

 

“Well, I’m nervous too. But somehow, I feel excited as well.” Zayn said as he slowly sat up and the other lads followed, including Niall. Zayn draped his arms around Niall’s shoulder and Niall grinned widely. Niall knew exactly what Zayn was talking about. Niall felt the same way too. Niall looked at Zayn and they shared a smile like they always did. To Niall, Zayn Javvad Malik was like his savior. When Zayn’s family took him in with open arms, he didn’t expect that he would get another set of loving parents and brother. Zayn protected him all of the time, sometimes Niall felt like the elder one had been too protective. When they were younger (not that now they’re old, they’re only about 16, 17 and 18 years old), Niall used to loathe Zayn’s protectiveness cause sometimes he didn’t get to do what he wanted. But deep down, Niall felt loved. He hated making Zayn upset and when they fought, Niall felt like his world came crashing down and always ended up crying because he didn’t want Zayn to hate him. Rest assured, Zayn always told him that nothing can make him hates Niall, cause he loved Niall so much that he can’t bear to see any frown on his little brother’s face. And for that, Niall knew that he loved Zayn too and he never wanted to lose another brother, it was too painful when he remembered how he lost Greg forever. Yes, they sometimes fought and exchanged heated words towards each other but at the end of the day, one of them will apologize because they didn’t want to go to bed with being mad towards each other. And being brothers, living at the same house, they always talked about one thing that they love the most; music. Zayn liked to sing and Niall was known as having interests in singing and playing guitar since he was a kid.They always jammed together at their house and Niall ended up crying on Zayn’s shoulder when the elder lad gave him an actual acoustic guitar on his 11th birthday. It was the most precious things ever since Niall knew that Zayn had saved his school allowance to buy the guitar for Niall. Since then, both of them cannot be separated with their music and having found the other three guys that shared the common interest, they decided to form a band and ended up applying for the audition on the X-Factor. 

 

“So, what do guys say? Are we ready?” Niall asked, looking at the other four with his toothy grin and all of them broke into a smile. “Hell yeah! We’re going to go there and whip the judges’s ass off!” Louis said and all of them laughed. They hugged and patted each other’s back, as they were ready to go to the audition for the next week. 

 

***

 

“What’s the band name again?” Simon asked, looking at the five teenage boys in front of him. There was something about the band that intrigued him. Yes, they didn’t really potrayed the best vocal; yet, but they really had charisma and stage presence that made Simon loved them. 

 

“One direction.” All of them answered simultaneously. 

 

“Well..” Simon started to clear his throat and stared at the nervous kids in front of him. “My heart and my brain say a different thing. But I guess I trust my heart and my gut more than I trust my brain.” Simon continued. “You guys are through to the live show.” That words made all of them screamed in delighted and they all went to hug Simon for the good news. 

 

After that, life passed through their eyes so quickly that they didn’t even realize how big they were after the X-Factor. They were all basically still the same person and throughout the competition, they got to know each other better for the good and for the worse and that made their bond stronger. Louis was still being funny and Zayn was still in love with his mirror, Harry was still cheeky and Liam was still being the sensible one. Niall? Well, he was still the same carefree-laugh-at-everything person that he ever would be. They came by the third place in the competition and Niall cried the most among all of them. The other lads cried too and that was very hard for them because they really wanted to pursue their career in music industry. Little did they know, fate had another plan for them. 

 

***

 

“I can’t fucking believe this! We’re going to the tour of our own album!” Louis screamed and the other lads cheered. 

 

“Still can’t believe all of this happened to us!” Harry piped in and they all nodded. 

 

Nobody expected Simon to sign them under his label and nobody expected them to have their own album and finally getting on tour for their debut album. Everything was so surreal that sometimes they had to knock on each other’s heads; literally just to remind them that it was not a dream that they had to wake up to. 

 

“Do you guys think it’ll be fun? Well, we went to X-Factor tour before but this time we’ll be on our own…” Zayn asked casually. 

 

Liam smiled and patted Zayn’s shoulder. “We’ll be together, right? I think whenever we’re together in this, we can make it and we’ll have a lof of fun together.” Liam said. 

 

All of the other lads responsed with “Auuuwwww..you’re so sweet, Li..” making Liam blushed and shook his head at his friends’ antics. 

 

At the end of the day, Niall brought up his glass towards the air and cheered, “To a beginning of a new life!” And all of them cheered happily, not knowing that their life would never be the same after this.


	2. Chapter 2

**_**2 years later..**_ **

“What the hell happened here Niall??!!” Zayn yelled at his brother while looking at the mess around the hotel room. Meanwhile, Niall was sitting on the couch staring at the blank screen of television in front of him. “Hey Niall, talk to me bro, what happened?” Zayn sat beside Niall and looked at his brother worriedly. “Rachel left me.” Niall simply stated. He felt numb. He did not expect this to happen. Damn, he was so in love with Rachel he barely did anything wrong. Apparently, he was not perfect as he thought he was, according to Rachel. 

 

“What? Why?” Zayn asked his brother softly. He knew how Niall was so in love with this girl. Damn, even he loved the girl like his sister already. Because for him, whoever made Niall happy, made him happy too. It hurts him to see his baby brother looked so sad. Niall’s eyes were red and puffy from crying. The ocean blue eyes that usually sparkle with love and happiness looked empty and far away. God, his chest constricted to think about how Niall felt at that moment. 

 

“She said I wasn’t there for her. When she needed me, I was not there. Not all the time. We barely see each other. We even barely spoke on the phone. And then there was this guy, who was always there. Who can comfort her when she’s upset. Who dries her tears when she’s sad. Who takes her to clinic when she’s sick. And me? I was somewhere in the world where she doesn’t even know what the hell am I doing.” Niall felt surreal. As if those words came from someone’s mouth and he just heard it. The truth was, that was exactly what Rachel told him a few hours ago. She didn’t even have a gut to tell him all of that in front of his face. She broke up with him by a phone. A fucking phone! He was shocked, angry, and sad at the times he can’t even remember how he trashed his hotel room. And by his hotel room, it meant the room that he shared with Zayn. 

 

“She told you all of that?” Zayn wrapped his arms around Niall’s shoulder. Niall stiffed at first but gave in and leaned his head on the older lad’s shoulder. “She told me all that, Zayn. How am I supposed to react when I heard all of those words? It was the truth. We drifted apart. But, I love her Zayn. I love her so much,” Niall whispered brokenly. First tear started to drop from his eyes. Zayn tightened his grip and Niall buried his face onto Zayn’s shirt and started shaking. 

 

Zayn was about to speak something when suddenly he heard, “maybe I’m not good enough for her. I’m not perfect. That’s why she doesn’t love me anymore”. Zayn snapped as soon as he heard the words and pulled away from Niall to look his brother in the eyes. “You are perfect, Niall! Don’t you ever think low of yourself. You are the most caring and loving person I’ve ever known. I’m not saying this because I’m your brother. I’m saying this out of the truth. You are more than good enough for everyone! Got it?” Niall nodded unconvincingly. Zayn sighed softly as he looked at Niall’s reaction and brought Niall closer to him again. “You are a good person, Niall. It’s just maybe you and her are not meant to be together.” Zayn continued and hugged Niall tightly. He felt Niall nodded slowly against his chest. A few seconds later, he felt Niall started to sob and his shirt was wet with Niall’s tears. His heart shattered into pieces hearing his baby brother sobbed brokenly. 

 

Few hours later, Niall awoke feeling disoriented and confused. He rolled his head and realized he was cuddling with Zayn on the couch. His eyes rested on the surrounding of their hotel room and realized the damage that he made earlier. Suddenly, all of the previous events came back to his mind. Rachel. Broke up. Zayn held him. Crying. He realized he must be crying for hours until he fell asleep. “Hey, you’re awake?” Niall felt Zayn rested his chin on top of his head. “Yeah” Niall croaked. His throat felt dry after all the crying mess. “You okay?” Carefully, Zayn asked. “Not yet. But I feel better. Thanks Zayn.”, Niall started to stand up. Zayn stood up too and put his hands on Niall’s shoulder firmly. “I know you’ll be okay Niall. You’re a strong person. You’ll get over this,” Zayn gave Niall a little smile. Niall nodded and smiled back. Little did Zayn know how wrong he was about that. 

 

***

 

“What the hell happened here, guys??!!” Paul yelled at the two boys in front of him. After all, it was their room. Harry, Louis and Liam looked back and forth between their tour manager/security/babysitter and friends. “Are you guys now involved in wrestling?” Louis asked out of the blue. All of them turned their head and stared at Louis blankly. Yes, only Louis can ask this kind of question in this kind of situation. “I’m sorry. It was my fault. I’ll pay for it myself,” Niall explained. 

 

Paul sighed. He loved all the band members like his sons but sometimes their behaviors were getting on his nerves. “Never mind, I’ll let the label pay for you but let’s make sure this kind of thing will never happened again, understood?” Paul warned and pointed his fingers to each of the band members. They all nodded simultaneously. 

 

“Hey Niall, do you mind telling us why did you made all of this mess?” Harry asked unsurely. “It just…,” Niall looked at Zayn helplessly and leaned toward the latter. His older brother. His savior. “Rachel broke up with him,” Zayn said while putting his arm around Niall and brought his brother closer to him. Harry, Louis, Liam and even Paul looked shocked. If only his heart had not been felt like someone had walked and stepped on it, Niall would laugh out loud at their shocked expressions. But at that moment, he just stared at them blankly. 

 

An awkward silence filled the air. They did not know what to say to that news. Rachel was like the love of Niall’s life. The way he talked about her, even blind man can see how in love he was. 

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Niall. Are you okay to keep going with this tour? If not, we can always postpone or cancel it.” Paul said. His voice filled with sympathy and concern. Niall shook his head. “No, I’m fine. It’s not fair to the fans. I’ll get over this.”

 

Paul looked at him and the other members of the band. “What about you guys? You guys agree with Niall?” They all looked at each other. “If Niall says he is alright with that, we say it’s alright too. We always support him,” Harry stated while Louis and Liam nodded. Niall looked at them and smiled. “Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it.” 

 

“Are you sure, lil bro?” Zayn asked him worriedly. He knew Niall. He knew his little brother was very sensitive person and this break up affected him more than he showed everyone. “Yes, Zayn. Besides, I’ve got all of you to help me get through this, right?” 

 

Paul, Louis, Liam and Harry nodded and smiled at the two lads. They knew how close the relationship between those two. So it made sense that Zayn was worried about Niall. Plus, Zayn always said he was the older brother even though they were only born couple of months apart from each other. They knew how much Zayn wanted to protect Niall from everything that can hurt him. 

 

Zayn sighed in defeat. “If we want to do this, we have to do it together, alright?” Zayn looked at all of his friends including Paul. “Yes sir!” Louis said and stood up giving the mock salute. All of them stood up and made a bee line to hug Niall. “Group hug!!” Liam yelled. Everyone laughed including Niall. Only Zayn can feel the hollowness of his brother’s laugh. He really wished that Niall will get over this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I want to introduce new character named Josh (yes, you can imagine it as 1D's drummer :P). Reminder: this story is slightly AU :)

“It’s party time!!” Niall yelled cheerily before stormed off the bus and went to the party nearby. Zayn shook his head as he was looking at his brother. It had been two months since the break up and Niall seemed to look like he got over it. But deep down inside, Zayn knew that was not true. Niall started to become addicted to alcohol, it almost scared him. Well, not just him, the others as well. Hell, even Josh, their older brother who was always optimistic about the world was worried. Not everyone knew that Zayn had another brother except close family and friends. When Niall came into Zayn’s life, Josh was already living on his own at the college. Eventhough they had a huge age gap, they got along well and Zayn and Niall always looked up to their eldest brother. 

 

Somehow, Josh flew out from London to their tour after he heard about the break-up. Like Zayn, Josh also knew Niall too well. He knew between both of his younger brothers, Niall was the most sensitive one. The one who tends to get his heart broken easily and always wore his heart on his sleeve. The first second Josh saw Niall when he entered the One Direction’s tour bus, he knew he was right. Niall’s appearance may look the same but his eyes never lied. Those bright blue eyes of his baby brother looked dull and when he opened his arms and hugged Niall, his heart broke. There he was, standing at the stairs of the tour bus, holding his baby brother as he cried. Zayn looked at the scene tearfully before wrapping his arms around his brothers. 

 

After he broke down in front of his two older brothers, Niall seemed like he was getting better. Josh spent a week with his younger brothers before went back to London. “I’m worried about you both, but right now, I’m more worried about him, Zayn,” Josh said to Zayn while they watched Niall who had fell asleep at the back lounge of the bus. “I know Josh. Me too. I promise I’ll keep an eye on him,” Zayn smiled at Liam. Josh nodded and hugged Zayn tightly. He really hoped that things will get better after that. 

 

But universe had a different plan for the brothers. Before they knew it, things started to become out of control. 

 

“Hello, what’s up? Is anything wrong? Are you guys hurt?” Josh asked worriedly on the first ring. Zayn chuckled and started to speak to his brother. “Nothing, Josh. I just feel like calling you.” 

 

“Uh oh, don’t tell me you dreamed about me when you sleep, Zayn. I know, you dream about me being so sexy you started to feel insecure, right? Because I don’t think you call me at 3 am just to tell me you miss me, little brother,” Josh teased. 

 

“Euw! Why would you say that, you idiot. Don’t be so full of yourself,” Zayn laughed. Josh knew better. The laughter did not sound like Zayn’s usual loud and carefree laugh. 

 

“What’s wrong? Is this about Niall?” 

 

Josh heard Zayn sighed at the other end of the phone. 

 

“I don’t know Josh. I’m scared of the person he becomes. He is so dependent on alcohol he barely functioning nowadays. I mean, now he got drunk at 8 am for god’s sake! He even ditched several interviews and meeting because he had a hangover. I don’t know what to do. He’s never been like this, Josh.” Zayn rubbed his temple. He knew Niall need to deal with his feeling but why in the hell Niall turned to the bottles of alcohol instead of talking about his feelings was beyond Zayn. 

 

“Have you tried to talk to him?” Josh asked rubbing his eyes. Great, now he can’t even go back to sleep since his mind is worked up thinking about the wellbeing of his brothers. He felt like his body was in London but his mind was all over the place worrying about them. 

 

“No. Not yet. I figured I’d give him some time until he comes to his sense by himself. But right now, I don’t know if that’s even possible” Zayn laid himself on the couch and stared at the ceiling of the bus. How he wished Josh was sitting in front of him right now. 

 

“Huh. Hey bro, I think you are doing the right thing. If he gets worse, I myself will go there to kick hiss ass personally,” Josh chuckled. Zayn can’t help but laughing too. 

 

“Yeah. I’d like to see that. So, while you’re not here, I’m gonna play the role of badass older brother for now,” Zayn said teasing Josh. 

 

“That’s more like it, bro! You are a good brother dude. Don’t forget that. Just call me if you need me, alright? I’m going to sleep now because I got a meeting in the morning,” Zayn heard Josh yawned and felt a little guilty for waking up his older brother. 

 

“Alright. Thanks bro. Love you,” 

 

“Yeah, Zayn. Love you too,” Click. Zayn hung up. Zayn stared at his phone for a while before sighed again. 

 

“Where are you Nialler?” Zayn looked at the watch on his hands. 

 

**

 

Why did he felt like he was walking on the uneven ground? Everything was spinning he barely walked straight. And the urge of alcohol he consumed to go out of his throat was so strong he felt like he can throw up on his own shoes at that moment. Luckily he managed to reach the toilet before he violently emptied the content of his stomach. He kept throwing up until he felt like his stomach was going to explode. Okay, that was exaggerated but frankly he really felt like hell. 

 

“Urgh,” he groaned. Wishing the world had stop spinning and his stomach to stop twisting. 

 

“Niall?” Oh, great. He thought he was being stealth when he tried tip toeing his way to the toilet across Zayn who was sleeping on the couch. “Not now Zayn. Go back to sleep,” he tried to dismiss his brother. But he knew Zayn. He knew that Zayn will not go away willingly. He tried to speak more but the next attack of nausea barely held back and he continued the next round of throwing up into the toilet. 

 

He felt Zayn’s hand circulating and soothing him on his back. He knew Zayn was worried about him. But he felt so helpless and empty he started to depend on alcohol. Not just alcohol, he thought silently. Oh God, Zayn will kill him if he knew about it. 

 

“Hey Ni, are you done? Let’s get you clean up and you can sleep after this, alright?” He heard Zayn asked. He nodded weakly. After he rinsed his mouth and washed his face, he felt Niall’s hand on his shoulder steering him to his bunk. He barely awake when he felt Zayn tucked him in. “I’m sorry, Zayn.” He whispered softly before he fell asleep. 

 

Zayn sat on the edge of Niall’s bunk and brushed the hair across his brother’s forehead. He heard what Niall said before he fell asleep. He smiled a little. That was so his little brother, always the one saying sorry for his fault. But his smile dropped when he thought that it was not his baby brother’s fault. It was Rachel’s fault at the first place. Niall only became worse when he found out that Rachel was engaged with the guy she told Niall when they broke up. The guy who was always there for her. Damn, can she give Niall a little break before she dropped the big news? Zayn sighed and looked at Niall’s sleeping face. He looked so innocent, Zayn felt his chest constricted with overprotective mode. He kissed Niall’s forehead before sat up and closed the bunk‘s curtains. 

 

**

 

“Boys, wake up! We have a morning show, we have to move now!” Paul’s voice boomed in the bus. He chuckled when he heard several groans coming from the bunks. He knew the entire band members were not the morning person but in business like this, every opportunity was too important to be missed. Finally all the boys stood in front of him. Well, except one. “Where is Niall?” He would ask the same question lately. He admitted he was worried about the blonde kid. It was not because of the business purpose, but like he claimed, he loved those kids like his sons. Niall used to be the one who would woke up early and will bug the others until they woke up too. Well, ‘used to’ was the perfect term to use because right at that moment, Niall was nowhere in sight. 

 

“I’ll go wake him up,” Harry offered before made his way to the bunk area. He sighed when he looked at Niall’s bunk. There Niall was, sleeping peacefully and Harry almost felt pity for his bandmate for not getting enough sleep. ‘Almost’ being the key word since he knew it was Niall’s own fault to get drunk and went to sleep near the dawn time. “Hey, Niall. Wake up. We have a show to do,” Harry said shaking Niall’s shoulder. 

 

“Go away. I wanna sleep,” Niall slurred lazily. 

 

“No can’t do, bro. Paul is close to spanking us if we don’t move to the show now. Do you really want him to spank us like he tried to before?” Harry chuckled when he saw Niall shuddered. 

 

“Alright, alright..I’m up. I so don’t want that ugly mental image, thank you.” Niall sat up rubbing his eyes. 

 

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the pounding inside his head. Damn hangover, Niall cursed inwardly. After Niall told Harry to give him 5 minutes to get ready, he went to brush his teeth, washed his face and put a gel on his hair. “Who are you?” Niall whispered softly to the mirror. He barely recognized himself. Bloodshot eyes. Dark eye bags. Lifeless eyes. Sunken cheekbone. Zombie-like was pretty much sums up on how he looked at that moment. He knew if he doesn’t stop on what he’s doing, he’s going to end up as a zombie, literally. “Hey Niall! Hurry up! We’ve got to move now!” Paul’s loud voice startled Niall from his thoughts. “Yeah, I’m coming!” Niall yelled and winced as he forgot about his pounding headache. “Damn hangover.” He cursed and walked out of the bus. 

 

“Good morning Niall!” Louis yelled cheerily greeting Niall when he entered the van. If only looks could kill, One Direction will be looking for a new band member after Niall gave a death glare at Louis. He flipped Louis off and put on his sunglasses. He could feel Zayn’s eyes stared at him. “What, Zayn?” Niall snapped. Zayn just shrugged and kept silence. The rest of the journey to the morning show was in silence because of two reasons. One, they were all half-awake and barely functioning. Two, Niall’s sour mood definitely affected the atmosphere.


	4. Chapter 4

“Can I go to the loo first? Got to pee,” Niall excused himself from the rest of the group.Once he was inside the bathroom stall, Niall pulled out the small plastic from his jeans. He smiled to himself. The pills surely did wonder to him since he took them a few weeks ago, he felt free. It was like he can’t think of anything when he took the pills. He embraced the feeling since he really did not want to think about his ex-girlfriend and the damn guy getting married. So he started to take the pills daily along with the alcohol. Both of these things were like gateway tickets for him, where he can be happy and free. Only from his point of view because if his brothers knew he took drugs, he’d be dead, he knew that for sure. Josh was involved with alcohols and drugs but he got sober a couple of years ago. Zayn knew about that and somehow they vowed to protect their baby brother from trying on the same things. That was when they warned Niall not to do the same ‘alcohol plus drugs phase’ of life and Niall obeyed them. He snorted. “If only they know what I am doing now,” he mumbled before taking the pills without looking at the amount of the tablets and swallowed them dryly. 

 

“Hey, are you sick or something?” Zayn asked Niall after they finished the show. Niall thanked his lucky stars that he did not messed up during the show although he swore he saw some black spots while he was singing. Stupid hangover. Stupid pills. He always did the same thing but today he felt different. He thought that he took two pills as usual but now he was not so sure. He felt like he took more than two tablets, maybe three? Four? Oh no, is he overdosed? He cannot stop shaking and panicked when Zayn started to open his mouth and asking him question. “No. I’m fine. Just a little under the weather,” Niall answered casually not looking at Zayn in the eyes. He saw the rest of the bandmates were walking to the restaurant for lunch and how he wished he was curled in fetal position on his bed and slept through the day instead. 

 

“Hey, hey bro. What happened? Are you alright?” Niall heard Zayn’s voice. He sounded worried and frantic. Why would Zayn sounded like that? Niall tilted his head and realized he was in Zayn’s arm half sitting, half standing. What the hell? Come to think of it, he felt comfortable and buried his face further into Zayn’s arm. Damn, why was he felt so tired all of sudden? He felt Zayn’s hand on his forehead and heard Zayn yelled for their friends. 

 

“Zayn, I’m tired,” Zayn heard Niall whispered in his arms before went completely limp. By now, all of them were in the van rushing to the nearest emergency room. Zayn held Niall tightly and tried to wake Niall up several times. Niall remained limp and his lips were turning into blue. What the hell? “What happened Zayn? One minute he was fine and the next minute I saw him going down, did he complain anything about being sick?” Liam asked worriedly. Zayn shook his head and blinked back his tears. God, he was so shocked and scared he barely thinks of anything. “I don’t think Niall said much this morning. Maybe he keeps it by himself,” Louis tried to reason with Liam. Everyone was looking at Zayn and Niall worriedly. They knew if something serious happened to Niall, Zayn will be the most devastated. 

 

Bursting through the door of the emergency room, Zayn carried Niall in his arms and yelled for the nurses. Niall was immediately stretched away into the emergency room and Zayn was left alone at the middle of the hallway. “Zayn, let’s go sit in the waiting room,” Harry said sofly while leading Zaynto sit on the nearest chairs. Zayn sat between Harry and Louis and they offered an encouraging smile to him. Zayn whispered his thank you and sat quietly. 

 

“I didn’t notice. He is so skinny and light. I felt like I was carried a feather just now. How the hell didn’t I notice that sooner?” Zayn spoke after few minutes of silence.

 

“Huh? What are you talking about Zayn?” Louis asked, all of them looked at Zayn questioningly. 

 

“Niall. I know he was always little than me or the rest of us. But now his body is like stick and bone! I swear I can count on his ribs now. God, I am so stupid. I saw those signs and chose to not believe it. Now, this happens. He looks so fragile…” Zayn said putting his head on his hands.

 

“What do you mean Zayn?” Harry asked and the others looked at Zayn like he had lost his mind. 

 

“He is on drugs! He is on fucking drugs and alcohols! And I did nothing to stop it!” Zayn whispered loudly and angrily. Angry at himself for not being a better brother to Niall. Angry at Niall for taking those things at the first place. Most of all, angry at the universe for putting up his baby brother in this situation. 

 

“What?!! Are you sure?” Louis’s voice was close to yelling. If only they were not in the hospital, the conversation may turns into the yelling match between all of them. 

 

Zayn nodded weakly and pulled a little plastic from his jeans. “I found this in his pocket just now.” 

 

“Oh my god. So you think Niall is…” Louis stammered. He really wanted to say the word but it felt kind of wrong. Niall? Sweet innocent Niall who always being so sensitive and kind, now in emergency room because of drugs. How fucked up is that? Damn the girl, he was really mad at Rachel for being the first reason on why his friend turned out to be like that at the moment. 

 

“Overdosed? I think so.” Zayn said weakly. What kind of older brother he was for not noticing the well being of his baby brother. Speaking of older brother. “Oh my, I have to call Josh…” Zayn said standing up, getting out of the waiting room and pulled out his cellphone. 

 

“Hello, Josh…” 

 

**

 

“What the hell? Where are you guys now?” Josh said loudly on the other line of the phone. After Zayn told their location, Josh promised he will be there in two hours top. 

 

When Zayn entered the waiting room, he looked at his friends and smiled a little. There they were sitting around the waiting room waited for the news of their friend. Harry sat quietly biting his nails, his habit when he’s nervous. Then there was Louis, sat on the floor in Indian style and counting the floor tiles and Liam just sat at one of the chairs stared blankly at the coffee machine in front of him. Zayn was grateful that he and Niall had them as their friends. They were the kind of friends who will be with you through thick and thin. As brothers, he and Niall sometimes had their little fight and the guys were always stuck by them no matter what. They were also not afraid to give both him and Niall kick in the ass if they screwed up. He loved his friends so much he wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

 

“Hey guys, I called Josh and he said he’ll be here in two hours. Any news on Niall?” Zayn asked to no one in particular and their heads turned towards him. 

 

“Not yet. Let’s just wait for a few more minutes before we break in to the emergency room to find out. Huh?” Louis tried to joke lightly. Zayn smiled gratefully. He was worried as hell and some comfort from his friends were really what he needed. 

 

A few minutes turned into an hour. An hour turned into couple of hours. Zayn was closed to hyperventilate and lose it when suddenly he felt arms wrapped him in a hug. “Josh..” He turned and hugged Josh desperately looking for a comfort. Josh patted Zayn on his back trying to soothe his little brother. He knew Zayn was beyond worried. Niall was Zayn’s sun and moon after all. If Josh felt so close to freaking out like he did, he can’t imagine what was going through Zayn’s head right now. “It’ll be alright Zayn. Everything’s gonna be alright,” Josh tried to assure Zayn as well as himself. 

 

“I’m sorry, Josh,” Zayn said suddenly, looking anywhere else but Josh. “What? Why?” Josh asked. Confused by Zayn’s words. 

 

“I promised you I would look after him. But now, I guess I failed to do that. Damn, Josh. He was falling into this downward spiral and I didn’t even know and tried to stop it. I’m sorry,” Zayn spoke softly. His voice was full with guilt it nearly made Josh’s heart broke for his brother. 

 

“It’s not your fault, Zayn. He’s my brother too. I should at least look after him as well. I’m not blaming you for this shit, bro. We’re gonna have a long talk after this, okay? I’m going to kick his ass for making us worry,” Josh said smiling at Zayn. Zayn released the breath he’d been holding and smiled back at Josh. He thought Josh would be mad at him but he felt so relieved when Josh didn’t even think about blaming him. Niall was another story. His skinny ass was so going to get kicked not just by Josh, but Zayn himself. 

 

“Mr. Malik?” All heads turned towards the man in white uniform who just coming out from the emergency room. Both Josh and Zayn rushed to the doctor and looked at him impatiently. The doctor cleared his throat and started talking. “Well, for now the patient is in stable condition. We pumped out the drugs out of his system so his stomach may not feel so comfortable for couple of days. He was also close to alcohol poisoning. The mixture of alcohols and drugs he took almost killed him but luckily he was brought here sooner. So for now, he needs to be hospitalized for monitoring purposes.” When the doctor saw the looks of the people in front of him, he quickly added. “For now, there’s no need to worry since he is out of critical condition. However, I suggest that you guys get him to clean up his act for the sake of his health. You guys can go visit him. The nurse will explain about the visiting hours.” After thanking the doctor, all the guys went to see Niall. 

 

When they got into Niall’s hospital room, all of them stood shocked for the first seconds. There Niall was, lying still on the hospital room. An IV was hooked at one of his hands and another one connected to the heart’s monitor machine beside him. A breathing tube was attached to his nose. He lay there, looking so small, so fragile, he seemed like he was peacefully sleeping. Zayn felt single tear dropped from his eyes and quickly wiped them away. His heart broke for his little brother. Niall ended up on the hospital because of those stupid alcohols and drugs. Zayn felt Josh stood beside him and put an arm around his shoulder, patted it softly. “We have to do this together bro. We love him too much to lose him because of this.” Josh said softly and Zayn can’t help nodded agreeing with his brother. 

 

**

 

 _Beep. Beep._ “Turn off the alarm clock, Zayn,” Niall said. Or he thought he said because at that moment, he felt his throat constricted and he started to panic. He heard the voices surrounds him but he was so panicked that he did not recognize the voices. He lifted his arms to remove something on his face but did not succeed since his arms were held by some people. He struggled to get free but he felt so weak he barely moved. Tears of frustration started to drop out from his eyes and he felt someone wiped away the tears. “Nialler, calm down.” He heard the voice. The familiar voice. Zayn? He opened his eyes slowly and looked at his surrounding. Zayn was sitting on the nearest chair while Josh was standing beside Zayn. All of his band mates were standing at the end of his bed. Wait, since when he had a single bed? 

 

And then he noticed that Josh was still holding his hands and Zayn was the one who wiped his tears. Breathing tube, that was the thing on his face. He tried to remove it again but once again Josh caught his hands and shook his head. “The doctor said that the tube can only be removed tomorrow, Ni. Just leave it there, okay.” 

 

Niall looked at Zayn and tried to ask him on how he ended up being in the hospital. Zayn managed to understand Niall’s question by looking at his facial expression. “You passed out after we left the morning show and we brought you here,” Zayn simply stated. He did not want to go into the details. Not yet. Those things had to be done later. 

 

Niall looked at the others looking for confirmation and all of them nodded agreeing with Zayn. He felt kind of confused and cannot remember on what happened to him at all. He was sure the reason was not all that. How come he ended up passed out at the first place? He tried to recall but his mind felt blurred. Plus, his eyelids were starting to close and he felt so sleepy. “Hey Niall, we are so relieve you are alright. You made us worried,” Harry spoke. Zayn looked at Harry gratefully for his interruption. He knew Niall did not believe on what he said just now but he felt like Niall was not ready for the conversation just yet. Niall tried to say something but he was being cut off by the nurse who just entered the room. “Visiting hours is over gentlemen. You guys can come tomorrow to visit the patient, alright? Just let him rest for now.” 

 

All of them promised Niall that they will be back to visit him the next day and went out of the room. All of them except for Josh and Zayn. The nurse looked at them questioningly. “Well, we are his older brothers. Can we spend the night here? Niall hated to be alone in the hospital room. Plus I think he needs his family by his side, is that okay?” Josh spoke convincing the nurse. It was the truth. Several trips to the hospital when they were kids really prove on how his little brother really hate being in the hospital alone. The nurse looked hesitated at first, but after looking at Josh’s determination, she gave in. “Yeah, you guys can stay here. Only family is allowed after visiting hours, alright? I just have to inform the doctor about this though." The nurse said before she went out of the room. 

 

Josh turned to his back after talking to the nurse and smiled at the sight he was seeing. Niall was fast asleep and Zayn was also asleep with his arms wrapped protectively across Niall’s body. “These two pains in the asses are going to be the death of me someday,” Josh mumbled to himself before sitting down at another chair beside the hospital bed. He yawned and tried to get some sleep as well because he knew tomorrow will be a long day for all of them. How in the hell did he know that? Well, with those two brothers of his, he just knew it. He crossed his arms and put it on the bed before buried his face in it. “Nice position, Josh, prepare yourself for some neck aching tomorrow,” that was his last thought before he fell into the oblivious sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

“Good morning, Mr. Niall. So, how are you feeling today?” the doctor asked Niall while looking at the chart at his hand. “Better. And please, just call me Niall,” Niall said weakly. His throat was still sore from the tube which had been removed earlier. “Niall? Alright, based on what I’ve examined, there was no use for us to keep you here any longer. Just a little precaution though, so I can’t make you go home right away. But I promise by this evening you’ll be home with your family, is that alright with you?” The doctor smiled at Niall and looked at the other two men who were standing like bodyguards beside the patient’s bed. Brothers, he figured. He looked back at Niall who nodded his head and gave a little smile. “It’s alright,” Niall answered. 

 

“Alright then, I’ll leave you with your brothers here. I’ll see you later. Just rest for the moment,” the doctor said before leaving the room. 

 

Zayn stared at the closed door of the room before turned back to stare at Niall. His little brother looked better compared to the first time he saw him on the hospital bed the day before. His eye bags looked so dark that it made his face looked so pale. And those blue eyes of his little brother were now looking straight into his eyes. He knew that look perfectly. They call it the curious-Nialler-look. He knew Niall demanded to know what was exactly happened to him as he seemed like he cannot remember what happened himself. 

 

“Well, Niall, we both have something to say to you,” Zayn looked at Josh as he started to speak looking for support from his older brother. He wanted to know whether Josh was ready for the needed conversation as he was right at that moment. He wanted to wait after Niall got home. He really wanted to. But he cannot hold back his anger and frustration anymore. He wanted to solve the problem right away.

 

“Huh?” is the only word that Niall managed to say at that moment. He looked at both his older brothers and their faces looked…angry? He was so confused. He was the one ended up in the hospital, so why did his brothers look at him like they wanted to kick his ass. What in the hell had he done now? Niall started to open his mouth to ask the question when suddenly the big bomb was dropped, coming out from Josh’s mouth. “How long have you been taking drugs?” Crap! Now he seemed to remember everything. The damn hangover. The stupid pills. The show. Passed out. Now he knew why his brothers looked pissed. Zayn was standing nearby, crossing his arms and stared at him intensely. Josh had the same look on his face and was standing at the end of the bed. 

 

He knew he cannot escape from this question. Inwardly, he cursed his brothers for ambushing him while he was stuck on the hospital bed. They knew him too well, they knew that if they did this when he was on feet, he could run from them. But now, he had no other choice and was forced to answer the killer question since he was stuck on the bed and cannot move anywhere. He tried to put on his puppy-sweet-innocent-eyes but neither Zayn nor Josh looked fazed by that. They remained standing as they were and still staring at Niall expecting an answer. Finally, Niall gave up and sighed. 

 

“A few days after you flew back to London. That means..a couple of weeks..” Niall trailed off staring at the ceiling instead of looking at his brothers. He did not have the courage to look on the angry and disappointed looks on his brother’s faces. He knew he had messed up and let his brothers down. 

 

“God, Niall..I am so sorry.” Huh? Niall rolled his head towards the voice. He did not expect that kind of reaction. He expected Zayn to yell at him about how ashamed he was because of the younger lad’s action. He expected Josh to kick his ass, literally. That was what Josh used to do to him when he got into trouble when he was a kid. But as he looked dumbfounded at his two brothers, their faces totally did not have slightest hint of anger or disappointment. In fact, they looked..sad? 

 

“Why are you being sorry, Zayn? Aren’t you supposed to yell at me?” 

 

“I know. I was so angry at you. We were. You almost died, Niall! You had us worried sick about you! But come to think of it, I am sorry for not being there for you. That you don’t trust me enough to share your feeling and chose drugs and alcohols instead.” Zayn stated sadly. Tears were running down his cheeks and he did not even bother to wipe it away. He wanted Niall to know how he felt at that moment. He was so scared of losing his little brother. 

 

“I’m sorry too Niall. I was the oldest and supposed to look out for both of you, but I feel like I failed you guys.” Josh said after Zayn. He blinked back his tears looking at his little brothers. This was not supposed to happen. He should paid more attention to his brothers, especially Niall because he was vulnerable after the break up. He was being careless and now he had to deal with the consequences. 

 

Niall tried to check his emotion in place but failed to do so. He hated being the one who made his brothers looking so sad and right now he was succeeded at that. He reached Zayn’s hand and squeezed it firmly. He had to do this. He hated seeing his brothers like this. He was supposed to be the sensitive one who always cries even at small things, not Zayn or Josh. The two of them were the most happy and optimistic guys he had ever known. He knew he had to fix this; after all he was the one who made his brothers felt like this at the first place. 

 

“Hey, it’s not your fault Zayn. You too, Josh. It was all on me. I was the one who chose to turn into alcohols and drugs. I was the one who fucked up. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you two. Please, I’d rather you two yell at me. I’m sorry…” Niall choked back his sob. He was now sitting as he slightly inclined his bed. He tried to wipe his tears away. He felt like he did not deserve Zayn’s and Josh’s forgiveness. His chest hurts to think that they would not forgive him for being so messed up. For disobeying them. For turning his back on them. 

 

He was surprised when suddenly he was pulled into a hug not just by Zayn but also Josh. “We forgive you, Nialler. Just promise us you’ll stop doing this for yourself, alright? Promise, for us?” Josh asked. His voice was so full of determination and compassion Niall felt like he was powerless to deny his brother’s request. “I’ll try my best,” Niall answered. All three of them were so lost in their embrace by each other that they did not noticed all the band members entered the room. 

 

“Is everything okay? What is going on?” Liam asked startled the three brothers. “Nothing!” came the simultaneously reply. The three of them quickly wiped away their tears. Zayn and Josh suddenly stood straight and Niall’s eyes landed on everywhere but them. They knew they must looked ridiculous sitting on the bed hugging each other and crying like a baby. Just a perfect timing for their friends to walk in and watched their little ‘show’. 

 

Silence. It was obvious that the brothers did not want to say anything so Louis decided to break the silence. “So, have you guys watched the Oprah today? Today’s episode was about the house makeover. The decoration was so fantastic. I think it was one of the best episodes of Oprah I’ve ever seen.” All of them looked at Louis blankly. Suddenly Zayn laughed out loud followed by the rest. “What the hell, Louis? House makeover? Fantastic decoration? I’ve always known you are a little gay, but not _THIS_ gay,” Zayn managed to say between his laughter. The tension which was filled the room earlier was now gone thanks to Louis’s random joke. Louis pouted and looked at all of his friends. His friends were supposed to laugh with him at his jokes, but they were all laughing _at_ him, not _with_ him.


	6. Chapter 6

“Thank you, Liverpool! Hope you guys had a great time tonight! See you guys later!” Niall shouted through his microphone before the entire member of One Direction went off the stage. It has been a month since the almost overdosed and alcohol poisoning incident. He had apologized to his band mates and his band manager for all the missing interviews and appointments. He also promised that he would quit drinking after this. He really meant it because he did not want to deal with the hangover anymore. It was not fun at all. 

 

Right now, they were touring across UK with McFly. The tour was supposed to be fun since they got to hang out with their friends from the other band. However, their label demanded the band to start working for their third album. The pressure of giving a great show for the fans while working for the next album was definitely something that Niall did not want to deal at the moment. He knew his band mates felt the same way as he did, but he was not strong as they were. He cannot be put under pressure especially at the state of mind he was in. 

 

And as sorry as he was for disappointing his brothers regarding the alcohol and drugs issue, he cannot help but felt like he needed those things to go on. “Hey Nick, can you hook me up with some supplies?” Yes. He had called his drug dealer. He cannot take the pressure anymore. The way his friends had watched him like a mother-hen was not helping any. He knew they loved and cared about him, but he really needed the space. He felt suffocated. He just needed a fucking break.

 

“Yeah, cool. I’ll see you at 5pm, is that okay? Meet me at the usual place,” Niall said quickly before hang up his phone. He saw Zayn and Danny from McFly walking towards him and Niall waved at them innocently. “Who was in the phone with you?” Zayn asked casually. “Nobody,” Niall answered before started to walk away from both of them. When Niall left, Zayn heard Danny asked something that he was not sure of the answer. The question was, “Do you believe him?” 

 

Truth to be told, Zayn did not know what to believe anymore. He knew Niall quit drinking but sometimes his brother looked off that he did not want to think of the other thing; drugs. If the question was asked a year before, hell even 4 months before, he would reply, “Of course!” in a heartbeat. But right now, all he managed to answer was, “I don’t know.” He knew he sounded like a bad person, a bad brother but he really can tell something was off with Niall. He just needed to prove his intuition before he can beat up his little brother for doing drugs again. This time, it’ll be no mercy for Niall. He really needed to be straightening up, the hard way, Zayn’s way.

 

Niall walked faster to his ‘meeting’ place. He really didn’t want anyone to catch him buying drugs especially Zayn. God knows what Zayn will do to him if he saw it. “Hey, you brought the thing?” Niall asked Nick while looking around suspiciously. “Yeah, I brought the usual thing. Are you sure you really want this? I mean, I heard you were nearly overdosed last month.” Of course he heard that, he was one of the merch guys at the tour. That was why he can supply the drugs for the one-fifth of One Direction easily. It was a win-win situation for those two. “I fucking know that! But I really need it to take off some edge. Just give me the thing.” After the exchange of money and drugs had been done, Niall walked back to his bus. 

 

“Where the hell were you?” Zayn’s loud voice greeted Niall when came he entered the bus.

 

“I was just walking nearby.” Niall answered not meeting Zayn’s eyes. He was a bad liar, he knew that. That’s why he did not want to look Zayn in the eyes. Zayn would know he was lying. Niall excused himself to change his shirt and started to walk away when suddenly he felt a tight grip on his left arm. 

 

He turned and swallowed nervously as Zayn tightened his grip and looked at Niall straight in the eyes. “What the hell, Zayn, You’re hurting me!” Niall tried to release him arms from Zayn’s grip but failed. 

 

“Are you doing drugs again?! Tell me the truth, Niall! You met your dealer just now, didn’t you? Tell me!” Zayn yelled at Niall. 

 

“What?! I’m not!” Niall yelled back. Liar. He thought of himself. But he did not want to admit the truth. Zayn would not understand. So, he chose to lie instead. 

 

“You’re fucking lying to me, Niall!”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Really? You’re telling me the truth? Telling us the truth?” 

 

At the word ‘us’, Niall suddenly realized that his entire band mates, and even Danny were sitting in the bus. Why didn’t he notice this just now? He can’t help but felt like he was being attacked. He felt mad and started to struggle to get free from Zayn’s grip. 

 

Suddenly, he was lying down on the bus’s floor tackled by Zayn. What the hell???!! “Get off of me!” He felt Zayn’s hand around his pocket. Shit! “Found it! You’re fucking lying to me!” Zayn held out the small bottle he got from Niall’s jacket. Niall started to fight against Zayn and they started to roll on the floor trying to punch each other’s face. 

 

“Stop it, guys!” Harry yelled while Louis and Liam trying to break off the fight. Finally, Louis managed to hold back Zayn and Liam did the same with Niall. Now they were standing, staring at each other like they wanted to chew each other’s head off.

 

“What is this, Niall?! Huh? You wanna tell me this is just the fucking candy not just some drugs you popped into your body??!!” Zayn screamed at Niall still holding the small orange bottle. “So what?! It is my fucking body! I can do whatever I want with it! It is none of your business!” Niall screamed back. He was so mad. How dare Zayn attacked him like that? 

 

“You are my brother! It is my fucking business! Tell me why? You promised me you’ll stop! You even promised Josh!” Zayn screamed. His face was bright red showing how angry he was at his younger brother.

 

“You don’t understand! I just needed a break! Plus, I did not promise you and Josh! I said I tried. I fucking tried okay! I quit drinking, didn’t I?! What more do you want?!” Niall screamed back. 

 

Danny and Harry were helping Louis and Liam to separate the brothers from reaching each other. “Calm down, guys! Can’t we just sit and discuss this like an adult?! Both of you are 19 years old for god’s sake! Please don’t act like a fucking kid!” Louis stood between the brothers and trying to play a peacemaker. He loved those two friends of his but sometimes they tend to act like an idiot. 

 

“I won’t calm down! He’s fucking lying to me! I tried to ask him several times but he said he didn’t do drugs anymore! You’re really a fucking liar, Niall!” Zayn screamed still not be able to calm himself down. 

 

“So what?! You are ashamed of me now? I am so fucked up you wish you never had me as a brother, is that it?” Niall spat. 

 

Everyone was silence watching the scene after they heard Niall’s last words. A quiet evening turned out to be a disaster just because of the small orange bottle which was still in Zayn’s hand. 

 

They have watched the brothers fought before, but it was never lead until this point. The point where they said something they knew they’ll regret. They were usually yelled and screamed at each other if they had different opinions about something else, but not about being ashamed of each other. Hating each other’s presence. This was so wrong in many ways. They are brothers. Eventhough not by blood but their bond was so tight, it’s unbreakable. They fought, they made up. But not today. 

 

Liam, Louis, Harry and even Danny were all waited for Zayn’s answer. They knew Zayn was the older one, he always protected Niall but sometimes his quick temper got the best of him. 

 

“You know what, Niall? Yes, I am ashamed of you! I truly wish I never had a brother, especially a brother like you!” Zayn spat angrily before he stormed out of the bus.


	7. Chapter 7

Have you ever felt like someone stabbed you in your heart, you felt like you’re going to die at any moment? That was what Niall felt after he heard Zayn said those words to him. Zayn was ashamed of him. Zayn hated him. Zayn wished he never had a brother like him. At that moment, even Niall himself wished he was never adopted as Zayn’s brother. He stood still, staring at the door of the bus where Zayn was headed out just now. He knew it was his own fault but he can’t help but feeling like his heart was shattered into pieces. He felt a single tear slipped out from his eyes and didn’t have the energy to wipe it away. Zayn’s word was like a knife stabbing repeatedly into his heart. It hurts. 

 

“Hey Niall, you know he didn’t mean it, right? He was just worried about you,” Harry said softly trying to make an eye contact with Niall. He knew Niall. Hell, he knew Zayn too. He knew both of them did not have a fiber in their body to hate each other. That was just the heat of the moment where everybody was tend to say something they didn’t mean. He knew Zayn didn’t mean it. But Harry was sure Niall believed Zayn’s words. He saw Niall quickly wiped away his tear and avoided everyone’s eyes. Harry knew Niall may look like a tough guy, with his carefree attitude and always smiling, but deep inside, Niall had his own insecurities. He was afraid of being left alone. Being hated by the person he loved. Harry knew about this since high school where Niall admitted to him randomly when they were playing games at Harry’s house. So right now, Harry tried to fix the damage before it cannot be fixed. 

 

“It is true. I am fucked up. So what if he hates me? I don’t care. I fucking hate him too!” Niall said before quickly turn from everyone’s stares and stormed to his bunk. 

 

“Niall is always a bad liar, isn’t he?” Louis chuckled softly after Niall left. Harry, Liam, and Danny nodded. If the situation was not so serious, they would laugh at Niall when he said he hated Zayn. His eyes watered, his voice quivered, his body language, all of those things betrayed his words. He looked like a little kid sulking because his parents did not want to buy his favorite toys instead of a grown lad saying he hated his brother. He was cute like that. 

 

“Let gives them some time to patch things up. I’ll talk to Niall later about the drugs. Hell, I want to lecture him about it. Last time, I didn’t do anything about it since I thought Zayn and Josh had lectured him enough. It seems like I was wrong.” Liam said shaking his head. When Niall was overdosed last month, he was able to avoid the media from getting the real story. He just stated that Niall was just hospitalized from exhaustion. Well, it was partially true. He knew the band was one of the hardworking bands in the industry. So, it was not possible for the band members to finally burning out from overworked. 

 

** 

 

Niall tossed and turned in his bunk. He tried to sleep but failed to do so. His mind kept replaying on the words Zayn had said to him earlier. He startled when suddenly his bunk’s curtain was ripped open. He was expecting Paul to come and lecture him but he found Liam standing there instead. Everyone knew Liam was the sensible one and always managed to tell off the others about their attitude without being too harsh. Niall guessed that was why he stood in front of his bunk now instead of Paul. “So, did they send you here to kick my ass?” Niall asked tiredly. Yes, he was tired both physically and emotionally. 

 

“Yes and no.” Liam answered shortly. Niall looked at him with a confused face. 

 

“Yes, the guys voted me to talk to you. And no, I myself also want to knock some sense into your head.” Liam explained. 

 

Niall nodded, defeated. He knew it was his own fault. He would not only ruin his life, but his friends’ life too. Who was he kidding? They had promised to each other that if one of them left the band, the band will break up. Then, what will happen for the rest of the band members? They will be left jobless and cannot continue their dreams of playing music. They will not get enough money to support their family in future. Then their family will be broken, poor and hopeless. He knew he was getting ahead of those thought but deep down he did not want all of the things happened to his friends. To their family. God, he felt his stomach twisting at those horrible thoughts. How can he act so selfish? 

 

“I’m sorry, Liam. Seriously! I am truly sorry this time. Last month I thought I could overcome it, but I can’t. I disappointed everyone. I was selfish. Please tell them, I’m really sorry this time. I just…I don’t know. I felt incomplete since you-know-what. But I guess I was an idiot for thinking that alcohol and drugs will make me feel better, huh?” Niall really meant it this time. He did not want to disappoint his friends. They were too important for him. 

 

“Yes. You are stupid for thinking that. We are always here for you, Niall. You can talk to us about anything. Just remember that, okay? Nobody will judge you. We are your friends; we are entitled to worry about you. To make sure you are happy and healthy, got it?” Okay, did Niall mention that Liam was like the unofficial therapist of the band too? His words were always knocking some sense to their head when one of them screwed up. Niall smiled a little at Liam. “Thanks, Li. Can you please tell the guys I’m sorry too? I’ll apologize to them personally after my nap, is that okay?” 

 

“No problem, Ni. Just take your time,” Liam hugged Niall briefly and patted Niall’s shoulder encouragingly before he left to the front of the bus. 

 

Niall felt relieved. He knew he had a long list of people that he needed to apologize to after that. But right now, his main concern was about him and Zayn. Would Zayn forgive him?

 

With this thought, he finally fell into sleep restlessly. 

 

**

 

“Niall! Wake up!” He heard Harry roughly shaking his shoulder waking him up. Sitting up quickly, he looked at Harry who looked hysterical. Before he opened his mouth to ask his friend of what happened, he heard the most horrible words that he ever heard his entire life. 

 

“Zayn was hit by a car! The ambulance is coming but I think you have to see him now!” 

 

“What?!! Where??!!” Niall screamed now running following Harry out of the bus. 

 

His heart pounded quickly in his chest and he felt it could burst out at any moment. When he saw people gathered around, he knew that was the place of the accident. He ran quicker and finally managed to make his way through the small crowd. 

 

What he saw was probably the sight of a nightmare that he was certain he would never want to see it again, forever. Zayn was lying on the road. Blood was running through his nose, his mouth, and his ears. Niall knelt beside Zayn and cradled his head onto his lap. “My God, Zayn…” His face was soaked with tears. There was blood everywhere. He saw Zayn opened his eyes slightly to look at him. “Zayn, hold on. The ambulance is coming. Hold on…Please. Please.” He saw Zayn tried to say something so he bowed down his head close to Zayn’s to listen on what he would say. 

 

“You lied to me…you’re a liar” Zayn said before he went completely limp. 

 

Niall’s body went still. He was so shocked. This cannot be happened. “No! Zayn! Wake up! Zayn, I’m sorry! Please! I promise I’d change! I love you Zayn! Wake up!” Niall was closed to hysterical. He faintly heard the sirens of the ambulance. He barely felt someone tried to take Zayn from his arms. He hugged Zayn and refused to release him to anyone. Zayn was his brother. His hero. Zayn was not supposed to die. No. No. 

 

“Kid, we need to check on him. Please let us help him, please?” He heard one of the paramedics talking softly to him. He felt they pried away Zayn from his arms. The next thing he knew the paramedics was giving an electric shock trying to get some heartbeats from Zayn. They were really tried to save his brother’s life. Niall watched the scene in horror. He felt hollow and empty. 

 

He heard someone said something. He cannot make out whose voice was that and what were they talking about. He did not acknowledge other people surrounding him. He did not felt someone’s arm on his shoulder tried to steady him. All he saw was his brother, his hero lying still on the road and paramedics shook their heads. 

 

“Time of death, 8.20 pm.” He heard one of the paramedics said. He saw the other paramedics opened a body bag and started to lift and put Zayn’s body into it. 

 

Then the words sunk into his head. Zayn was dead. His brother was dead. No more Zayn in his life after this. He felt his breaths coming short. His eyes were blurred with tears. 

 

“No!! Don’t leave me!! Zayn!!!!!!” Niall screamed before everything went black.


	8. Chapter 8

“Niall! Wake up!” He heard Harry roughly shaking his shoulder waking him up. Sitting up quickly, feeling disoriented, he looked at Harry who looked relieved. Wait, what? Why did he felt like the same situation had happened before? Was this some kind of Déjà vu? And why did his cheeks were feeling wet? He was beyond confused at the moment. Must be because he was always not being able to function quickly when he woke up from his sleep. Usually, it was Zayn who will snap him out of his after-sleep trance. Zayn? Suddenly, he felt panicked and cannot breathe. “Hey hey, Niall. Calm down. What happened?” He heard Harry asking him while rubbing his back. “What?” He asked back, confused by Harry’s question. “You were screaming for Zayn and crying in your sleep, are you okay?”

 

Screaming? Crying? God, was that a dream? Was he dreaming about Zayn’s death? He looked at his watch and his heart nearly came out of his throat. 9.00 pm! He stood up quickly and ran to the front part of the bus but it was empty. “Harry, where is Zayn?” He asked, his voice frantic. “Everybody was at the tent. They said they wanted to hang out before the tour ends tomorrow. So, I guess Zayn’s there too,” Niall ran off before Harry managed to finish his sentence. 

 

Harry looked at Niall who ran like a mad man towards the tents area. He felt confused. He was going back to bus to take his cell phone when he heard Niall screamed. When he went to Niall’s bunk, he saw that his friend was shaking his head furiously and crying for Zayn in his sleep. He didn’t know what to do so he decided to wake Niall up. Niall was practically having a panic attack and asking for Zayn whereabouts after that. And with his confused mind, Harry decided to run after Niall and see what will happen. 

 

**

 

Zayn was laughing at Louis’s joke when suddenly he heard someone yelled for his name. At first, he just ignored it and just thought he heard wrong. But suddenly, the rest of his friends in the tent they were hanging out fell into silence. “Zayn!! Zayn!! Where are you??!! Zayn!!” Zayn stood up quickly and looked around. Why did Niall yelling for his name hysterically? Before he can ask his friends if they all saw his brother nearby, he saw Niall stood in front of them. There Niall was, standing and shaking and crying at the same time. His hair was messy like he had just woken up from his sleep. He was shaking but Zayn cannot recognize whether it was because of the cold night or something else. His eyes were red and puffy. Zayn heard Niall released a breath of relief before making a step forward, and then leaning and hugging him tightly. 

 

Zayn was shocked at first by the unexpected hug, he did not return it. He felt Niall buried his face into his neck and clutched his shirt tightly. He felt his neck wet with Niall’s tears. He quickly return Niall’s hug and looked around helplessly. All of them looked at the scene worriedly. They also did not expect the younger lad to come and acted like that in front of them. Niall never cried. At least not in front of them. Suddenly they heard another footsteps running towards them and turned out it was Harry. While Zayn was trying to soothe his brother, the others started to ask Harry on what happened. What in the hell had happened that made Niall acted so freak out like this? “I don’t know. I was getting my cell phone when suddenly I heard he screamed. I thought he was hurt or something. But I guessed he was having a nightmare so I woke him up. Then, he frantically asked for Zayn,” Harry explained to the rest of their friends. By now all of them were watching the brothers who were standing at the corner of the tent with Niall still shaking and sobbing hysterically. 

 

He was so confused. Seriously, earlier that evening he was really mad at his little brother, but right now, holding him as he sobbing, Zayn felt his chest hurts hearing his little brother’s heart wrenching sob. Niall was sobbing and hiccupping in his arms. “What happened, Ni? You’re scaring me here. Please, tell me what happened,” Zayn coaxed softly. Niall had buried his face onto Zayn’s chest and wet his shirt. He never saw Niall cried like this. Not after Rachel broke up with him. Not even when Niall had a nightmare about his real family sometimes. He heard Niall mumbled between his painful cries but Zayn cannot make out on his brother’s words as it was barely audible. So, he put his hand on Niall’s chin and slowly tilted Niall’s head to look at him. He felt his heart break as he looking into Niall’s eyes. His eyes were so sad. The saddest Zayn had ever seen in his entire life. 

 

“Please tell me what happened, Niall, you’re not making any sense here.” 

 

“You were dead, Zayn. There was blood everywhere. I told you to hold on. But, you’re still died. And you died in my arms. And the paramedics took you away from me. And you didn’t even say goodbye. And I was left alone. And..” Niall blurted to Zayn like a baby. Zayn had to strain his ears to hear his brother’s babbling since Niall was closed to hyperventilate for crying too much.

 

He was dead? That was one hell of a nightmare. He couldn’t imagine if he was the one who was dreaming about Niall’s death. He knew he’d be freaked out like Niall did.

 

“Hey Nialler. I am still here, okay. I’m not dead. It was just a dream. Just breathe, Niall. You’re gonna be sick like this. Just breathe, Ni.” Zayn said softly trying to soothe Niall. He failed. Niall was still sobbing his heart out and whimpered softly. 

 

“You said I lied to you. You didn’t even say you love me like you always do. But I did say I love you. But I was too late. You’re already dead, Zayn. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…I promise I’d change Zayn..please, just don’t leave me alone..please don’t hate me…” Niall said still mumbling through Zayn’s shirt. 

 

“What?!” Zayn was speechless. No wonder Niall was freaked. Zayn knew that was Niall’s biggest fear. Harry had told him about Niall’s confession during high school and he also knew that Niall was afraid that he will be left alone since he didn’t even have his real family anymore. 

 

“I didn’t meant what I said, Niall. I was just worried about you. I lied; I’m not ashamed of you, okay. I love you, bro. Always.” Zayn said. It’s true. He really loved his brother. Blood or not. He really didn’t mean the words he said after the fight. That was just his temper talking. 

 

Zayn looked at his friends. The rest of them stood and gestured that they were going out giving Zayn and Niall some privacy. Louis, Liam and Harry on the other hand stayed and Zayn was thankful for that. He needed them for support. 

 

“You’re right. I’m a liar. I lied. I told them I hated you. But I don’t. I never was and never will hate you, Zayn,” Niall said and kept repeating saying _‘I’m sorry’_ for umpteenth times. He didn’t care if the whole world was watching him crying like a wimp. All he cared that Zayn was alive, in his embrace. Not dead like in his dream. Niall shuddered when he thought and remembered about that horrible scene. Niall felt Zayn tightened his embrace when he shivered. 

 

After about half an hour, Zayn pulled away from Niall. He placed his hands on Niall’s shoulder and tried to make an eye contact with his little brother. Niall was still sniffling and shaking. “Let’s go back to our bus and rest, okay?” He said softly. Niall nodded his head and still standing there not moving an inch. Zayn put an arm around Niall’s shoulder and started walking out from the tent. 

 

“Guys, we’re going back to the bus. See you guys later,” Zayn said to the other guys who were sitting outside the tent. They all nodded understandingly and said their good night. 

 

When they entered the bus, Niall felt Zayn’s hand on his shoulder leading him to his bunk. He started to panic. He did not want to sleep. He was afraid of the dreams that will come when he asleep. Zayn must have sensed something was wrong because the next thing he knew, he was sitting on the couch and Zayn was crouched in front of him looking at his face worriedly. 

 

“Niall, do you want to sleep now?” Zayn asked softly. 

 

Niall shook his head. No, he did not want to sleep. Not now, not ever. 

 

“You want to sit here, watching movie? Is that okay?” 

 

Niall nodded his head. He whimpered when suddenly Zayn stood up and started to leave. “Zayn?” he whispered quietly. Did Zayn wanted to leave him alone? He did not want to be alone. “I want to get some water, and then I’ll come back here with you, okay?” Zayn said softly patting Niall’s head. He saw Niall nodded unconvincingly so he made sure he was quick on getting the water. Within seconds, he was back sitting beside Niall on the couch. 

 

Niall released a breath of relief when Zayn returned beside him. Right now, he wished he was a joint twin with Zayn so that they cannot be separated. Forever. Zayn gave him a small smile and he cannot help but smile back even though he was still sniffling and hiccupping. Niall felt Zayn put an arm around him and guided him to lie across the couch. He put his head on Zayn’s lap and he felt Zayn’s hand running softly through his hair. Niall lied helplessly on his brother’s lap and started bawling his eyes out again. “I’m sorry, Zayn. I will start sobering up. For real. I’d do it for you, Zayn. I swear on your name, I’ll stop doing those things. Just don’t leave me alone.” Niall’s voice was barely audible but he said it with sincerity. He really wanted to change for Zayn. He felt Zayn slowly wiped away the tears and tried to soothe him. “I know, Niall.” Zayn whispered softly. Niall was finally asleep comforted by the presence of his brother. 

 

When the other members of One Direction entered their tour bus late that night, they smiled at the sight they saw. Both of the brothers were sleeping on the couch. Zayn was sitting and leaning against the couch and Niall was curled up across the couch and his head was pillowed by Zayn’s lap. Harry, Louis and Liam all went to their bunks silently and made sure they did not disturbed their sleeping friends. 

 

**

 

The next morning, Zayn woke up feeling disoriented and having slightly a neck ache. He grunted and tried to move but stopped suddenly when he felt something on his lap. He looked down and saw his brother who was now starting to wake up as well. He smiled to himself. Niall looked so adorable and it always amused him when the younger lad was always half-asleep when he woke up. Last night, Niall was tossing around and sometimes mumble Zayn’s name desperately in his sleep. When Zayn saw that, he quickly ran his hand through Niall’s hair. He knew the younger lad always felt comforted by that gesture. 

 

“Morning, little brother.” Zayn greeted Niall when Niall’s eyes finally open. “Morning.” Niall mumbled and started sitting up while rubbing his eyes. His eyes felt heavy and puffy, it must have been because of all of the crying the night before.

 

Zayn looked at his watch thoughtfully, “We got to do sound check after lunch. You want to grab some foods before that?” Zayn asked his brother. His stomach rumbled at the thought of foods. Last night, he had not had a dinner and he was sure Niall hadn’t too. Zayn stood up from the couch and held out his hands to Niall and pulled his brother up as well. Niall who was still half-asleep just followed Zayn’s lead. 

 

After Zayn and Niall cleaned up, they started to wake the other band mates and asked them if they wanted to join for the lunch. “Hell yeah!” Louis yelled cheerily and started to put on his shirt followed by Liam and Harry. 

 

“Ladies!! Let’s grab a lunch together today!” Danny suddenly screamed bursting through the door of One Direction’s tour bus startling all of his friends. “God, Dan! You scared us!” Louis clutched his chest dramatically pretended like he was having a heart attack. All of them laughed at Louis’s faked expression. Danny ignored him and looked at Liam, Harry, Zayn and Niall and waiting for their answer. 

 

Liam and Harry nodded indicating that they were agreed with the plan. “So, my dearest Zayn and Niall, would you guys like to join us too?” Danny asked while standing between the brothers and put his arms on their shoulder. He looked back and forth between his left and right. Zayn was at his right and Niall was at his left. He saw Zayn looked at Niall, silently communicating. Sometimes, the way Zayn and Niall communicated like that can make him amused but annoyed at the same time. Couldn’t they just talking like normal people did? Like right now, he really wanted to know their answer verbally, so bluntly he asked again, “so, have guys decided using your _so-called-twin connection_?” Both Zayn and Niall blushed profusely. They must have not realized that they just did the _freaky-twin-esp-thing_ which their friends always pointed out. It was just that they had been brothers for so many years that they didn’t need words to know about what each other is thinking. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming, Dan. Be patient, man!” Zayn said punching Danny’s shoulder lightly. “That’s my ladies! Let’s go!!” Danny yelled before running out of the bus. Zayn shake his head at his best friend’s behavior. Danny was always being so happy and jumping all over like a little kid. 

 

**

 

All of the lads were sitting like a big family in the restaurant waiting for their orders. All of them acted like nothing was happened last night and ignored the red puffy eyes of Niall. But one thing that they noticed, Niall was practically attached to Zayn. It was like watching a puppy that refused to leave its owner’s side. They knew Niall must had one hell of a nightmare last night based on the way he was acting so they just chose to ignore that. The rest of the lunch was full of jokes and laughter. 

 

“So I was walking to the toilet after waking up in the middle of the night. I was sure I peed on the right place when suddenly I heard Tom screamed. The next thing I knew, I was actually peed on his bunk,” Danny laughed when he recounting the story to his friends. All of them laughed out loud including Niall while Tom made a disgusting face.

 

“That was funny, man. I bet Tom will never sleep on his bunk again,” Niall said between his laughter. Zayn can’t help but laughed along with Niall. He saw that Niall’s eyes were started to sparkle with happiness again. Zayn can’t help but felt warm inside. After the laughter died, Zayn looked at Niall and gave him a warm smile and a knowing look that saying, _‘we’ll be okay,’_ Niall nodded agreeing at his brother. At that moment, Zayn knew they will get through this. He will make sure Niall was going to be the happy-sweet-innocent-sensitive person like he used to. The rest of the lunch was filled with many jokes and goodbye toasted between all of them. 

 

“Are you having fun guys??!!” The crowd cheered. Niall continued his rant. “Well, usually I will sing Stereo Heart as my solo. But today, you guys are lucky. I’m going to sing the new song that I just wrote. It just a draft but I guess, it’s your lucky day cause I’m gonna sing it exclusively for the first time.” The crowd cheered louder. Niall looked around for his band mates, all of them looked at him questioningly. Niall just smiled at them and the crowd went silence. Then, he picked-up his guitar and started to sing while closing his eyes. 

 

Is anybody listening?  
Can they hear me when I call?  
I'm shooting signals in the air  
'Cause I need somebody's help  
I can't make it on my own  
So I'm giving up myself  
Is anybody listening?  
Listening 

I've been stranded here and I'm miles away  
Making signals hoping they'd save me  
I lock myself inside these walls  
'Cause out there I'm always wrong  
I don't think I'm gonna make it  
So while I'm sitting here  
On the eve of my defeat  
I'll write this letter and hope it saves me 

Is anybody listening?  
Can they hear me when I call?  
Shooting signals in the air  
'Cause I need somebody's help  
I can't make it on my own  
So I'm giving up myself  
Is anybody listening?  
Listening 

I'm stuck in my own head and I'm oceans away  
Would anybody notice if I chose to stay?  
I'll send an SOS tonight  
Wonder if I will survive  
How in the hell did I get so far away this time  
So now I'm sitting here  
The time of my departure's near  
I say a prayer  
Please someone save me 

Is anybody listening?  
Can they hear me when I call?  
Shooting signals in the air  
'Cause I need somebody's help  
I can't make it on my own  
So I'm giving up myself  
Is anybody listening?  
Listening 

I'm lost here  
I can't make it on my own  
I don't wanna die alone  
I'm so scared  
Drowning now  
Reaching out  
Holding on to everything I know  
Crying out  
Dying now  
Need some help 

Is anybody listening?  
Can you hear me when I call?  
Shooting signals in the air  
I need somebody's help  
I can't make it on my own  
So I'm giving up myself  
Is anybody listening? 

 

When Niall finished, a big round of applause was given by the crowd and his band mates. Zayn smiled proudly at him and mouthed, “well done.” Niall felt warm inside. He knew that he will get over his dark days; he had Zayn, his family, his friends, his music and his fans. He knew he had to be strong and kept holding on because his life will get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song's actual title is 'S.O.S' by Good Charlotte. It's kind of angsty but I think it's fit with the chapter.
> 
> xxLovexx


	9. Chapter 9

“Home sweet home, baby!!!” Louis screamed towards the air after they landed on Bradford just after the dawn. The others laughed at Louis’s antic and spanked his head playfully. 

 

“Shut up, Louis! We don’t want to get arrested for public disturbance.” Zayn said looking at Louis’s face in mocking seriousness.

 

“Yeah Louis, I want to eat my mom’s cooking, not some prison foods on holiday.” Niall said. “Plus, everyone knows you can’t scream, it sounds so girlish.” Niall added before he laughed looking at Louis’s pouting expression. 

 

“You guys suck!” Louis stomped his way towards the taxi stand followed by Liam, Harry, Niall and Zayn who cannot stop laughing at him. 

 

The band was on their year end vacation after months of touring, concerts, interviews, shooting videos, photo shoots, writings, signings, laughing, crying, screaming, fighting, patching things up, insomnia, withdrawals, touring again..well, you got the point. The vacation was supposed to be for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year only but with the power of the band members, they managed to get an early vacation so they can spend longer time at home. 

 

By the power of the band members, it meant the power of Niall Horan. Well, who could resist his little pout and big round blue eyes? Even Paul and their label cannot resist that look. The band really had to salute Niall for his trick of persuasion to get them a long, nice break. Luckily, that side of manipulative Nialler did not come out regularly. Harry smiled and thought if Louis had the same power as Niall, all of them were sure that Louis will use it for everything including ordering people to clean up his poop. Harry can’t help but laughing at the thought. That was so Louis’ personality. 

 

“What are you laughing at, Harry?” Quickly Harry turned his head towards his friends. Their eyes were looking at him curiously. He just realized they were already in the taxi and he just laughed out of the blue. With this realization, he can felt his cheeks reddened. “Nothing, just thinking some of funny comic stuff.” he replied. “You’re really a weirdo.” Zayn commented before turning his head back to the front. Niall, Liam and Louis just laughed at the comment. 

 

Niall and Zayn were practically running towards the door when the taxi stopped in front of their house. Louis, Liam and Harry laughed at their friends’ antic. Once a momma boy always a momma boy, that’s what Patricia always told them. During the break, Louis, Liam and Harry will crash at the house due to Patricia’s insistence. Louis’ family wanted to celebrate the holidays at Scotland where most of Louis’s relatives are living there. Meanwhile, Harry’s mom wanted to celebrate the holidays slash honeymoon with her new husband. Liam’s parents were also out of town and staying with his sisters, leaving Liam alone for the holiday. Hence, Patricia insisted that the boys would be staying with her family. She knew the boys were sick and tired of traveling and just wanted to stay home for the holidays. 

 

“Momma!!” Niall and Zayn hugged their mom at the same time. “My boys.” Patricia hugged them back and kissed their forehead. “Such a rock star’s swag, my ass.” Josh, who stood behind his mother teased his little brothers. “Joshua, watch your mouth!” Patricia scolded her eldest son. Those boys and their language always ended up with her nagging them. Josh smiled shyly at his mom and apologized. He forgot he was in Patricia Malik’s territory where such an inappropriate language was not allowed. 

 

“Serve you right!” Niall laughed and making a step forward to hug Josh. Zayn followed Niall’s action and also laughed at Josh for getting scolded by their mother. After that, all of them entered the house happily. 

 

“ _Mi casa es su casa_." Zayn said to Louis and Harry after they all plopped down on the couch. Niall looked at Zayn amusingly and before he can speak, “Bravo, bro. When did you get so smart?” Zayn and Niall turned at the source of the voice. “Alicia!!” Both of them jumped and literally squeezed their little sister. She was studying at the college and they barely met her nowadays. Only on holidays like this, they can spend their time together and because of that they were beyond happy. 

 

“Helloooo!! Need to breathe!” Alicia said pushing her brothers away. Alicia laughed at their wounded expression. “Auuww, come here my favorite brothers~” Alicia said stretched out her arms wide open for both of her brothers. After the hugging session finished, all the guys went off to the bed taking a nap. Meanwhile, Patricia, Alicia and Josh went out to do some charity work at the town church. 

 

Couples of hours later, Zayn, Niall, Liam, Harry and Louis were all plopped down on the couch picking some movies to watch. After some rock, paper and scissors involved, all of the guys were stuck to watch The Notebook, picked by Niall. Niall was lying across the couch with his body turned towards the television. Zayn was sitting on the floor and leaning on the couch near Niall’s feet. Harry occupied the single couch and Louis was simple lying on his stomach with a pillow under his head, with Liam besides him. For the first minutes, they were cursing and complaining about Niall’s choice of movie but after that, they had to admit that the movie was great. All of them were now sniffling and some hiccupping also can be heard. Several tissues were scattered on the floor and they had promised to each other that whatever happens in Patricia’s living room, stays in Patricia’s living room. Just as the movie finished, they heard the rumble of the car’s engine and started to pick up the scattered tissues. They were in the middle of picking up the tissues when Alicia entered the living room followed by Josh. 

 

“What are you guys doing?’ Alicia asked unsure while crossing her arms and watched them curiously. All of the guys looked like they did something; she knew that look very well. 

 

“Talking!”

 

“Eating!”

 

“Playing games!”

 

“Sleeping!”

 

“Nothing!”

 

All of them answered at once. After realizing their mistake, they were all looked at each other and sighed. They were all now busted. Josh and Alicia laughed at loud at their weak attempts to lie. 

 

“Oookaaaayyyy~~ what exactly were you guys doing?” Alicia asked trying to look at the television screen behind the guys. They were all standing in line blocking the television behind them. 

 

“And why do all of you have red eyes and noses?” Josh added. 

 

“Allergies!” Nice save by Zayn. 

 

Josh and Alicia looked at them and raised their eyebrows. Allergies? Since when? The guys must have done something that they did not want anyone else to know. Alicia and Josh kept looking at them curiously and started to move forward to the guys. 

 

When all of them were stepping back from Josh and Alicia, Louis accidentally stepped on the remote control and suddenly whatever movie was on the screen resumed. All the members of One Direction looked horror and Josh and Alicia looked at the television screen. What the hell? They were watching The Notebook? And cried? So the box of the tissue on the floor……

 

By the realization, both Josh and Alicia laughed hysterically and the other five guys blushed profusely. 

 

“All of you cried while watching The Notebook? That was priceless!!” Josh said between laughter. Alicia sat on the floor holding her stomach while she laughed. She laughed so hard that tears were coming down on her cheeks. 

 

“It was Niall’s fault! He forced us to watch it!” Zayn pointed at his brother.

 

“What??!! No, I wasn’t!!” Niall shrieked. 

 

“Yes, you were!!”

 

“No, I wasn’t!!”

 

“Shut up, guys! This is hilarious. Dude, I can only imagine what the headlines will be. _‘One Direction bawling their eyes out, watching The Notebook’_.” Josh continued laughing. He can still remembered that the five younger lads always told him that, no, they weren’t softies and no, they won’t cry watching a cheesy movie but apparently, they were not so tough as what they said. Louis, Liam, Harry, Niall and Zayn gasped out loud. Josh wouldn’t do that? Would he? “Guys, we have to do something!” Louis urged his friends jokingly. 

 

Looking at each other and nodded, Zayn and Niall tackled Josh to the floor and started to tickle their older brother. Meanwhile, Louis, Liam and Harry started to do the same with Alicia. By now, all of them were rolling on the floor started to tickle each other. When Patricia entered the living room, she laughed at the sight of them behaving like little kids. She felt blessed to have great kids, not just her four kids but Louis and Harry as well. Their bonding was so tight since they were little and she just hoped that their relationship will stay like that forever. But could Patricia be wrong about that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, so the thing is, should I get on with this story or not?


	10. Chapter 10

“I’m bored,” Niall whined. 

 

“Don’t be such a baby, Nialler,” Zayn said.

 

“I’m not a baby!” 

 

“Yes, you are,” 

 

“Why am I a baby?” 

 

“Because you’re little,” 

 

“But Harry is little too. Plus, we call him Lil Harry!” 

 

“He’s taller than you; so he’s not a baby,”

 

“Louis is the shortest, he should be the baby!”

 

“But he’s chubbier than you, so you’re still little, baby.”

 

“Hey!” Louis cried indignantly. He was playing games with Harry while listening to the meaningless banter between his friends. Hearing his friends mentioning his name; he dropped the game controller and turned towards his back to face both of them. 

 

“Don’t talk about my body like that. I’m a very sensitive about that, you know. At least, I’m good in bed,” He said snickering at his friends. Zayn and Niall made a disgusted face. 

 

“And Niall, you are our baby brother, that entitled you to be _‘the baby’_ among all of us,” Zayn added.

 

“I am not a baby!” Niall pouted while crossing his arms across his chest and leaned further back into the couch. 

 

“You are, honey. You are my baby,” Patricia said and leaned down to kiss Niall’s forehead. Everyone laughed at Niall’s expression when he heard that. He was indeed a baby. No doubt about that. Patricia sat beside her youngest son and let he put his head on her shoulder. She had heard about Zayn and Louis teasing Niall and decided to intervene before it led to a fight. All of them tend to do that since they were kids. It was always Niall who had always being bullied by his siblings and friends. Even though Alicia was the youngest in the family; she was more independent and strong compared to Niall. Niall was always looking so sensitive and fragile; everyone would not want to break him. Because of his innocence-like, he was always being the one who got bullied by his siblings including Alicia. 

 

“So, what do you kids want to do today?” Patricia asked. She just smiled at the sight of them hanging around at the living room. Harry, Liam, Josh and Louis were so engrossed with their video games, Alicia just lying across the couch reading novel with her iPod turned on. Zayn and Niall were sitting on the couch doing nothing and that was exactly why the meaningless bantering between them started. Patricia knew all of them were used on working non-stop that they felt bored and restless when they got nothing to do. 

 

“I dunno, mom. I’m bored,” Josh whined. Patricia felt Niall nodded on her shoulder. She laughed and shook her head. Just like she thought. “What if I send all of you to do some shopping for thanksgivings dinner?” 

 

Hearing Patricia said that, all of their faces lighten up. Zayn quickly stood followed by Josh and Louis. Alicia who was oblivious to the conversation looked at them confusingly and turned off her iPod. “What? What happened?” 

 

“Momma’s going to send us to do some shopping!” Zayn exclaimed excitedly. 

 

Alicia shook her head amusingly. She never knew guys who loved mall like her brothers and their friends. 

 

After running around grabbing their hoodies, wallets, cellphones and getting car key, all of them were gone to the malls. Right now they were standing in front of the mall’s entrance circling Liam who had the shopping lists in his hand. “So, Josh, Niall, Harry and I are going to foods section and the others are going to another section, all clear?” 

 

“Aye aye captain!” all of them said giving Liam a mock salute. After divided the list and setting the time to meet again, they all went to their separate ways. 

 

**

 

Alicia linked both her arms between Louis and Zayn and they started walking around the houseware sections. Louis was talking about something regarding their tour when suddenly Alicia asked, 

 

“Is Niall alright now?” 

 

“What do you mean?” Louis asked Alicia, confused by sudden change of topic. 

 

“I mean, is he sober now? He looks fine to me, but I don’t know. I haven’t got the full story from you, Zaynie,” Alicia gave Zayn an accusation look. 

 

“Well, I know he is sober now. We’re all sure of that,” Zayn said smiling confidently looking at his sister. Louis nodded agreeing with Zayn. 

 

“How long do you guys help him to get his act together?”

 

“It’s a long story,” 

 

“We got time,” Alicia said and led his brother and Louis to sit on the nearest bench. “Tell me the whole story, Zaynie.” Alicia knew about Niall from Zayn and Josh. At first, they tried to keep it a secret but after seeing Alicia’s insistence to know on why Niall was acting weird, they told her everything. But they didn’t tell her yet about how Niall got sober. They got so caught up with their schedules as well as Alicia so they did not have time to catch up with each other.

 

Zayn started to recite the whole story. After they finished their tour, the band had two weeks off given by their management. The reason? To help Niall to get his act back together. They all knew that Niall wouldn’t want to go to the rehab and sat around strangers to help him. Hence, the management booked a nice house for the band to live in for that longest two weeks ever. 

 

The first few days were the hardest for them. Niall had major withdrawals and all of them saw how hard it was for him to keep holding on. He kept shaking and vomiting for a few days. After that, the angers started. Niall had fought with everybody in the band. He kept screaming on how he sometimes hated being famous, being a person that people expected him to be. Then, the anger turned to the main subject; Rachel. He finally managed to get off his chest about all the anger and resentment towards his ex-girlfriend. He talked, he cried, he screamed for hours rambling about Rachel and how he was fucked up because of her. How he was tired of bottling up his emotions and did stupid things because of her. How he was blaming himself to fall in love with her at the first place. 

 

Zayn, Louis, Harry and Liam were supporting him towards all of those things. They took turns to look after Niall when he was sick because of the withdrawals. They did not fight back when Niall unleashed his angers and fought them. They gave Niall encouraging and supporting words when he broke down. And finally, on the last day, they made a pact together that there will be no more secrets between them after that moment. They all will go through up and down together, they will support and help each other no matter what and they will not judge each other for their actions. That was what the pact was all about and they were willing to keep their promises to each other. Niall was finally sober after that and all of the band members were sure of that. And day by day, Niall was finally becoming his old self again. 

 

Alicia cried on Zayn’s shoulder when he finished the story. She felt mixed emotions regarding her brother. She was happy that Niall was finally back to his old self, but she was also sad that her brother had to go through all that because of one girl who did not appreciate him. Silently, Alicia promised herself that she will make sure her brother will find the perfect girl for him in the future. 

 

“So, my dearest little sister, are you ready for our shopping mission?” Zayn asked softly when Alicia stopped crying. Alicia chuckled and nodded at her brother. She stood up pulling Zayn and Louis together and started to link her arms between them again. “Let’s go for our mission, soldier!” 

 

**

 

Meanwhile, at the foods section, Niall, Liam, Josh and Harry were having a little argument about their shopping list. Turned out, Patricia had listed so many foods they felt like she wanted to cook for a band of army. Well, maybe it was true. All of them were food lovers so they were probably going to eat away all of the foods. However, that leads to a little argument about who was going to choose the perfect turkey for the dinner. 

 

“I vote for Josh to pick it since he’s the oldest and he’s Patricia son, by DNA,” Harry said looking at Niall and Liam looking for their approval. Josh looked at Harry indignantly and pointed out that Niall is also Patricia’s son, by DNA or no DNA. 

 

“This is nonsense, dude. You guys are also her son, maybe not by DNA but technically you are,” Niall argued with Harry. Josh nodded agreeing with his brother. It was indeed the truth. All of them were family, blood or no blood. 

 

Harry sighed. Leave it to those brothers to throw his words back at his face. 

 

“Rocks, papers, scissors?” Harry asked hopefully and Liam nodded eagerly.Both of them really did not want to be the one to pick the turkey. They knew Patricia was very particular about that. She always wanted the perfect turkey and last year when Zayn failed to pick the perfect one, Patricia was cutting off his mashed potato's portion. Poor Zayn. They all knew that was one of Patricia’s finest homemade foods. Harry and Liam knew that too and they did not want their portion to be cut off. It was too precious for them. 

 

Finally, they settled with rocks, papers, and scissors. Niall was shocked when he lost. He always wins that bet, but today, he felt like the universe was against him. Liam, Josh and Harry chuckled and patted his back pushing him towards the turkey section. So, with stomped feet, he started to make his way to his destination. 

 

Niall was mumbled to himself about having a bad day and was walking very fast when suddenly he crashed into someone. Next thing he knew, he was sprawling on the floor and someone was lying on top of him. Wait, _what?_

 

“I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Did you hit your head?” A girl’s voice. 

 

“Huh?” Niall was still confused. When he opened his eyes, he thought he had died and went to heaven. There she was, so beautiful. Dark brown hair, emerald green eyes, little freckles across her face, and perfect pink lips. Simply said, she looked like an angel in Niall’s eyes. Her hands were now stroking his head looking for any bump and he felt like he can lie there forever. 

 

Niall was sure he was in heaven when suddenly, “Nialler, what the hell happened?” He knew that voice too well. It was probably because he had lived with the same voice for almost 14 years. Leave it to Zayn to ruin the moment. 

 

Niall felt Zayn pulled his hands up and he started to stand. Right now, Zayn was standing in front of Niall and he looked at him worriedly. “Are you okay? What happened?” 

 

“Nothing. I was just crashed into this girl,” Niall pointed out to the girl beside him. His angel. Scratch that thought, Niall. You are so out of her league, he thought silently. 

 

Zayn whistled and turned his head toward Alicia and Louis raising his eyebrows. The girl was beautiful, they gave her that. He saw Niall blushed slightly when the girl smiled at him. _Ah-ha,_ Nialler had a crush; it’s time to play his _Zayn-the-charming-older-brother_ card. 

 

“So, you are the one who crashed into my brother here? What’s your name?” 

 

“Yes, I wasn’t looking and didn’t see him. I’m Quinn,” 

 

“Quinn? Beautiful name,” Zayn said while raising his eyebrows suggestively at Niall. Niall gave Zayn a glare, warning him to behave. 

 

“I’m Zayn, this is my sister Alicia and my friend, Louis,” Zayn said while pointing out to the other two beside him. They gave Quinn a friendly smile. “Well, little brother, don’t you want to introduce yourself?” Once again, Niall gave Zayn a death glare. He finally turned to face Quinn to introduce himself. If he thought he saw an angel when he was lying on the floor just now, right now, he was breathless by the sight of a beautiful girl in front of him. Her figure was slightly petite but it was perfect enough for her face. She wore a blue blouse with a bottom bell blue jeans. And she was smiling at him beautifully. 

 

“I’m…uh…I’m,” When did he become stammered? Damn Niall, get a grip! He extended his hand to shake Quinn’s but still he cannot say his name. “I’m..uh..” He was still stuttering. 

 

Three fake coughs can be heard loudly and Niall startled. He forgot about them. _Crap,_ they will definitely tease him about this. So he took a deep breath and started to speak confidently. 

 

“I’m Niall,” He said still shaking Quinn’s hand, not realizing it. 

 

“Hi, Niall. Nice to meet you, I’m sorry again for what happened,” Quinn said and also did not realize her hand was still tangling with the guy in front of her. His eyes were so blue and soulful, she was drowning into it. His little smile was cute. His blonde hair was kind of messy with a slight bang across his forehead, gave him a slightly edge look. 

 

“Those two are _so_ checking out each other,” Alicia whispered to Zayn. Zayn grinned and nodded. Niall and Quinn were still looking at each others and they looked like they were in their own world. 

 

“Hey, Niall, I thought you’re going to go to pick the turkey?” Zayn asked loudly to get his brother’s attention. Liam called him just now and told him to help Niall to pick the perfect turkey. He was on the way to meet Niall when he saw the younger boy sprawled on the floor, looking dazed. He thought something bad had happened but when he found out what exactly had happened he couldn’t help but laughed inside. Only Niall can meet a beautiful girl in weird awkward circumstances, _always_. 

 

Both Niall and Quinn released their hands quickly and blushed profusely. “Well, I’d better go, I’ve got several things that I haven’t bought yet,” Quinn said started to excuse herself. 

 

Realizing that, Niall started to panic. He wanted to get to know her, but with all three pairs of eyes scrutinizing his every move, he cannot do anything in front of them. 

 

“Why don’t you and Niall go to buy things together? I mean, if that’s okay with you,” Zayn suggested. Niall gave a grateful look to the dark-haired boy. Niall may be the loudest in the band and people always see him as the _‘ladies man’_ but the truth it was completely opposite with his personality with girls. Zayn was the extrovert and did not afraid in making the first move. Niall was more shy and reserved towards the girls. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, what he said,” Niall said now looking hopefully at Quinn. Quinn laughed softly and nodded, “I would love to, shall we?” 

 

In his heart, Niall screamed happily. Yes, maybe Zayn annoyed him sometimes, but when in time like this, he couldn’t help but thankful he got Zayn as his brother. Grinning widely, Niall started to walk along with Quinn. He only hoped that Zayn, Alicia or Louis will not tell the others about this. He knew they will tease him mercilessly. He felt his phone buzzed in his pocket and when he opened it to read the message, he wished he could take back on what he thought about Zayn earlier. 

 

_

“Can’t wait to tell everyone about your little ‘on-the-floor’ incident. Have fun with Queeennnnn :D Cya, x.o.x.o. – gossip boy.”

_

 

Niall closed his phone frowning and sighed. He can’t help but wonder how long will it take for a person to be in the prison for the first degree murder?


	11. Chapter 11

_Get a grip, get a grip, and start talking now,_ Niall kept chanted, encouraging himself to start the conversation with Quinn. He didn’t know why he was so tongue-tied around her. 

 

“So, Niall, what are you doing for living?” Quinn started the conversation. She smiled when she saw Niall’s cheek reddened. God, he was so adorable. He looked so shy and cute, Quinn felt like she wanted to hug him like a teddy bear. 

 

“You guess??” Niall answered playfully. He really wanted to know what will be Quinn’s answer. She didn’t look like she recognized him from his band. He liked it that way. Luckily, being in his hometown, everybody never treated him and his bandmates like they were international superstars, and everybody passed by them like they were average person and Niall loved that. He was so tired of being recognized as Niall from One Direction. So, why not playing a little introduction game, right? 

 

Quinn looked at him from head to toe trying to figure out what was the cute guy beside her do for a living. She looked thoughtfully and finally snapped her fingers towards the air, “You’re a model, am I right or am I right?” Quinn answered confidently. 

 

 _What??!!_ Niall felt shocked. She’s kidding, right? Well, she may not recognize him as 1/5 of the boyband but a model? He didn’t even really have the height to be a model let alone the face to be one. Maybe he could pass for kid’s model. _Maybe._ Niall snorted and laughed out loud at her answer. He figured he would play along with her assumption. So, he just shrugged and asked her about her job. 

 

“I’m in my second year of studying.”

 

“Really? What course are you taking?”

 

“Fashion. I live and study at London. That’s where my family live too, so let’s just say I was born and bred there,” she said smiling at him. 

 

“Interesting. My older brother lives there. He’s also into fashion. One of his professions,” Niall chuckled. Josh really liked to do many jobs. Sometimes, not just everyone, even Niall was confused by his brother’s profession. 

 

“Really? Zayn?” 

 

“No. Not Zayn. The older one, Josh.” 

 

“Wow, how many siblings do you have?”

 

“I have four siblings. Josh is the eldest; Zayn is the second older, I’m the third one and then Alicia is the youngest. What about you?”

 

“It’s just me. It’s must be nice to have siblings like you, huh?” Quinn said sincerely. Sometimes, she just wanted to beg her parents to adopt so that she can have another sibling. But the way her parents raised her, Quinn thought it was not fair for another child to be raised like that. 

 

“Yeah, occasionally. Sometimes, they really can be pain in the asses,” Niall said and Quinn laughed. He loved his siblings. Eventhough Zayn is the biological son of Patricia, she never neglected her adopted ones. She treated and loved all of them equally. 

 

Niall and Quinn kept chatting up while strolling down the malls shopping for the things that they needed. Niall never felt so ease and comfortable talking to a girl. He thought she will be like one of those stuck up city girl, but turned up he was wrong. She was very down-to-earth and funny. She laughed at his dry jokes and he liked it. 

 

Before they knew it, they have finished buying all the things that they have to including the turkey. Niall was so happy that Quinn had helped him to pick the perfect turkey. He really did not want to end up being like Zayn last year. He wanted those mashed potato so bad, he was not willing to sacrifice it over the _less-than-perfect_ turkey. 

 

“So, you wanna grab some coffee with me sometime?” Niall asked Quinn nervously. He knew he was out of her league but he could not resist it. There was something about her that he cannot quite put a finger on it. One thing he knew, he really wanted to see her again. 

 

Quinn looked at Niall and smiled at him. She was beyond happy. He wanted to _‘grab some coffee’_ sometime. With a guy like that, how could she resist? 

 

“I would love to,”

 

“Great, so I guess we can meet up later,” Niall said while looking at his watch. _Shit._ He was late. Liam said that they have to meet up at the parking lot by 5 pm. He was 15 minutes late and he can feel his phone vibrated in his pocket several times. 

 

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Quinn waved at him and they split heading to their separate ways. 

 

**

 

Niall was practically out of breath when he arrived at the parking lot. All six pair of eyes looked at him amusingly. 

 

“Auuww, little Nialler just got back from his date,” Josh teased. 

 

Niall glared at Zayn, Alicia and Louis. Shit! They really didn’t know how to keep their mouths shut. While putting all of their stuffs inside the car, Louis started to interrogate Niall.

 

“So, Niall, did you ask her to go out on a date later?” 

 

“I didn’t ask her for a date. I just asked her to grab a coffee later.”

 

 _Oh’s_ and _ah’s_ can be heard around him. He really did not understand why his brothers, sister and friends can be such gossipers. He suspected it had to do with the show that they always watched, Gossip Guy or somehing like that, he cannot remember the title. 

 

“She gave you her phone number?” Liam asked casually while still struggling to organize the stuffs inside the trunk. He was such an organizer person. 

 

Niall looked horrified at Liam’s question. Shit!! Phone number!! He didn’t ask for Quinn’s phone number! What. An. Idiot. How in the hell he will contact her? 

 

All of them looked at Niall’s gloomy face confusingly. Being the closest to Niall, Zayn finally realized what had happened. 

 

“You forgot to ask for her phone number, didn’t you?” Zayn laughed out loud followed by the rest of them when Niall shook his head. 

 

“Go chase her and get the damn number, bro!” Harry said between his laughter. 

 

“Never mind. I guess it’s just not meant to happen. Just let’s go home, okay?” Niall suggested giving up. Quinn was probably on her way home as they speak. 

 

All of them looked at each other before looked at Niall who was staring at his shoes like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Niall always had the lower self-esteem around girls between all of them that sometimes they just wanted to shake him and forced him to be more confident with himself. 

 

“I guess if you don’t want to chase her for the phone number, I’d be happy to. She was not so bad after all,” Zayn taunted his brother. 

 

Niall’s head snapped and looked at Zayn horrifically. Zayn wouldn’t do that, would he? Zayn looked like he was about to run into the mall and Niall started to panic. Without looking back, he turned and ran towards the entrance of the mall like a mad man. 

 

“You just know how to push the right button, huh, Zayn?” Alicia asked looking at his brother. “Of course, we’re practically thinks alike.” Zayn said smiling.

 

**

 

 _Left._ Right. _Left._ Right. Niall’s eyes looked around frantically. Where was she? Please God, make sure she’s not home yet. His prayer was answered when finally he saw her. She was on her way to the parking lot and Niall ran towards her. 

 

“Quinn!!” 

 

Hearing her name being called, Quinn looked around. Then she saw it, Niall was running towards her. 

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Quinn asked feeling confused. 

 

“I..I..,” Shit, Niall! Talk! 

 

Niall swallowed nervously. Quinn was looking at him still waiting for him to talk. 

 

“I forgot to ask for your phone number,” Niall admitted. His cheeks reddened. He felt stupid and vulnerable at that moment. Here he was, standing at the middle of parking lot, in front of the girl he crushed on, asking for her phone number. He knew she said she would love to grab a coffee with him later but he can’t help but felt like an idiot. How come he forgot to do the most important thing which was getting her phone number? Did he expect them to communicate through air? 

 

Quinn looked at the guy in front of her and couldn’t help but feeling completely head over heels. He stood there looking like a puppy, asking for her phone number which he forgot to ask at the first place. Cute and adorable. 

 

“Oh, it’s okay. I also forgot about that. It’s not like we’re going to contact each other through a S.O.S sign, right?” Quinn laughed softly. 

 

Niall grinned widely. This girl really had a quirky sense of humor. After exchanging their contact number, both Quinn and Niall said their goodbyes. But they both knew that the goodbyes didn’t mean forever, instead _‘see you soon’_ was probably the most suitable terms that they should use. Niall walked away smiling contently, he really looking forward to spend some time with her later. 

 

**

 

As expected, Niall was mercilessly teased by his siblings and friends on the way home from the malls. He tried to give them a death glare but it resulted on more laughter coming from them. So, he just shut his mouth and pouted until they got home. 

 

“Honey~ I’m home~” Zayn screamed happily when he entered the house. Josh, Louis, Harry and Liam laughed out loud hearing Zayn’s imitation. Meanwhile, Niall and Alicia were walking slowly behind them. 

 

“Niall,” Niall stopped dead on his tracks looking at his sister beside him. 

 

“Yes, Al?”

 

“I love you,” Alicia said looking straight into his brother’s eyes.

 

Niall was slightly surprised with Alicia’s sudden display of affection. Yes, they were always said they love each other no matter through calls, texts or even emails, but Alicia looked different this time. Looking at Alicia’s eyes, Niall knew she knew about him. About the alcohols and drugs. Zayn and Josh had probably told her about that. That’s what they always do; they did not keep secret from each other. So, instead of being mad, Niall was grateful for that. He really did not want to tell Alicia about his dark days personally. Call him a coward; he just did not want to see the disappointed look in his sister’s eyes. But he was wrong because at that moment, Alicia did not have a slight of disappointment in her eyes. She looked determined and very compassionate. She also gave him a look of understanding. 

 

“I love you too, sis,” Niall said kissing Alicia’s forehead. He was so blessed to be given such a loving family like his. 

 

Alicia grinned widely after his brother kissed her forehead. Feeling Niall’s soft and gentle action towards her, she knew this was the brother that she loved all along. After that, she pulled Niall’s hand and walking into the house. 

 

Niall was smiling and laughing talking to Alicia while heading towards the kitchen when suddenly he heard, “Like Zayn said, the girl was beautiful and sweet. I bet Niall’s head was on cloud nine at that moment,” Louis told Patricia who was chuckling at that comment.

 

“You and your big mouth, can you guys stop the torture now? I’ve heard enough of it on the way back,” Niall quipped. All of the guys snickered at him and shook their heads. Niall put his groceries bag on the kitchen’s counter and sighed. He really was getting annoyed at their teasing. 

 

Sensing that Niall was started to feel annoyed, Patricia quickly interrupted before a nice evening can turn into a bad one. “Niall, baby, Josh said you bought the turkey, is that true?” 

 

Silence filled the kitchen and Niall swallowed nervously. He slowly nodded and looked at his mom. “Um, yes?” Why was he panicked? He was confident that he had picked the perfect turkey, but with his mom looking at the turkey now examining it, he wished he could disappear into the thin air. The panic feeling of waiting for his mom to comment about the turkey was worse compared to the feeling of waiting a woman in labor. Not that Niall knew that, it was just his metaphor. Niall turned around to look for support but he was met with an empty space. Nobody was in the kitchen anymore except him and his mom. 

 

“So, they’re gone, huh?” Patricia asked her youngest son. She knew that the kids were afraid of her particular way of choosing the perfect turkey for thanksgiving. Hence, to put Niall out of his misery of being teased, Patricia used her secret weapon; _the turkey._

 

“Huh? Yes, looks like they were disappear into thin air,” Niall chuckled. Through thick and thin together, _my ass,_ Niall thought silently. 

 

“The turkey is perfect Niall. You’re really good at choosing the right one,” Patricia said to her son. She saw Niall blushed at her words, it made her heart warmed. Her sons were famous and practically being worshiped by thousands of people but Niall still did not know how to take a compliment. Only her youngest son, she thought. 

 

“Thanks, momma. But my friend also helped me,” Niall said smiling at the memories. Quinn was actually the one who knew how to choose the turkey while Niall was standing and looking at the dozens of turkeys blankly. Well, he barely managed to choose his attire for television show, how in the hell he would know how to choose the perfect turkey for his mom? Well, Quinn definitely was the right person for that task. 

 

“Aha, why don’t you tell me about your _‘friend’_?” Patricia asked suggestively. She laughed when Niall suddenly avoided any eye contact with her. She sat beside his son and patted his shoulder encouragingly. Her kids always tell her everything especially Zayn and Niall. They were really Momma’s boys.

 

“I thought the others and their big mouths have already told you?” Niall asked his mom. 

 

“They just said she is beautiful, well you know them, they barely looking past beautiful,” Patricia chuckled. Boys will always be boys, always fall for the appearance. 

 

Niall cleared his throat and told his mom about Quinn. Well, minus the crashed and lying on the floor part. So, he just said they bumped into each other and started talking with each other. He told her about Quinn’s hometown, her sibling and how she will spend the holidays at Bradford.

 

Patricia smiled looking at her son recounting the story about his _‘friend’_. He had the dreamy look and can’t stop smiling the whole time. She knew this girl named Quinn really had captured her youngest son’s attention. 

 

“Why don’t you invite her to join us for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night?” Patricia suggested. 

 

Niall stopped talking abruptly after he heard her mother’s suggestion. His mom wanted to invite Quinn for thanksgiving dinner? 

 

“But why?” was all that managed to come out from Niall’s mouth. He was confused. 

 

“Well, the way you talk about her, she seems like a nice friend. You know me; I’d love to know who my kids are friends with,” 

 

Niall grinned widely. He stood up and hugged his mom before practically jumping running to the living room looking for his phone. 

 

But when Niall entered the living room, he lost all of his confidence and enthusiasm. What if Quinn thinks that he was being too forward? Well, it might be since it’s not even an hour since they exchanged their phone numbers and he was already calling her. He did not want to look desperate and giving her the wrong impression. He sighed out loud. Why in the hell his brain always wanted to over analyze things. Why couldn’t he be more carefree like he always did? 

 

With a solemn face, Niall plopped down onto the couch. He looked around and didn’t see anyone else except for Zayn and Louis who was still arguing about something related to television series or whatsoever.

 

“Gossip Girl is the best, dude!” Niall heard Zayn said to Louis. 

 

“One Tree Hill is better!” Louis argued back. 

 

“But One Tree Hill doesn’t have Leighton Meester, she’s hot, bro!”

 

“It has Sophia Bush, she’s hotter!”

 

“I prefer The O.C. Perfect story and acting, plus Mischa Barton is hot.” Niall interrupted both of them as they were still bickering. 

 

“Shut up, Niall!” Both Zayn and Louis said at the same time. 

 

Niall sighed again and buried his body further into the couch. He had more important things to think about instead of arguing about some television series anyway. Should he call Quinn, or should he not? He sighed for the umpteenth time. 

 

“What the fuck, Niall? You’ve been sighing like an old man, bro,” Zayn glared at his brother. 

 

“Nothing.”

 

"Uh huh," Zayn snorted disbelievingly. 

 

"What? I said it's nothing,"

 

"Uh huh," Louis mimicked Zayn’s action earlier. 

 

"Dudes, go back to your tv shows fight," Niall said tried to divert their attention from him. 

 

“Spill!” Louis and Zayn sat on the floor in front of Niall and watched him with their curious look. 

 

“I said it’s nothing,” Why must his brother and friend always being so annoying? 

 

“Nialler honey, we know it’s nothing, so it’s either you spill on what’s bothering you by the easy way, or the _hard_ way,” Louis said smugly when Niall looked horrified. The hard way to grill their secrets were always ended up badly or embarrassedly. Nobody wanted that. 

 

“Fine! Mom wanted to invite Quinn for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow,” Niall said quickly. He can felt his cheeks reddened as he said it. 

 

Zayn and Louis smiled widely. “That idea is perfect, man! Why couldn’t we think of that earlier, we are such an idiot,” Zayn said. 

 

“Not us, _you_ are,” Louis said smacking Zayn’s head playfully. Niall laughed out loud as Zayn gave Louis a death glare after that. 

 

“So, have you called her yet?” Zayn leaned forward as he asked his younger brother the question. Zayn sighed when he saw Niall shook his head. Typical Niall, always being afraid to do the first move. 

 

“Why not?” 

 

“I just..I don’t want to seem desperate and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea” Niall mumbled staring down at his hands. 

 

“Bro, you just invite her to come as a friend, that doesn’t mean you’re desperate,”

 

“But…” 

 

“No but! Call her!” Louis said cutting Niall off and shoved the phone into his friend’s hand. 

 

Niall looked at both of them only to find them staring at him, nodding encouragingly. 

 

“Fine! I call her, but can you guys leave me alone?” Niall really did not want Zayn and Louis breathing through his neck when he calls Quinn. They like to do that just to annoy him, so Niall was not surprised when both of them grinned stupidly and shook their heads.

 

With a nervous look, he started to dial Quinn’s number. He was on the fourth ring and thought Quinn would not pick up the phone when suddenly he heard the beautiful voice of her.

 

“Hello,”

 

“Hello, hey..it’s Niall,” Niall said nervously. Fuck, why was he felt nervous, again? It’s not like he wanted to ask her for a date or whatsoever. Just an invitation to an innocent dinner with his family. 

 

“Yes, Niall, I know it’s you..caller id, remember?” Quinn chuckled. 

 

Niall can felt his cheeks reddened and both Zayn and Louis who were listened closely burst into a fit of giggles. _Fuck caller id._

 

“Well,” Niall cleared his throat. “My mom asked me to invite you for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night,”

 

“Really? That’s so nice of her,” Quinn said, surprised. 

 

“Yeah, that’s my mom. She’s very nice. So, are you available to come or you had another plans? Cause, it’s okay if you have another plans, I don’t want to force you or anything. It just, it would be nice if you could come and…” Niall started to ramble.

 

“Stop right there. I didn’t say no, did I?” 

 

“Err..no, you didn’t. So, you will come?” 

 

“Yes, I will. Just text me your address later,”

 

Niall grinned widely and nodded, forgot he was on the phone where Quinn can’t see his nodding.

 

“Niall? Are you still there?”

 

“Yeah, yeah..I’ll text the address to you. I really am looking forward to see you tomorrow.” 

 

“Wow, never thought you’d say that. Me too, Niall.”

 

“Hurm..so I guess I just hang up now..have a good night, Quinn, bye,”

 

“Thanks. You too, bye,”

 

Niall sighed happily after he hung up the phone. That wasn’t so bad, was it? 

 

“It was bad,bro..very bad,” Shit! Did he say it out loud? Zayn laughed at Niall’s surprised and horrified expression. 

 

“No, it wasn’t!” Niall whined. 

 

Zayn and Louis rolled on the floor laughing at Niall. He had done many interviews smoothly but when it came to talk to a girl, he always rambling before he got to the point. They knew it was sign of Niall’s nervousness and they should not laugh at him, but he was just so adorable. 

 

“Stop laughing at me!” Seeing that his brother and best friend were not going to stop laughing, he grunted, defeated. 

 

“Shut up!” Niall stood up and stomped away from Zayn and Louis and made his way to his room. This action just made Zayn and Louis laughed harder at their precious blondie.


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, Patricia started to wake up her kids; by her kids meaning it was included Harry, Liam and Louis to start clean up the house and preparing for the dinner. Harry woke up first followed by Liam and Alicia and they went straight to the kitchen for breakfast. Zayn,Josh and Louis followed their actions several minutes after that, but her youngest son was nowhere to be found. When Patricia opened the door of his son’s room, she can’t help but smiled. Niall was curled on his bed under the comforter and only his head was sticking out. Patricia sat slowly at the edge of the bed and ran her hands through Niall’s soft blonde hair. Niall started to wake up and rubbed his eyes. 

 

“Momma? What time is it?” Niall asked confused and tried to look at his watch.

 

“Around 7, if you’re still tired, I’m gonna let you sleep again,” Patricia said suddenly feeling guilty for waking up her son. Niall’s eyes looked tired and he looked like he was going to fall back to sleep at any moments. 

 

“Hurm, is everyone awake?” Niall asked sitting up and threw his comforter aside.

 

“Everyone is at the kitchen already,”

 

“Really? Wow, so early,”

 

“Well, we’ve got some cleaning to do. Plus, we have guest tonight, I don’t want the house to look messy,”

 

Niall’s mind raced and he felt confused. Guest? Why can’t he remember? Must be because he was still half asleep.

 

Looking at Niall’s confused face; Patricia chuckled, stood up and patted her son’s head.

 

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember Quinn is coming tonight?” Patricia said and went out of the room. She knew Niall will follow her after that. 

 

“Quinn?? Fuck! How can I forget??” Niall mumbled and cursed to himself. His eyes snapped wide open and he quickly got up and chased her mom. He needed to clean up the house as well; Quinn was his special guest after all. 

 

The breakfast was filled with several 'good morning' mumbles to each other and the sounds of them munching their breakfasts. “So, who wants to clean up the yards?” Patricia asked her kids. 

 

As expected, all of them raised their hands. Patricia laughed. She knew better. The kids liked to do the cleaning of the yard because they got to play around while doing it. Always had and always will. After all of them had their appointed tasks, they spent their time to complete it before it was finally time to start the dinner. 

 

**

 

“Niall, stop pacing! You’re making me nervous, not to mention it’s annoying,” Zayn said throwing a cushion at his brother. The rest of the guys nodded agreeing with Zayn. They were sitting around in front of the television watching the re-run of American Idol while waiting for Quinn to show up. Niall offered to pick her up but she insisted on coming by herself. Such an independent girl. 

 

Niall sighed and plopped down on the couch sitting between Harry and Zayn. “You like her, huh?” Harry asked, straight to the point. Harry may be the slowest talker among all of them, but once he started talking, his words were always laced with brutal honesty. Niall sighed again, “I don’t know. She seems cool,” Niall admitted he was smitten by her at the first sight. But, that doesn’t mean he liked her, right? Or did he? Argh! Fuck Harry and his honesty, now his head was messing up. Before he could speak further, the doorbell rang. All of the guys turned their heads towards Niall and grinned widely. Niall glared at them, warned them to behave before rushed to the front door. 

 

“Hey,” Niall said to the girl in front of him. She looked beautiful, as the first time he saw her the day before. She wore a white blouse with brown trousers and her hair was pulled down across her shoulder. In simple word, she looked breathtaking in Niall’s eyes. 

 

“Hey,Niall. I made it,” Quinn said smiling at the guy in front of her. He looked handsome dressed in red polo shirt, black jeans and his hair was gelled into a slight mohawk and little bangs. At first, she was so nervous to accept Niall’s invitation but after hearing the sincerity in his voice, Quinn can’t resist it. This guy really had a way through her defense; she didn’t usually give in easily. 

 

“Well, I’m glad you do. Please come in,” Niall held the door open leading Quinn to enter the house. Zayn,Josh and Louis waved and hugged Quinn while Harry and Liam waved and introduced themselves to Quinn. 

 

When Niall led Quinn to the kitchen, Josh turned and faced Zayn and Louis. “Damn, she’s smoking hot!” Liam muttered “yeah” agreeing with Josh. Well, technically, his girlfriend, Danielle was the hottest girl he knew and loved, but Quinn just had an aura that drew every pair of eyes on her. Yes, she was hot like that. 

 

“Told you! I bet Niall was peeing himself when he crashed into her yesterday,” Zayn said laughing along with Louis. 

 

“What are you guys laughing at?” Niall asked which made all of them turned to face Niall who stood looking at them curiously. 

 

“Nothing.” Liam said innocently.

 

“Uh uh, yeah, right,” Niall snorted disbelievingly. He was sure he heard his name being mentioned by the guys. 

 

“Chill, bro, we were just talking about your boner,” Louis said shoving Niall playfully and made his way to the dining room followed by the others who were laughing at his expense. Niall shook his head before following their leads to the dining room. He can’t help but wonder why did they always pick on him? 

 

When Niall entered the dining room, all sits were already occupied and only one empty seat was left, which was beside Quinn. Josh was sitting at the head of the table, Patricia, Zayn and Louis sat at the left side and Harry,Alicia and Liam was sitting at the other side of Quinn’s seat. Niall sat and gave Quinn a smile. 

 

“So, should we start our thanksgiving speech now?” Patricia asked.

 

“Yes, momma.” Josh replied. “I’m thankful for a good family, great friends, awesome jobs and peaceful life.” After Josh finished, all of them started to take turns on saying their thankful speech. 

 

“I’m thankful for an awesome momma, annoying but a great older brother, a younger and better younger brother, sweet and caring little sister, my loyal friends and did I mention I’m thankful for Niall to be who he is now?” Zayn asked looking at Niall. Everybody at the table knew exactly what was Zayn talked about. Even though Quinn was not part of it, she just smiled politely at Zayn. Zayn was thankful for that; Quinn seemed like an understanding person. 

 

“I’m thankful for everything in my life at the moment,” Niall spoke when it was his turn. They were all started to pick on their food when suddenly Louis said, “Well, we are also thankful for the launches of our new album!” 

 

“Dude! How can we forget about that?” Zayn said while making a face palm. 

 

“New album? Are you guys in a band or something?” Quinn asked looking at Louis then Zayn looking for an answer. Harry, Louis, Liam and Zayn gasped and made a horror expression. “I thought you knew us from One Direction but you are just playing it cool!” Louis said dramatically. 

 

“Niall didn’t tell you?” Zayn asked looking at Quinn and then at Niall who was squirmed on his seat. 

 

“No, he didn’t. I just assumed on what his job is,” 

 

Niall cleared his throat and started to explain, “Look, Quinn, I’m sorry. I just, I didn’t know how to tell you,” Niall said sincerely. It was the truth. He found it was refreshing that Quinn did not recognize him as Niall from One Direction so he didn’t really correct her when she assumed he was a model. Damn! He must stop Zayn before his brother found out what was exactly Quinn’s impression of him about his job. 

 

“Well, what was your impression about his job?” Too late. The question was out. Save yourself, Niall. Think fast! 

 

“Nothing important, Zaynie. Let’s just eat, shall we?” 

 

Zayn and Josh raised their eyebrows. They knew this gesture all too well. It was Niall’s way of avoiding the question and it make their curiosity peaked. “No, can’t do. I want to know. Tell me. Tell us,” Alicia asked eagerly, looking at Quinn. Like Zayn and Josh, Alicia also knew Niall as well as his brothers. 

 

“Hurm..I thought he was a model,” Quinn said. 

 

A big pause of silence filled the dining room. All hell breaks loose when Zayn laughed out loud followed by the rest, well except Niall and Quinn. The room was roaring with laughter and disbelieving snorts. All of them laughed like it was no tomorrow with tears slipping down their faces. 

 

“Niall? A model? Really?” Josh gasped between laughter. That was so fucking funny. He admitted that Niall was good looking but he did not have enough criteria for the model, well the height obviously. He was barely passed as a dwarf in a school play, let alone passed for being a model. Josh thought it was fucking hilarious. 

 

The look of Niall’s face at the moment was priceless. His cheeks and ears were red like a tomato. He squirmed further into his chair and looked like he wished the floor would swallow him. Quinn felt guilty but can’t help but chuckled along. Niall looked adorable and cute. 

 

Patricia was the first one to sober up from laughter and quickly told the kids to eat their dinner before it got cold. The rest of the dinner was filled with conversations mostly about Quinn since she was her guest. Patricia can’t help but smiled at the sight in front of her. Niall and Quinn looked like they will make a cute couple. It was too early to have those kinds of thoughts but a mom can dream, right?

 

**

 

“I think I’m going to excuse myself, it’s late already,” Quinn said standing up reaching for her handbag on the floor. She really had fun at Patricia’s house. After dinner, they were all hanging around at the patio played board games and chatted. Well, mostly ended up with cheated on each other to win the games. Quinn never felt happy like this for a long time. Plus, she got to spend time with Niall, it was really a bonus for her happiness. 

 

“Let me take you home,” Niall offered. 

 

“It’s fine. I can take a cab,” Quinn declined politely. She did not want Niall to send her home, especially when she really didn’t have one at Bradford. 

 

“No, let me, please?” Niall insisted pouting his lips a little. Zayn chuckled looking at the exchange between Niall and Quinn. He knew nobody could resist that look so he was not surprised when Quinn finally gave in to his brother. 

 

“So, where exactly is your grandparents’ house?” Niall asked Quinn when they were finally inside the car. He started driving but Quinn was silence besides him looking like she was thinking far away. When Quinn looked at his eyes, Niall saw something in her eyes; wait a minute, why was she crying? 

 

“Hey hey, what happened? Did I upset you? Why are you crying?” Niall asked darting his eyes between looking at the road and Quinn. He didn’t do something to upset her, did he? 

 

“I’m sorry, I lied, I don’t have grandparents here” Quinn said softly avoiding Niall’s eyes. 

 

“Huh? I don’t understand. What do you mean?” 

 

“I..I don’t know how to tell you this, Niall..” Quinn said helplessly.

 

Niall quickly pulled over the car and gave Quinn his full attention.

 

“Talk to me Quinn,” Niall asked softly. He really can’t stand seeing a girl cry, especially the one who was sitting on the passenger seat. 

 

Quinn wiped away her tears and started to exhale deeply. 

 

“I have no grandparents here. I actually didn’t plan on spending my holidays here. I just want to get out of London and spend my holidays somewhere else and I ended up here,” 

 

“But why did you lie? You could just tell me the truth yesterday,” 

 

“I dunno. I guess I just felt ashamed? I mean, you’ve got nice family and friends to spend with during the holidays, but I’d be alone sitting in my hotel room,” 

 

“Well, in that case, I’m sorry too. I also lied about my work, didn’t I? So, I guess, we can start over?” Niall looked at Quinn searching for her reaction. Quinn hesitated for a moment before smiled and nodded. 

 

“Hi, I’m Niall Horan, I’m part of the band called One Direction, I live in London but my home is here in Bradford,” Niall said extending his hand to shake Quinn’s. 

 

Quinn looked at Niall, awed with his sincerity, forgiveness and compassionate, she accepted Niall’s hand, “Hi, I’m Quinn Jones, I’m a student at London University and I’m into fashion, I live in London too, but Bradford is a beautiful place.” 

 

They both released their hands and smiled still making an eye contact with each other. Niall can felt his heart beating faster looking at those beautiful eyes of Quinn. He can felt himself drowning in those eyes and impulsively he leaned closer to Quinn and he felt that she was also did the same. Their faces were merely apart when suddenly Quinn’s phone rang and both of them breaking away from each other with a start. 

 

“Hi Ivy, oh, I’m on my way to the hotel, I guess I’ll call you later then? Yeah, okay, yeah, love you too babe,” Quinn closed her phone and looked at the window. She thought about the almost-kiss incident and couldn’t help but blushed. What was that about?

 

Meanwhile, Niall’s mind was jumbling across many thoughts after that incident. What was that? Was that a lust or something else? Did it even possible to like a girl only after a day and a half knowing her? Confused by his thoughts, Niall decided to break the silence so he asked Quinn which hotel she was staying. 

 

When they finally arrived at the hotel, neither Niall nor Quinn knew what to say to each other. Needless to say, an awkward silence was not broken yet. Finally, Niall cleared his throat and started to talk, “I’m sorry about what happened just now, I just..I was out of line..I mean, I don’t want things to be awkward between us after this..” Niall trailed off. He really did not want to screw things up between him and Quinn. He felt mad at himself for initiate that near-kiss incident earlier. Quinn might think that he was such a pervert and did not want to talk to him again. 

 

Quinn looked at Niall and laughed softly. This guy was too good to be true. How many guys apologized and admitted that they were out of line? In Quinn’s life, none of them did, not until Niall. “It’s okay Niall. Let’s just forget about it, okay? Look, it’s late already, I better go now,” Quinn said unbuckling her seat belt. When she was about to closed the car’s door, Niall’s voice made her turned around. 

 

“Would you like to spend the rest of the holidays with me? I mean, with my family and friends.” Niall asked hopefully. 

 

“Really? Is this because you pity me spending the holidays alone?” Quinn teased. 

 

“What? No..no..it’s just..I like to spend time with you..I mean, we’re friends, right?”

 

“Wow, a star wants to befriend with me,” Quinn teased again and laughed when she saw Niall blushed at that comment. When Niall did not say anything after that, Quinn sobered from her laughter and nodded. 

 

“Yes, we’re friends Niall, I would love to spend my holidays with all of you as well,” 

 

“Great! Take care Quinn, talk to you later,” Niall said waving goodbye to Quinn. After he made sure that Quinn was inside the hotel, he drove away, still smiling to himself. He fucking loved the holidays. 

 

**

 

When Quinn saw Niall drove away, she smiled to herself. What had she gotten into? This was not on the list on her agenda when she decided to spend her holidays at Bradford. Well, maybe fate had a better plan for her. Shaking her head, Quinn made her way to her hotel room. 

 

After cleaned herself up and made sure her room's door was locked, she plopped down on a bed with a happy sigh. Holding her phone, she started to dial her best friend’s number.

 

“Bitch, you better start talking or I’ll kick your ass literally!” 

 

Quinn laughed out loud. She didn’t even manage to say hello when her childhood friend, Ivy picked up the phone. 

 

“Nice way of picking up your phone, Ivy,”

 

“Don’t _‘Ivy’_ me! Spill!” 

 

“Okay, what do you want to know?”

 

“Everything! I mean, what’s his name? Is he cute? You know, the usual!” Ivy asked excitedly. 

 

“Well, his name is Niall. I met him yesterday at the mall. He asked me to join his family and friends for thanksgiving dinner tonight.” 

 

“I fucking know that! Don’t do this to me! I’m dying to know about tonight!” 

 

Quinn laughed at Ivy’s annoyed tone. She really likes to tease her best friend, Ivy may look like fierce to everyone but Quinn knew she had a great heart. 

 

“Well, I went to his house. Met his brothers and sister. Oh, and his friends too. We dined, chatted, played board games. All I got to say, it was fun,” Quinn said looking at the ceiling smiling at the memory. 

 

“Wow. You sound happy,”

 

“I am. I haven’t been this happy for a long time,”

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s good to hear that, Quinn. You know I love you more like this,” Ivy teased. 

 

Quinn laughed. She was thankful for her best friends, Ivy stick by her no matter what. Ivy was like the sister she never had. 

 

“So, are the brothers hot?” 

 

“Well..Niall do has brothers, but I think Niall’s hotter. His older brother is not bad, except he’s redhaired. I know you don’t prefer redhaired,” Quinn heard Ivy snorted at that statement. Ivy always hated brunette guy saying that they have too-dumb looks. Plus, her ex boyfriend was redhaired and he was such an asshole to her. 

 

“What about his parents?” 

 

“Well, his mom is nice. She asked me to call her Patricia, I guess I’m not really used to it. I mean, you know how I interact with older people. The dad is living somewhere else since they were divorced but they were still in contact with each other. And Niall was actually adopted and Patricia didn’t mind him for still using his family name instead of hers.”

 

“What?! Wait! O.M.G.!!! Quinnnnnnn!! You went to Niall Horan’s house????”

 

“Huh? How do you know his last name? I haven’t told you yet and why are you sound like a mad woman?” Quinn trailed off surprised with the sudden change of her friend’s behavior. 

 

“Niall Horan who has a brother whose name is Zayn Malik and is part of One Direction???” 

 

“Hurm..yeah? I mean, why the big deal with his band? I don’t even recognize every single members of the band.” 

 

“Damn Quinn! They are one of the biggest names in the world right now. Where have you been?” 

 

“Ivy…you know where I’ve been..plus I’m not much into music..”

 

“Oo..oh my..I forgot..I’m sorry, Quinn..I didn’t mean it like that..I mean..I mean,” Ivy stuttered. 

 

“It’s okay, Ivy. I know you were just joking,” Quinn assured her friend. It was true that only Ivy and her parents knew about her history. She swore she was better than before but sometimes the subject can be such a sore spot for her. 

 

“Really? Stupid me and my big mouth, huh?” Ivy said sounded apologetic. 

 

“It’s okay, babe. I love you just the way you are,” Quinn said sincerely and she smiled when she heard Ivy laughed. But seriously, how come she didn’t know about Niall and his band before this? She was about to ask Ivy about that when suddenly she heard Ivy changed her tone from cheerful to serious-like.

 

“Q, do you like Niall?”

 

What? She only met him for two days, it’s not possible to get attach for too soon, right?

 

“I like him. As a friend, I guess. He’s nice,”

 

“Seriously? I just..I just don’t want you to be like before..I’m worried about you,”

 

“Nothing’s serious babe. I love you for worry about me, but I promise, I’ll try not to be like that again, okay?” 

 

“Okay. I trust you, Q. Remember I love you always and forever.”

 

“Who said I love you too?” Quinn joked, tried to ease the seriousness of the conversation. 

 

“Bitch!” Ivy said laughing along with Quinn. 

 

“It takes one to know one,”

 

“Ha ha..funny! Well, spill some more! What are you doing for the rest of the holidays?”

 

“Niall asked me to spend it with his family and friends, and him too,”

 

“Wow! I’m so jealous! Send my love to Liam! I love him, oh, my Liam,” Ivy said dreamily.

 

“Errr..I think he has a girlfriend, Danielle’s her name,” Quinn said remembering the conversation they had earlier. Everyone was talking about themselves and Liam said he has a girlfriend and she was in her hometown with her family. 

 

“Q, can you just let me live in my fantasy for a while?! You’re literally crushing my heart here,” 

 

Quinn laughed again and started to yawn. After an eventful evening, she felt a little tired but she knows if she did not call Ivy, her friend will bugging her all night long. 

 

“Auuww, you wanna sleep now Q?”

 

“I guess. Kinda tired, ya know,”

 

“Well, I’m gonna let you have your beauty sleep cause I can totally imagine your ugly face right now,” Ivy said laughing at the ridiculous statement. Who was she kidding; Quinn was by far the most beautiful person she ever met. 

 

“Haha! Funny! Hurm..I wish you’re here with me, Ivy,”

 

“Yeah, me too. But don’t worry, we’ll meet again after New Year!” 

 

“Yeah, I miss you Ivy, night,”

 

“Night, Q. I miss you too, take care alright”

 

“I will, bye Ivy,” Quinn hangs up the phone and smiled contently. The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was the guy, named Niall Horan.


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey, lil bro, what are you doing sitting here alone?” Zayn asked sitting beside Niall on the steps at the front porch. Everyone else was playing basketball on the small court at the front yard.

 

“Just sitting around looking at them playing,” Niall said while his eyes were fixed on the sight in front of him. 

 

“Them? Or _her?_ ” Zayn teased. Niall blushed and avoided eye contact with his brother. 

 

Zayn rolled his eyes and laughed. Only a blind man cannot see how happy Niall was when Quinn was around. A few days after thanksgiving dinner, everyone can see how close Niall and Quinn had became, they were inseparable. Not that Zayn mind that. He liked Quinn a lot, she really had the same wit humor as him and Louis. But it was not just him, everybody did love her. Alicia loved Quinn as a sister she never had, Patricia gained another daughter and she acted very motherly towards Quinn. Josh and Quinn can talk about fashion all night long, she can beat Liam and Harry in video games and she was a food lover like Niall. It was amazing to see that she had been getting along great with everyone. But most importantly, it made Zayn happy to see Niall’s eyes were filled with happiness and sparkles with soul and love when Quinn was around.

 

“Don’t start Zaynie. Why don’t you go join them?” Niall said shoving his brother playfully. 

 

“Nah, I’d rather sit here with my favorite brother,” Zayn said bumping his shoulder with Niall’s. 

 

“Huh, I thought Josh is your favorite brother?” Niall said sticking his tongue out looking at Zayn. 

 

“Well, yes. But you’re my favorite little brother,”

 

“I’m your only little brother, Zaynie. It makes me automatically your favorite,”

 

“Don’t be a smartass, Nialler. Or else I’ll tell Quinn…” Zayn laughed when Niall’s eyes wide opened instantly. 

 

“Tell me what?” Both of the brothers startled when Quinn was suddenly appeared behind them. 

 

“Nothing, Zayn wants to tell you that he definitely gonna beat you at Scrabble,” Niall answered quickly, glared at his brother to shut his mouth. Zayn snickered at Niall’s reaction but held his hands up as a sign of surrender. 

 

“Wow, you’re really confident, huh?” Quinn asked sitting between Niall and Zayn on the steps. 

 

“Of course, but I guess I have to memorize the whole dictionary first, so I’d let you two kids stay here while I do that,” Zayn said stood up and made his way towards the house. 

 

“He’s always dork like that, huh?” Quinn asked looking at Niall. 

 

Niall laughed and nodded. “So, what are you doing here?”

 

“What? I can't sit here?” Quinn teased. 

 

“Eh, no..no..I mean, I thought you’re still playing the game,” 

 

“Where have you been, Niall? The game is finished, everybody was inside already,” 

 

Niall looked around him and found nobody. What? Why didn’t he notice that? 

 

“They went inside through the backyard, going to the kitchen saying that they need some drinks to live,” Quinn continued. 

 

“Oh,” Niall looked at Quinn and smiled. Her hair was put in a ponytail and her face was flushed and a little bit sweaty. When she caught Niall’s eyes scrutinizing her, she blushed and looked away. Niall blushed and cleared his throat. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. 

 

“So, what do you think of spending your holidays with me and the clan?” Niall tilted his head to look at Quinn’s reaction for his question.

 

“I like it. A lot. I never expect that I will gain another family and friends here,” Quinn said smiling. 

 

“Really? What about me?” Niall teased raising his eyebrows at Quinn. 

 

“You? Not so much fun. I mean you don’t even want to play basketball with us, where’s the fun, huh?” Quinn answered sticking her tongue out at Niall. 

 

Niall laughed and brought his eyes at Quinn. He extended his hands and began to tickle Quinn. “No fun, huh? What about now? Fun enough?” Niall said still tickling Quinn. Quinn squirmed try to get free from the tickle attack but Niall was practically on top of her still trying to tickle her to death. “Stop it, Niall, I can’t breathe,” Quinn said between laughter. She gasped here and there as Niall started to tickle harder. Suddenly the tickle war stopped. Niall’s eyes bored into Quinn’s. They looked at each other intensely. Both were not saying anything. They can felt sparks flying everywhere. Both faces leaned closer to each other.

 

“Nialler! Momma wants us to pick someone at the airport!” Zayn suddenly appeared banging the front door wide open. Both Quinn and Niall jumped away and looked at everywhere but each other. 

 

“Err..what were you guys doing?” Zayn asked curiously. They both looked like deer caught in the headlights. 

 

“Just chatting. Hurm, I better find Alicia,” Quinn said and walked passed Zayn at the door and went inside. Zayn turned his head to look at Niall and his brother fixated his eyes at everywhere but Zayn. 

 

“Niall? Were you guys doing what I think you’re doing?” 

 

“What? We just chatted, Zaynie,”

 

“Yeah, right,” Zayn snorted. 

 

“Shut up, Zayn. You said momma wants us to pick someone, who is it?” Niall asked try to avoid Zayn’s earlier question. 

 

Sensing that Niall did not want to talk about what happened, Zayn decided to drop the earlier question. 

 

“I dunno. Momma and Alicia keeping it as a secret.”

 

“Huh? Weird. Let’s go,”

 

**

 

At the airport, the three brothers stood still at the entrance scratching their heads and neck, confused. On the way there, they called their mom to ask about the person that they were supposed to pick up at the airport. Their mom said that person would be Ivy, Quinn’s best friend. Turned out, Quinn told Alicia about Ivy and how much she missed her best friend. Hence, Alicia decided to surprise Quinn for the Christmas, it’d be her gift for Quinn. All three of them smiled at that, which was very thoughtful of Alicia, she always cared about people she loved. 

 

“Dude, we forgot to ask mom how this chick would look like,” Zayn whined. Even though the airport was not as big as in the city, still they were many people there especially during holidays season. 

 

“I fucking know that, Zayn.” Josh replied shooting annoyed look at his brother. He was tired of driving in the traffic and they had to go round about eight times looking for parking, so he was a bit annoyed. 

 

Niall was about to say something when he felt someone tapped on his shoulder. Turning around, he was met with a girl, about the same height as him, black shoulder-length hair, wearing black jeans and green hoodie. She looked like she was measured him head to toe, judging him and he felt slightly uncomfortable. 

 

“Niall, right?” The girl asked.

 

“Are you a fan? We don’t have time for this right now,” Josh interrupted. He really wanted to pick Quinn’s friend and get the hell out of the airport. 

 

“What?!” The girl stared at Josh furiously. How rude! Not to mention, he’s a redhaired too. That makes she hated him more. Such a jerk! 

 

“What _what_??!! Let’s go guys, we don’t have time for this,” Josh said rudely trying to pull Niall and Zayn away with him. Niall smiled apologetically at the girl and Zayn followed Josh with a blank face. 

 

The girl gaped at the situation and ran towards them. She stopped in front of Josh and looked at him deadly. “I don’t know who are you, mister! But you are so rude! And yes, I am a fan of their band, but I’m here just to see my friend, Quinn, and Patricia told me Niall and Zayn will pick me up. And she didn’t say anything about a rude redhaired jerk will be there too!” 

 

“You’re Ivy?” Niall asked the girl. When the girl nodded, Zayn burst out laughing out loud. Everybody stared at him confused by his sudden outburst. What’s so funny?

 

“She called you a rude redhaired jerk; I never heard anyone said that to you!” Zayn said between laughter. 

 

Niall chuckled and Josh’s face went red. Ivy ignored Josh and started talking to Zayn and Niall. 

 

“Hi, I’m Ivy.” Ivy said extending her hand to shake hands with Niall and Zayn. She was slightly surprised when Niall and Zayn pulled her into their hugs. When they pulled away, she smiled at both of them. They seemed nice. Well, she knew that based on the press, some people said they were this and that, but looking at them in front of her, she was impressed. They were really nice and friendly, well except for the redhaired one. What was his name again? 

 

“Great, can we go now?” Josh said grumpily and stormed off to the direction of the parking lot. 

 

“What the fuck crawled up his ass?” Ivy said glaring at the back of Josh who walked in front of them. Niall carried one of her bags and Zayn walked besides her draping his arm on her shoulder. 

 

“I think he is just tired,” Niall said. Ivy snorted at that and mumbled, “Jerk,”’

 

“You’re really the feisty one, aren’t you?” Zayn asked and chuckled. He looked at the girl beside him, she may be small, but she sure has her way with words. 

 

“So, what if I am?” 

 

“Nothing. You’re fun. I have a feeling that we’ll be friends for a long time,” 

 

Ivy grinned widely hearing Zayn’s statement. Who would’ve thought she’d be friends with one of her favorite bands? She really got to thank Quinn for this. Speaking about Quinn, 

 

“Hey Niall, I heard you and Quinn are really close, is that true?” Ivy asked Niall and looked straight in Niall’s eyes looking for his reaction. 

 

“Urm..yeah..I guess,” Niall replied nervously. The way Ivy interrogated him really made him nervous. 

 

“So, you like her?” 

 

“What if I say yes?” 

 

“Good. I just don’t want her to get hurt like before.”

 

“Like before? What do you mean?” Niall looked at Ivy curiously. Zayn also did the same. 

 

“It’s not my place to tell you. But remember this, if you really like her, don’t fucking hurt her, you got me?” Ivy asked pointing his finger at Niall’s face and had a look of _don’t-mess-with-me_ on her face. 

 

“I won’t,” Niall replied sincerely. No way in hell he will hurt Quinn. Satisfied by Niall’s answer and the look of sincerity in his eyes, Ivy nodded and went back to her chirpy self. “So, should we move our beautiful asses to the famous Malik’s home now?” Ivy asked clapping her hands excitedly. Zayn and Niall laughed and led her to the parking lot where Josh was already waiting with a not so happy look on his face. 

 

In the car, the situation had not been better. Niall and Zayn just watched amusingly when Josh and Ivy kept bitching about each other. First, about the hair. Obviously, Ivy hated redhaired and Josh hated Ivy’s hair just for the sake it’s Ivy. Next, the dress. Ivy criticized about the way Josh dressed and he was furious. He was a fashionist after all, who was she to judge the way he dressed? The worse thing was, they both argued about the radio channel in the car. Ivy wanted to listen to soothe music while Josh preferred the remix one. Hence, they both kept switching the channel since Ivy was sitting at the passenger seat and Josh was driving. 

 

**

 

“Finally!!” Zayn sighed out loud when they arrived at the house. One more bitching coming from Josh or Ivy, he will be the one to shut them up. Niall chuckled at his brother’s reaction; Zayn was never the one with patient. Zayn and Josh went straight away into the house leaving Niall and Ivy alone at the front porch. 

 

“So, are you ready to feel the spirit of Christmas at our house?” Niall asked Ivy in a friendly tone. 

 

“Hell yeah!” 

 

“Great! I like your enthusiasm,” Niall grinned. 

 

“Yeah yeah..actually I will be more enthusiastic to meet Liam, sorry, I’m more into puppy eyes,” Ivy said sticking her tongue out at Niall. 

 

Niall laughed out loud. Ivy really had chirpy attitude like Quinn. Well, Quinn was more polite and reserved even though she was chirpy. That’s what made Niall loved her, oh no.. _scratch that_ , loved her personality. 

 

“Okay, follow my lead,” Niall said walking into the living room. Patricia, Alicia and Quinn were busy decorating the Christmas tree. Zayn and Liam were chatting with Harry and Louis about Christmas’s presents. Ivy smiled at the sight of Quinn smiling and laughing along. She seemed like a perfect fit with the family. Quinn had not noticed her yet, so she decided to show herself up. 

 

“Any room for one more guest?” Ivy stepped out behind Niall. 

 

“Ivy??” Quinn turned herself around, looking at Ivy surprisingly. 

 

“What, you don’t want me here?” Ivy pouted mockingly at her best friend.

 

“What??!! I dunno what are you doing here instead of at your home, but I love it! I miss you!” Quinn jumped onto Ivy and hugged her best friend tightly. Tears of joy brimmed in Quinn’s eyes. She was really happy. She looked up at Niall who stood behind Ivy and felt happier when she saw Niall’s happy smile looking at her. After introducing and greeting everyone, they all hanged out at the living room chatting and messing around. 

 

**

 

The next morning, everyone woke up early and excitedly sitting around the Christmas tree. A pile of presents was bundled under the tree and they were all excited to get presents from each other. The most excited one was Zayn and Louis, with their childish screaming when they opened their presents. Zayn hugged Niall closed to death after he opened Niall’s gift to him; a Rolex with Z.J.M, his initial engraved on it. Ivy laughed warmly at the gesture. Since the day before, she had been looked out for Quinn, observed everyone in the house. Especially Niall. 

 

“So Nialler, what did you get for Quinn?” Zayn asked winking his eyes at his brother. 

 

“Shut up, Zaynie,” Niall said before turned to look at Quinn and gave her a small box wrapped in nice wrapping paper and small ribbon. 

 

“I hope you like it, I didn’t know what to get you,” Niall said, blushed when he realized everyone was looking at him and Quinn. Quinn opened the wrap and everyone gasped at the gift. 

 

“Niall..it’s so beautiful…I..I..love it..thanks,” Quinn said sincerely. Niall gave her a silver necklace with the small pendant with her face engraved on it. 

 

“Where did you get my picture? I haven’t seen this one before,” Quinn asked confused. It was the small picture her face smiling widely and on the pendant, it was engraved in black and white, with the word _‘belle’_ at the bottom of the picture. 

 

“It’s a candid..I took it a few days ago..” Niall said, his cheeks reddened. He was not being too cheesy, was he? 

 

“Thanks Niall, it’s really lovely,” Quinn said trying to put the necklace on her neck when suddenly she felt Niall stood behind her, helping her to put it on. They looked and smiled at each other. 

 

“Belle means beautiful, right?” Harry asked teasing his friend. Niall and Quinn broke their eye contact and blushed profusely. Everyone laughed at their reaction. Damn, they were adorable. Ivy knew everyone can see the sparks between those two, but those two stubborn kids seemed like they did not acknowledge it. Ivy can see how Niall would laugh at Quinn’s jokes and Quinn did the same too. He always asked her about what she wanted whether about the small things such as seating arrangement during dinner. Ivy thought it was so sweet of Niall to put Quinn’s need first. But it was too early to jump into conclusion, Ivy decided to give it a few days before she will knock some sense into those two’s heads. Because if everyone can see how much they were into each other, why were they not being a couple yet?


	14. Chapter 14

“Who wants to go for a roller-coaster ride?” Louis asked excitedly. Everybody raised their hands except Quinn. “Eh, why not?” Louis looked at his friend, yeah they were all friends with Quinn at the moment. 

 

“I never tried it. I guess I’m a bit scared, never mind, you guys go, I just hang around playing another games,” Quinn smiled at her friends. 

 

All of them; Zayn, Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry, Josh, Ivy and Quinn were spending their day at amusement park. The guys wanted to enjoy their free time before they started the next leg of touring after New Year. Quinn and Ivy went along as they insisted the girls to come too. 

 

“I’ll stay with Quinn,” Niall offered. The guys and Ivy nodded and practically running excitedly to the roller-coaster. 

 

“It’s okay Niall, you can join them, and I’ll be fine alone for a while,”

 

“Nah, I never really enjoy the roller-coaster as well,” 

 

Quinn looked at Niall disbelievingly. “Really? I thought you were the one who got excited besides Louis just now.” 

 

“Busted.” Niall laughed followed by Quinn. Who was he kidding? He fucking loved riding in a roller coaster. It gave him such an adrenaline rush, that’s why he loved it. But if Quinn didn’t want to ride along with him, what’s the point, right? 

 

“You’re really a nice friend, Niall,” Quinn said sincerely. But inside her heart, she knew she liked him more than a friend. And by the look of it, Niall felt the same way too. But sometimes, his behavior confused her. 

 

“I am? Thanks, Q. You’re really a nice friend too, let’s go play something fun, shall we?” Niall asked draping one of his arms onto Quinn’s shoulder, half hugging her. He liked the way Quinn’s body fit him perfectly. The smell of her hair and perfume. The softness of her skin against him. Niall James Horan! Stop right there! She was just your friend, it was wrong to think about her further than necessary. But the main question, was she really just a friend to him? 

 

“Hey, let’s go play those shooting gun!” Quinn asked excitedly pulled Niall’s hand with her, snapping Niall out of his trance. After that, they both went to play several fun games and Niall even won a huge teddy bear for Quinn. 

 

Meanwhile, the rest of the gangs were having fun playing extreme games. Zayn, Liam Louis and Harry were chatting excitedly about the next game they want to play when suddenly they heard voices of bickering behind them. 

 

“Fuck you! Are you blind? Now, what am I gonna wear. Huh?” Ivy sounded mad. 

 

“I am blind?? You were the one who stopped abruptly in front of me! How the hell am I supposed to avoid that? And it was just plain water, you can still wear you ugly jacket!” Josh replied furiously. They were both staring at each other like they can kill each other within seconds. Shaking his head, Zayn decided to break the staring match before it can get worse.

 

“Guys! We’re here to have fun; can you guys please stop bitching about each other for a while?” Zayn sighed at both of them. 

 

“And I thought you guys were being nice to each other before?” Zayn added. 

 

“It’s just for the sake of Quinn,” Ivy answered still glaring at Josh. 

 

“Yup, I do it for the sake of Niall,” Josh answered back. 

 

Before Zayn can speak further, he saw Niall and Quinn walking towards their direction. “Okay, keep acting like that, the _lovely-soon-to-be-couple_ are coming here,” 

 

“Hey, guys!” Niall waved happily. The gangs waved back and looked at Quinn who stood besides Niall clutching the big teddy bear in her arms. 

 

“How did you get that?!” Louis asked curiously. He always tried to win some of those prizes for his girlfriend but always failed. 

 

“Niall won it for me,” Quinn answered shyly. Several _oh’s_ and _ah’s_ can be heard and it made both Niall and Quinn blushed profusely. 

 

“Q, I wanna go to the ladies, let’s,” Ivy said pulling Quinn’s hands. Quinn passed the teddy bear to Niall before hurriedly follow Ivy’s steps. 

 

When they entered the ladies room, Ivy quickly spun around to face Quinn. She had serious look on her face. “Do you love him?” 

 

Quinn let out a surprised gasp after she heard Ivy’s killer question. 

 

“What..what do you mean?” Quinn stuttered. That was unexpected. 

 

“I mean, the way you act around him, the way you smile at him, the way you look at him, it’s full of love, Q. So, I am totally wanting an honest answer from you, do you love Niall?” Ivy asked giving her full attention to her friend. 

 

“I dunno, I mean I like him…but..”

 

“But?”

 

“But sometimes, I can’t imagine my life without him. I always wanna be with him. I got butterflies in my stomach when I’m around him. I get tongue-tied when I talk to him. I…Oh My God,” Quinn let out another surprised gasp. 

 

“Oh my god, I fucking love him?” Quinn realized. No. No. No. It can’t be. It’s too soon. She did not love him. Full stop. The problem was, she did. No. No. 

 

“Hey,Q. Hey, breathe. You’re scaring me!” Ivy rubbed the back of her friend. Being a friend for a long time, Ivy knew Quinn will get panic attack when she realized something big was happening to herself. Like at this moment, Quinn just realized she was in love with Niall. 

 

“Gosh, Ivy. I did not plan this. I did not want to fall in love. It’s too soon. And what if Niall doesn’t love me? What if he is just the same as Richard?” Quinn asked frantically. That was one of her biggest fears, that Niall would turn up to be like her ex boyfriend. 

 

“First of all, based on what I see, Niall is not gonna turn up like Richard. Second of all, I don’t think the guy doesn’t love you. Everyone can see how much you’re into each other, you two are just too stubborn to admit it,” Ivy spoke the truth. 

 

“Huh? That obvious?” Quinn looked at her friend and Ivy rolled her eyes. Quinn laughed at her friend’s reaction. 

 

“So, what are you going to do about it?” 

 

“Urm, nothing?”

 

“What?!” 

 

“Ivy, I don’t want to know that he loves me back or not. What if he doesn’t? I don’t want things to be awkward. So, I guess we’ll see how it goes. Just follow the flow.”

 

Ivy sighed. Typical Quinn. Quinn used to be the most confident person she had ever known but Richard definitely ruined that part of Quinn. Decided not to push the issue anymore, Ivy started to pull Quinn into a hug. 

 

“Okay, I also don’t want you to get hurt. But I also want you to chase your happiness when you have the chance, got it?” 

 

“Yes, madam Ivy,” 

 

“Good, let’s get out of here before they sent a rescue party to search us,” Ivy joked.

 

**

 

Niall stood helplessly in front of his brothers hugging the teddy bear he won for Quinn and stared blankly at them. They’ve been bugging him about his romantic gesture towards Quinn, giving up the roller-coaster riding which he loved so much, won a cute teddy bear with the _‘I love You’_ quotes across its chest. But, it didn’t mean that he loved her, or did he? 

 

“Nialler, spill! Do you love her or do you love her?” Zayn kept insisting. Since the girls left for the ladies, they started to bug Niall. 

 

“Drop it, guys, I’ve answered you guys for the hundredth times,” Niall sighed. It was true. He had answered all of their questions. Well, he pretty much said he liked Quinn but nothing more. They were friends and he liked to keep it that way. But his brothers and best friends snorted at him disbelievingly. 

 

“We feel like you’re not being honest enough with us, Niall. And with yourself too,” Liam reasoned. 

 

“Okay! Fine! Maybe I like her more than a friend, but that’s just it! Okay? Can you guys drop it now?” Niall started to lose his nerve. Why were they kept prying into his personal matter? 

 

Sensing that Niall was already feeling agitated, the guys changed the topic. Niall was glad for that; he really did not want to spoil his mood for the day. So they were now talking about the New Year’s Eve party that will be held the next day at their house. 

 

**

 

To say that the party was great was pretty much understatement. All of the family and close friends were there. Even Danny and his bandmates were coming. Well, to Niall it was not exactly like a party, just a small gathering of closest family and friends to celebrate the New Year. Niall looked around him smiling. At one corner of the house, Danny was chatting with Zayn animatedly talking about a girl he met and Niall can see Zayn made several disgusting face. Must be because Danny said too much information like he always did. At another corner, Niall can see Alicia chatted with Harry and Louis and near the couch, he can see his mom, Ivy and Liam most likely to had a random conversation. Or maybe just Liam and his mom were really had a conversation while Ivy ogling dreamily at Liam. Niall chuckled at the sight. It’s cute to see feisty Ivy having a crush on cool Daddy Liam. 

 

“Having a conversation with yourself again, Niall?” Quinn teased besides Niall. 

 

Niall looked to his left and grinned widely. Quinn may not know him for long, but she already knew him too well. There was so much chemistry between both of them, Niall can’t even deny it. 

 

“Yes, you wanna join me?” Niall teased back. He felt Quinn’s small hand punched his shoulder lightly. They stood leaning at each other and started to chat randomly. 

 

Zayn and Ivy stood at one corner of the living room and watched Niall and Quinn like a hawk. “Undeniable, huh?” Zayn asked the girl beside him. Ivy nodded. When Niall whispered to Quinn’s ears, she blushed. When Quinn whispered back, Niall blushed. They battled eyelashes every milliseconds, for God’s sake. They were openly flirting with each other that night. Must be because of the mood. Or better said, the hormones. 

 

**

 

_10….._

They were all started to countdown for the clocks to strike midnight. New Year was coming. New Year, new chapter of life. That’s what Niall thought. 

 

_9….._

Niall saw his mom, Alicia and Josh stood excitedly watching at the big screen on the wall. Yes, they put on a big screen just for the party. Easy to see the countdown, Zayn reasoned. 

 

_8…._

Laughed, laughed and laughed. That was all Niall knew about his brothers and Danny, smacking each other head, they kept laughing for hours. Because of what? Niall was not sure. 

 

_7…..._

Ivy, Liam, Harry and Louis stood holding their glasses, counting down at the top of their lungs waiting for the clocks to strike midnight so they can toast their drinks. Niall let out a small laugh watching Ivy nodded at everything Liam said. 

 

_6……_

Niall smiled at her. At Quinn. Quinn smiled back. Niall can felt his heart beats faster. A bead of sweat was formed on his forehead. 

 

_5……_

They were still staring at each other. Still counting. Niall thought this was the longest time their eyes stared into each other since they first met. 

 

_4….._

Niall can felt butterflies in his stomach. He can felt himself leaned closer to the person in front of him. He can felt her coming closer too. 

 

_3…_

Closer. Closer. Their faces were coming closer. Their noses were slightly grazed. Their stares were still locked. Niall felt his heart could jump out at any moment. 

 

_2….._

Niall can felt the desire. His lips were now brushing with Quinn’s. His hands were pulled up to Quinn’s face. He can felt Quinn did the same. 

 

_1….._

It was too late to pull away. Everything happened in quick motion. The next thing he knew, he had placed his lips on hers. They kissed each other with such passionate; Niall can felt fireworks literally coming out from their kiss. 

 

“Happy New Year!!!!” 

 

Niall can barely hear everyone around him screaming about the arrival of New Year. He did not care. All he cared was about one girl. The girl he was kissing. Quinn. He brought his hands to her face, pulling her closer and her arms flew around him as she returned the kiss. It sure had felt like forever in Niall’s view, but it was barely five minutes later they parted and wordlessly stared into each other’s eyes. Niall leaned his forehead against hers, her face still in his hands. He softly caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. God, he sure was an idiot to wait for a long time to do that. 

 

“Niall,” he heard Quinn’s soft voice calling out his name after moments of comfortable silence. 

 

“Yes,” 

 

“I have something to tell you, don’t laugh at me,” Quinn asked timidly. 

 

“Tell me. I promise I won’t laugh,” 

 

Niall saw Quinn inhaled deeply. She looked at his eyes. Niall smiled. God, he really can lose inside of those green eyes of her. 

 

“I…never mind, let’s forget it,” Quinn started to look away. Niall startled. He softly put his hands on her chin, tilted her face to look at him.

 

“Tell me, Quinn, did I upset you? You’re mad at me because I kissed you?” 

 

“No. It’s not that. I just…I just want to know, do you like me?” 

 

Niall looked at Quinn straight into the eyes. He continued caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. “I do. I like you very much. I can’t lie to myself, I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first time I met you.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“I like you too, Niall. More than you know,”

 

“I’m glad you do,” Niall said kissed her again. After a few moments, they parted away again. 

 

“I love you, Niall,” 

 

Niall was shocked, he was frozen on the spot. He did not expect that. His hands dropped quickly from Quinn’s face to his sides. He looked at Quinn and saw that hopeful look of her. The love clearly shone in her eyes. He liked her. God, he liked her so much he can’t even imagine losing her. Say something, Niall! She’s waiting for your response! Tell her you love her too! But, did he? 

 

“I........”


	15. Chapter 15

“I……thank you?” Niall stammered. 

 

Quinn’s face fell. She can felt her cheeks reddened and she bit back her tears. She was so embarrassed. What was her thinking? Niall did not love her. She felt her heart sank when Niall’s hand dropped at the first second she said _‘I love you’_. She knew. She knew that Niall was shocked. Or maybe he did not expect it, because he did not loved her like she loved him. God, she was so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She turned around and stormed out of the house. 

 

Ivy frowned. What the fuck had happened? A few minutes ago, she and Zayn had shaken each other’s hand when they saw Niall and Quinn kissed. Then she continued chatting with Zayn when suddenly she saw Quinn headed outside with tears streaming down her face. She gave a puzzled look to Zayn before started to chase her best friend. 

 

“Q! Wait up!” Ivy yelled. Quinn was walking fast ahead of her. She ran and stood in front of her best friend. 

 

“Q? What happened?” Ivy asked, concerned. She pulled Quinn into a hug and Quinn sobbed on her shoulder. Quinn pulled away first but she was still crying. 

 

“I was stupid, Ivy. So stupid.” Quinn started, her voice cracked. 

 

“What?” 

 

“I dunno what’ve gotten into me, I told Niall I love him,” 

 

Ivy was not surprised when she heard that. She knew that already. But, what happened that made Quinn ran off from Niall?

 

“It’s good thing, right? I mean everyone can see you guys love each other,”

 

“But he didn’t say it back! He said ‘thank you’! Oh my god, I’ve never been so embarrassed like this in my whole life. Not even from Richard.” Quinn was practically yelled. Ivy shook her head. How dare Niall treat her friend like that? She knew Quinn will be heartbroken over this. She never saw Quinn being this head over heels for a guy. Ivy thought Niall felt the same way too. Ivy was still trying to soothe her best friend. She hated to see Quinn cried. 

 

“Okay, you call the cab, and wait for me here,”

 

“Where are you going?” Quinn said trying to wipe her tears away.

 

“I want to have a word or two with Niall,” Ivy said determined. She was turning to walk back to the house when she felt Quinn was trying to pull her back by grabbing her arm. 

 

“Ivy, please..can we just go? I’ll get over it, he doesn’t love me, I was stupid to think that he does, I get it.”

 

“No, Q. He’s the stupid one. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything about that, just trust me, okay? Wait for me here?” Ivy gave Quinn a small smile when she saw Quinn nodded. 

 

Ivy strode towards the house. She made her ways to the living room where Niall was still standing on the same spot as before. She saw Zayn was asking something to Niall but Niall just shook his head. Ivy was mad. She was furious. Nobody messed with her best friend. 

 

“Niall Horan!” Ivy screamed, still walking towards Niall. She saw Niall turned to face her. Everyone stopped talking. She didn’t care. She just aimed for one person and one person only. In seconds, she stood in front of Niall and with the angry energy she did not realize she possessed, she did something that everyone was not expected to. She slapped Niall across his cheek. Hard. 

 

“I told you; don’t mess with her, right? What the fuck, Niall? You fucked up! You play with her feeling! You’re really a fucking jerk! And please don’t contact her again, you’ve done enough damage!” Ivy screamed out loud. After her outburst, she turned and stormed out of the house, mimicking Quinn’s action just now. 

 

**

 

Niall stood frozen on the spot. He felt his left cheek stung. Ivy had slapped him, really hard. But what hurt the most were Ivy’s words. He really was a jerk. He led Quinn on and when she finally admitted that she loved him, he blanked. 

 

“What the fuck was that?” Niall realized Zayn stood in front of him at the same spot Ivy did earlier. Niall saw Zayn looked at him with concerned and curious eyes. He flinched a little when Zayn’s finger slightly grazed his left cheek. “Hey, Niall, talk to me, are you okay?” He turned his face from his brother’s touch and looked around. Everybody was staring at him, he felt suffocated. There were too much thoughts going on in his mind. “Sorry,” Niall said before he ran upstairs and locked himself in his room. 

 

Zayn watched helplessly as his brother ran to the upstairs. “What was that about?” Josh asked. Zayn looked at his older brother who stood besides him, watching the stairs as well. Zayn shrugged. He had no fucking idea what was going on and it bothered him. But one thing he knew, he felt distraught but it was not the vibe coming from him, it was coming from Niall. 

 

“Hey, Zayn. I guess, we better leave first. See you on Thursday,” Liam spoke up. On Thursday, the band will start to tour again. “Yeah, sorry guys. I dunno what was that all about,” Zayn apologized on behalf of his little brother. A part of him was annoyed at Niall for ruining the small party, but a part of him was worried about his brother. “Nah, it’s good, it past midnight anyway,” Harry reasoned. “Just make sure Niall is okay, yeah? He looked pretty distraught,” he added. Zayn smiled and nodded. After their guests left, Malik’s family all sat in the kitchen discussing about the previous event, or more accurately, about Niall and Quinn. 

 

“I dunno what went wrong. One minute, I saw them kissed, the next minute, Ivy slapped him and said all those words,” Zayn sighed. 

 

“Yeah, me too, seriously Zayn, Niall didn’t tell you anything?” Alicia asked, concerned about her brother. She tried to call Quinn but to no avail. 

 

“Nope. Me and Josh went to his room but he kept his door locked,” Zayn sighed again. After everyone left, Zayn tried to make Niall talk to him, but all he got was the locked door and muffled response from his brother telling him to get away. Josh tried that too and was also got the same response. 

 

“Give him some time, maybe he’ll talk about it tomorrow, we’re all tired. Why don’t we get some sleep and if he’s still not talking tomorrow, I myself will force him to talk,” Patricia said looking at her kids. All of them looked tired after the long day and night. Adding with Niall little drama before that, all of them looked beat. Especially Zayn. Patricia knew how much Zayn was attached to Niall as his brother. Patricia kissed all of their foreheads and said her goodnight, and everybody went to bed. 

 

**

 

Niall tossed and turned on his bed for hours. His phone was clutched tightly in his hand. He tried to call Quinn but he decided not to at the last minute. He was so confused with his own feelings. He tried to sleep but he knew he’d not be able to. When he closed his eyes, he can see Quinn’s face. Her sad face when he didn’t say anything. He felt his heart constricted. He liked Quinn. A lot. But why did when the four letter words came out from Quinn’s mouth, he freaked out? Niall grunted and sat up. What’s the point of being in the room if he’d be awake all night? He decided to kill the time by hanging out at the living room. He tiptoed his way downstairs and placed himself on the couch. He stared at the blank screen in front of him. He really did not have the mood to do anything except for brooding. 

 

“Can’t sleep?” Niall snapped his head towards the voice. He was so lost in his thoughts; he didn’t even realize Zayn was sitting at the other end of the couch. Niall just nodded and refused to give a verbal response. 

 

Zayn sighed and sat closer to his little brother. He knew Niall was always have some kind insomnia, it’d become worse if his mind was restless, like at the moment. Zayn knew his brother too well, that’s why he was not surprised to see a lump of figure sitting in the dark room, brooding when he went downstairs. 

 

“What exactly happened, Niall?” Zayn asked softly. He turned to face his brother and looked at Niall’s eyes, demanding an answer. He can see that Niall was hesitated to tell him, so he extended his arms and pulled Niall to lean on his shoulder. “I screwed up,” Niall whispered. Zayn looked down at Niall and raised his eyebrows, “screwed up?” Zayn felt Niall nodded on his shoulder. 

 

“Quinn told me she loves me after we kissed, and I…I said ‘thank you’,” 

 

Zayn went silent for a moment. Then, he chuckled. When he saw Niall glared and tried to pull away from him, he abruptly stopped. “Sorry, sorry..it’s just..I mean..why did you say that?” 

 

Niall shrugged, “I dunno,”

 

“Do you love her?” 

 

“I..,” Niall hesitated, before added, “I’m confused, I’m scared,” 

 

Zayn tilted his head, Niall was scared? “Scared of what?” 

 

“My own feelings. I kind of promise myself not to fall in love again. Not after Rachel. I don’t want to depend on those feelings anymore, Zayn. It hurts too much, I don’t think I can survive another heartbreak,” Niall admitted, mumbling his words. 

 

Zayn sighed and tightened his grip on his brother. “Niall, if you love her, you gotta let your guards down. She already took the risk of admitting her feelings towards you first. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair to her, if you’re hesitating like this? Just apologize and explain what you feel to her, I bet she’d understand.” 

 

Niall felt that he had been slapped again. This time by Zayn. Maybe not literally, but by his words. _What had he done?_ “God, Zayn. I love her.” Niall admitted. He started to pull away from Zayn and tried to stand up, “I’ve gotta find her now, Zayn. I have to tell her.” Niall was frantic. Zayn pulled Niall to sit back. “Niall, it’s already 4 a.m, do you think she would want to see you at this time? I promise, I’d drive you to the hotel first thing in the morning.” Realizing that, Niall sat back and leaned back bumping his shoulder with Zayn. Zayn was right. Why Zayn was always right? 

 

Zayn smiled softly at his little brother and turned to look at the television screen. He turned it on trying to watch some movie. A few minutes later, he can feel Niall’s head leaned onto his shoulder, drifted off asleep. Giving a quick kiss to Niall’s hair, Zayn closed his eyes and went to sleep too, thinking that he’ll have the big mission the next morning. 

 

**

 

“He’s a jerk. He doesn’t deserve you. Maybe you better off with someone else,” Ivy said trying to comfort her friend who was still crying on the bed in the hotel room. 

 

“Maybe it’s me. Something’s wrong with me, that’s why everyone leaves me. Nobody loves me.” Quinn said sadly. 

 

“Quinn Fiona Jones! Don’t you ever think that! I love you, don’t you forget that. Niall’s not worth it, Q. Promise me you never think low of yourself. You are great and lovable person, Q.” Ivy said trying to convince her best friend. It was true after all. 

 

Quinn was finally asleep after hours of crying. Ivy looked over to the person besides her on the bed. She worried about Quinn. She did not want the history to repeat itself. Went through it once was enough; Ivy really did not want to go through it again. With that thought, she started to type the email to set up an appointment with Quinn’s therapist at London. She knew this thing hits Quinn hard. When she finished sending the email, she started to book the flight tickets heading back to London first thing in the morning. And then she will convince Quinn to take the offer to further her studies at another university because Ivy knew that Quinn cannot live in London after this, especially with the probability of bumping into Niall again there. Ivy would not let that happen to her best friend. 

 

**

 

“Zaynie! Wake up!” Zayn grunted when he felt someone shaking his shoulder roughly. He tried to roll over but ended up butting his head with someone. “Fuck!” Zayn opened his eyes. He saw Niall rubbed his forehead and laughed. “Damn it, Niall! You know not to wake me up in rush like that, I tend to be violence you know,” Zayn said started to stand up. He finally remembered that he had to drive Niall to the hotel, to meet Quinn. “Move your ass, lil bro,” Zayn grabbed the car keys and headed outside.

 

Niall can’t stop feeling agitated in the car. “Niall, stop biting your nails!” Niall startled and looked up at Zayn who looked at him amused. He tend to do that when he’s nervous, such a dirty habit. But Quinn knew it. She once caught him did that. Speaking of Quinn,

 

“Zayn,”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What if Quinn hates me? What if she said it was only a joke? What if she really doesn’t want to meet me again?” Niall said frantically. Fuck, all these crazy thoughts really make him uncertain about the plan to go to see Quinn. 

 

“Fuck, Niall! Calm down! I have a feeling that everything will be alright, bro,” Zayn said. 

 

Niall walked nervously besides his older brother when they arrived at the hotel. Such a jerk he was, he didn’t even know which room Quinn was staying. So they headed to the receptionist. Niall can felt a tight knot in his stomach. Zayn kept glancing at him, giving him an encouraging smile. He was thankful for that. Strangers may see him as an independent person but the truth was, he really depended on Zayn for everything. Like at this moment, he really needed Zayn’s assurance and encouragement. 

 

“Good morning,” Zayn greeted the receptionist. 

 

“Good morning, Sir, how can I help you?” 

 

“I would like to know the room’s number for Quinn Jones,” 

 

“Wait a second, I’ll check it.” 

 

Zayn nodded and looked at Niall who stood a few feet behind him. He gave Niall a small smile, nodded as if to say that everything’s going to be fine. 

 

“Sir? Her room number was 204,” 

 

“Was?” Zayn said, surprised. He can see that Niall’s eyes went wide at the word. 

 

“Yeah, she and her friend checked out earlier this morning,” 

 

“Checked out? Did they say where they might go?” Zayn asked quickly. One of his hands patted Niall’s arm, sensing that Niall’s posture started to crumble in front of his eyes. 

 

“Yeah, they asked for a cab heading to the airport,” 

 

After he said his thanks, he pulled Niall with him running to the car. The receptionist said they just missed the girls only by half an hour. In his heart, he prayed that they were not too late.

 

When they arrived at the airport, Niall can felt the knot in his stomach tightened. He was barely moving, too overwhelmed with the situation. He only felt Zayn’s hand squeezing his arm, leading him to the big display board at the airport. He can felt Zayn stopped abruptly and Niall looked at his older brother. Zayn gave him a sad smile and right at that moment, he knew. He knew they were too late. He inhaled deeply before looked up at the display screen. All the planes to London have boarded. No delayed. 

 

Niall can’t describe what were his feelings at that moment. One thing he knew, there was a hole inside his heart knowing that he had lost Quinn. He had her in his grip and because of his stupidity, he lost her. God! What the fuck had he done? Feeling overwhelmed, he didn’t realize a single tear slipped out of his eye until he felt Zayn wiped away the tear and pulled him into his hug. Niall returned the hug and whimpered softly onto Zayn’s shoulder. His heart hurts. “I lost her, Zayn. I lost her.”


	16. Chapter 16

_“The number you have dialed is not in the service…”_ the same voice said again. Niall closed his phone and continued to stare at the bus’s window. He sat alone at the front part of their tour bus, where everybody went to sleep already. It had been nearly a year since the incident at the airport. He tried to contact Quinn, everyday after that but to no avail. He tried Ivy once but only reached the voice mail sounds like, _“Hey, leave your message if you can’t reach me. But if you’re Niall, I guess all I got to say is Go to Hell and don’t ever think to call this number again!”_ followed by the beep tone. He had been miserable everyday for the last few months. Everybody told him to move on and he tried to but a part of his heart was still longing for Quinn. He sighed. One more day full of misery, story of his life. 

 

“What’s with the frown, bro? We’re in the club, enjoy!” Louis said looking at one of his best friends sat at the end corner of the seats, frowning and obviously did not enjoy their hang out time at the club. He saw Zayn gave a smile at him and shook his head. By the look of it, Zayn wanted to speak with Niall privately. Hence, Louis pulled Harry and Liam to the bar section to get their drinks. 

 

Zayn waved their friends out of the way before turned around, facing his brother. He saw Niall sighed and slumped back into the seats. Zayn shook his head. “Niall, it’s been months. Don’t you think you should move on and quit moping?” Same line. Everytime. For an innocent and laid back person like his little brother, Zayn did not know why Niall can be so fucking stubborn. “Quit it Zayn, you know how I feel,” Niall replied. Zayn shook his head again. The same line, _again._ Yes, he knew how Niall felt, but sometimes he can’t help but felt like Niall was acting selfishly. Niall kept moping around, leaving everyone worry about him, yet he ignored that. 

 

“That’s it! Let’s get the hell out of here! I’d rather stay at our room than sitting here watching you frowning for every second,” Zayn said, annoyed. He stood up and pulled Niall with him. He was still stomping with Niall closely trailed behind him when he suddenly saw her. She was standing beside the jukebox, trying to pick the music. Being as close as he was to her, he couldn’t resist as he started to move towards her. 

 

“Pick Chris Brown, I love his music,” Zayn said giving his charming smile. She tilted her head towards Zayn and smiled back. Zayn blinked his eyes rapidly. She was beautiful. Zayn did not usually go for blonde, but this one was clearly an exceptional. 

 

“I love his music too,” the girl said smiling and nodding at Zayn. 

 

“Sorry to interrupt your moment, by the way, I’m Zayn,”

 

“I’m Perrie,” Beautiful name, as beautiful as its owner, Zayn thought. 

 

“So, you just got here? I didn’t see you just now,”

 

“Yeah, what about you? You’re leaving already?” 

 

“Nah, I just got here too,” Zayn grinned. This was his perfect chance. 

 

“You are? I thought..” Zayn nudged his elbow to the person who suddenly spoke besides him. How could he forget that he was with Niall? The power of the woman, yes, that must be it. 

 

Zayn saw Perrie raised her eyebrows at their actions. She was definitely cute. Realizing that he could lose his chance if he’d do nothing, he did the first thing that needed.

 

“Well, only my brother is leaving, he is such a party pooper. So, it’s only me leaving to hang here for a little longer,” Zayn knew he was blowing Niall off, but he was kind of tired for being Niall’s keeper. Plus, the girl was hot. Who would want to miss the chance, right? When Zayn turned around, he only saw his brother’s back since Niall was already heading to the exit of the club. He felt slightly worried but once Perrie was talking to him again, his mind was no longer on Niall. 

 

**

 

Niall tightened his jacket. The cold air at night always calms him down. But not tonight. Tonight he felt kind of lonely. Everybody else was off somewhere doing God knows what. Well, actually he knew what exactly what they were doing. Everyone was on a date except for him. Zayn was on a date with Perrie. Niall was really glad that Zayn had finally found the perfect girl for him. Zayn even told him that he thought Perrie was the one. That was big, coming from Zayn. Niall knew Zayn must be so in love with her to actually think that. The others were so happy as well. Harry was at home spending time with his family. Liam and Danielle just got engaged last week and they planned to celebrate their big news with their family this weekend. Niall really admired Liam’s loyalties to his girlfriend who he dated since the met at the X-Factor five years ago. Even with fan girls chasing him everywhere, Liam was still stick by Danielle’s side. True love. Speaking about true love, Louis was also going strong in his relationship with Eleanor. Looks like he would soon heading towards the same path as Liam. Or probably Zayn. 

 

Decided not to wallow in his self-pity anymore, he headed towards the club at where one of his friends owned it. 

 

“Dude, long time no see!” Niall looked at the source of the voice and found Evan, the owner of the club made his ways through crowd to reach Niall. Niall smiled and they greeted with shaking hands and little fist bump. 

 

“Yeah, I kind of alone tonight. Figured I just drop by to hang,” Niall said. He saw Evan nodded at his words. 

 

“Good to know, bro. Let’s hang,” Evan said walking to the bar stool followed by Niall. 

 

“Lots of crowds tonight, huh?” Niall asked looking at his surrounding. The club was full with people dancing, talking, laughing, getting drunks. 

 

“Yeah, got couples of celebrities are hanging here tonight. Oh crap, I got to go to tend some matters, bro, just hanging here, huh, sorry, busy night.” Evan said before quickly dashing towards the crowds. Niall smiled and shook his head. Great, he was alone again. 

 

“Hi, Niall. Got no company tonight?” Niall snapped his head towards the voice. What the fuck? How in the hell Jessica Arthur was standing besides him, calling his name? 

 

“Err..hi..yeah..how do you know my name?” Niall asked, surprised. Everyone knew who Jessica was, but not everyone knew Niall. Jessica was like British version of Paris Hilton. Her attitude. Her _bad_ attitude, to be frank. Her _bimbo_ action, her sluttiness and everyone had said that she was really like the long-lost twin of Paris Hilton. Except that she was brunette and her parents had died leaving her alone to indulge their wealthiness. 

 

“Are you kidding? I’m a fan of your band,” Niall flinched a little when he heard that. Don’t blame him. It was an impulse reaction. 

 

“Wow..never thought you’d like to listen to our silly little band.” 

 

“Nah, don't be so modest. You guys are great. I love your songs and voices.” Jessica said animatedly. Niall who was sipping his 7-up drink, choked up a little. 

 

“You do? Nice. Nice,” was all Niall can say. Who could blame him? This was not an everyday occurrence to him. But despite all that, he started to talk with Jessica and found out she was not bad, at least as a person to talk to. Around midnight, Niall excused himself and they exchanged their phone numbers. 

 

After Niall left, Jessica smiled to herself. She did well tonight. She had always liked the blondie from the band, but tonight she had the chance to make the first move. She fell in love with Niall for the first time during one of the band’s shows last year. Since then, she can’t stop thinking about him. She learned everything about him and as far as she knew, he was still single, so it’d be easy for her to strike. Jessica laughed. “Niall James Horan, you will be mine!” 

 

**

 

“What the fuck, Niall, please tell us this is not serious,” Paul bombarded Niall during the meeting. Paul ordered the band to have a meeting, said something regarding their personal reputation. And that’s where they were, sitting around the table in Paul’s dining room, ironically not to eat. 

 

“What?” Niall asked. Why did it seem this meeting was about him? 

 

Paul folded several magazines on the table. All the covers practically contained the same headlines,

_‘Jessica Arthur’s new boyfriend, Niall Horan?’_

_‘Jessica’s new fling of the season?’_

_‘Niall, can you sink any low? Jessica, really?’_

Niall sighed. There were pictures of him and Jessica in each of the headlines. Fucking paparazzi. Can he grab one fucking lunch with a friend and not being photographed?

 

“She is just a friend.” Niall shrugged carelessly as he spoke. 

 

“A friend? Doesn’t seem like it to us,” Zayn said, annoyed with Niall’s ignorance behavior. 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Niall asked, confused by Zayn’s tone. 

 

“We all can see how much she’s into you, Niall,” Harry reasoned. 

 

“What the fuck?? You’re kidding me, right?” Niall looked around and saw that everyone shook their heads. _What the fuck?_

 

“She’s not into me! You guys are just being paranoid,” Niall said, defending himself. There was no fucking way Jessica was into him, right? 

 

“Everyone can see it, Niall. Obviously, not you,” Zayn spoke. 

 

“Tell me, when, huh? When do you guys see that she’s into me? What makes you think that?” 

 

“Well, you guys practically seeing each other everyday,” Harry said. 

 

“That doesn’t mean we’re more than friends.” 

 

“I saw her scared off the girls at the club last week when they tried to approach you,” Liam interrupted. At first he thought it was only a misunderstanding but after he saw it several times, he knew Jessica was acting possessively towards Niall. 

 

“Oh,” Niall said, surprised. Liam will never lie to him. That’s mean Jessica really did as what Liam had told him?

 

“She’s acting like your girlfriend already, Niall. Texting you every minutes, wanting to know you’re going, calling you every seconds when you’re free. Don’t you think that action is obviously not _‘just friend’_ as you intend to,” Louis added. As on cue, Niall's phone was buzzing and one text message was received. Jessica. She just sent a few text messages five minutes ago, wanting to know where he was going, what he was eating, etc. 

 

Niall gasped as he came into the realization. “Fuck!” Only one word can describe the situation. Yeah, he had been spending every free time he had this couple of weeks with Jessica. But to him, it was just like hanging out with a friend. No feeling was involved. But as he came to think of it, Jessica was always gave him signals that she liked him more than a friend. At first, he ignored it thinking that it was just him who was being paranoid. When Zayn pointed it out the first time, Niall didn’t believe him. But when all of his friends pointing it out at that moment, he could not deny it. 

 

“Yeah, fuck is about to cover it,” Paul said looking at Niall. 

 

“You really need to escape from this mess, Niall. We don’t need bad publicity for our band,” Zayn crossed his arms also looking at his brother. 

 

“I know,” Niall said, defeated. 

 

“I know we told you to start to date again, but you can do better, not with Jessica, you know her history of dating, right? You’re way better than her, bro.” Harry added. 

 

“I know.”

 

“So, you know what to do, right?” 

 

“I know.” Niall nodded. He knew, he needed to pull his band out of this mess he created. Cheap gossips won’t bring the band’s career anywhere. 

 

“That’s mean you’re paying for lunch after this meeting, right?” 

 

“I know,” wait, _what??_ Niall looked up from his stare at the shoes and looked up at his entire band mates, including Paul snickered at him. Niall laughed. Clever move by his friends. Not only he got lectured by all of them, but he also had to pay for their lunch. Great. 

 

**

 

Jessica closed her phone and smiled. Niall said he wanted to meet her up for dinner tonight. He didn’t exactly say that it’ll be a date, but a girl can dream, right? Jessica started to order her stylist to set her hair, she did manicure and pedicure, she even bought a new dress, only for Niall. When she arrived at the restaurant, she spotted Niall sat at the small corner, obviously looking for privacy. 

 

“Hey, Niall,” she greeted Niall before he stood up and pulled the chair out for her. Such a gentleman. 

 

“Hey, wow, you look stunning tonight, any occasion that you have to attend?” Jessica laughed at Niall’s question. He really can be a clueless sometimes. Jessica loved him for that. _Scratch that,_ she was in love with him. She can’t help but felt jealous whenever she went out with him, many girls would check him out. 

 

“Nah, just feeling like dressing up tonight,” She smiled when Niall nodded and they started to order. After they finished their foods, Jessica can see Niall was trying to tell her something. 

 

“Jess, I need to ask you something,” Jessica looked at Niall with a hoping look. She really hoped that Niall will ask about what she thought he was about to. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“You don’t like me more than a friend, right?” 

 

“What?” Jessica said, letting out a surprised gasp. 

 

“I mean, I like being friend with you. And everyone else thinks, you kind of have a thing for me, it’s funny. I mean, you like me as a friend only, right?” Jessica gave Niall a fake smile after he finished his words. Niall liked her only as a friend? _Really?_ She fucking loved him and he didn’t feel the same? 

 

“Yeah, they’re funny. I like being friend with you as well, no strings attached,” Jessica said still giving Niall a fake smile. She can felt her heart crashed into pieces. 

 

“Good to know. I mean, when Zayn and the others told me that you kind of like me, I freaked out a little, I really do not want things to be awkward between us. And my manager wants me to lay low from the tabloids for a while, so I guess we can’t meet as frequent as we do, plus I’ll be touring again soon, I’m sorry.” 

 

“Yeah..yeah, me too. It’s okay, I understand.” Jessica was furious. Stupid brother. Stupid friends. How dare they did that? Telling Niall to lay off her? 

 

“Sweet! I have to go now, I guess we’re okay, right, friend?” Niall said stood up followed by Jessica. She was a bit surprise when Niall pulled her into his hug. She hugged him back, engrossed in his scent and body. “Yeah, we’re okay, friend,” Jessica whispered into Niall’s ear. When they parted, they smiled at each other. After Niall left, Jessica’s smile vanished. Furiously, she went into her car and when she reached her home, she ran to the small room in the basement. Once she entered the room, she locked the door and switched the light on. 

 

“Nobody could take you away from me! You are mine! Don’t you see that? Don’t you see how much I love you?! I love you since forever! If I can’t have you, no one else can!” Jessica screamed to the wall. Wall where thousands pictures of Niall are posted on it.


	17. Chapter 17

“Bye, Perrie. Yes, I love you too, sweetie pie. Oh, I love you more. I’ll be back in two days, sweetie pie. Yeah, I’ll call you tonight, bye baby, mmuaaaahhhh~~” Zayn mocked the kiss through his phone. Niall rolled his eyes at his brother. Zayn had really turned into this softies _lovey-dovey_ lover when he started to date Perrie. Not that Niall mind that, but sometimes it annoyed him that Zayn tend to do some inappropriate gestures in public places and with loud voice, like he did at the moment. Several passerby had given them a dirty glare when Zayn talked to the phone. _Just fucking great._ They tried not to be noticed but because of Zayn’s loud voice, several fans had come and bugged them. Usually, Niall didn’t mind that, but he was kind in his brooding mood, he wanted to be left alone. Niall sighed. 

 

“You should stop doing that, you don’t want to end up old before your age,” Zayn snapped Niall out of his trance. 

 

“Well, you should stop _phone-public-display-affection_ for every 5 minutes. Seriously, Zaynie, _sweetie pie?_ ” Niall snapped. 

 

“Aw, Nialler, you want me to call you sweetie pie too?” Zayn teased. He laughed when Niall gave him an annoyed look. His brother must be in one of his brooding moods again. Niall tends to brooding a lot nowadays. Shaking his head, Zayn looked around looking for the cab. They were in New York, on their way to meet Josh. Apparently, Josh and his friends had moved from London and opened a clothing line’s company at New York. Zayn and Niall shared some parts of the business too. Josh said he wanted them to meet to discuss their clothing line business but one more thing, he wanted to introduce his girlfriend to them. Zayn was excited for the latter, he couldn’t care less about the former. He knew Niall was excited too, both of them were practically shrieked girlishly over the phone when Josh told them that. They forgot they were in the nice, posh restaurant with their band mates and they couldn’t be more embarrassed when everybody gave them a _‘shut-the-fuck-up-brats’_ glare. Yep, they were excited like that. 

 

**

 

“Josh!” Josh turned his head towards the voices and stood up from his seat. His two little brothers were running into his office and he laughed. Those two brats were always restless; they were not easy kids to take care to. Always jumping and running around. One was okay, but two? Josh was amazed on how his mother had survived to baby-sit those two brats. 

 

“Hey, little bros,” Josh pulled each of them into his hug. He missed them so much. The last time he saw them was when he dropped by to one of their shows couple of months ago. 

 

“So, Josh, where’s the girl you told us about?” Niall asked plopping down on one of the seats in Liam’s office. His brooding mood was replaced with warm ones seeing the happy look on Josh’s face. Wait, _what the fuck?_

 

“Fuck, Josh, are you blushing???” Niall looked at Zayn who sat beside him. Damn those strong brother connection, how in the hell Zayn knew and said exactly what he was going to say? 

 

Josh cleared his throat avoiding Zayn and Niall’s stare, “well, actually, I haven’t told her yet that you guys are coming.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Well, I kind of afraid what her reaction will be like. I mean, she said it’s okay but I dunno,” 

 

“Huh? You’re not making any sense here, Josh. Who is she exactly? Do we know her?” Right after Zayn finished his question, a girl came and went straight to Josh, kissed him hard on the lips. She seemed not to acknowledge the brothers since she turned her back towards both of them. 

 

“Baby, I got an idea where to dine tonight!” She said excitedly. 

 

“Uh, babe..actually..” Josh stammered trying to turn his girlfriend to face his brothers.

 

“Holy shit!!! Ivy???!!” Too late. Zayn yelled first. Ivy turned around and she had her mouthed slightly opened, “Zayn!!” Soon, they were practically squeezed each other.

 

“Oh my god. I can’t believe this. How did you two ended up together?? You two were literally chewed on each other heads before!”

 

Josh and Ivy smiled sheepishly. Ivy nodded to Josh signed him to tell their little _not-so-fairy-tale-meeting._ “I was jogging through the park when I heard someone screaming for help. At first, I thought I heard it wrong since there was nobody at the park. But when I heard it again, I went to the direction of the voice and finally found she was in the drain, trying to get out.” 

 

“It was funny actually, it was dark and I didn’t see the drain and fell right into it. I remembered seeing someone tried to pull me up and when he did, I couldn’t be more surprised to see your brother. I remembered I told him he was not as jerk as I thought he was. And the next thing I know, we became close and the rest is history,” Ivy added. 

 

Zayn laughed out loud. Who would’ve thought that Josh and Ivy could end up together? He shook his head. He found the situation was amusing. What about Niall? Speaking of Niall, he realized that he did not hear anything from his brother. Turned to face his brother, Zayn frowned when he saw Niall fidgeted looking down at his shoes. 

 

“Niall, are you alright?” 

 

“Huh?” Niall looked at Zayn who looked at him, concerned. “Yeah. I think I want to lie down at the hotel. See you in a bit. Oh, and congrats to both of you. I’m really happy for you, Josh,” Niall said avoiding eye contact with Ivy. He was halfway towards the door when suddenly Ivy with her hands on her hip stood in front of him. Impulsively, he stepped back a little. The way of Ivy glared at him reminded him of the little incident during the New Year’s party. 

 

“Niall Horan! Don’t you dare to leave without saying anything to me!” Ivy said fiercely. “I’m sorry,” she added. 

 

Niall finally looked to her direction, surprised. Why was Ivy apologized to him? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? 

 

“Why are you apologizing?” 

 

“For over reacted the last time I met you. And for the voice mail.” 

 

Niall smiled. _The_ voice mail. That was classic. “Look, Ivy. It was my fault, so I guess I deserved it. But I’m sure that I really don’t want to feel your slap of fury again. I’m sorry too, okay,” Niall said sincerely. 

 

“Okay, truce?” 

 

“Truce.” 

 

“Great! Now give me a hug, Nialler!”

 

**

 

“Dude, I’m fucking starving! Where’s the food?” Zayn whined. Niall who sat besides Zayn, still looking at the book menu in front of him, totally ignoring his brother. Josh and Ivy chuckled. They had been waiting for the foods at the diner for over 20 minutes, that was what made Zayn whined. 

 

“Zaynie, shut up,” Niall glared at his brother. 

 

“Fuck you. Aren’t you starving? You’re always the eater, not me. And why in the hell you’re still staring at the menu? We ordered already.” Zayn asked Niall. His brother was weird sometimes. 

 

“Because, I’m bored,” Niall whined. Josh and Ivy was busy eating each other lips in front of him _(euw~)_ and Zayn’s whining did not help either. 

 

“Huh? Why don’t we play a game?” Zayn said excitedly. 

 

Niall squinted his eyes and looked at his brother. Zayn and game usually ended up bad. Once, he played a thumbs fight with Zayn, the older boy managed to broke his thumbs. It resulted with him being scolded by their management because he couldn’t play his guitar for several shows. Another incident was during one of their tours with McFly. Both bands were hanging out when Zayn and Louis suggested to them to play truth or dare. Funny. If only people knew what a boring bands they were, instead of living a rock and roll lifestyles, they played a game of 12 years old. Back to the point, during the game, Niall picked dare instead of truth. Zayn dared him to shave Danny’s head when he slept. He heard Danny gasped at that and he clearly remembered Danny warned him not to do that. But with Zayn’s provocation and Louis’ taunt, Niall decided to do that. Let’s just say the result was not great. Niall managed to shave half of Danny’s head when suddenly he woke up furiously. The next day, all of their friends including the crews laughed at both singers of the bands. Danny’s brown hair was standing but only on the left, the right one had been shaved. Meanwhile, Niall’s hair was standing but only on the right, Danny had shaved the left side, _to be fair and square_ , he said. 

 

“What game? I don’t want to be half-bald again,” Niall warned. Zayn laughed, obviously remembering the same memories. 

 

“Nah, maybe we should play strip poker?” 

 

“What poker? Zayn, we’re in the restaurant, not in some clubs at Vegas,” Niall shook his head. Zayn can really be weird sometimes. 

 

“We’re not? I thought we’re in the strip club, seeing that this one couple keep fore-playing in front of us, maybe they should play strip poker,” Zayn said with sarcasm laced in his voice. Niall laughed out loud. 

 

Josh and Ivy quickly pulled away and acted like nothing happened. Liam chuckled when he saw his younger brothers rolled their eyes. “The food’s not here yet, so I guess, it’s okay for me to get an _‘appetizer’_ first, right?” Josh said raising his eyebrows at his brothers. Both Zayn and Niall made a disgusted face. 

 

“Euwww..Josh, way to kill my appetite!” Zayn groaned. 

 

“Yeah, T.M.I!” Niall added. 

 

“What’s T.M.I?” Josh asked, confused. Ivy wore the same confused look as her boyfriend. 

 

“Gosh, since when you guys became too old, it’s a short form for Too Much Information, got it?” 

 

“Huh? We’re not old. It’s just not familiar.”

 

“Not familiar? Don’t you read Cosmopolitan?” Niall gasped when he realized what he had just said. _Idiot._ “Okay, don’t answer that.” 

 

“Cosmopolitan, Nialler? Really?” Ivy asked amused by the person in front of her. 

 

“Auww, Nialler, you’re such a girl,” Zayn teased. 

 

“No, I’m not.” 

 

“Yes, you are. Momma also said so.” 

 

“No, I am not!” 

 

“Yes, you are!”

 

“Hey guys!” Zayn and Niall stopped their bantering and turned towards the voice. Niall recognized the voice very much. The voice that had been haunting him for months. Those sweet angelic voices of her. 

 

“Quinn! What are you doing here?” Ivy said chirpily trying to break the awkward silence. She saw Niall and Quinn looked at each other but neither said anything. Hence, the awkward silence.

 

“Oh, same as you, getting foods,” Quinn said, laughing softly. She did not expect Niall and Zayn to be there too. To be surprised was an understatement. When she saw Niall stared at her, she looked away, afraid to giving in under those puppy eyes of him. 

 

“Nice. You want to join us?” Ivy offered. 

 

“I would love to, but I actually come with Kent,” as on cue, Kent appeared besides her. He quickly placed a kiss on her lips. “Hey babe, sorry I’m late, the parking was full,” 

 

“It’s okay.” 

 

“Hey, are these your friends?” Kent asked Quinn. He only met Ivy once, but the rest of them he was sure he didn’t see them before. Except the blonde and the black haired ones. They seemed familiar. 

 

“Yeah, you know Ivy. This is Josh, her boyfriend.” Quinn said pointing at Josh. “This is Zayn,” Quinn pointed at Zayn who just smiled politely. “And, this is Niall,” Quinn said looking straight into Niall’s eyes. “And guys, this is my boyfriend, Kent,” she said, putting her arms at his waist, leaning onto him. She felt something tugged her heart when she saw hurt flashed in Niall’s eyes. Or maybe it was just her imagination? Dismissing that thought, she excused herself and Kent and went to the other side of the restaurant. 

 

**

 

Niall blinked his eyes after Quinn left. He could not shake the feelings to go away. His longing for Quinn. He missed her. God, he missed her too much, it hurts. 

 

“Hey, you okay?” Niall startled when he felt Ivy’s hand on his. He put up his well known _celebrity-nothing-could-tear-me-down-smile_ at Ivy, “I’m fine.” 

 

“Really?” Ivy asked, concerned. She saw how Niall was hurt with Quinn’s revelation. She knew that Niall really had not been moved on since that night. Josh told her about that. Another thing, Kent was so arrogant, she couldn’t stand him. He was like a stuck-up businessman that Ivy always sees. Probably because he was a businessman, a worker for Quinn’s dad company nonetheless. That was when she realized Niall was the perfect fit for Quinn. Maybe he had done that stupid move but at least, she knew Niall really cares about Quinn. Kent was always brought Quinn’s spirit down. 

 

“Yup. Really, Ivy. No need to worry, she moved on, I’m happy for her” Niall said, assuring Ivy but mostly himself. He dared to glance at the couple who sat not to far away from their tables. He knew he really lose Quinn the moment Kent placed his lips on hers. He was slightly glad that she found the perfect man. Who was he kidding? Kent was tall, almost close to 6’ 4” while he was only 5’ 9”. Kent was dressed smartly with his blazer and nice pants while he was only wearing his hoodie and jeans, as usual. Kent’s hair was smartly combed while his hair was a mess. Yeah, no way he can compete that. 

 

** 

 

_..Cruel to the eye.._  
..I see the way he makes you smile..  
..Cruel to the eye..   
..Watching him hold what used to be mine.. 

_..Why did I lie.._  
..Why did I walked away to find..   
..Ooh why..  
..Ooh why.. 

_..I can't breathe easy.._  
..Can’t sleep at night..   
..Till your by my side..   
..No I can't breathe easy..   
..I can’t dream yet another dream without you lying next to me, there's no air.. 

_..Cursed me inside.._  
..For every word that caused you to cry..   
..Cursed me inside..   
..I won’t forget, no I won’t baby I..   
..Don't know why..   
..I left the one I was looking to find.. 

_..Ooh why.._  
..Ooh why..   
..Why… 

_..I can't breathe easy.._  
..Can’t sleep at night..   
..Till your by my side..   
..No I can't breathe easy..   
..I can’t dream yet another dream without you lying next to me, there's no air..   
..No I can't breathe easy..   
..I can’t dream yet another dream without you lying next to me, there's no air.. 

_..Out of my mind.._  
..Nothing makes sense anymore..   
..I want you back in my life..   
..That's all I'm breathing for..   
..Ooh I..  
..Tell me why..  
..Ooh Tell me why..   
..I cant dream yet another dream without you lying next to me, there's no air.. 

 

Niall turned off his iPod and sat up abruptly. Damn that song. He regretted listening to that song. He was thinking of going to sleep while hearing some music but instead he was wide awake on his bed. Cursed under his breath, he walked to the bed next to him and shook the other person. 

 

“Zayn! Zayn!” Niall jumped up and down on the bed trying to wake Zayn up when the older boy rolled further into the comforter. He knew Zayn will be annoyed and will wake up.

 

“What the fuck do you want, Niall?” Zayn groaned, pushed off his comforter and sat in Indian style on the bed, looking at his brother. Was Niall insane? 

 

“I need you to call Ivy for me,” Niall said. 

 

“And why would I do that?” Zayn asked, yawned. It was already 2 am. What could possibly possess his brother to act like this? Niall mimicked his way of seating in front of him. 

 

“Just because,” Niall shrugged.

 

“Niall,” Zayn growled. “I am fucking asleep and you woke me up, so you better give a damn good excuse why in the hell I have to call Ivy for you?” 

 

“I want to ask her for Quinn’s new phone number,” Niall said, avoided eye contact with Zayn and played with the string of Zayn’s comforter. 

 

“And why do you want her number?” Zayn asked curiously. “I thought you said you’re happy that she moved on?”

 

“I know. But..I still miss her, Zayn. At least I want her to be my friend,” Niall confessed.

 

“Niall, are you sure? I don’t want you to get hurt. I mean, she’s got a boyfriend now, you sure you can handle seeing them together in front of your eyes?” 

 

“Yeah..yeah..I’m a big boy, Zaynie. You don’t have to protect me from everything,” Niall gave Zayna grateful smile, nonetheless. 

 

“Me? Protecting you? You’re on your own, biatch!” Zayn said and began searching for his phone on the bedside table. He smiled when he heard Niall laughed at his words. They used to say that to each other when they were caught for being too cheesy. When he found his phone, Zayn suddenly asked Niall, “and why must you think about Quinn at the middle of the night? I thought you went to sleep already?”

 

“Err..I was listening to my playlist in the iPod and stumbled through this one song, it just made me realize that I don't want to lose Quinn completely,” Niall mumbled, not looking at Zayn.

 

“What song?” 

 

“Not important, Zaynie. Can you call her already?” 

 

“Nah, I won’t call her until you tell me,” Zayn said clutching his phone tightly before Niall can grab it. 

 

“Fine! I was listened to ‘Breathe Easy’, satisfied?” 

 

“Breathe easy? By Blue? I thought you said you hate them?” Zayn asked, blinking his eyes rapidly. 

 

“Zayn! Does it matter now?” Niall whined and pouted. 

 

Zayn smirked and shook his head. “Okay, okay,” Zayn dialed Ivy’s number and after several cursing here and there, he managed to get Quinn’s new phone number. “Yes, Ivy, send our love to Josh. I’m gonna let you kids continue whatever you kids were doing,” Zayn snickered before hung up. 

“You owe me for this one, Niall,” Zayn asked giving a piece of paper contained Quinn’s number on it. 

 

“I know, thanks Zayn, you can go to sleep now, I gotta call her,” Niall said excitedly before flied out of their hotel room. Zayn shook his head. Weirdo, he thought before he pulled his comforter and wrapped it to himself and fell into oblivious sleep. 

 

Niall paced nervously at the hallway of the hotel. Call her, not call her. Call her, not call her. Fuck! Call her already, Niall! With shaking fingers, he began to dial the number.

 

“Hello, Quinn? It’s Niall.”


	18. Chapter 18

“So, you guys are civil to each other now?” 

 

“Yes, we are, in fact, she’d be staying at my house for a while before she’d find an apartment to rent,” 

 

“Wow! Nice one, Nialler-Holler.” 

 

“Ivy! Stop calling me that!”

 

“Why? Is Nialler-Holler mad?” 

 

“Ivy,” Niall whined. He had been on the phone with Ivy for half an hour, catching up with each other. Niall was back in London and just finished his work at the studio when Ivy called. Said she missed Josh but he was busy so she decided to call Niall. Truthfully, she wanted to ask Niall about his relationship with Quinn. Ivy was the one who rooted for Niall to make a move on Quinn, saying that Kent was so not right for her best friend. Niall just laughed at that. He and Quinn were just friends at that moment. Yet everybody rolled their eyes at him when he said that. 

 

**

 

_The day after the awkward coincidence at the diner, and after Niall obtained Quinn’s new phone number, he called Quinn. Luckily she agreed to meet him at the park. The first friendly hug they gave each other was totally awkward. Too many unresolved issues and feelings._

_“I’m sorry for everything, Quinn. I didn’t mean to do that to you,” Niall started the conversation. He looked at Quinn with an apologetic smile plastered on his face._

_Quinn looked thoughtful before she inhaled deeply and spoke up, “It’s okay Niall. I’m over it. And I’ve moved on. Let’s just forget about it, okay? Just consider it as the mistake.” Quinn smiled._

_Niall nodded even though his heart was crushed. Quinn had moved on. She said it herself it was a mistake. Maybe it was better that way._

_“So, you’re happy with Kent? He seems like a nice guy.” Niall changed the topic of the conversation._

_“He is.” Niall looked at Quinn’s face and saw the beamed on her face. Beautiful._

_“He’d better take a good care of you. If not, you can call me anytime. I’d be your helpline,” Niall offered and grinning widely at Quinn._

_“You’d do that?”_

_“Of course. I still care about you, I mean we’re still friend right?” Niall asked, suddenly unsure of what was the status of their relationship._

_“I dunno, maybe I should consider it. Give me several weeks at least.” Quinn teased. She laughed when Niall made a slightly pout and gave his puppy-eyes look. Typical move by him. But like they always said, it always worked._

_“Alright, we can be friend again. But, I have one condition,”_

_“Huh? What?”_

_“Buy me a dinner tonight?” Quinn stuck her tongue out at Niall. She missed this. She missed being carefree around Niall._

_“Okie dokie!” Niall stood and pulled Quinn to stand with him. “What’re you waiting for? Let’s go!” They started running through the park to catch a cab nearby. Since that day, Niall and Quinn became close again. That was one of the reasons Quinn had the courage to ask him if it was okay to stay at his house for a while before she found an apartment to rent. Her workplace wanted her to cover the fashion scene at London for a year, and that offered came at the right time and the right place._

 

**

 

“Earth to, Niall? Are you asleep already?” Ivy asked, annoyed. 

 

“Nah, just thinking about something,” 

 

“Thinking about Quinn again?” Ivy asked with the usual _‘gossip’_ tone that Niall always heard. 

 

“Ivy! Since when you became such gossipers? You’re almost bad as Zayn,” Niall laughed. 

 

“Don’t you forget that Josh is as bad as Zayn as well? Josh is my boyfriend, so you do the math,” 

 

This time, Niall cannot hold his amusement laughter anymore. God, dealing with two gossipers in his family was more than enough, but soon to be three? It’d be worse than being chased by paparazzi. 

 

“Hey, sis, I’m a little beat, so I guess I better hit the sack now,” Niall yawned. He looked up at the clock and it showed 2 a.m already. 

 

“Alright. Night, Nialler. Oh, and please call me once Quinn settle at your house, I want to talk to her as well, it’s been like forever since I last talked to her,”

 

“Okie dokie, night girl,” 

 

Ivy sighed after she hangs up. Quinn was really busy especially since she started working at one of the biggest fashion magazines at New York. When she was not at work, she was with Kent. Yup, that was one thing that Ivy didn’t like about Kent. He kept Quinn to himself most of the time. Sometimes it seems to Ivy that Kent was the possessive type of boyfriend. 

 

**

 

“I like them together,” Danielle told his fiancée when they sat around at Niall’s backyard. “I told you so, Niall seems really happy that he become close to Quinn again,” Liam said. The couple was part of the small guests at Niall’s BBQ Party during the weekend. It was a month after Quinn settled in his house, and he said he wanted to throw a small housewarming party for Quinn. Not a big one. Just a small party for close friends. So there they were, all the band mates were there with their significant others. Josh and Ivy were also there, visiting them for the weekend. Even Danny was there, with a girlfriend nonetheless. The gaped mouthed from all of them was undeniable, especially by his best friends. Danny never brought a girlfriend to meet his friends, _not ever_. This one must be a special one. But, the relationship between Niall and Quinn was another story. It was almost like a deja-vu for everyone to see. 

 

“Lil bro, tell me, when?” Zayn asked draping one arm around Niall’s shoulder and looked at his brother grinning widely. 

 

“When what?” Niall asked his brother while trying to shrug Zayn’s arm off his shoulder. 

 

“When you’re gonna tell her that you love her?” 

 

“Zayn, we’ve been over this. She’s happy with Kent, I’m happy for her,” Niall sighed. Why did Zayn always bugged him about this? 

 

“But baby bro,” Zayn started to whine. 

 

“Don’t baby bro me! What did I told you about that? Don’t call me that, what are you, 5?” 

 

“Baby bro!!” Zayn singsong in louder voice. 

 

Niall grunted and tried to stand up, “Move your big butt, I wanna go check on Quinn, she’s been forever in the house,” 

 

“My butt is not big!” Zayn pouted and tried to move his head around so that he can see his butt whether it was big or not. Niall shook his head. His brother can be an idiot sometimes. “Trust me baby, maybe it’s not as big as Louis’ but it’s big enough for me,” Perrie interrupted coming to her boyfriend’s rescue and pinched his butt. 

 

“Euwww! Perr, what did I tell you about TMI? Plus, do you want me to go blind? Too much PDA!” Niall groaned and closed his eyes with his hands. Zayn gave Perrie a quick kiss before laughed at his brother’s action. The first time Zayn brought Niall to meet Perrie, Zayn was glad that his girlfriend and brother had clicked on right away. He was worried that Perrie would not understand the bond he shared with Niall but apparently she did. He loved Perrie more for that. And he loved Perrie even more when she always joined him to bully Niall. 

 

“Suck it up, bro! It’s only a little PDA.” Zayn laughed. Niall groaned again and was about to start walking away from the couple when Quinn appeared, with Kent in her arms. 

 

Zayn saw Niall’s smile faded to the fake one. Everyone may not see the difference but Zayn knew. He saw how Quinn introduced Kent to everyone and how she kept avoiding any closeness with Niall when Kent was around. Zayn knew Niall was still love her despite all the _‘we’re just friends’_ crap. Since Quinn became Niall’s housemate, he can see how happy Niall was. He can see how Niall will look at Quinn when she was not looking, she checked Niall out when he was turned around. The only problem was the man who cannot seems to pull away from Quinn at that moment; Kent. Zayn knew Niall will not do any move on Quinn since she was Kent’s girlfriend. Niall always believe that happiness cannot be built on someone else’s loses and that was what exactly he did. He decided to stick only being a friend to Quinn. 

 

** 

 

Kent shook everyone hands and smiled. A fake smile. He really didn’t want to be here at the first place, but Quinn insisted. Being a good boyfriend he was, he gave in. Said that he will only drop by for a while and he will bring Quinn’s out after that. He was so out of place there. What’s with these freaks? He thought silently. And one thing that bugged him so much was this one guy, Niall. Being a man, he knew what the other man was thinking about his girlfriend. He would not allow the other man to steal Quinn away. Quinn was his. And only his. That was why he was mad at Quinn for staying at Niall’s house at the first place. But Quinn convinced him that they were just friends. And he knew that Quinn knew better than to lie to him. He smirked at that before he saw Quinn and Niall was both laughing near the swimming pool. He was furious. How dare they were acting like they were flirting with each other in front of his eyes? For the first hour, Quinn was practically attached to his hips and the next hour, he saw Quinn was always being with Niall. 

 

“Hey babe, can I talk to Niall for a second, alone?” Kent asked Quinn once he reached them. 

 

“Kent,” Quinn warned. She knew from his face what he was thinking. How many times that she had to deal with overprotective and jealous Kent? 

 

“Babe, it’s only a few seconds, Niall wouldn’t mind, right Niall?” Kent asked, giving Niall a fake smile. Quinn sighed and nodded before went away to the others. 

 

“What’s up, dude?” Niall asked, confused by the sudden change of Kent’s behavior. Kent seemed nice to everyone before. But seeing his face at this moment, Niall couldn’t figure out what was going on. 

 

“Don’t you fucking dude me. Listen. I am not your friend and Quinn is not your girlfriend. Stay away from her!” Kent sneered at Niall, towering Niall with his height. 

 

Niall backed up slowly and raised his hands in surrender, “Sorry, man. She and I are just friends.” 

 

“You fucking better stay that way or else..” Kent challenged and clenched his fist. 

 

”Or else, what?” Niall challenged back. Within seconds, Niall felt that his left cheek and lips was stung and he felt wet all over. What the fuck?! What’s with people kept on hitting on his face? 

 

“What the fuck was that punch for?!” Niall snapped his head to look at Zayn who stood near the edge of the pool screamed at Kent. Oh. Niall just realized he was in the pool. No wonder. His teeth chattered. That night was cold, let alone being in the cold water. He tried to get out from the pool but his way out was blocked with Zayn and Kent. 

 

“He was fucking all over my girlfriend!” Zayn blinked his eyes when heard Kent said that. Was that guy insane? “Kent, stop it.” Quinn’s soft voice was floated through Zayn’s ears. He saw Kent gave Quinn a death glare and Quinn flinched. What the fuck was going on? Before Zayn could speak any further or throw a punch on Kent’s smug face, Kent stormed out of the house, followed by Quinn who gave an apologetic smile to all of them and trailed behind her boyfriend. 

 

“Urm, guys?” Zayn snapped his head towards the voice. Fuck! He forgot about Niall. 

 

Niall shivered and sneezed once he was out of the pool. He was grateful when someone handed him a towel and wrapped himself in it. “Wherrrreee arrreee Quuuiinnnn?” Niall asked, with his teeth still chattering. He felt Zayn led him to the nearest chair and sat down. “She went out with that douche. God, I always wonder what does Quinn sees in him.” Ivy suddenly popped up and crouched besides Zayn in front of Niall. “Iiiivvvyyy..,” Niall whined. He was so not in the mood for that conversation. “Fine, fine. I’m just saying,” Ivy said, surrendered and stood up went inside the house, probably looking for Josh. 

 

“Fuck, Niall, why didn’t you punch him back?!” Zayn said slightly angry at his brother for not defending himself. He put his fingers on Niall’s cheek and lips inspected the bruise and cuts. Zayn looked around and saw that everybody had already gone inside the house, leaving him and Niall alone. Perfect time for Zayn to lecture his brother. “Didn’t seeee iiitt cooommiiinng,” Niall said before he sneezed again. Zayn sighed, nodded, satisfied with Niall’s answer. It was the true, not just Niall, he was also didn’t see it coming. Since he was a kid, he always knew when the threat was coming close to Niall, being an overprotective of him. But that night, he really didn’t think that Kent would be the threat. He seemed like a cool guy. Turned out he was wrong. Seeing that Niall was still shaking and sneezing, Zayn stood up and pulled Niall’s hand with him. “Okay, okay. You better get yourself dry before you catch a cold,” Zayn said concerned. Niall nodded and went straight to the house, heading for the much needed hot shower.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a bit of sexual violence and abuse.

“I want you out of his house, by tomorrow!” Kent’s voice exploded in his hotel room. Quinn flinched. They always ended up in this situation. Every time Quinn became close to someone, Kent started to freak out. Gone was the sweet Kent who she felt attached to at the first place. All her friends kept telling her that he was not the perfect fit for her, especially Ivy, but she didn’t bulge. She loved Kent. Or did she really? 

 

“But Kent..” Quinn tried to reason with her boyfriend, timidly spoke up. 

 

“Quinn,” Kent growled, advanced towards Quinn. Quinn tried to stand up from the bed she sat on but it was too late. Kent pushed her to lie on the bed forcefully and she cried in pain. “Kent, please. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please, don’t do this,” Quinn pleaded.

 

“Promise me, you’d move out of that house tomorrow?” 

 

“I can’t promise that, Kent, it’s too soon, plus..” before Quinn finished, she felt Kent slapped her cheek, hard. She bit her lip, tried to resist tears, she would not gave the satisfaction to Kent. The first time Kent hit her, she cried hysterically and Kent warned her not to tell anyone. After that, every time the situation was like this one, Quinn tried hard not to cry. Instead, she felt like she deserved it. As Kent’s girlfriend; it was her job to please and make Kent happy after all. Plus, Kent loved her, what more could she wanted? Hence, she took whatever Kent gave her whether it was abusive or not. 

 

“I’m sorry, what was that again? I can’t fucking hear you,” Kent lowered down his head and turned his ears acted like he wanted Quinn to whisper the words again.

 

“I will move out from Niall’s house tomorrow,” Quinn whispered brokenly. Her heart hurts just to think that what Niall would think of her after this. 

 

“Good, good. That’s good Quinn. You know I love you, right? I only want you for myself, not the other guys.” Kent said tried to kiss Quinn. Quinn turned her head away which made the kiss landed on her cheek. 

 

“Fuck you, bitch! Don’t turn your head away! Kiss me back!” Kent grabbed Quinn’s face forcefully and kissed her. Quinn felt the first tears slipped. Why did Kent always acted like this? She tried to make herself sat up instead of lying down but Kent’s grip on both of her arms prevented that. She tried to get away but Kent hit her cheek again. This time she let out a little scream before Kent closed her mouth with his kiss. The next thing she knew, Kent tried to dressed her off and unhook her bra. She tried to get away, but with a little body frame she had compared to Kent, she didn’t manage to do that. So, she just lied there motionlessly. She felt Kent put his hands on her neck before he grabbed and squeezed her breasts hard. Kent was not gentle at all. She was sure it would leave bruise on her breasts. She felt Kent unzipped his pants and her skirt was lowered down. She closed her eyes, allowed Kent to do whatever he wanted. She felt he kissed her neck before started to kiss her chest, biting her nipples and she let out a small whimpered. She felt Kent kissed her stomach before started to go down. After that, Kent rolled her over. Both of his hands were cupping and squeezing her breasts while he fucked her over and over again with such force, she let out a small scream of pain. Her tears were streaming down her face. She felt dirty. Kent treated her like a doll over and over again and she allowed it. She felt so insecure and afraid that Kent would leave her that she allowed him to do that. It felt like hours to Quinn but actually it was only a few minutes later she heard Kent’s sigh of satisfaction before he plopped down beside her. Both of them were naked on the bed. The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was Kent’s arm around her and she cried silently into the pillow. 

 

**

 

“What the hell happened, girl? Why is your face cover in bruises?” Danielle screamed in panic and put her hands on Quinn’s face, inspected the bruise. 

 

“I fell off the stairs,” Quinn lied. 

 

“Bullshit! Tell me the truth, Quinn! Who did this to you? Kent?” 

 

When Quinn remained silent, Danielle went furious. That douche! How dare he?! 

 

“Damn it Quinn. Why did he do this to you?” Danielle asked, concerned. 

 

Quinn tried to stop the tears but it was too late. The next thing she knew, she broke down crying in Danielle’s arms. Once she calmed down, she started to tell Danielle the whole story. Quinn told Danielle that the first time Kent did the same thing to her was after the first month of their relationship. He was freaked out when Quinn became close with one of her male coworkers. Then, it became the habit for Kent. She was mentally and physically abused by him. 

 

“God, Quinn, why didn’t you leave him?” 

 

“It’s complicated, Danni, I love him,” 

 

“That’s not love, Quinn. Both you and I know who you love,” 

 

“Danni, don’t,” Quinn warned.

 

“Okay, fine. Tell me, why it is complicated with you and Kent?”

 

“My parents approved Kent. They said I’d better stick with him if I want to work in fashion line. If not, I’d have to work for their company. I don’t want to severe the ties between me and them. It’s bad enough already.” Quinn said softly.

 

Danielle sighed and shook her head. “Does Ivy know about this? Anyone else?” 

 

“Ivy knows about that deal. But she doesn’t know about the abusive part, but I guess she can suspect it. She never approves of me and Kent.”

 

“I’m sorry if our friendship is too fresh for me to say something like this but actually I don’t approve it either. There’s something about both of you that makes me feel uneasy. Now I know why.” Danielle said bluntly.

 

“Thanks Danni, for being honest. And let me cries,” Quinn chuckled a little wiping her tears. Suddenly she felt stupid for breaking down in front of her new friend. But Ivy was already flown back to New York in the morning, she had no one else to talk to. 

 

“No problem, girl. So what’re you gonna do now? You want to tell Niall about this?” 

 

“No! Please, Danni, you can’t tell Niall about this,” Quinn pleaded. 

 

“But he has the right to know.”

 

“No, he doesn’t.” Quinn said stubbornly. 

 

“Why not? He’s your housemate right? At least he deserve to know as your friend.” 

 

“Not really, I’ve to move out from his house today,” Quinn said. She began to stand up. “I’ve got to pack my things at his house now, do you think he’d be at home at this time?” 

 

Danielle shook her head at Quinn’s stubbornness and began to stand up too. “I don’t think he would, cause Liam said they got sound check for the performance tonight.” Danielle explained. Quinn nodded and realized that must be why Liam was not at his home when she came earlier. 

 

“Oh, okay. Guess I’d better go there now.” 

 

“I’d help you pack, let me go grab my purse and we can go.” 

 

**

 

Quinn went to her room followed by Danielle. Danielle plopped down on the bed, looking around. Quinn’s room was so neat compared to her. Her room was like a vampire nest. That was what Liam used to say to her. 

 

“So, what do you want to pack first?” 

 

Quinn sighed and scratched her neck. She always did that when she was thinking. Danielle smiled remembering that Niall was always did the same. That was one of the similarities that she found between those two. Speaking of the devil,

 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Niall asked, greeted Danielle and hugged her briefly. Before Danielle could spoke up, Quinn answered for her. 

 

“She wants to help me pack my things,” Quinn said, with her back turned to Niall, searching for something in the drawer. 

 

“Pack your things? You’re going somewhere?” Niall asked, confused. She didn’t mention anything to him. Not that he minded, it was just that they used to share every details of their life since they became friends again. Maybe it was him who did not remember if Quinn had told him. Maybe. 

 

“No,” Quinn inhaled deeply before spoke up, “I’m moving out.”

 

“Moving out?” Niall asked, still dumbfounded. 

 

“Yup. I’m moving out of your house.” 

 

“What? Why?” Niall looked at Danielle who squirmed near the door, looking like she wanted to disappear right away. Danielle shrugged at him and gave him a sad smile. 

 

“I just..it’s not nice for your image if a girl stay at your house for a long time.” 

 

“Bullshit! Both you and I know that’s not the problem. Kent asked you to do this, right? Tell me,” Niall demanded, put his arms on Quinn’s shoulder and turned her around. He let out a surprised gasp when he saw Quinn’s face. 

 

“What the fuck, Quinn? What the hell happened?” Niall asked and tried to touch Quinn’s bruised but impulsively, she flinched. 

 

“I fell off the stairs.” 

 

“Do you think I’m that stupid? That’s not because you fell off the stairs. Did Kent do this to you? Huh?” Niall growled. What kind of man that has the gut to hit a woman? He looked at Danielle looking for confirmation of his suspicion and she nodded. Niall saw Quinn gave Danielle a death glare but he didn’t care. Instead, he was thankful that Danielle was there. 

 

“Drop it, Niall. It’s not important,” Quinn said tried to continue to pack her things and started to turn around. Before she could turn, Niall grabbed her arms and spun her around to face him again. 

 

“It is important! He doesn’t have the right to hit you. I care about you, Quinn. I don’t want you to get hurt and right now, he’s hurting you!” 

 

“Why do you care so much, huh?” Quinn asked started to getting mad and raised her voice. Why must Niall pried into her personal matters?

 

“He hurt you. I care about you!” Niall raised his voice too. Why did Quinn act like this was not bothering her at all. She fucking had bruises on her face yet she acted like she was alright with that. 

 

“Care about me, huh? Such a hypocrite,” Quinn snorted. 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Well, you hurt me before, Niall. Why didn’t you care? You didn’t care about my feeling back then, so why bother now?” Quinn pointed her finger to Niall’s chest, angrily screaming at him. All her feelings that she kept about that night came again. How she was embarrassed and angry at Niall for making her felt like that. It made her mad and so far, she really did not vent out the feelings yet, not until this day. 

 

“Because I love you, Quinn! I always love you!” Niall confessed. He put his hands on her arms, trying to pull her close to him. 

 

Silence. 

 

“What?” Quinn whispered. She did not expect that. She really wanted to hear that word coming from Niall’s _that_ night. But at this moment, she was not sure if she wanted to hear that. 

 

Sensed that Quinn was not able to say anything else after his confession, Niall continued, “I love you, Quinn. That night, I was too freak out to admit it. I realized and I tried to tell that to you the next morning but you were already gone. I can’t reach your phone, Ivy was not picking up my call and still, I believe I’ll find you. I missed you everyday. Then, I met you again. I was so freaking happy, only to know that you’re dating Kent. I love you so much that I’m willing to let you go with Kent. I want you to be happy and want to be your friend instead of losing you completely in my life. I thought he cares about you, guess I was wrong.”

 

“He cares about me. He loves me,” Quinn said, trying to convince Niall, or most probably herself.

 

“He loves you? He loves you so much he can hit you? Is that it? What kind of man is that?” Niall said, frustrated with the stubborn girl in front of him. He felt like he wanted to shake her to knock some sense into her head. 

 

“He is the kind of man that I call my boyfriend,” Quinn said in a defensive mode. 

 

Niall inhaled deeply before looked Quinn straight to the eyes, “Do you still love me, Quinn? I know I love you, and I know I can feel you still love me too, let’s give us the chance, would you?” 

 

“Niall, can we not talk about this?” Quinn said trying to pull away from Niall’s grip. She was confused with her feelings and she was not in the mood to figure out what she was feeling at that moment. 

 

“We have to talk about this, Quinn! I know you still love me,” 

 

“No, I don’t.” Quinn said unconvincingly.

 

“Yes, you do. Tell me the truth, Quinn,” Niall demanded. They were both fell into silence again. 

 

“I don’t love you anymore, Niall,” Quinn spoke up after a few moments. 

 

“Look me straight in the eyes and say that,” Niall demanded. 

 

“I don’t want to. God, Niall, can we please just drop this?!” Quinn raised her voice.

 

“I’m not gonna drop this until you tell me the truth. Don’t lie to me. Don’t lie to yourself,” Niall pushed.

 

“You wanna know the fucking truth?! The truth is, I don’t love you! Not anymore. And I have a boyfriend and we love each other,” Quinn yelled looking Niall straight in the eyes. 

 

Niall felt his spirit died down at the moment Quinn finished her words. “So all of this time we spent, the feelings that obviously we shared, was not real? Is that it? You rather be with the man who could hit you for his pleasure? Huh? Is that it? ” Niall was getting mad, still pushing Quinn for answer. 

 

“Yes, that is it! Which part of I don’t love you anymore that you don’t understand?! And I have a boyfriend, Niall, and I love him. Unfortunately, it’s not you!” Quinn yelled again. 

 

Niall felt his heart literally crashed into pieces. Releasing his grip on Quinn’s arm, he looked at Quinn’s eyes for a second before turned and walked out of his house, not even looking back, not even once. 

 

**

 

“Hey, who put this song in the set list?” Zayn asked his band mates pointing at the paper in his hand. All of them shook their heads when suddenly Niall spoke up, “I did.”

 

“But you didn’t mention anything about it during sound check this evening,” Zayn raised his eyebrows at his brother. Niall looked gloomy since that evening when he arrived during the sound check. Zayn tried to talk to him but Niall just brushed off his questions, so he gave up asking. 

 

“Yeah, why didn’t you mention it earlier?” Louis asked. 

 

“What? Do I have to report everything I do to you guys now?” Niall snapped. All four pair of eyes shot a surprised glare to him. Niall sighed and rubbed his face. “Sorry, Lou. Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to snap, it’s just I’m having a bad day today.” 

 

“Nah. It’s cool. Is it because of last night?” Harry asked, calmly. If he was in Niall’s position, he would probably not be able to perform for tonight. With the slight bruise that must be hurt when he opened his mouth and still sneezing because of the cold weather, Harry was sure Niall would not be able to sing properly. But Harry knew Niall was not going to back off from their performance, unless it was really an emergency matters. 

 

“Or is it about Quinn? Want to talk about it?” Zayn asked his brother when Niall remained silent after Harry’s question. 

 

“Kind of. Nah, maybe later. Let’s just get ready for the show,” Niall said before stood up and walked towards the stage followed by his band mates.


	20. Chapter 20

“So, the next song was taken off from our debut album and we haven’t play it for a while, but tonight, we chose to do that.” Zayn spoke through the microphone. The crowd cheered. “This is one of our slow songs, so go ahead and cry, it’s okay to cry. Pull out your cell phones, lighters or those things that glow, whatever they are.” Zayn joked and the crowd laughed. 

 

Danielle and Quinn chuckled while Perrie cheered at her boyfriend’s dry jokes. Quinn looked around the place and smiled. The plus was full house tonight. Quinn was reluctant to go to the show at first but Danielle and Perrie forced her to. Said that they got the VIP seats near the stage and she couldn’t miss the experience. Truth to be told, it was the first time Quinn would see the band performed live. She admitted that she felt a little excited at the prospect of seeing them performed but she can’t help that she also felt anxious to see Niall. 

 

“Oh my god, they’re gonna sing More Than This after a long time!” Danielle clapped her hands excitedly. Quinn laughed at Danielle’s enthusiasm and waited for the music to start. 

 

_I’m broken, do you hear me?  
I’m blinded, ‘cause you are everything I see..  
I’m dancin’ alone, I’m praying..  
That your heart will just turn around.._

_And as I walk up to your door..  
My head turns to face the floor..  
‘Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say.._

 

Quinn felt silence as she listened to the lyrics. Her mind kept replaying the earlier fight she had with Niall. She felt her chest constricted. 

 

_When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight..  
It just won’t feel right..  
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah..  
When he lays you down..  
I might just die inside..  
It just don’t feel right..  
‘Cause I can love you more than this..  
Can love you more than this.._

 

Niall felt like he was on the verge of tears again. The words that Quinn told him that evening kept haunting him. He looked up to the VIP section and stared at Quinn as he started to sing his part. 

 

_If I’m louder, would you see me?  
Would you lay down..  
In my arms and rescue me?  
‘Cause we are the same..  
You save me..  
When you leave it’s gone again.._

 

Quinn felt the first tear slipped out of her eye. God, who was she kidding? She knew she loved Kent but she also knew that she was in love with Niall. And she knew she had hurt Niall when she said those words. 

 

Zayn looked to his brother, concerned. The way Niall sang his part felt too personal. He can felt the pain from Niall’s voice. The way he sang it, his eyes was only fixed at one person; Quinn. Zayn looked at Quinn who had tears streaming down her eyes; eyes also fixed at Niall. 

 

As soon as the song finished, Niall turned around, blinked back his tears and inhaled deeply. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Zayn walked towards him. _Great._ “Are you okay?” Zayn asked. Niall nodded and gave Zayn an assurance smile. After he finished his part of the song, he saw Quinn ran from the seat in tears and he felt kind of guilty. But his emotions were messed up too. “Let’s just finish the show,” Niall said before turned back facing the audience, “So, are you guys ready for the next song?” The crowd cheered. Zayn sighed. Shared a concerned look with his other band mates, he decided to talk to Niall after the show. He would not let Niall kept bottling his feelings alone.

 

** 

 

Zayn grunted in frustration and threw his phone on the couch. “Still no luck?” Louis asked, wiping his sweat with the small towel. Zayn shook his head. “That son of a bitch!”

 

“Hey, watch out, that’s your mom you’re talking about,” Liam said glaring at Zayn. 

 

“Urgh. Forgot. Damn, where the hell is he?!” Zayn tried to dial Niall’s number again but to no avail. The band was hanging at the backstage after they finished the show. After they thanked the fans, Niall quickly excused himself from all of them, said that he was not well and took off. All the other band members were caught up with the fans before they realized Niall was already gone. Zayn knew that it must be because of the earlier incident so they asked Danielle and Perrie to tell them the full story. Danielle was hesitated at first but finally gave in after being persuaded. So, she told them about Quinn’s situation. About Kent. About the fight, where it ended up badly with Niall walked out on Quinn in the verge of tears. Yes, Danielle saw that. It just that both Quinn and Niall were so caught up in the fight that they did not noticed Danielle was still standing by the door at that time. That was when Zayn decided to call Niall, he was afraid Niall would do something stupid. He knew Niall. When he was upset, he always ended up with something stupid, like the drugs. But much to Zayn’s annoyance, Niall’s phone was turned off and he only reached Niall’s voicemail for the past half an hour. 

 

Zayn leaned towards his girlfriend seeking for comfort when suddenly the chorus of _‘What Makes You Beautiful’_ shrilled through the room. He looked at the caller ID of his phone and frowned. 

 

“Dude, what’s up?” Zayn asked earning a several raising eyebrows from the people in the room. 

 

“Dude, what’s up with your brother? He looks kinda down. And he asked for the vodka. I thought he is quite sober now? Oh, I also spotted Jessica eyeing him.” 

 

“Yeah, he promised only to drink when I’m around. So, he’s at your club?” Zayn started to put on his jacket and grabbed his car keys. “Okay, don’t let him go anywhere. I’d be there in 20.” 

 

“Where is he?” Liam asked when Zayn hung up. By the look on his friend’s face, he was not happy. 

 

“At Evan’s club. I’d go pick him up, you guys can go home, I’ll call you guys later,” All of them nodded. 

 

“Would you like me to accompany you, honey?” Perrie asked.

 

“No. No. It’s okay. It’s something I have to do myself, I’ll make it up to you later, okay?” Zayn said apologetically and kissed his girlfriend. Perrie patted his arms assuring her boyfriend that it was okay and smiled. Within seconds, Zayn was already on the road headed towards the club.

 

**

 

Niall trailed his index finger on the edge of the cup on the table. He had ordered the alcohol but he was still considering whether to drink it or not. He knew he promised not to drink when Zayn was not around but at that moment, the temptation was so high he ordered one. But when it was served in front of him, he hesitated. 

 

Not far from where Niall sat, there was one guy who had been following his steps after the show. He sat at the one end of the corner, smoking his cigarette. He put the butt of his cigarette in the ash tray and pulled out his cell phone from his pocket when it’s buzzed. “Hello? Yeah. Yeah. He is still here. Yeah. I know my job. I’m positive, he’s alone. Okay, I’ll see you outside.” The guy stood up and went out of the club. 

 

**

 

Jessica smiled widely when she spotted the figure near the bar-stool. He was wearing his usual outfit. White shirt, black jeans and a snapback. With his after-bed blonde hair. Charming as usual. At least to Jessica. She started to move towards him. She sneaked behind his back and tapped his shoulder. When he turned around, Jessica gave her charming smile. She can see his face clearly. There was a small bruise at his cheek and small cuts on his lips. Jessica decided to ask what was the deal about that later. She had another mission at the moment. 

 

“Hi, Niall, miss me?”

 

“Jessica! Hey, how’ve you been?” Jessica hugged Niall back when he initiated the hug. On the corner of her eye, she saw Evan watched his friend, probably looking out for Niall. 

 

“I’m fine. How bout you? You wanna chat in private?” When Niall nodded, Jessica pulled his hand and led him to the VIP Booth at the club. She had reserved it earlier when she knew Niall was at the club. 

 

“Wow, I’ve never been to this section before,” Jessica smiled at Niall’s wide eyes. He was completely adorable. 

 

“What? You’re telling me you’re a superstar but have never been here?” 

 

“Nah, we prefer mingle around with people. No offense,” Niall offered her a smile. “None taken.” Jessica smiled back. She leaned closer to Niall, caressed his cheek and brought her lips near to his ears, “So, what do you wanna do tonight?” 

 

**

 

Niall shivered when Jessica leaned closer to him and started to caress his cheek. When Jessica whispered to his ears, he can felt his neck hair stood. He felt Jessica started to put her hand on his thigh and the next thing he knew, they were both tangled with each other on the couch. 

 

He felt Jessica lay on top of his body and started to rip off his jacket. They kissed roughly and he pulled Jessica’s face closer and deepened the kiss. In the back of his mind he felt wrong to do this but he was too messed up to care. When they broke the kiss, both were panted gasping for air before started to kiss again. Both of their hands were traveled on each other body. With his eyes were still closed, he heard Jessica moaned his name and he moaned one name that crossed his mind, “Quinn.” _Fuck!_ His eyes snapped open. 

 

“Who is Quinn??” Niall flinched when Jessica yelled. He remained silent when Jessica stood up and paced in front of him. She stopped and stared at him furiously. “You were making out with me and you called other girl’s name? What do you think I am? A whore?!” 

 

Niall sighed and rubbed his face. He really messed this up. “God, Jessica. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was taking advantage of the situation.” 

 

“Taking advantage? God, Niall. Are you fucking blind?”

 

“What?” Niall asked, confusing written on his face. 

 

“Can’t you see I love you? Hell, I’m in love with you!” Jessica revealed, and then she sat beside Niall and started to pull his face closer to her, attempted to kiss him again. 

 

Niall blinked. Once. Twice. He was sure he did not drink the vodka just now, but how in the hell did he felt drunk? Was he dreaming? When he felt Jessica’s lips touched his, he snapped out of his trance and pulled away. Quickly, he stood up and backed away from Jessica. 

 

“Look, Jessica. I thought we made it clear before. I like you. I do. But only as a friend. I think we just caught up in the moment here, you know,” Niall smiled nervously when he saw Jessica’s furious face. 

 

“Are you in love with someone else?” Niall nodded when Jessica demanded the answer. 

 

“Sorry, Jessica. I made mistake just now. I wasn’t thinking straight. Look, I’d call you later, okay. I’m sorry, I can’t do this” Niall grabbed his jacket and took off. 

 

He ran to the exit of the club and nearly knocked someone on his way out. “What the fuck Niall?” Niall looked up and saw Zayn in front of him. He was about to ask Zayn about what the fuck he was doing there when Zayn grabbed his arms roughly and pulled the younger brother out of the club. 

 

**

 

They were at the back alley of the club and after Zayn had made sure nobody was there, he let go of Niall’s arms. “What the fuck did you do? Are you drunk? Why did you turn off your phone?” Zayn screamed at his brother. He saw Niall flinched and backed away from him until his back was connected with the wall. “Sorry. I thought I wanna be alone tonight. I’m not drunk. I ordered a drink but I..I hesitated,” Niall said, looked away in shame. Zayn shook his head. He knew Niall told him the truth. He can see it from Niall’s eyes. 

 

After a few seconds of silence, Niall spoke up, “How do you know I’m here?” 

 

“Evan called me. Said he saw you ordered a drink and don’t be mad at him, he was concerned about you.” Zayn explained. “And he said Jessica was all over you? Was that true?” 

 

Zayn watched Niall slid through the wall hopelessly to the ground. “God, Zayn. I messed up.” 

 

“What do you mean you messed up? Damn, Niall, did you guys fucked?” Zayn yelled. 

 

“I made out with her,” Niall confessed, looking at the wall opposite him blankly. 

 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Zayn was furious. Niall screamed back, “I didn’t think, okay?” 

 

“Made out with Jessica? What the fuck Niall, you know how she is, you know how press will see it,” Zayn yelled, arms up in the air in frustration. See, he was right. Niall always did something stupid when he was upset. 

 

“It was a mistake okay! I was just caught up in the moment. Plus I didn’t do anything further, I pulled away, it’s not fair to her,” Niall sighed. He tucked his knees under his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs. 

 

Zayn sighed and sat down beside his brother. He couldn’t help but smiled a little at Niall’s confession. Not the making out part, but the pull away part. Even when he had a chance to screw Jessica over, Niall had the conscience to pull away before it could get worse, that was _so_ Niall. 

 

“Promise me, you’d never do that again? It’s not worth it, Niall. You don’t want to ruin what you have by screwing that girl over, do you?” Zayn nodded in satisfaction when Niall nodded and said, “I promise.” 

 

“Danielle told us everything,” Zayn spoke up. He saw Niall’s head snapped turned to face him. “Everything?” 

 

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. Danielle told us about how that fucking douche who Quinn calls a boyfriend hit her. She also told us that you said you love Quinn but she said she doesn’t love you anymore.” 

 

“Oh.” Niall turned his head away and his words were barely heard by Zayn, “Maybe it’s true. She doesn’t love me anymore,” 

 

Zayn snorted at that comment. “I’m not blind. We’re all not blind Niall. She loves you.” 

 

“You think so?”

 

“I don’t think. I know. Trust me, she maybe thinks she loves Kent, but actually she is in love with you.” 

 

“Don’t make assumption, Zaynie.”

 

“I’m not. Danielle told us one of the reasons why Quinn is still with Kent even after he treated her bad, is because of her parents. They approve him as her boyfriend and she wants to make them happy. That’s not exactly what I call love in my book.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“ _Oh?_ That’s all you can say?”

 

“What do you want me to say, Zayn?” 

 

“Say that you’d fight for her. Win her over.”

 

“I’m nothing compared to Kent.” 

 

“That is the most fucked up thing I ever heard from you, Niall. You are millionth times better than him. And everyone knows you love Quinn and care about her. You should go for it, Niall.” Zayn said patted his Niall’s arms and smiled encouragingly. 

 

They fell into silence for a moment before Niall inhaled deeply and started to speak again. “Okay.” He looked at Zayn and smiled. “I’d fight for her. I love her so much, Zayn. I’d die for her if I could.”

 

“Yeay! Go Nialler!” Zayn cheered and Niall laughed. “But please, don’t be so overdramatic, die for her? Over my dead body, Niall. Don’t even joke about that,” Zayn glared at his brother. Niall laughed and shook his head. He stood up and pulled Zayn up as well. “Sorry, dude. Let’s go home. I’ve to get my sleeping beauty so that I can start fighting for my princess.” 

 

**

 

Picnic.

 

That was Louis’s idea to begin with. It was after a week of the show incident. The band was busy at the studio for the whole week before Louis suggested that they have to relax for that weekend. So, he suggested for a small picnic for the band. Well, including Danielle, Perrie and Quinn. So there they were, scattered around of the beach, having a small picnic. One by one, they started to get into the sea, started splashing each other until finally Niall and Quinn was left alone on the beach. They had not been spoken after their fight and it was killing them both. 

 

“I’m sorry,” both spoke up at the same time. They laughed after they realized that. 

 

“Nah, Quinn. You don’t need to be sorry. I was overreacted,”

 

“But you’re my friend, you’re entitled to care about me, right?” 

 

Niall sat up straight and his eyes dagger through Quinns’. “Yeah. About that. I care about you a lot, Quinn. And I’m not sorry for the part where I said I love you. I did, I do and I will love you with all my heart. Both you and I know that. And it’s okay if you don’t want to admit that, but one thing that I want you to know. I’d fight for you, Quinn.”

 

“Niall..” 

 

“No. Let me get through this. I realized how you’re the one for me, Quinn. I never feel this strong about a girl before. You’re the first and I’d really hope you’re also the last one. Trust me, Quinn, I am in love with you. And I’m gonna prove it to you.” Niall said leaning closer to Quinn and put his hands on her cheek. He caressed her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ears, capturing the face in front of him. “Trust me, Quinn Fiona Jones, I’m the right one for you.” After that, Niall stood up and went to join his friends in the water. 

 

Quinn blinked her eyes and snapped out of her shocked state after Niall took off. Was that real? Was he really said what she thought she heard? She put her hand on her cheek where Niall’s hand was there earlier. Niall would fight for her? What’s that supposed to mean? And he said it with eyes full of sincerity and determination, it made Quinn’s heart beat faster. She turned her face around and looked at her bunch of friends in the water and when her eyes caught Niall’s, he winked at her. Quinn felt her cheeks reddened and she looked away. Niall said he was going to prove that he was the one for her, was he serious?


	21. Chapter 21

“Miss Quinn?” 

 

“Yes?” 

 

“You got the same package again today. Please sign here.” 

 

“Oh. Thanks.” 

 

Quinn closed the door and went to the small desk at one corner of her apartment and put the small package there along with the others. After the day on the beach, Niall started to send her a small package everyday. The first day, Niall sent her three pieces of red roses and a small card saying _‘I Love You.’_ Then, everyday after that, Niall will never fail to send other packages with different things inside it. But each day, it contains a small card with a little handwriting of Niall across it. Sometimes, it said a simple _‘I Love You’_ and sometimes Niall wrote a bit of love songs lyrics for Quinn. She was still smiling at the memories when her phone rang. 

 

“Hey,”

 

“Hi, Quinn. How are you today?” 

 

Quinn smiled. Another thing other than those daily packages, Niall had called her everyday. No matter what time was it, he never missed out to call Quinn. Not that Quinn mind that, but she didn’t want to put her hope high like before. She was still being cautious about her feeling towards Niall. 

 

“Same old, same old. What about you?” So they talked and talked until her phone was run out of battery. When she hung up and turned around, she saw Ivy grinned widely at her. Crap! She forgot that Ivy was crashing at her apartment for the whole week. Danielle’s wedding will be held that weekend and Josh had flown back already to Bradford but Ivy stopped by at London to pick Quinn up. 

 

“Wow, such a long conversation,” Ivy teased and she laughed out loud when Quinn blushed. 

 

“Shut up, Ivy,” Quinn said and plopped down on the couch. She grabbed a cushion and threw it at her best friend. 

 

“Ow, what was that for?” Ivy said rubbing her forehead. 

 

“For teasing me.” 

 

“Auwww, little Quinny mad? So, little Nialler is still being all romantic again, huh?” 

 

“Ivy…” Quinn warned.

 

Ivy sat closer beside Quinn turned to face her friend with a serious look on her face. “Quinn, would it be easier if you admit that you love him too? Seriously, he’s trying so hard for you now, don’t you think?” 

 

“It’s not that simple, Ivy. You know that.” 

 

“It’s simple, Q. Dump Kent and be with Niall. See, as simple as ABC.” Ivy said sternly. Frankly, she was mad at Quinn. After all those craps Kent put her through, she still didn’t want to dump him. What the fuck? 

 

“Ivy..”

 

“Don’t Ivy me! Listen, Q, I love you but I’m also mad at you for being this stupid. Can’t you see Niall is the right one for you?” 

 

“Why? Just because he sends all those sweet things everyday, he’s the right one for me?” Quinn raised her voice slightly. 

 

“No! Fine, it was one thing. But the other things too. Don’t you remember, he sent you to the clinic in the middle of the night just because you had a little sneezing attack? Not just that, he took a couple of days off from his studio work when you got the stomach bug, remember? He made you soup, he held your hair when you threw up, don’t you remember? Trust me Quinn, you’re my best friend and I love you but I admit that it’d be too gross to do that. So, you’re telling me he is not in love with you after all that?” 

 

“I don’t know, Ivy. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do.” Quinn confessed. 

 

Ivy sighed. “I know he’s trying so hard to get you, Q. To fight for your happiness. For both of you. But the question here is, are _you_ even trying?” 

 

**

 

Niall sighed happily after he hung up. He was back in Bradford for Liam’s wedding and at that moment, he was on his bed, just finished his phone conversation with Quinn. He was still smiling when suddenly he heard something thudded in the bathroom. Curiously, he walked over to the bathroom across his bedroom. When he put his ears on the door, he can hear voices that belonged to Zayn and Danny. 

 

“Dude, I told you this place is small!” Danny hissed. 

 

“But it’s perfect for us!” Zayn argued. 

 

“Perfect? I can barely move here, Zayn!” 

 

“What? You told me your body is flexible!”

 

“Yeah, on my bed! Not in this small confine space.” 

 

“Shut up. Just do it quick, Dan! I don’t want somebody to run into us.” Zayn said urgently. 

 

“Fine! Fine! Stay still! I’m gonna try to put it inside.” 

 

Niall raised his eyebrows. What the fuck were they doing? He heard Danny and Zayn cursed at each other after moments of silence. 

 

“Fuck, Dan, you’re hurting me!” 

 

“I told you to stay still, Zayn!” 

 

What the fuck? Okay. That was it. This conversation was too weird for Niall to eavesdrop. So, with a quick force, he opened the bathroom’s door.

 

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” 

 

Zayn and Danny snapped their heads towards Niall and gasped. Busted. Niall squinted his eyes, demanded an answer from his brother and his best friend. 

 

“We want to hide Alicia’s stuffed bear, but Danny is ruining our plan!” 

 

“Why me? You picked the wrong place!” 

 

Niall shook his head and released a breathe of relief. “Phew~ I thought you guys were doing something else,” Niall laughed. 

 

Danny looked dumbfounded at Niall while Zayn gasped. “Euw!! Niall, I told you not to read those slash fanfictions on the website,” Zayn groaned and hit Niall on the head. 

 

“Ouch. What’s wrong with that? It’s my guilty pleasure,” Niall said while rubbing his head. “Where do you guys want to hide that thing actually?” Niall asked curiously. It would be fun to see how his sister will react. Alicia loved her stuff bear so much. She even named it ‘Mr Right’ because she said it was her perfect boyfriend. 

 

“Zayn suggested we hide it here, in the small hole under the sink, but we can’t reach it,” Danny whined. 

 

“What, it’s not my fault you’re short and have fat hands!” Zayn shot. 

 

“Look who’s talking!” Danny shot back. 

 

Niall watched the scene in amusement. Yeah, there was a small hole under the sink and only he and Zayn knew about that place. They used to hide things there when they were little. Oh, that was the problem. The space was too small for Zayn and Danny to fit their hands into. 

 

“Why doesn’t only one of you guys use your hand to put the thing in?” Niall suggested. 

 

Zayn and Danny looked at each other and realization hit their faces. Why didn’t they think of that before? After they managed to hide the stuffed bear, they cheered and started to move to their next target; Niall. 

 

“So Nialler, I heard, you’re really turning into Mr Romeo, huh?” Danny asked, draping one arm on Niall’s shoulder and led him out of the small bathroom. Niall rolled his eyes and shrugged Danny’s arm off. 

 

“Where did you hear that?” Niall asked, already knew the answer.

 

“You know me. I have source,” Danny laughed. 

 

“Yeah right, your source would not happen to be the person whose 5’ 9” tall and chubby, right?” Niall said, loudly enough for the person behind them to hear him. 

 

“Hey! Sensitive heart here!” Zayn defended and closed his mouth shut after he realized what he had just said. Niall turned and glared at the older lad. Uh oh. _Busted._

 

“Zayn, are you sure you don’t want to be paparazzi instead of a singer? Or maybe you should make a gossip blog like Sugarscape,” Niall said, still glaring at Zayn. 

 

“Wow, never thought of that. That’s such a good idea, bro!” Zayn teased his brother. As expected, Niall rolled his eyes and ignored Zayn. 

 

Danny decided to interrupt the meaningless banter between those two, “Niall, seriously, are you sure it’s worth it? I thought she is still with that douchebag?” Danny might not show it often, but he really cared about his friends. He did not want Niall to get hurt. 

 

“It’s worth it, Dan. I love her so much to let her go. Plus, I know she’ll dump that douche for me later,” Niall said confidently. Danny stared at Niall for a moment before nodded. “Fine, just don’t come crying in front of my door when she breaks your heart,” Danny said in a joking manner but with a serious tone laced in his voice. Niall smiled. “I won’t.”

 

“And if you think about it, if she breaks my heart, then I’d be dead, wouldn’t I?” Niall added. That comment made Zayn glared at the younger lad. 

 

“Niall, I told you not to joke about that,” Zayn growled. 

 

Niall laughed. He did that on purpose to annoy Zayn and he was glad he managed to do that. Served Zayn right for being such a nosy brother. 

 

**

 

Louis looked at the people around him. All of them were at the after party for Liam and Danielle’s wedding. They both were officially and proudly had became husband and wife. Louis chuckled when he remembered Liam was close to throwing up at the altar because he was so nervous. But after Danielle appeared in those beautiful wedding gown, Louis saw all Liam’s anxiety was gone. The power of love. Speaking of love, he looked over to Niall who tried to ask Quinn to join him on the dance floor. Louis shook his head and started to play the next song. Yup, he was DJ-ed at the ceremony. And when Niall looked him and gestured him to play the next song, he did it gladly. 

 

“Come on, Quinn. Just one dance, please?” Niall gave his famous pouted and puppy eyes. He had been trying to ask Quinn to dance with him but Quinn refused. Decided not to give up, he tried it again. His heart nearly died from overjoyed when Quinn finally said yes. 

 

Quinn let Niall led her to the dance floor. Right on cue, the music started. Niall turned his head a little and smiled gratefully at Louis. Niall put his hands against the side of Quinn’s waist and Quinn draped her hands up to Niall’s shoulder. Both of them then swayed back and forth with the music.

 

_..If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today..  
..If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way.._

 

“I like this song,” Quinn said, looking at Niall. “I know. Me too,” Niall replied. Niall pulled Quinn closer to him, in a hug-and-sway fashion. He smiled at her lovingly. 

 

_..If you're not mine, then why does your heart return my call..  
..If you're not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all.._

 

Quinn’s heart nearly burst out when Niall started to sing along with the song when their eyes met. _“I never know what the future brings, but I know you’re here with me now..We’ll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with..”_ Niall leaned closer to Quinn and continued singing the song softly. Their faces were only an inches apart. 

 

_“..I don’t want to runaway, but I can’t take it, I don’t understand..If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?..”_

 

“Niall..” Quinn’s eyes were glistening with tears. Tears of joy. Tears of love. God, she really loved Niall. She didn’t have the chance to say anything when Niall put his finger on her lips to shut her up. “Just listen, Quinn,” Niall said softly and leaned his forehead on hers. 

 

 _“..Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right..And though I can’t be with you tonight..And though my heart is by your side..”_

 

Quinn cannot lie to herself any longer. She needed to tell Niall she loved him. She was in love with him. But the next thing she knew, Niall was attacked by someone and he was tackled to the floor by a familiar figure, “Kent!” Quinn screamed.

 

**

 

Kent was beyond mad. Quinn asked him to tag along to the wedding and he said no. This was all because of those stupid business trips. And because of that, he also decided to drop by at the wedding after his business trips. But he didn’t expect this. He stood at the entrance of the hall and watched the scene in front of him. All of them looked like they were having fun, including his girlfriend. He was furious. Quinn was not supposed to have fun when he was not around. He clenched and unclenched his fists. His nostrils flared when he saw that guy, the guy he warned and punched not so long ago, started to dance with his girlfriend. He was blazed with rage when he saw the dance started to become intimate. He strode angrily towards the dancing couple and when he reached his target, he yanked the guy’s shirt and tackled him until he was on the floor. Then, Kent started to punch Niall repeatedly. 

 

**

 

Niall was enjoying the dance he shared with Quinn and the next thing he knew, he was being attacked by Kent and he started to punch Kent to defend himself. He punched Kent again and they rolled over on the floor, still throwing punches at each other. But with Kent was having an advantage of his height, Niall felt he started to lose the fight. He felt his nose started to bleed but he was satisfied to see Kent was in about the same state as he was. Both of them started to stand up and Niall can felt his legs were slightly wobbly. He was about to throw the next punch on Kent when suddenly he felt a sharp pain on his stomach. He gasped for air and dropped to his knees. When he looked down, his eyes went wide and that was when he realized what had happened. He was stabbed. His white shirt was starting to look red and he felt his body became numb. The last thing he heard clearly was someone shouted his name frantically. 

 

**

 

“Niall!!” Zayn screamed when he saw his brother dropped on his knees and his hands went to his stomach. He was too shocked to move at first when Kent suddenly came out of nowhere and started to attack Niall. In the middle of the fight, Zayn tried to attack Kent but it was too late. Kent stabbed Niall first. Seeing that Kent was being held by the security, Zayn made his way to Niall. He kneeled besides Niall and cradled Niall’s body to his chest. “Somebody call 911!” Zayn shouted aimlessly. “We did, Zayn.” Zayn felt someone patted his shoulder and informed that. He didn’t care. All he cared about was Niall. He saw Niall’s eyes fluttered, still in the shock state. Zayn put a small towel that someone handed to him on Niall’s stomach, putting some pressure on it. Niall let out a small whimper. “Sorry, bro. But I have to try to stop the bleeding okay,” Zayn spoke, his hands were shaking. He felt Niall nodded on his chest. “Zayn,” Niall spoke softly. “Don’t worry, I’d be fine,” Niall smiled a little at his brother. Zayn choked back his sobs. Damn, Niall. “You better be fine! And I’m not worry. I just don’t want you to mess up my shirt. It’s expensive, you know,” Zayn tried to joke the situation away. The truth was, he was freaked out. The blood was still seeping through the small towel and the color already turned from white to red. Niall’s face was starting to look pale and his breath was shallow. Niall chuckled at Zayn’s attempted to joke but ended up coughing badly. Zayn wrapped his arms tighter around Niall. “Niall, shut up, okay. You’d be fine. It was just a small cut. I bet by tomorrow you can start jumping around again,” Zayn said. He knew it was far from the truth. Niall looked bad. Fuck, where was the damn ambulance?


	22. Chapter 22

Quinn watched Niall being stretched and whisked away to the ambulance. Zayn escorted his brother on the ambulance to the hospital. Quinn was so shocked she barely registered on what had happened. When the fight started, she was pulled to the side by Ivy. It was like a second later, she watched in surprised when Kent stabbed Niall. She gasped in horror and before she could ran to Niall, Zayn beat her to it. She stood closely to the twins and watched the scene with tears. Suddenly, Ivy pulled her into the hug and she cried on Ivy’s shoulder. Ivy kept telling her Niall would be okay but at the bottom of her heart, she was afraid that she will lose him forever. 

 

“Miss Quinn, can you follow us to the station?” Quinn heard one of the police officers asked her. She nodded and began to follow the officer. “Wait, I want to accompany her,” Josh offered with Ivy trailed off behind him. “But shouldn’t you be at the hospital?” Quinn asked unsurely. Josh was supposed to be at the hospital with his family, not at the police station with her. “It’s okay. Zayn’s there. Plus, we can go there together after that, okay?” Quinn nodded and gave Liam and Ivy a grateful smile. 

 

**

 

Zayn stared at his younger brother who was still lying motionlessly on the hospital bed. He brushed his fingers gently through Niall’s hair. One of Niall’s hands was attached to the blood bag that hanging at the pole beside his bed. Zayn felt like he was already dealt with the same thing before, only this time it wasn’t Niall’s fault. The door of the hospital room creaked open and his mom and little sister entered. 

 

“Hey, is he awake yet?” Patricia asked softly and hugged Zayn briefly before she went over to Niall and kissed his forehead before took a seat on the chair at the other side of the bed. 

 

Zayn shook his head, “Not yet, momma.” 

 

After he arrived at the hospital, he had waited along with his friends at the waiting room. The doctor had explained that they did a surgery to repair the damaged tissue and blood transfusion for the blood loss. After that, Zayn told his friends to go home since they were all tired and only families were allowed to stay the night. He promised that he would call them when Niall was awake. With the entire riot, Zayn had forgotten to call his mom and Alicia. They had left early after the wedding ceremony since Patricia was tired. Luckily, Danny had called them on behalf of Zayn. 

 

**

 

When she and Alicia arrived, Patricia rushed to her son and hugged him. She saw Zayn’s shirt got some blood stained on it and she tried to put her brave face for Zayn, but inside, she was afraid for her youngest son. The moment Zayn returned her hug, he cried. Patricia soothed her son, knowing that he really needed that comfort. After that, Zayn explained to her about Niall’s condition and she breathed in relief that Niall had past the critical condition. She assured Zayn to go to Niall’s room first while she and Alicia would get some coffee for them. She knew they needed that for the whole night. When she opened the door of Niall’s room, she saw Zayn slumped down on the chair beside Niall’s bed, staring at his brother like he was afraid Niall would disappear in front of his eyes. She felt Alicia nudged her a little and gave her an assurance smile. After that, she walked to her sons. She gave Zayn a quick hug before she went to the other side of the bed. She watched Niall and felt tears prick in her eyes. In her heart, she prayed that Niall will be okay. She softly kissed Niall’s forehead before took a seat on the chair beside the bed. 

 

**

 

“So, you witnessed Mr. Thompson had attacked Mr. Horan, is that true?” the police officer asked. 

 

“Yes.” Quinn nodded. Ivy was seated besides her, holding her hand to support her. 

 

“Okay. And you would like to charge him for assaulted charges?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Okay, just filled in these forms and we need to asked for several more information and then you can go home,” the police officer gave Quinn the forms and a pen. 

 

Quinn nodded and after she finished, she found the courage to do one thing that she really needed to do, “Urm, sir, is it possible for me to have a few words with Mr. Thompson?” 

 

“Yes, you may. You can meet him outside of his lock-up. Follow me,” the officer said and stood up heading to the other side of the police station. Quinn smiled and nodded at Ivy and Josh who looked at her worriedly. She really needed to do this and she assured her friends that she would be fine. 

 

“Mr. Kent Thompson, there’s someone here wants to see you,” the officer said. Quinn saw Kent turned around and he gave her a wide grin, acted like he had done nothing wrong. 

 

“Quinn! Hey, are you here to bail me?” 

 

Quinn’s eyes nearly fell out of its socket. “Bail you? After what you’ve done? What were you thinking?” Quinn whispered angrily. 

 

“I was thinking about you! That jerk was stealing you away! I cannot let him do that!” Kent shouted at Quinn. Quinn backed away a little from the gate that separated her and Kent. He acted like he was out of self control. 

 

“That’s not his fault, Kent. It was your doing after all.” Quinn said and shook her head. 

 

“What? I love you, Quinn. We can be together forever, just the two of us,” Suddenly Kent said with his sweet voice that Quinn used to hear when he wanted to plead with her.

 

Quinn inhaled deeply and looked straight into his eyes. It was completely different when she looked at Niall’s eyes. With Kent, there were no butterflies in her stomach. Kent’s eyes were also filled with cold, completely opposite with Nialls’. “No, Kent. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. Not after what you’ve done.”

 

Quinn saw Kent’s face turned red after he heard that. “What?! You’re breaking up with me?! Huh?! You slut! Don’t you forget that your parents will disown you for breaking up with me!” Kent screamed at her but this time she didn’t even flinch. She was over this. She had put up enough with him. 

 

“Goodbye, Kent.” With that, she turned around and walked to her friends. There was no more weight on her shoulder like before. 

 

**

 

Ivy was sitting on the passenger seat and watching the view outside of her boyfriend’s car from the window when she heard Quinn spoke up. “Do you think Niall would blame me?” Her eyes snapped wide open and she turned to face the person behind her seat. 

 

“Blame you for what?” Ivy asked, confused by Quinn’s question. 

 

“About what happened tonight.”

 

Ivy sighed. “Quinn..” 

 

“It was not your fault. Niall would never blame you,” Josh intervened and his eyes kept glancing between the road and the rearview mirror. Ivy smiled at her boyfriend before turned to face Quinn again. “I second that.” 

 

“But, Kent said he attacked Niall because he felt like Niall was stealing me away from him. So, basically, it was my fault.” 

 

Ivy shook her head before she spoke up, “Listen to me, Ivy. It was Kent’s issue, not yours. You have nothing to do with it. He is a big man, and he knows what’s right and wrong. You can’t blame yourself for his mistake. Got it?” Ivy gave her best friend a courage smile when Quinn nodded. 

 

“Trust me, Quinn. Niall would never blame you. In fact, I bet he’d be worried about you,” Josh added. He knew his little brother. Niall was one of the greatest people he ever knew. He had a big heart. Always forgive and forget; negativity was never about Niall. He smiled encouragingly at Quinn through the rear-view mirror. After that, they fell into silence on their way to the hospital. 

 

**

 

“Seriously, I still got the video of your pink hair with the cheer-leading uniform when we were at Vegas with me, and if you’re not gonna wake up sooner, I’m gonna post it on our official website. You don’t want that, do you?” Zayn’s throat was scratched from talking too much. It had been more than 24 hours and Niall was still not awake yet. Zayn was getting worried but the doctor said it was a normal condition for someone who lost so much blood and needed the rest. Zayn had only left Niall’s side twice. Once was to change his outfit that night and second one was to call his friends and updated them on Niall’s condition. After that, Zayn stayed beside Niall and talked to him all the time. It was really unusual thing; Niall was the talkative one between those two brothers, not Zayn. 

 

“Or, do you remember that stuffy bear you used to carry around? I know you love it. I think I saw it on your bunk when we toured last year. I don’t know you still have it. But, if you’re not waking up now, maybe I’d burn it, that’d be cool, right?” Zayn talked and looked at the window across the room. 

 

“Don’t you dare,” Zayn snapped his head around when he heard that whispered words. “Nialler! You’re awake!” He couldn’t keep his excitement and hugged his brother. 

 

Niall felt Zayn hugged him tightly. “Ouch, Zaynie. Wounded person here, remember?” Niall smiled when Zayn was still not pulling away, just loosing his hug a little. 

 

“God, Niall. Don’t scare me off like that again!” Zayn scolded when he pulled away. 

 

“Like what?” Niall asked, acted like he was clueless. But he quickly amended when he realized Zayn’s eyes were moisten and looked at him worriedly. 

 

“Hey, Zayn. I won’t, okay. I’m sorry I scared you,” Niall smiled at the older guy. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah. Who said I was scared? I’m Zayn, dude. I’m not scared of anything,” Zayn said stuck his tongue out at Niall, quickly wiping the escape tears on his cheek. 

 

Niall laughed out loud at Zayn’s childish behavior. Okay, bad move. He grimaced and closed his eyes to hold back the pain. 

 

“Hey, Niall. Hey, I’d go get a doctor,” Niall barely noticed Zayn was gone when suddenly he felt someone probed his stomach softly. When he opened his eyes, he saw the doctor. The doctor explained to him that he would have to take a rest for a few days and had to be careful with his wound to avoid the infection. He also may feel a tenderness or numbness of the skin around the wound before it’d be fully healed. When the doctor gave him a dose of painkiller, he couldn’t help but to be grateful. _Note to self:_ never laugh so hard, not until the wound was healed completely. 

 

“Zayn, what are you doing there?” Niall asked curiously when he saw Zayn stood at far end of the room after the doctor left. When Zayn avoided his eyes, he knew. Zayn felt guilty. 

 

“Zaynie, I’m alright. Just don’t make me laugh like that again,” Niall smiled. He pouted at Zayn, gesturing his brother to sit close to him again. Zayn chuckled and shook his head. Who could resist that famous pout? Especially when the owner of those famous pouted looked so vulnerable on the hospital bed. “Fine. It’s time for me to embrace my seriousness side anyway.” Zayn said and sat near his brother again. He burrowed his eyebrows when he saw Niall looked like he wanted to say something but slightly hesitated. 

 

“How is Quinn?” _Oh._ That was the thing. Zayn grinned widely. “Auww, Nialler miss Quinny?” He teased. Zayn laughed when Niall glared and rolled his eyes. 

 

“Zaynie..”

 

“She’s fine, Niall. Just a bit shaken. And she lodged a police report also.”

 

“Oh. And Kent?” 

 

“That motherfucker will be rotten out in the jail for several years, I guess.” Zayn said through clenched teeth. Sensed that his brother was getting upset, Niall patted Zayn’s arm and shook his head, tried to calm Zayn down. 

 

Niall was about to say something again when suddenly the door burst opened. “Nialler! You’re finally awake, sleeping beauty!” Alicia jumped around and went to hug Niall like Zayn did earlier. After Alicia, Josh and his mom did the same too. Not to forget Ivy, Danielle and Perrie. Luckily the other guys just shook his hands, he didn’t want to be drown in sea of hugs. All of them chatted for hours but Niall’s eyes kept glancing between people surrounded him and the door. Niall kept hoping that the person he wanted to see the most was there, but after his family and friends left, that person was still not coming. 

 

**

 

Niall opened his eyes and blinked. Once. Twice. He knew that smell. The smell of the familiar perfume. He rolled his head to the left side and his eyes met with his angel. “Quinn?” Niall whispered softly. 

 

“Hi, Niall,” Quinn spoke up. She gave Niall a small smile. That night, when she came visited for the first time, she can’t help but burst into tears when she saw Niall on the hospital bed. She knew Ivy told her that Niall was not going to blame her, but she can’t help but blaming herself for Kent’s action. That was why she didn’t have the courage to visit Niall after that. But Zayn had called her after Niall woke up. Said that Niall was asking about her, also assured her the same way Josh and Ivy did. And when everyone convinced her that she should go and visit Niall, she finally gave in. 

 

“I thought you’d never come,” Niall spoke, slightly hurt by the fact that Quinn was not coming to visit him the day before. 

 

“I’m sorry. I guess I was scared that you’re gonna blame me,” Quinn said, looking at the window instead of Niall. 

 

Niall raised his eyebrows, “Blame you? For what?” 

 

Quinn fell into silence before spoke up again, “Kent stabbed you and it was all because of me.” 

 

Niall sighed and leaned forward to Quinn. He put his hand on her chin and turned her face to face him. “Quinn. It wasn’t your fault. He was the one who stabbed me. Not you.” Niall said softly. 

 

“But, Niall. It was still my fault, I was his girlfriend. He had the right to be mad at me, but instead he attacked you. How was that not my fault?” Quinn argued stubbornly. 

 

“Okay. Okay. I forgive you. Even I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong,” Niall grinned. He paused for second, before continued, “So, Kent _WAS_ your boyfriend?” 

 

Confused with sudden change of the conversation, Quinn nodded, “Yes. I broke up with him at the police station. I should’ve done that a long time ago.” 

 

Niall felt his heart jumped in over excitement. He could jumped himself but remembering that he could not even sit straight because of his wounded, he’d thought better not to do that. He leaned forward again and pulled Quinn’s face closer, kissed her softly on the lips. 

 

Quinn’s eyes went wide when she felt Niall kissed her. Barely registered on what had happened, she kissed him back. Their kissed lasted for a few seconds before they pulled away. 

 

“What was that for Niall?” Quinn whispered softly. Their foreheads were still on each other and their noses were still touched. 

 

“For loving you. God, I’ve been wanted to do that for so long,” Niall chuckled. Niall looked straight at Quinn’s eyes and spoke up again. “Quinn Fiona Jones, would you be my girlfriend? I know that this is not the right place and most probably not the right time. But I don’t want to wait anymore, Quinn. I can’t bear another day without you being my girl, and…” Niall started to ramble and Quinn put her finger to his lips, hushing him out. She knew that was why she fell in love with Niall at the first place. His awkwardness and innocent-shy-like. Quinn nodded and finally said, “I would love to be your girl, Niall.” 

 

“Really?!” Niall asked, with wide eyes and heart nearly burst out from over happiness. He swore if he was attached to the heart monitor, it would definitely go crazy at that moment. 

 

“Really. Boyfriend.” _Boyfriend?_ Quinn called him boyfriend? He could live with that. That was like the greatest sound he ever heard his entire life. 

 

“Thanks, girlfriend.” He slid over slowly to make room for Quinn. He patted the bed and gestured Quinn to scoot besides him. He wrapped his arms around her, carefully avoided his wounded side and they cuddled together on the bed. He planted a kiss on Quinn’s hair, “I love you, Quinn Fiona Jones,” He felt Quinn nodded and said the words that he longed to hear from her, “I love you too, Niall James Horan.” They kissed again before both drifted off to sleep with happy smiles on their faces.


	23. Chapter 23

“I’m engaged!” 

 

“What?!!” Three set of voices screamed at once. He laughed at loud. 

 

“Why didn’t I know that? Aren’t we supposed to tell each other everything? Especially when the thing is THIS big?!” He laughed when he heard his brother whined and pouted. 

 

“I wanted to surprise everyone.” He shrugged and smiled. Josh and Alicia laughed at him while his brother was still pouted. He shook his head and went closer to his brother and put a firm grip on his brother’s shoulder. 

 

“I want you to be my best man.” 

 

He saw his brother gasped in surprise. “Really??! Are you sure?? I mean..I mean, why me?” 

 

“Cause you’re my brother and I love you,” he said in a _‘duh’_ manner and rolled his eyes. 

 

“Auwww…so sweet,” Josh mocked jokingly. He laughed when both of them rolled their eyes at him. It was like when they were kids and Josh used to make fun of them. Josh couldn’t believe how times really flied and one of his younger brothers was already on the road to the altar. Hence, the siblings’ council needs to be held to discuss about one of the important things; _**the best man.**_ And he knew the end of the discussion already. Well, obviously, if he had a brother who he could practically called a twin, he would definitely choose his brother to be his best man too. Josh was smiling to himself thinking about that when suddenly he heard Alicia spoke up. 

 

“But, who would be the bridesmaid?” All pair of eyes turned to look at her. “Why do you ask?” Josh inquired. 

 

Alicia gave his brothers one of the biggest grins ever. “Well, she has no sibling and she has no other close relatives. And she already likes a sister to me. Don’t you think she would want me to be her bridesmaid?” 

 

He smiled at her little sister. Truthfully, his fiancée had already chosen the person. And she also asked him to tell the person personally. “Yes, she would.” 

 

“Really??!!” Alicia shrieked. “You’re not kidding me, right?” Alicia jumped in joy when her brother shook his head. With a leap, she reached her brother and hugged him tightly. “I’m happy for you, Zaynie!” 

 

Zayn smiled. He felt so warm inside. He felt like he was at the top of his life at that moment. He had his band, his family, his friends and one more important list to add, his fiancée. Alicia, Niall and Josh hugged and congratulated him after that. Zayn chose to meet his siblings at the pier, suggested that they need to hang out together. When all of them hang lazily at the spot he chosen, he dropped the bombshells. That was when he saw all of their eyes went wide and the surprised looks on his siblings’ faces were priceless. After all of the commotion about the best man and bridesmaid, all of them sat in a comfortable silence, cherished the moment. 

 

But his peace was shattered by Niall’s voice. “Hey, Zayn, you forgot to tell us how you proposed Perrie.” Fuck! Zayn cursed inwardly. “Nothing special. Just a boring proposal, you know,” Zayn replied. “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you,” Niall deadpanned. Zayn sighed. Damn Niall and his inquisitiveness. He inhaled deeply and wanted to tell his siblings to lay off of him but when he turned to face them, he sighed, defeated. All three of them were giving him a famous puppy-eyes and pouted look, waiting for him to tell them the story. “Fine! Just don’t comment anything about it, deal?!” Zayn smiled when his siblings nodded their heads and mocked a salute. 

 

** 

 

_Zayn whistled happily while holding Perrie’s hand and led her to the nearest bench at the zoo. He had made his decision. In the morning, he woke up and suddenly had the feeling to go to the jewelry store. And after he bought the ring, he called Perrie to meet her up._

_“Sweetie pie, let’s sit here!” Zayn said excitedly and sat on the bench with Perrie._

_“Honey, you’re being overexcited today. What’s up?” Perrie asked and looked at Zayn’s face besides her. From the moment he called her and led her around the zoo, he was practically jumping around like a little kid._

_“It’s a secret.” Zayn said and smirked at his girlfriend. He laughed when he saw Perrie pouted at that. At the first months of their relationships, they always fight over that subject. Zayn always told Niall everything, and vice versa. They were always in their little own brother bubbles that anyone cannot penetrated through. And Perrie respected that, but she told Zayn she wanted to be his other half too. Since then, Zayn tried to learn on how to share deep personal things with Perrie too, not just Niall._

_“Auw, sweetie pie~ Are you sulking?” Zayn teased and kissed Perrie. He smiled when her pouted turned into a big grin after the kiss. God, this girl was so right for him. With Perrie, Zayn felt at ease. No unnecessary drama followed around like his ex-girlfriends. Gosh, he really wanted her forever in his life. With a sweet smile, he put his hand on his pocket to pull out the box. Empty. What?! Zayn tried the other pocket and found it empty too. Damn, where the hell was that ring?!_

_“No. No. No.” Perrie frowned when she saw Zayn felt his pockets repeatedly and mumbled those words. What was wrong with her boyfriend? He acted weird. Well, weirder than usual._

_Zayn felt panicked. He was sure he brought the ring with him. He checked for several times before he left to pick Perrie up. He looked around and something clicked in his mind. Zayn looked over and remembered the last place they went before the bench. The duck pond. He ran over to the pond and tried to look into the water. And he saw the small red box at the bottom of the pond. Fuck! How come things like this always happened to him?_

_“Sweetie pie, would you cover me for a while? I want to go into this pond,” Zayn told his girlfriend._

_“What?! Why!?” Perrie shrieked._

_Before Perrie could get the answer, Zayn already went into the pond and picked up the small box. “Fuck, this pond is deep.” Zayn cursed to himself. He was now wet all over from head to toe._

_Zayn went out of the pond and was about to call for Perrie when he heard his girlfriend was trying to defend his action to somebody. What the fuck?_

_“I’m sorry. We know it’s a restricted area. But my boyfriend’s wallet fell into it and he wanted to take it back,” Zayn heard Perrie lied. He stepped out and stood between what he assumed as the zoo keeper and his girlfriend. The guy was still argued about his point and still wanted to take Zayn into custody for violence of public property. Zayn was getting fed up and Perrie was getting upset. Decided to ignore the guy and spectators who watched the little scene, Zayn cannot held back anymore._

_“Perrie Louise Edwards, would you spend your life forever with me?” Zayn knelt on the ground and held out the wet red box to his girlfriend and opened it out._

_Perrie gasped in surprise. She did not expect this. So he jumped into the pond because the box was slipped out from his pocket? He was scared of water for God’s sake! She looked at Zayn who was wet from head to toe and his face was smeared with mud; knelt in front of her. Perrie grinned. So messy yet so sweet, that was her Zayn. She knew her answer, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”_

_Zayn felt like he was on a cloud nine. Perrie said yes! He stood up quickly and put the ring on Perrie’s finger. “I love you, Perrie Louise Edwards.” Zayn said and kissed his fiancée tenderly._

 

**

 

They tried. They really tried to stifle their laughs. But Niall cracked up first. Followed by the other two. They laughed and made a quack sound imitated the duck sound. They laughed out louder when Zayn glared at them. “You’re all sucks,” Zayn whined. “Not as suck as your proposal,” Josh heard Zayn gasped at Niall’s word. His side was splitting for laughing too much. When Zayn tried to stand up and left them, Josh pulled his hand to sit back down. “Don’t be mad, Zayn. We’re just enjoying your story.” 

 

“No, you’re not. If you guys still want to laugh at me, I’m outta here,” Zayn said and crossed his arms. 

 

“Auww, Zaynie. Chill dude, can’t we have a little fun? I mean, it’s not an everyday occurrence that you proposed after swimming with the ducks,” Niall said wiping away his tears of laughter. Josh imitated Niall’s action and sobered up. He didn’t want Zayn to get mad for real. What he saw after that made his heart warmed. Niall went over to hug his brother and apologized for laughing. Josh saw how Zayn’s irritation melted and he smiled automatically hugging back his brother. Josh shook his head and smiled. Those two really had a special kind of bond. 

 

**

 

“He really did that?” Quinn laughed. Niall nodded at his girlfriend’s question. He was just finished recounted the story of Zayn’s proposal to Quinn. 

 

“Yeah, he said his initial plan was to propose Perrie at the restaurant or someplace romantic, but ended up he really couldn’t wait. You know how impatient he is. So he decided to propose at the zoo. But turned out he messed up when the box dropped into the duck pond. I can imagine how he panicked and jumped into the pond. That would be priceless to see.” Niall laughed. “Can’t believe I’m actually related to him,” Niall added. He felt Quinn punched his arms lightly. “Hey, be nice. He’s your brother.” 

 

Niall laughed again. He wrapped his arms tightly around his girlfriend. “You know I’m just kidding.” He and Quinn were hanging out at the mall looking for a new pair of jeans. That was one of their favorite things to do when they both were not busy with their works. Shopping. 

 

Niall kissed Quinn’s hair lightly. Her hair smelt nice. God, how did he got so lucky to finally found a perfect girl like this? “Honey,” Niall called softly. Quinn’s eyes were still glued to the handbag on her hand that she was still holding at one of the shops, “Yeah?” 

 

“I love you,” 

 

Quinn tilted her head to look at her boyfriend. She felt like she was falling in love with Niall all over again. After they got together, Niall said those three words everyday. Maybe for anyone else, it can make the magic lose if the words were being used daily, but for Quinn, that was really special. Niall never missed a day saying those three words. And in an unexpected times nonetheless. Sometimes, when Quinn was cooking, he would hug her from behind whispered the words. Sometimes, when they were strolling along the road, he would abruptly stop, turned to look at her and said the words. Sometimes at the middle of the night when they were already sleeping, Niall would wake her up just to say he loved her and can’t imagine his life without her. 

 

“I love you too,” Quinn said and kissed her boyfriend. Niall smiled after they pulled away. “Let’s go get Chinese food. I’m starving.” Niall said and started to head towards the food courts, pulling his girlfriend with him. Suddenly, he heard one unfamiliar voice called his girlfriend’s name and he felt Quinn tightened her grip on his hand. He turned around and saw Quinn’s eyes went wide and before he could ask who was the guy that stood in front of them, Quinn spoke up, “Richard.”


	24. Chapter 24

“Richard.” 

 

“Hi, Quinn. Long time no see.” 

 

Quinn nodded. All of her old memories came crashing back at once leaving her speechless. She thought she would not see Richard again. Not after the history they shared together. Not after the bad memories she did not want to remember again. She tightened her grip on Niall’s hand when Richard smirked at her. 

 

“Yeah.” Very subtle, Quinn. Show the guy you really didn’t want to talk to him. 

 

“So, who is this?” Quinn saw Richard scrutinized Niall from head to toe as in to compare himself with Niall. With a forced smile, Quinn replied, “This is Niall, my boyfriend.” She turned to look at Niall and introduced Richard to him. 

 

“Wow, never thought you’d be able to find a new boyfriend,” Richard said with a fake surprised tone. 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Well, considering your history,” Richard spat and looked at Quinn with a dangerous look in his eyes. Quinn felt her eyes moistened. Why would Richard treated her like this, again? 

 

“Hey, watch your tone, man,” Quinn felt Niall stepped up to face Richard and pushed her slightly behind his back. 

 

“It’s okay, Niall. Just ignore him. Let’s go,” Quinn tried to pull Niall to walk away from her ex-boyfriend. 

 

“Nice. That’s what you always do, right? Run away from your problem? Does your boyfriend here know about what you did?” Richard said challengingly and looked at Niall. 

 

Quinn saw Niall fell into silence and stared at her with curious eyes. No. No. This can’t be happening. Not now. Not after she had moved on from her past. She saw Richard smiled smugly and that made her furious. 

 

“You know what? I had put up with enough crap from you the last time, so be my guest if you want to continue to be the pretentious douche bag like you are. But please, leave me alone. Trust me, you don’t want to know what I would do if I see you again,” Quinn said angrily before she turned around and pulled Niall with her. 

 

**

 

Niall was stunned. He barely registered on what had happened when he felt he was being pulled by his girlfriend towards the parking lot. He knew Richard was her ex-boyfriend, but that was it. Niall never knew how they broke up but Quinn just said it was pretty bad. He did not know it was that bad. 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Niall asked his girlfriend. His eyes kept focusing on the road but his hand squeezed Quinn’s hand softly seeking for reaction. Quinn had fallen into silence since the incident at the mall. Niall knew she was upset but he didn’t exactly know why. Obviously it was about Richard. Frankly, he really had no clue what the hell Richard was talking about but Quinn seemed upset about that. 

 

“I’m fine. Just keep your eyes on the road, please. I don’t want us to get into an accident.” Niall frowned at Quinn’s tone. Niall felt his chest constricted when Quinn pulled her hand out of Niall’s grip. The rest of the journey home was filled with an uncomfortable silence. 

 

When they reached Quinn’s apartment, the condition still did not changed. Niall felt confused. What had he done wrong for Quinn to dismiss him like this? 

 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Niall asked when they entered the living room. He put his hands on Quinn’s shoulder and tried to look at her eyes. 

 

“Nothing,”

 

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. If it’s nothing, you wouldn’t be upset like this. Tell me. Is this about what Richard said just now?” Niall coaxed softly. Quinn shrugged off his hands and shook her head. 

 

“Look, Niall, I’m tired. Maybe you should go back.” 

 

Niall shook his head. “Honey. Tell me. Please, tell me what’s wrong. Is there something you want to talk to me about what Richard had said?” 

 

“It was my past. Just leave it at that, okay. It’s not important anymore,” 

 

“Honey, please. Don’t push me off. I know you’re upset. Just talk to me, I won’t judge you. I told you about my past, can’t you do the same for me?” Niall said. He felt slightly hurt by the fact that Quinn seemed like she didn’t trust him enough to share her past with him. 

 

“I don’t wanna to talk about it, Niall.” Quinn sighed. She slightly raised her voice at Niall’s stubbornness. 

 

“But why?” 

 

“Just cause.” 

 

Niall sighed and looked away. He felt his patience was wearing thin. They were a couple, for God’s sake. And they always told each other everything, so why this one was different?

 

“Quinn. I’m your boyfriend. Don’t you think I deserve to know what had been upsetting you?” Niall tried to reason. 

 

“God, Niall! Can’t you just stop being so nosy?! I told you I don’t want to talk about it, don’t you understand?” Quinn yelled. 

 

Niall blinked his eyes. He was nosy? Seriously, he asked her what was wrong because she seemed upset, and she told him he was nosy? That was harsh, coming from his girlfriend. Didn’t want to make the situation worse, Niall chose to back off from the fight. He took a deep breathe before he spoke up. “I guess when I’m not being such a nuisance anymore, you know where to find me.” Niall turned and headed towards the door. “Good night. Sweet dreams.” He added before walked out of the apartment. 

 

**

 

“What’s the deal with the guy again? You can get anyone you want, Jessica, but why are you still pining with him? I thought you got over him months ago,” Jessica heard Demi’s voice through her phone. 

 

“That’s the point, babe. I always get what I want. I want him, but I don’t get him. So, you do the math.” Jessica said and suddenly added, “Okay, maybe not math, I’m suck at it. Just think of the logic.”

 

“There’s no logic in this Jessica. Just leave the guy alone. I thought he has a girlfriend?” Jessica snorted at that. Demi was always being the goody-two-shoes between them that sometimes Jessica can’t help but felt annoyed. 

 

“Babe, ss long as you know me, have you ever seen I didn’t get what I wanted? Plus, I’m always going after what I aim,” Jessica said again while twirling her hair. This conversation had bored her. Why was she became friend with Demi again? Didn’t Demi know that she would never satisfy and happy unless she got what she wanted? Once when she was a kid, she wanted Demi’s dollhouse but Demi refused to give her. That was when Jessica burned the dollhouse. Of course Demi never knew she burned it. Demi thought the dollhouse was accidentally burned by her nanny. Yeah, right. Jessica chuckled at the memories. If she didn’t get what she wanted, no one else can. 

 

“Fine. Just don’t do anything stupid.” Jessica rolled her eyes at Demi’s words. She and stupid could never be in the same sentence. Right? 

 

“You know me. I’m always smart.”

 

“Seriously, Jessica. Just leave the guy alone. You could find someone else better. The one who is richer, cuter and more importantly, single.”

 

“You know what, babe. I don’t really want to know your two cents in my life at this moment. Bye.” Jessica hung up and rolled her eyes. She had another important thing to do rather than being lectured by her so-called best friend. 

 

Jessica turned to face the guy besides her in the car. “So, are we there yet?” 

 

“In 10 minutes. Are you sure you want to do this?” 

 

“Oh, I’d never been so sure like this.” Jessica smiled and started twirling her hair again.

 

**

 

Niall turned the television off. He had been searching for something to watch on the television to keep his mind off the earlier fight he had with Quinn. “500 channels and still got nothing interesting to see,” Niall muttered to himself. He lied on the couch staring at the ceiling and sighed again. He and Quinn had been together for about half a year and they never fought over something like this. Disagreement on certain things, yes. But, fought? Never. Not until this evening. Niall sighed again. 

 

Niall was about to called the night off when suddenly he heard the doorbell rang. He frowned and looked at his watch. 10.30 pm. Who would’ve come at time like this? Okay, Zayn would. But Zayn always barged through this house like it was his own. Plus, Zayn had the spare keys. Well actually, they both had each other keys. Without any further fruitless analyzing thoughts in his mind, Niall went to open his front door and the person stood in front of the door was not someone he expected to see. 

 

“Jessica?” 

 

“Hi, Niall.” 

 

Niall smiled awkwardly. Well, the last time he saw Jessica was months ago. At the club. He shuddered at the memories. The memories he was sure he would not want to treasure again. After that night, he tried to call her and apologized but she kept ignoring his calls and not soon after that he found out she had a boyfriend. Hence, Niall thought she would not want so see him again. Turned out he was wrong. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Niall asked. Frankly, he had no idea how Jessica knew the address of his house. But come to think of it, they were practically lived in the same state. 

 

“I just come over to visit a friend, is that wrong?” Niall blinked. He watched Jessica smiled at him. She looked sincere. So, she still thought of him as her friend? 

 

“Nah, it’s not wrong,” Niall said. One of Niall’s philosophies; if people were nice to him, there was no reason to be hostile towards them. And Jessica did not do something wrong except for that night where they both made mistakes. But if she did not bring it up again, maybe she was over it. So was he. 

 

“Nice. Are you gonna let me stand here for the rest of the night?” Niall snapped out of his thoughts when Jessica spoke up. 

 

“Oh, sorry. Please, come in.” 

 

Niall led Jessica to his living room and cleaned up some of the mail stacks on the couch. When he was done, he sat at the other couch and looked at Jessica. 

 

“You got a nice house.” 

 

“Thanks.” 

 

Awkward. Well, at least for Niall at the first seconds. But when Niall watched how Jessica was acted chirpily like her usual self, he quickly became at ease. It was like when they became friends for the first time. They started to chat randomly and finally Niall realized something. 

 

“Damn, I forgot to serve you a drink,” Niall said and began to stand up. He was about to turned and headed towards the kitchen when Jessica quickly stopped him. 

 

“Hey! How would you like me to make you a drink?” Jessica asked Niall excitedly. Niall raised his eyebrows. 

 

“Eh, but it’s my house.” 

 

“I know. But I really don’t have the chance to make my own drink at home. I would really like to do that, pleaseeeee…” Niall laughed at Jessica’s attempt to beg him for the simple drink. Fine, if that was the case, who was he to object that request. Plus, a friend would let their friends to make themselves felt at home. 

 

“Fine. If you insist.” Niall shrugged and smiled. 

 

“Yeay! You just wait here, okay. Put in some DVD, maybe we can hang out for a while,” Jessica said chirpily. Niall chuckled at Jessica’s enthusiasm. After he showed Jessica the way to his kitchen, he sat on the couch again and put in some DVD that he picked from his DVDs collection. Maybe a little hang out with a friend watching a nice movie will keep his mind off his problem at that moment. Maybe.


	25. Chapter 25

Jessica peeked through the slit space between the kitchen and the living room to see Niall. When she saw Niall had already sat back on the couch and occupied with the DVD selection, she quickly did her job. She pulled out a small plastic from her pocket and smiled. 

 

“I really have to thank the guy who invented this,” Jessica mumbled to herself, still smiling. She put the powder into one of the glasses and stirred it with a spoon. She smiled to herself and turned around headed to the living room. 

 

“Here’s your drink, Mister Horan,” Jessica passed the glass to Niall and sat beside him. She gave him a friendly smile and started to sip her drink. 

 

“Thanks. I’m impressed you really know how to make a drink,” Niall teased. Jessica laughed. Of course, Niall. Only for you. From the corner of her eyes, Jessica saw Niall started to sip his drink. She smiled inwardly. That thing better worked out or else she would slaughter the dealer herself. 

 

It was several minutes and an empty glass later, Jessica saw Niall blinked his eyes and shook his head. Time to strike, Jessica thought to herself. 

 

“Hey, are you alright? You look pale,” Jessica asked leaning closer to Niall and looked at his face concernedly. “I dunno, my head feels kinda hurt suddenly,” Niall said and started to slump back towards the couch. 

 

“Oh, you poor thing, you want to lie down?” Jessica asked and she barely heard Niall said no. “Sorry, Jessica, but I think you should go home first. I’m seriously feeling drain all of sudden. Maybe I have to rest…” Jessica heard Niall trailed off the last sentence before his body slumped further into the couch and fell into unconsciousness. 

 

Jessica tapped softly on Niall’s cheek to ensure he was indeed unconscious. She traced her finger on Niall’s face and kissed his lips softly. After that, she pulled out her phone and called her partner in crime. Literally. 

 

“He’s out. Come here, now.” Jessica said and hung up. While waiting for her acquaintance, Jessica watched Niall’s face. He looked so young when he’s unconscious. It looked like he was sleeping but Jessica knew better. This was not a sleeping beauty contest. This was her way to get Niall under her grip. She ran her hands through Niall’s hair and brought his face closer to her. He smelt nice, Jessica thought. She was about to kiss him for the second time when suddenly she heard someone knocked on the door. She ran to the front door and opened it quickly. 

 

“Wow, so fast,” Jessica said, surprised. 

 

“I was just hanging around the corner,” the guy said and led himself in. 

 

“You’re sure the other one is not at his home?” Jessica asked and went to the living room. She knew Niall’s brother, Zayn lived a few blocks nearby. She did not want him to interrupt her plan. 

 

“Yes. I’m sure. I saw him leaving his house and I know he went to his friend’s party tonight, so he won’t be home for a few hours.” 

 

“Nice job, Nick. I know I made the right decision to hire you,” Jessica said and brushed her body to Nick before went over to the couch. She smiled in satisfaction when Nick nodded like a little puppy. Guys. So easy to please. 

 

“So, what’re we going to do?” Nick asked and looked over at Niall who had passed out on the couch. Jessica followed his glance and pointed towards the stairs. 

 

“Help me drag him to his bedroom. Then, we can execute the plan as we discussed,” Jessica said and put one of Niall’s arm around her shoulder. Nick went over and put the other arm on his shoulder. 

 

Jessica gasped for breath when they reached Niall’s bedroom. After she and Nick put Niall on his bed, Jessica started to undressed Niall. 

 

“Urm, Jessica, are you sure you want to do that?” Jessica rolled her eyes at Nick’s question. 

 

“You think I almost died dragging him up here just to help him sleep? Don’t you remember our plan?” 

 

“I know. I remember. But you know, I’m a guy. He’s a guy. I feel uncomfortable.” 

 

Jessica huffed and turned around to face Nick. “Nick, honey. You said you would do this for me. Plus, I paid you for it. And you got to see me naked too. Can’t you just do it, silently?” Jessica asked with a tone that saying final is final. No more questions asked. She smiled sweetly at Nick when he nodded. Jessica started to undressed Niall completely and she did the same to herself after that. After she had the perfect position on the bed, she signaled to Nick to start his job. She started to kiss Niall’s lip and whispered softly, “you don’t know how I long I’ve waited to do this with you, Niall.” 

 

** 

 

“Nialler!” Niall rolled over and winced. Why did Zayn screamed for his name like a mad man? And why in the hell his head felt like it was splitting open? He groaned and was about to sit when suddenly Zayn barged through his bedroom door. 

 

“Are you deaf? I called your name since forever Niall,” Zayn asked and plopped down on the bed. That move did not help Niall with his headache at all. Instead, it became worse. He groaned and sat up. 

 

“What do you want, Zaynie,” he asked and put his head in his hands. Damn headache. 

 

“What do I want? God, I thought you were robbed or something. Why did your front door was unlocked?” Niall looked up and his face nearly collided with Zayn’s. 

 

“Dude! Personal space!” Niall said annoyed and Zayn backed away. “What do you mean unlocked?” Niall added. God knew that he just woke up and still half asleep added with the headache. Thinking was not something he wanted to do at the moment. 

 

“Unlock as in the door was not lock, Nialler,” Zayn said and shook his head. 

 

“Oh, maybe I forgot to lock it last night,” Niall shrugged.

 

“You forgot?! What if robber came in? What if a stalker-crazy fan came in and kidnapped you?” Zayn scolded the younger lad. 

 

Niall chuckled. “Zayn, don’t be so overdramatic. I don’t have a stalker-crazy fan. Okay, well, maybe I have. But seriously, I don’t remember, Z.” Niall frowned. He had a headache and he can’t remember anything from the night before. Was he drunk? 

 

“What are you? Senile?” Zayn stood up and went over to open the window’s curtain. “Did someone come over last night? I saw your tv was also not turned off.” 

 

Niall’s mind clicked. “Oh, Jessica came over.” Niall watched in amusement when Zayn stopped and turned around within seconds. Like a superman, Niall thought. 

 

“Jessica? Jessica as in Jessica Jessica?” Zayn asked and sat beside Niall who was already sat on the edge of the bed. 

 

“Yeah,”

 

“What??! You said you’d never contact her again!” Zayn frowned. 

 

“I dunno. Last time I called her was after the little incident at the club and that was it. And last night suddenly she popped out of nowhere. Plus she said she came over as a friend.” 

 

“Niall! How many times did I tell you that girl’s gonna bring you trouble?!” Zayn yelled. 

 

“Dude, we just hang out,” Niall defended. It was the truth. 

 

“Hang out?! That was it? Tell me, did it led to another thing that called _‘sex’_?” 

 

In that moment, Niall felt mad at Zayn’s sudden accusation. “What the fuck dude! You know I love Quinn!” 

 

“Exactly! Your girlfriend who you had fought yesterday and suddenly at night you found someone else to fuck with instead of her?!”

 

“Zayn, I just hang out with Jessica. Why must you think I had sex with her?!” 

 

“Because the last time you met her, you knew what happened!” 

 

“But it was just a mistake!” 

 

“Yeah, the mistake you made after you fought with Quinn! Am I right?!” 

 

“Yes, but I like I told you, it was a mistake. Wait, how do you know Quinn and I fought?” Niall asked and looked at Zayn. 

 

“I ran into her at the coffee shop just now. And she told me to bring your coffee here since you and she are still fighting. And here I am.” Zayn explained. “Look, that’s not the point. The point is, you and Jessica were really hanged out only? No further unnecessary actions?” Zayn asked and looked at the younger boy. Suddenly he felt guilty for scolded his brother. Niall looked pale and he winced every time he talked and being yelled at. 

 

“I think so, I kind of remember we watched the movie at the first minutes but after that I don’t remember anything,” Zayn frowned at Niall’s words. Niall pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed thickly. Zayn knew this was a sign of Niall’s headache. 

 

“Please, Niall. Please say you don’t exactly fuck with her.” 

 

“I didn’t!” 

 

“Are you sure or you don’t remember?”

 

“I…I don’t remember but I’m sure, Zayn,” 

 

Zayn sighed. This was bad. What if Quinn knew about this? “Niall, what if you did?” 

 

“I didn’t! Don’t you think I’m stupid enough not to know how my body felt when I had sex or not. I think I know my body very well, thank you.” Niall snapped. 

 

Zayn sighed before he spoke up after few moments of silence. “Fine. I believe you. Don’t ever lie to me, alright? You know how I feel about liar,” Zayn stated firmly. 

 

“I know. I promised you I’d never lie to you again, wasn’t I?” Zayn nodded his head at Niall’s comment. That was true. With a heavy sigh, Zayn went to the bathroom and took out the small bottle from the cabinet above the sink.

 

“Here, take this for your headache.” Zayn handed out two pills of aspirin to Niall. Niall always got headache when he was stressed and had too much thinking at once. And this time, Zayn knew it was most probably because of the fight he had with Quinn. Niall and Quinn never had the big fight. _Ever._ They were pretty laid-back couple in Zayn’s opinion. Niall must have been thinking too much about that. 

 

“Thanks.” Niall swallowed the pills dryly and lied down on his bed again. “Zayn, can we just keep to ourselves about this? I don’t want Quinn to get the wrong idea. I really didn’t do anything with Jessica. You believe me, right?” Niall rolled over to face his brother. 

 

“Yeah. I won’t. I’m sorry I jumped into conclusion. You know I have a bad vibe about Jessica.” Zayn said. 

 

“I know you’re just looking out for me. Thanks, Zayn.” Niall said while his eyes started to droop again. The last thing he remembered before he fell into a blissful sleep was Zayn fussed over his blanket and tucked him in. 

 

**

 

“You did a great job,” Jessica told guy who sat besides her. The results from their plan were laid out scattered on the table in front of them. 

 

“Well, you keep me motivated, baby,” Nick said and kissed Jessica. Jessica kissed him back and pulled away quickly. She gave him her fake charming smile and she saw how he melted. This guy was too easy to play. 

 

Jessica put away the things on her hand and gave her full attention to Nick. She needed to execute the next plan. She had planned this perfectly. She really needed to get Niall under her grip. And Nick was part of the sacrifice that Jessica had to deal with. 

 

“Nick, honey. You love me, right?” Jessica asked and leaned closer to Nick. 

 

“Of course, baby. You know I love you,” Jessica smiled triumphantly when Nick started to pull her closer to his body. 

 

“You would do anything for me, right?” 

 

“No doubt about it, baby,” 

 

Jessica smiled again and started to undressed her blouse. She started to kiss Nick and led him to her bed. When they were both naked on the bed, Jessica pulled Nick’s face closer to her and whispered something into his ears.

 

Nick looked shocked at Jessica’s words. “Are you sure? Is this some part of your plan? You’re not using me, are you?” 

 

“Baby, of course not. I love you too. This is for us. I thought you wanted to get revenge on Niall too. Am I right, baby?” Jessica coaxed softly. When she saw Nick’s expression softened at her words, she laughed inwardly. She put up such a believable act that maybe she could audition for movie role after this. Maybe. 

 

“You’re right, baby,” Nick nodded. Jessica smiled and started pulling Nick’s body closer to her again.


	26. Chapter 26

Niall tied his shoelaces and put on his cap. His headache had subsided a little and he planned to jog around to get some fresh air. He was about to lock his door when his phone rang. He smiled when he saw the name on the display.

 

“Hello.” 

 

“Hey, can you come to my house? We need to talk about yesterday,” Niall frowned when he heard the seriousness in Quinn’s tone. 

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there in 15,” Niall said before Quinn hang up on him. He stared at his phone for a while before finally headed towards his car. His mind jumbled through many thoughts while he drove to Quinn’s house. Part of him was curious about what things that Quinn would tell him and part of him was scared that he might not like it. 

 

Niall inhaled deeply when he stood in front of Quinn’s door. Should he knocked or should he use the keys instead? He was still considering choosing between those two when suddenly the door was opened by Quinn. 

 

Niall can’t help but smiled at the person in front of him. “Hi baby, I miss you,” Niall said and leaned closer to kiss Quinn. He was glad that Quinn kissed him back and she was not shutting herself off like the day before. 

 

**

 

“I miss you too,” Quinn smiled at her boyfriend and led him into her living room. The truth was she was so nervous and scared to do this. But after she had spoken with Ivy and her therapist, they advised her to tell Niall the truth about her past. It was for the sake of their relationship. Ivy convinced her that Niall would understand. Quinn knew that too. But she can’t help but being afraid. She did really terrible things in her past. Compared to Niall’s past, she was really ashamed on hers. 

 

“So, what’s going on? You called me earlier..” Quinn heard Niall trailed, unsure and looked at her. They were both sitting at the opposite couches. Quinn straightened her posture and took a deep breath before she started. She needed to do this. 

 

“I wanted to tell you about my past,” Quinn said. “There’s another side of me that you don’t know, Niall. And I’m afraid you’re gonna hate me for it.” She added. She looked away from Niall’s eyes and stared at anywhere but him. 

 

“Hey, I’m not gonna judge you based on your past. I love you for who you are. I don’t care if you have million sides of yourself, baby. I just wanna know all of those sides. Trust me, I’d be here for you no matter what you’d tell me,” Quinn smiled when Niall held her hands and said all those encouraging words. 

 

“I was 17..” Quinn started. 

 

**

 

_She was 17 when she met Richard. Richard was the new guy that just enrolled into her school. They met through their friends at one of the parties they attended. Richard was what Quinn would call as a good looking guy. With his dark brown hair, his greenish eyes and a tall figure, any girls would look twice at him. Being a young girl herself, Quinn can’t help but being attracted to his appearances at the first place. But his personality was incredible too and Quinn became more attracted to him. After that, they became friends and not soon after they became a couple that everyone envied to._

_Quinn felt like Richard was the one for her. Their relationship was still going strong after two years of dating. They were both striven for success in their studies and pursued their ambitions. But one obstacle came unexpected. Neither Richard nor Quinn expected that. Quinn fainted at one morning and was brought to the clinic by Richard. And one sentence by the doctor changed everything._

_**_

_“How could this happened??!!” Richard’s voice boomed through the apartment and the sound of shattered glass can be heard. Quinn sobbed on the couch and shook her head._

_“I don’t know,” Quinn said between her sobs. She really had no idea._

_“You don’t know you’re pregnant?! Are you kidding me?!” Richard screamed furiously. His face was bright red and he already trashed their living room out of frustration._

_“I really don’t know about that, Rich. We used protection all the time…I…I don’t know, Rich..” Quinn said and tried to wipe her tears away._

_“I know I did use the protection! Did you take the pills?! Or did you forgot?!” Richard yelled accusingly. He knew sex was between two people and he was sure he used protection every time he did that. But when thing like this happened, one person had to be blamed and at that moment, he couldn’t help but blaming Quinn._

_Quinn closed her eyes and tried to recall if she really had forgotten to take the birth control pills. She was confused as hell. She was sure she took them every time they made love. Suddenly her eyes snapped open._

_“God,” Quinn put her hand on her mouth and sobbed harder. “There was one night..I…we got back late at night..I think we were already wasted..and..I think I forgot..we just..we just jumped to it…” Quinn struggled to get her words out because of her crying._

_“Damn it Quinn!! This was your entire fault!! I’m not ready for this shit! We’re only 18! How am I supposed to support a baby at this age huh? I’m not rich like your family! What about my ambition?! My future! I told you to be careful!” Richard said still yelling at Quinn. Quinn felt her eyes filled with tears again at Richard’s words. Maybe it was her fault but he was the one who fucked her for God’s sake. She was young and also had ambition like he did. Why didn’t he understand that? She was as scared as him. She was so sad that Richard said all those words. She was about to say something when Richard gave her an ultimatum that she never thought could coming out from his mouth._

_“I have to focus for the exam.” He said and started to pack leave her. “Settle this problem, Quinn. It’s either me or that thing inside you. As far as I’m concerned, that’s not mine.” Richard said before he left._

_**_

_“You did what?!!” Ivy almost yelled at her best friend in front of her. Luckily, she remembered that they were sitting in a restaurant with full of people. If it wasn’t for that, she could have yelled at the top of her lungs._

_“I made an abortion,” Quinn said it again. She had done that the week before. She had no one to talk to after Richard left her aloneShe couldn’t tell her parents. Her parents were mad enough when she decided to date Richard. They said Richard was not right for her. He had no future whatsoever. And if they knew Richard knocked her up and left her dried, they would definitely disown her. Quinn knew her parents better. She had no other friends that she can trust besides Ivy. But Ivy was at her grandparents’ and cannot be reached when Quinn tried to call her. Richard had definitely not talking to her at all after he left. With no one to turn to, Quinn had made the decision. And when Ivy called her to meet up, she can’t help but spilled the news to her best friend._

_“God, Q. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? How far along were you? Are you okay?” Ivy asked again. This time she used the softer tone. Quinn was one of the kindest people she knew. For Quinn to do such thing as an abortion, Ivy was sure she would felt devastated as hell. Ivy felt slightly mad at herself for not reaching up to Quinn sooner. Fuck her grandparents’ house and lack of technology accessible there. She really wished Quinn would wait for her before she made the decision by herself._

_“Almost three months. I’m okay, Ivy. Don’t worry about me. I’ve moved past that. Can we change the subject now?” Quinn said, smiling. But the truth was she cried herself to sleep every night after the abortion. She felt guilty. The fetus was innocent and yet she killed it. She felt sick to her stomach every time she thought about that. And she was lucky she wore long sleeves when she met Ivy. She began cutting herself every day after that just to punish herself for her sins and she didn’t want anyone to know that. Not even her best friend._

_**_

_“Rich, listen to me! I had no other choice! You were the one that told me to choose between you and it!” Quinn said hysterically. Richard was back to their apartment several days after Quinn met Ivy. The first second Richard asked about their problem, she blurted out that she had done an abortion. To say Richard was shocked was understatement. He was angry at Quinn for not discussed it with him first. And that was when the screaming match started._

_“I didn’t mean that you have to kill it! Oh my God, Quinn. I can’t believe you did that! You killed our baby!”_

_Quinn was shocked and angry. He was the one who left her alone and yet he blamed her for everything? “Oh, I’m sorry, as far as I’m concerned; you said it was not yours!” Quinn said sarcastically._

_There was a long silence that followed Quinn’s words before Richard spoke up. “You know what. I think I’m done.”_

_“What do you mean you’re done?”_

_“I’m done with us. I can’t bear to look at the face of a killer everyday. I thought you’re the nicest girl I’ve known and loved. I thought wrong. You’re just as selfish and spoilt as any other rich girls.” Richard said._

_“What?” Quinn said and tears started to spill from her eyes. “You called me selfish? Where were you when I needed you? I was just as freaked out as you and you left me for the fucking exam. Who’s the selfish one here?”_

_“I did that so I could pass the exam and could find a good college if I passed with flying colors. All for our future! But you?! The first sign on problem came, you ran away from it! Couldn’t you at least wait until I finished my exam and discussed about our problem? But no. You went to abort the baby the first chance you got. I never know you’re such a hypocrite.”_

_“Hypocrite?”_

_“Yes! You thought you’re better than anyone else here, but the truth is you’re the worst Quinn. At least they never have the heart to abort their baby just for their own sake.”_

_Quinn felt her heart crushed at Richard’s words. She was a killer. Not to mention, hypocrite. That was some truth in those words. She always thought that girls who got knocked up and gave up their baby for adoption was mean. Turned out, she was worst than them. She killed the baby before it was born. And she admitted she did that because she was afraid everyone would judge her. She was afraid she would not be able to pursue her study and ambition. She was afraid she would lose Richard if he was not ready to have a baby with her. With this realization, Quinn felt sick to her stomach. She sobbed brokenly watching Richard and with a simple ‘Goodbye, Quinn,’ he was gone from her life._

_**_

_By gone, it didn’t mean he was gone forever. Quinn was still saw him at the school and they always ended up attended the same event. It was hard for Quinn to see Richard had moved on from her. She on the other hand was on the road of disaster. She could not concentrated during classes and her result dropped dramatically. Her social life was not in the better condition as well. Everyone ignored her since Richard spreaded that he broke up with her because she told him he was not good enough for her. Between Richard’s words and hers, all of them believed Richard. Except Ivy who stood up for her all of the time. But it was not enough. She felt so dirty and down she started to cut herself deeper and deeper. She began developed the suicidal tendency and her self-esteem was completely gone. She tried to be strong. But one day when she saw Richard kissed another girl who she later knew as his new girlfriend, all hell broke loose._

 

** 

 

“I tried to kill myself. I left the goodbye notes to my parents and Ivy. I didn’t plan it. I just did it. I felt like I got nothing else to live for anymore. Everyone left me. I killed my baby. I was selfish. So I did it. I slit both my wrists.” Quinn said with tears on her face. She didn’t realize when she started crying. 

 

When Niall was still silence, Quinn continued her story. “Somehow, Ivy found me and called for 911. At first, I was angry at her because she stopped my plan. But after she cried on me, I felt guilty. My parents decided to put me into treatment center and I agreed. I was broken and I knew I needed to get help to build myself again. I was there for about a year before I was brave enough to face the outside world again. But I had to go to my therapist once a week after that.” 

 

Quinn wiped away her tears and looked at Niall. His face showed emotions that Quinn could not figure out. 

 

“Once a week? Until now?” Niall asked. 

 

“You mean the session with therapist? Now it’s only once a month or only when I had certain breakdowns. I’m sorry, Niall. I wish I could tell you about this sooner. I know I wasn’t this sweet-innocent Quinn that you fell in love with. But I was ashamed of my past. Trust me, I really want to move on from that version of Quinn. Would you move on with me?” Quinn asked softly. She tried to take Niall’s hands into hers but he stood up abruptly. Quinn felt her heart constricted. No. No. Niall can’t do this. She thought Niall would understand. He said he would not judge her, but why did he look like he wanted to flee away from her house right away? 

 

Quinn felt her heart crushed when Niall spoke up, “I’m sorry. I can’t take this right now.” With that, he left Quinn alone in her apartment like Richard did several years ago.


	27. Chapter 27

Curiosity killed the cat. That was what they used to say. But for Niall, curiosity killed his heart. Niall drove away from Quinn’s apartment with mixed emotions. He didn’t know how to react to Quinn’s revelation. It was too much for him to digest all of it at once. He thought he knew Quinn. He knew Quinn as this sweet girl that always put everybody else’s needs before her. He could not imagine Quinn was completely different from what he knew. And she did one thing that Niall never approved of. He always resented people who aborted the innocent fetus. It was immoral in his opinion. But Quinn did that. His girlfriend did one of the things that he resented of. She did that because she didn't want a baby to intervene with her life at that moment. How should he react? He pulled over and decided to call his brotherwhen suddenly Zayn’s name appeared on the screen on his phone. 

 

“Zayn! I was about to call you!” 

 

“Huh? What’s up? Is something wrong?” 

 

“I dunno how to tell you. It’s a long story.” Niall sighed and rubbed his face. He didn’t want to tell Zayn everything. It wasn’t his story to tell. He didn’t want to disrespect his girlfriend. 

 

“I got time. Spill.” 

 

So Niall told Zayn the short version of the story. And he didn’t realize he was crying when he finished. What the hell? 

 

“Niall, did you say anything to her after that? Did you say something stupid?” 

 

“No. I just said I can’t take it and walked out.” Niall said. 

 

“You walked out?! Fuck, Niall. She was opened up to you and you left her alone? What’s wrong with you?! You want to be like her ex-boyfriend?!” 

 

“No! I..I didn’t mean to..I just..It was too much for me..” Niall trailed off. 

 

“Think about it, Niall. If you feel it was too much for you, what about her? You fucking cried when you recounted the story to me, but how do you think she felt when she told you? Don’t you think she was hurt enough by her past, now you’re going to ditch her like Richard did?” Niall felt tears threatened to spill again from his eyes. Oh, God, what had he done?! Quinn accepted his past with open arms, but he left her alone right after she told him everything? He remembered how Quinn’s eyes stared at him with a hopeful look and demanded him to trust her. But he left her alone instead. And Zayn was right. If he felt hurt by her past, she must be feeling worse to open up the old wound. Fuck, Niall! What had you done?! How could you act so stupid?

 

“Thanks, Zayn. I owe you. Gotta go,” Niall said quickly before started to turn his car around. He only had one destination on his mind. “Please, Quinn. Please don’t do anything stupid.” Niall prayed on his way to Quinn’s apartment. 

 

** 

 

Zayn hang up on the phone and shook his head. His brother can be so dense sometimes. “What’s wrong?” Zayn snapped his head and looked over to the voice. Harry’s voice. He was hanging out with the Louis, Harry and Liam at his house when suddenly he felt he needed to call Niall. And what Niall had told him left him completely shocked at the first seconds. But he regained his composure and played his role as the older brother perfectly. He tried to knock some sense into Niall’s head because his brother really needed that. How could he left Quinn alone when she was vulnerable? And with a constant suicidal tendency nonetheless. Zayn did not expected that. She was an optimistic person, at least that was what Zayn saw her as. But everyone had the dark side of themselves including him, so who was he to judge? But when Niall told him that he walked out on Quinn after she opened up to him, Zayn felt like he wanted to shake his brother. 

 

“Niall. Quinn.” Zayn simply said and plopped down on the couch besides Louis. He saw all three of them raised their eyebrows at his not-so-descriptive-explanation. 

 

“They had this big fight. Some things regarding Quinn’s past. I also don’t know the whole story.” Zayn shrugged. It was Niall’s personal life and he respected that.

 

“Wow. That’s a first,” Louis said and whistled. Harry and Liam nodded at his comment. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Just hope it’s not something serious. They’re perfect for each other, for god’s sake,” Liam said. 

 

“True that. I can’t bear the thoughts of seeing them split up or parted their ways.” Harry said, concerned. He wanted Niall to be happy. Niall really deserved the happiness after his last relationship ended up badly. Somehow, Quinn managed to make Niall happy and Harry was glad for that. 

 

“Nah. I think they’ll be okay.It’s Niall and Quinn after all.” Zayn said confidently. “And I think it just a small brawl between them but you know Niall, always being overdramatic,” Zayn tried to joke even though part of him was worried. He took another slurp of his drink and then changed the subject. 

 

**

 

Not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes, Quinn stumbled into the bathroom and leaned over the sink, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her breath caught in her throat, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. Quinn lifted her hand to the mirror, rubbing away the steam her breath had left, a low moan escaping her when her mind projected her reflection, mocking at her in the mirror. Mocking her because she was a killer. She drove everyone away because of her selfishness. Even Niall had left her alone. 

 

“Quinn! You’re in there?!” Quinn let out a surprised gasp when she heard Niall’s voice. Niall came back? She thought Niall left her like Richard did. With a small voice she replied, “Go away, Niall.”

 

Quinn continued to sob in front of the mirror. She cried harder when she heard Niall talked to her through the door. “I’m done talking to you. You left me.” Quinn spat brokenly. Niall did leave her. It hurts. She put her hands on her ears when she heard Niall rattled the door handle tried to open it. “Go away. Everyone left me. You left me too. You don’t need me.” 

 

When Quinn heard Niall pounded harder on the door, panic shot through her. She picked up her perfume, using the bottle to smash the mirror again and again, shards of glass cutting her arms as it broke. Her legs turned to jelly, refusing to support her and she clutched the edge of the sink but was unable to hold himself up, sitting heavily to the cold, tiled floor. Moaning, Quinn wrapped her arms around her knees, trembling, while silent tears streaming down her face. “No, go away.” She whimpered quietly still rocking her body back and forth.

 

She shook her head, the light reflecting on the broken glass catching her eyes. She started picking one of the pieces of glass up and held it to her wrist when suddenly the door of the bathroom was kicked opened. “Quinn!” 

 

“Baby, please drop the glass. Please.” Quinn shook her heads repeatedly. Why would she? Niall hated her. She could not live with that. 

 

She started to panic when Niall stepped closer towards her, “Don’t come closer! Or I’ll use it!” She threatened. When Niall ignored her and stepped towards her again, she cut her wrist with the shard of the glass. Blood welled to the surface. She hissed at the stab of pain when suddenly she felt Niall's grip on her hand. 

 

**

 

Niall didn’t even wait for the elevator. He ran to the sixth floor of the building. Something felt wrong. He felt his heart dropped at the bad thoughts that came up in his mind. What if Quinn tried to…damn, Niall..don’t think about that! He was breathless when he arrived at Quinn’s door. He opened the door abruptly and found the living room was empty. 

 

“Quinn!” Niall yelled. No answer. Niall felt uneasy. He ran over to the kitchen. No Quinn. He ran over to her bedroom. Still no sign of his girlfriend. He was about to walk out of the room when he noticed the bathroom light was on. 

 

“Quinn! You’re in there?!” Niall called her name and tried to open the door but it was locked. He pounded the door and still calling for Quinn when he heard muffled voice came from the bathroom. “Go away, Niall.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere. Open the door, please. Quinn. I’m worried about you. Please, open the door.” Niall pleaded. He blinked his tears when he heard Quinn sobbed and told him to go away. “Please, Quinn. What are you doing in there? Please come out and talk to me,” 

 

“I’m done talking to you. You left me.” 

 

“I know. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. Quinn, please. Open this door,” Niall rattled the door handle again; worry knotting in his stomach when Quinn didn't answer him.

 

“Go away. Everyone left me. You left me too. You don’t need me.” Niall heard Quinn’s sad voice after few beats of silence. 

 

“I didn’t leave you. I was just shocked. Please, I need you baby. I need you. Please, I’m so sorry.” Niall felt panicked when he was replied with a deafening silence. “Quinn, come on. Open the door and talk to me.” He slammed his hand against the door. “Quinn?” Niall could hear a note of panic in his voice but couldn’t help it. He had a horrible feeling something was wrong with Quinn. “Quinn, what are you doing in there?” Niall sighed when there was still no response, resting his forehead against the door. “You’re scaring me here, Quinn. Talk to me. Please?”

 

Niall’s head shot up at the faint sound of breaking glass and he pounded the door harder. “Quinn!” He called louder, rattling the door handle and slammed his hand against the door. His worry grew at the silence that came from the other side of the door. “Quinn, I’m coming in,” he shouted, repeatedly smashing and kicking the door until it creaked and gave way, the wood shattering. 

 

Kicking the door in, Niall stepped into the bathroom and froze, face paling and eyes widening. “Quinn!” Niall let out a surprised gasp at the scene in front of him. Quinn was sitting on the floor near the sink. The mirror above the sink was broken and Quinn held one of the shards of the glass near her wrist. 

 

“Baby, please drop the glass. Please,” Niall choked on his words and started to tear up. His heart hurts seeing Quinn’s cheek was damped with tears and her eyes reflected the pain she felt. He stepped closer towards his girlfriend. 

 

“Don’t come closer! Or I’ll use it!” Quinn challenged and put the glass deeper on her wrist. 

 

“Baby, please. We can talk about this. Put away the glass, please.” Niall pleaded worriedly. His heart pounded in his chest yet he remained his calm exterior for Quinn. The truth was he was freaking out. He never saw this side of Quinn. She looked vulnerable and was not in the right state of mind. 

 

When he tried to step closer, Quinn did what he was afraid for. She slit her wrist with the glass. “Quinn!” Niall leaped and knelt in front of his girlfriend and grabbed her arms. 

 

“Let go off me. You’re hurting me,” Quinn hissed and wriggled to get free from Niall’s grip. Niall didn’t care. All he saw was the cut on her wrist and he pulled the glass away from Quinn’s hand. His action was drove by adrenaline. He barely remembered how he pulled Quinn up with him and ran her arm under the running water. He quickly pulled out the first aid kit from the cabinet over the sink and started to wrap the cuts on Quinn’s arms including her wrist with a bandage. Luckily the cuts were not deep. His first tear slipped out when Quinn winced. He did this. He drove Quinn until she reached her breaking point. Before he could help it, tears streamed down his face. He felt Quinn’s eyes burned into him but didn’t dare to look at her. He felt so guilty and ashamed on what he had done. 

 

“Niall, why are you crying?” Quinn asked Niall with a concerned tone that he loved so much. That was when he knew he loved her despite everything. He pulled Quinn into a tight hug. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Quinn. I didn’t mean to leave you like that. I was just shocked. I was stupid. I’m sorry.” He felt Quinn’s nodded on his shoulder. He hugged her tighter when she started to sob again.

 

“I thought you hate me after what I told you.” Quinn whispered brokenly drowning in her hysteric crying. 

 

“I don’t hate you, baby. I love you. I care about you. I love everything about you. I don’t care about what you did in your past. I was not a saint either. We’ll go through this together, okay? Trust me, I’d be by your side anytime, baby.” 

 

“You mean that?” Niall nodded. He really meant that. He realized he loved everything about her. The good or the bad, the past or the present. It was all Quinn. The girl he loved unconditionally. 

 

“I really mean it. I’m sorry I made you doubt it.” 

 

“You won’t leave me?” 

 

“I won’t.” 

 

“Promise?” 

 

“I promise, baby. I won’t leave you. Not now, not ever.” Niall said firmly. 

 

Quinn nodded before she spoke up, “I love you, Niall.” 

 

“I know baby. I love you too. So much.” They both fell into silence before Niall pulled away from the hug. He stared into Quinn’s eyes and cupped his hands on her cheeks, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. 

 

“I’m sorry, okay. Forgive me?” Niall asked softly. 

 

Niall saw Quinn nodded and her hands made their way to his hands on her face. “It’s okay. I forgive you.” Quinn whispered. “Just..don’t do it again, Niall..it hurts.” 

 

Niall leaned closer and rested his forehead against her. “I know. I’m sorry. I won’t hurt you again, baby. I swear.” Niall said before added, “Baby, can you promise me something?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

Niall swallowed thickly and he stared straight into Quinn’s eyes. “Please don’t hurt yourself again. I can’t bear it. I’m scared. I can’t lose you.” Niall’s voice quivered. He was glad he got there on time. But what if he didn’t? He blinked back his tears at that thought. 

 

“I’m sorry if I scared you. I’m sorry. I was stupid.” Quinn said and started to cry again. Niall pulled her into his embrace for one more time. 

 

“You’re not stupid. Just promise me you won’t do it again.” Niall whispered softly. 

 

“I promise.” Quinn whispered back. 

 

“Thanks. It means so much to me. I don’t know what I will do if I lose you, baby.” Niall confessed. 

 

“Me too,” Niall heard Quinn said between her sobs. Niall wrapped his arms tighter around his girlfriend and buried his face into her shoulder. “Thanks, baby.” He whispered gratefully. 

 

Niall really couldn’t imagine if he lose Quinn from his life. He didn’t know if it was a healthy relationship if they were too dependent on each other. But he didn’t care. All he cared was about Quinn. He will make her happy under his love and care. He promised himself that.


	28. Chapter 28

“Why me?” Niall whined. 

 

“Cause you lost the bet.” Zayn deadpanned. 

 

Niall groaned and sighed. “But I didn’t promise to do that in front of other people.” 

 

Zayn raised his eyebrows at his brother and shook his head. “What other people? Since when you’re shy in front of Louis, Liam and Harry?” Zayn looked over at the people he mentioned and grinned widely. Louis nodded vigorously while Harry and Liam laughed at Zayn’s words. 

 

“Not them. I mean..” Niall said and looked around. “The girls,” Niall whispered. They were having a little get together at his house. Well actually the other guys were there to help him with Quinn’s stuffs. His heart felt warmed at the thought of Quinn finally agreed to move in with him. And after they finished helping with the stuffs, the guys were hanging out at the living room and the girls were busy gossiping in the kitchen. And by girls, Niall meant his girlfriend, Quinn together with Perrie and Danielle. Those girls were like three musketeers lately. 

 

Louis laughed out loud. Of course Zayn would ask Niall to do such thing in front of the girls as well. Zayn already told them about his plan earlier. Harry already brought his video camera and Liam was excited for the little entertainment that they would get to see. “Girls! Come here! Got some thing to show you!” Zayn yelled excitedly. Louis saw Niall’s face turned into a horror expression and he glared at the older lad. This would be fun, Louis thought and chuckled. 

 

“What?! What’s wrong?” Perrie asked and sat over Zayn’s lap and looking at her fiancée. 

 

“Nothing’s wrong, sweetie pie.” Zayn smiled and kissed his fiancée. 

 

“Huh? But why did you called for us then?” 

 

“Niall has some moves to show to you guys.” Zayn said and grinned widely. “Zayn…..” Niall warned and Zayn laughed out loud at his brother’s expense. 

 

“I don’t understand,” Quinn said and looked back and forth between her boyfriend and his brother. 

 

Niall was about to say something when Zayn stood up and clapped his hand excitedly. “Ladies and gentlemen. Today, I have someone to show to all of you his little dance moves on Macarena song. The _very_ sensual version dance. You see, this someone had lost his bet with his other band mates including me and now it’s time to pay for the loss.” Niall watched Quinn laughed and looked at him curiously. 

 

“You said you can’t dance? Now you want to dance _sensually_?” Quinn teased. 

 

“I don’t want to. They made me promised to do that. I was bullied by them.” Niall pouted and leaned closer to his girlfriend. 

 

“Shut up, Nialler! Be a man and do it,” Zayn taunted. 

 

“I don’t wanna,” 

 

“Do it!” 

 

“I don’t wanna,” Niall shook his head repeatedly. This reminded him of one of the times that they got into trouble when they were kids but that was years ago. How come Zayn managed to bully him like this again? 

 

“But, baby. I never saw you dance before. I would love to see how your body moves,” Quinn said sweetly and put her hand on Niall’s thigh. The truth was, Zayn called her yesterday and laid out his plan to Quinn. Zayn said he wanted to get his sweet revenge on Niall because the younger brothe rmocked his proposal. Everyone in the room had already known about it except Niall. 

 

Niall shook his head. “No…” He felt his body shivered when Quinn’s hand made their ways through his upper legs. Damn, Quinn. “Please, baby.. _dance_ for me?” Quinn whispered the words to his ears. “Quinn…” Niall pleaded softly. “Niall, you love me, right? You would do anything I ask, right?” Quinn said with the soft and flirty tone. Niall can felt his body responded to Quinn’s voice and soft touch. He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. When Quinn’s body started to grind with his, he snapped his eyes open. He quickly stood up before he got into orgasm and embarrassed himself in front of his friends or worst, his brother. 

 

“Fine. I’d do it.” Niall said, defeated. “But it’s only because I love you, baby.” Niall said and leaned to kiss his girlfriend. Harry laughed at Niall’s defeated tone. He looked over at Quinn and winked his eyes. The plan really worked. Quinn really knew how to push the right button. Quickly he pulled out his video camera. 

 

“You’re not gonna tape it, are you?” Harry snapped his head at Niall’s horrified voice. Shit. “Eh, no. The memory card is already full. Don’t worry, I won’t tape you little movement. This is between us only.” Harry said convincingly. God knew how much energy he put to maintain his seriousness instead of laughing out loud at one of his best friends. 

 

“Great.” Niall said. “ But, we don’t have that song.” Niall grinned after he realized that. He knew nobody in that room had any collection of that song. God forbid if they did. He already imagined he can escape this unnecessary torture when suddenly Liam’s voice snapped him out of his trance. “I do!” Niall glared at Liam. What the fuck?! “My sister’s collection.” Liam shrugged and went over to the CD player. Niall rubbed his face and his shoulder slumped. When the first beat of the song started and the others whistled and cheered for him to dance, he sighed. This was by far one of the doomed days in his life. But if Quinn wanted to see him dance, he would. He promised himself that he will make Quinn happy, right? 

 

** 

 

“Tell me! Is he great?” 

 

“He’s the best. So caring and loving,” Quinn gushed to her best friend through the phone. 

 

“That one I already know. I mean, is he great in bed? Now you two are living together, there must be a lot of _‘magic’_ happens in that house, right?” Ivy asked cheekily. 

 

“Ivy! What kind of question is that?!” Quinn shrieked. She can felt her cheeks reddened and became warm. Luckily she was alone in the house and that was when she picked up the phone to call Ivy. Quinn knew Ivy would entertain her like she always did. Its part of Ivy’s charm and it would never change. 

 

“It’s kind of question that a best friend would ask. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. I’m dying to know here.” 

 

Quinn laughed at loud at Ivy’s nosy tone. Josh and Zayn must have rubbed off on her to be such gossiper or probably vice-versa. 

 

“Ivy. Why would I want to tell you about my _‘magic’_ life?” 

 

“Cause we’re best friend and you love me. And we tell each other everything. If you’re not gonna tell me, I’d let myself guess.” Ivy said and added, “I would definitely give Josh 10 out of 10 for his _‘magic’_ on me. So I guess, Niall must be the same or slightly lower. I dunno about Zayn though. But I got to give it to you, the brothers are definitely hotter than what I thought. And with Josh, I got to tell you, he is really really really satisfying,” Ivy said chirpily. 

 

“Ewww…T.M.I, Ivy. T.M.I!” Quinn scrunched her nose at Ivy’s too-much-information given. 

 

“What? I’m just telling you the truth. Plus, you don’t want to tell me, so I’d be the one to tell you. Ha! You want that, huh?” Ivy taunted. 

 

“Fine. Fine.” Quinn laughed and shook her head at Ivy’s insistence. She lied across the couch and looked at one of the pictures of her and Niall that was hanging on the wall. It was one of her favorite pictures where Niall gave her a piggy ride in front of the band’s tour bus. Zayn insisted to take the picture of the couple and Quinn was amazed how the picture turned out to be classic and beautiful. Probably because of the angle when Zayn took it. 

 

“Hellooooo..patiently waiting here,” Ivy’s sarcastic voice brought Quinn back to the reality. She chuckled and started to speak up again. 

 

“He’s so gentle and sweet.” Quinn replied shortly. 

 

“That’s it?! Can you please explain a little bit?!” Ivy said, annoyed. 

 

Quinn chuckled again. “Why do you want to know exactly? It’s not like we’re bunch of virgins and wanted to make love for the first time.”

 

“Duh! Of course I know THAT. But I want to know the feeling of making love on the famous Niall Horan’s bed,” Ivy said and laughed. The truth was she only wanted to tease Quinn. Both Niall and Quinn liked to blush when things got too personal, it was adorable. 

 

“Well, it started with a skinny dipping..” Quinn smiled at that memory. They were laying across the patio besides the pool when Niall spontaneously suggested for skinny dipping. One thing led to another. Next thing Quinn knew, they were naked on the bed. She barely remembered how they went from the pool to the upstairs. But she remembered how Niall teased her, biting her ears and started to kiss her neck, her bare chest..okay..stop right there. She wouldn’t tell Ivy everything, would she? 

 

“Why not?!” Ivy whined. Shit, she was just started to have fun with Ivy’s story. Who knew Niall and Quinn had a gut to do skinny dipping? They were too shy to kiss publicly and yet they went for skinny dipping? That was interesting to hear up until Quinn suddenly stopped recounting the story. Shit. 

 

“Cause it’s too private.” Quinn said and laughed at Ivy’s annoyance snort. 

 

“Fine!” Ivy said and sighed, defeated. 

 

Quinn giggled and shook her head at Ivy’s defeated tone. She was about to change the subject when suddenly Ivy’s voice boomed excitedly again.

 

“Just tell me, out of 10, how much you’d give Niall for his _‘magic’_ work?!” 

 

“To be honest, 11 out of 10.” Quinn answered confidently. She laughed out loud when Ivy argued her point. Some things never changed. And right at that moment, it was Ivy’s nosy attitude that kept Quinn entertained. 

 

** 

 

Liam put down his pencil and stopped whatever lyrics that he had been working on when he heard his doorbell rang. He looked at his watch and frowned. It’s only 7 a.m, who could have possibly come this early on the weekend? He walked to the front door and looked through the peephole on the door. “Niall?” Liam asked and quickly opened the door. “What are you doing here early in the morning?” 

 

“Hey, Li! Is Danielle home?” Niall asked and went inside, ignoring Liam’s question. Niall didn’t care about Liam. Not at that moment. He just came to find Danielle and that was it. 

 

Liam raised his eyebrows. Niall stood in the middle of living room, wearing a black shirt and tracksuits with a cap and looked like he wanted to go for a jog. Yet, he stood there in Liam’s house, looking for Danielle.

 

Confused by his friend’s inquiry, Liam shrugged and answered, “She’s upstairs.” 

 

Niall grinned and ran to the upstairs, leaving Liam behind. Time was running out and he really needed to see Danielle. 

 

“Danielle!” Niall yelled and headed straight towards Liam’s bedroom. When he opened the door, Danielle was curled on the bed, still sleeping peacefully. Niall went to sit on the edge of the bed and shook her shoulder. “Danielle! Wake up! I need your help.” Niall sighed when Danielle wrapped herself further under the comforter. With a quick prayer to God that Danielle wasn’t naked underneath that, he pulled away the comforter from her. 

 

And as expected, the girl’s eyes snapped wide open. “What the fuck?!” Danielle cursed under her breath. When she rolled over and saw Niall, she shrieked surprisingly. “Niall! What are you doing here?” Danielle sat up quickly and looked over to her body. Thank God she wore pajamas instead of lying naked on the bed. Who knew one of her friends would barge through the bedroom to wake her up. She shot her head up and looked at Niall. Why was he here again? “I need your help.” Danielle shook her head at Niall’s words. “Can’t you wait at least until I wake up? Some people need their beauty sleep, okay?” Danielle said and moved slightly to sit beside Niall. 

 

Niall laughed. Liam was lucky that he had Danielle. She was such a good person that Niall was proud to be friend with. And he knew she would help him. “You’re already beauty as it is, Danielle.” Niall said sincerely. 

 

“Way to kiss my ass to ask for help. So, how can I help you, The Almighty Niall Horan?” 

 

“Can you bring Quinn somewhere for today? Up until dinner?” Niall asked, looking straight into Danielle’s eyes.

 

“And why would I do that?” Danielle asked, raising her eyebrows. 

 

“It’s a secret.” Niall shrugged. 

 

“I won’t help you until you tell me what the secret is.” Danielle taunted. “And why won’t you ask Perrie?” Danielle added. 

 

“I already asked her to distract Zayn.” 

 

“Huh? I don’t get this. Why would you want to distract Zayn?” 

 

“Cause I don’t want him to barge into my house. I want to keep my house for myself today. That’s why I want you to take Quinn somewhere as soon as possible. Please. Just until dinnertime.” Niall pleaded and gave his puppy eyes. 

 

“Just tell me the secret and I’d help you,” Danielle teased. 

 

“Danielle…” Niall whined. This thing was supposed to be easy. Danielle was supposed to help him, not interrogating him like those government agents that he saw on some show on the television last night. 

 

“Niall…” Danielle replied in the same tone. She laughed when Niall pouted. Damn that famous Niall-pout. 

 

Shaking her head and putting an arm around Niall’s shoulder, Danielle finally gave in. “I’d help you. But you have to buy me the shoe that I adore. You know the one that I showed you at the mall last week.” 

 

“Deal!” Niall nodded enthusiastically. “Thanks Danielle. I owe you!” Niall said excitedly and hugged the person besides him tightly. 

 

“Horan! Keep your hands off my girl!” Liam yelled jokingly and went over towards the bed. Niall laughed and pulled away. Liam walked over to his wife and leaned to kiss her. Niall quickly stood up and headed towards the door leaving the couple behind. “Thanks again, Danielle!” Niall yelled before disappeared from the room. 

 

Liam raised his eyebrows and looked over at Danielle. “What was that about?” 

 

Danielle yawned and stretched. “He wants me to take Quinn somewhere for the day.” Danielle rubbed her eyes and yawned again. Niall really owed her for cutting off her sleep like this. 

 

“Huh? For what?” Liam asked. Curious. 

 

“Don’t know. Maybe he’s planning to cook her dinner or something.” Danielle replied. 

 

“Oh.” Liam looked at Danielle and grinned. “You wanna kill some time before you hit the shower?” He asked suggestively and leaned closer to Danielle. 

 

“What?! Niall would kill me if I’m late.” 

 

“Oh, trust me. 10 minutes is not that late.” Liam whispered to Danielle’s ears and started to kiss her again. 

 

“Liam…” Danielle whispered and kissed him back. Before they knew it, both were tangled on the bed, moaning each other’s name.


	29. Chapter 29

“Thanks, momma. I love you.” Niall said before he hung up on the phone. He had called his mom to ask her about the recipe for the foods. Yes, he can cook. But his expertise was limited to spaghetti only. That was his specialty and he was proud of it. But for tonight, he wanted to cook Quinn’s favorite foods which are mainly consisting of French foods. So Niall called his mom and asked for her help. Patricia was the Goddess of cooking. Sometimes, Niall wondered why his mom didn’t want to be a chef instead. When he hung up, he looked to the piece of paper on his hand and smiled. This plan will work; he would make sure of it. Looking at the clock, he quickly grabbed his car keys and went to the grocery store. He was a man with a mission and all he knew that mission had to be accomplished. By hook or by crook. 

 

**

 

Quinn waved her goodbye to Danielle from the driveway in front of the house. It was really fun that she got to spend a girl’s day out with Danielle. Though it was slightly weird why Danielle came to pick her up so early. Danielle was not really a morning person but Quinn thought maybe today was exceptional. They had been so caught up with their works lately that they hadn’t really got the chance to catch up with each other. After Danielle’s car disappeared around the corner, Quinn turned and headed towards the house. When she arrived at the front door, she saw something was posted on the door. Leaning closer, she found out that it was a small envelope with her name on it. Curiously, she picked the envelope and opened it. There was a piece of paper with Niall’s handwriting on it. Okay, what was Niall up to? 

 

_“Dear Quinn, when you got inside, just go straight to our bedroom. I got something for you there. Don’t go anywhere else. And don’t peek :P_

_Love, Niall.”_

 

Quinn laughed softly and opened the front door. “Niall?” Quinn tried to call her boyfriend but no answer came. Part of her wanted to see around the house and looking for Niall but part of her was excited to go straight to the bedroom. Quickened her pace to the bedroom, she giggled happily when she saw the next envelope on the edge of the bed. These little scavenger hunts really made her excited.

 

_“I bought one beautiful dress for a beautiful girl like you. Don’t run to the closet yet! Go take a bath first. :P Take your time and relax, okay? :)_

_Your favorite boyfriend, Niall.”_

 

Her heart felt warmth with love and suddenly she missed her boyfriend. Not wasting any time, she quickly stripped and wrapped herself in a towel, headed to the bathroom. Once she entered the bathroom, she caught the smell of the lavender scent candles and found out that the Niall had prepared a hot bubble bath for her. Quinn walked over to the sink and picked the next envelope that was posted on the mirror. 

 

_“See the little CD player over there? Near the bathtub? Once you go inside the bathtub, push the play button. It’ll play something special for you. :)_

_The one who wants to sing to you, Niall.”_

 

Slowly, Quinn went inside the bathtub and released a breath of relief. The hot bubble bath in addition with the smell of lavender that filled the bathroom felt so great. Tilted her head to the left, she looked for the CD player that Niall had written about. Within her reach, she pushed the play button and surely enough, the beautiful voice of Niall was heard. 

 

“Hello..hello..testing..1,2,3..” Quinn smiled at that little sound check that Niall had done. After he cleared his throat, Quinn heard the next line. “So, I want to dedicate this song, to my beautiful and lovely girlfriend, Quinn.” Quinn smiled. “I know you’re smiling right now and I love to make you smile, baby. Okay, I’m going to stop rambling and start singing. Just so you know, you’re my wonderwall, Quinn Fiona Jones.” 

 

_Today is gonna be the day..  
That they're gonna throw it back to you..   
By now you should've somehow..   
Realized what you gotta do..   
I don't believe that anybody..   
Feels the way I do about you now.. _

_Backbeat the word was on the street..  
That the fire in your heart is out..   
I'm sure you've heard it all before..   
But you never really had a doubt..   
I don't believe that anybody feels..   
The way I do about you now.. _

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding..  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding..   
There are many things that I would..   
Like to say to you..   
But I don't know how.. _

_Cause maybe..  
You're gonna be the one that saves me..   
And after all..   
You're my wonderwall.. _

_Today was gonna be the day..  
But they'll never throw it back to you..   
By now you should've somehow..   
Realized what you're not to do..   
I don't believe that anybody..   
Feels the way I do..   
About you now.. _

_And all the roads that lead to you there were winding..  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding..   
There are many things that I would like to say to you..   
But I don't know how.. _

_I said maybe..  
You're gonna be the one who that saves me..   
And after all..   
You're my wonderwall.._

 

For 30 minutes that she took a relaxing bath, Quinn kept replaying the song over and over again. Niall’s voice along with the soft guitar rhythm really moved her. How sweet of Niall to do all this for her. It’s been a while since she really had a nice treat like this. Not that Niall stopped being a romantic guy as he was, but they were too busy with their work lately. After she finished her bath and dried up, she went over to the closet and found the clothes bag with another envelope on it. 

 

_“I’m dying to see how you will look in this dress! :) Dress up and I’ll wait for you in the dining room. Can’t wait to see you._

_The one who miss you so much, Niall.”_

 

Carefully, Quinn opened up the zip of the bag and there it was; a beautiful dress in red silk chiffon. It was super eye-catching knee length skirt with four tiers and a feminine sash. The dress also had a low V-neck, broad straps and a beautiful accentuated waist. She fell in love with the dress at the first sight. Once she wore the dress, she put on some make up and let her hair down in loose curls just right below her shoulder. Putting on some perfume and straightened up her dress, she looked at the mirror for one more time. Satisfied by her appearance, she quickly made her way downstairs to the dining room. Once she was at the entrance of the dining room, Quinn called for her boyfriend. “Niall?” 

 

**

 

Niall emerged from his hiding spot when he heard Quinn called his name. There she was, standing at the entrance on the dining room, in a dress that he bought for her. She looked so breathtaking in that dress, it left Niall speechless. “You’re beautiful,” Niall whispered and pulled Quinn closer to him, kissing her softly. 

 

“You’re not bad either,” Quinn replied and smiled. Niall was dressed in the red shirt with a black blazer and black pants. His hair was spiked slightly and he had shaved his face clean.

 

“This is for you,” Niall said and gave Quinn a bouquet of red roses. Quinn barely responded her thanks when Niall pulled her hand and led her to the dining table. He pulled out a chair for her and laid the napkin across her lap once she sat. “Have a nice dinner, Mademoiselle Jones.” 

 

“Well, thank you, Monsieur Horan.” 

 

Niall went to the opposite of the table and sat himself, threw a smile at his girlfriend. “You made all this?” Niall nodded at Quinn’s question. “All by myself.” Niall replied and quickly added, “Well, except for the wine.” Niall pointed at the bottle of wine that was placed on the middle of the dining table. 

 

Quinn looked over at Niall and gave him the sweetest smile of her. Niall had cooked French foods, her favorite. He prepared _Soufflé au Fromage (Cheese Soufflé)_ for dinner entrees, _Fricassée de Mer et sa Julienne de légumes (Sea Fricassée on thinly shredded vegetable)_ for main courses added with a steamed potatoes cut in two halves on the side of each plate. And for dessert, Niall had made _Profiteroles au Chocolat (Chocolate Profiteroles)_ which Quinn really loved and she was surprised Niall would remember that. She only mentioned it to Niall once as far as she remembered. He also set up the table with a candle, complete with a red wine in each of their glasses and a dim light in the room really brought out the romantic atmosphere. Once they started to eat, Quinn couldn’t be more impressed. The foods really tasted good. This was one thing that Quinn just knew about Niall recently. He was so domesticated underneath all those carefree-I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-anything image he had. He really can be a good cook if he wanted to, in fact, he cooked better that she did. Apparently, she was right, he really was a good cook. 

 

**

 

Niall smiled in satisfaction when he saw Quinn finished her last bite of desserts. She complimented his cooking and he couldn’t be more proud that he had made her happy. After wiping his mouth, he started to speak. Praying to God that he wouldn’t messed thing up, he started his little speech. 

 

“Quinn Fiona Jones, I have something to tell you.” Niall started looking straight into Quinn’s eyes. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Look, I love you and I know you love me. I’m happy for that. I really am. It really didn’t occur to me how I got to be with someone as great as you. You are beautiful inside out. You are smart, funny and easy to be with. It’s just…sometimes I feel that you can do better.” Niall can felt his palm started to sweat but he continued his rambling to get across his point. “I mean, you can find someone better than me. I just want to tell you that…” Niall stopped abruptly when he saw tears welled up in Quinn’s eyes and she started shaking. Then, the first tear rolled down her cheek. What the hell? Niall quickly stood and went over to Quinn. 

 

“Hey, why are you crying?” Niall asked and pulled Quinn into his hug. He was confused with the sudden burst of emotion. 

 

“Are..you..breaking up with me?” Quinn blurted, suddenly sobbing in Niall’s shoulder. Shocked by the question, he planted a quick kiss on Quinn’s head. “Baby, I’m not breaking up with you. Why would you say that?” Niall said, putting his hand on Quinn’s back and tried to soothe her. 

 

“Your speech..feels like..you’re breaking up with me..” Quinn explained between her sobs. Niall closed his eyes and cursed himself silently. That was why he hated when he rambled. People tend to misunderstand his point and he already managed to fuck up his little plan. Shaking his head, he led Quinn to the living room and sat on the couch. Pulling Quinn away from his hug, he kissed her lips softly and wiped away her tears. “I am not breaking up with you. Okay. I’m sorry I rambled back there.”

 

After few seconds passed, Quinn’s tears finally subsided and Niall smiled gratefully. He didn’t want to ruin the night yet somehow he managed to do that. Maybe it was a God’s sign so that he could not proceed with his little plan. Probably. 

 

** 

 

“LMFAO is not a word!” Quinn argued and laughed softly. “Yes, it is!” Niall laughed and argued back. After that little crying outburst. Niall had suggested to play board game and that was what they did at that moment. Sitting around the patio, playing Scrabble, and just spend some quality time together.

 

Quinn shook her head, amused by Niall’s childish behavior. Excusing herself, she left Niall and went to the bathroom. She admitted that she felt a little embarrassed by her sudden outburst earlier. She really didn’t know why she felt so sensitive all of sudden but luckily Niall did not make a fuss of it and be an understanding boyfriend instead. 

 

Niall watched Quinn disappeared on her way to bathroom and started to scatter the letters on the Scrabble’s board. He didn’t care whether it was the right timing or not. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He really determined to do this. For once in his life, he really felt confident about his decision and he finally found his nerve to do this tonight. 

 

Quinn sat back on her seat besides Niall and looked over at the board, tried to form a word since it was her turn. But what she saw made her heart jumped in surprise. _**“W.I.L.L.Y.O.U.M.A.R.R.Y.M.E.”**_ was the only word formed on the board. She was so speechless; she can’t speak until Niall was suddenly knelt in front of her seat, holding a small box in his hand. “Niall?” She whispered his name softly. “What’s this?” 

 

“My proposal. I wanted to propose you after dinner but I messed up so here I am, on my knee, asking you, Quinn Fiona Jones to be with me for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” Niall said, breathless as he tried to speak as fast as he can, prayed that he would not mess it up again like he did earlier. He can felt his heart thumped faster waiting for Quinn’s response. When Quinn didn’t respond right away, he felt his heart shattered. 

 

Quinn felt like she was on a cloud nine. She can’t speak, God helped her she really wanted to response. But she was still shocked, until she saw Niall’s face started to crumble. Realized that Niall misunderstood her silence, she finally found her voice. “Of course I will!” Of course she will! Who was she kidding? 

 

Niall’s face lightened up when Quinn finally gave her answer. Gently, he pulled out the ring from the box and put it on Quinn’s finger. Both of them stood up and kissed softly. “You wanna celebrate our little engagement?” Niall whispered cheekily and started kissing Quinn’s neck. “What do you have in mind?” Quinn whispered back and giggled as Niall started to tease her with his kisses. 

 

**

 

Steps by steps, they finally made it to the bedroom while still kissing each other hungrily, moaning each other’s name with desire. “God damn it, you look hot in the red dress.” Niall said while they stumbled to the bed. “But I’d bet you’re hotter without it.” Niall started to unzip Quinn’s dress, leaving her with her underwear only. Quinn’s hand reached to Niall’s clothes and started to yank off his blazer and shirt, exposing his bare body. He got off and pulled off his pants before started towering over Quinn on the bed. 

 

Niall started to kiss her neck and one of his hands ran over Quinn’s abdomen towards her still half-covered breast, making her shivered. Niall pulled Quinn’s up to him and unhooked her bra like an expert. Niall’s mouth made its way to Quinn’s bare breasts and sucked her nipples. Quinn let out a moan of pleasure and sucked her breath. Niall played with her nipples a little longer before he moved to caress her belly with his hands and his tongue ran over it. Quinn closed her eyes as Niall’s hands made its way lower along her panties and slowly pulled it off from her. 

 

Quinn’s breath grew deeper as Niall’s fingertips slowly caressing from her waistline until he found what he was looking for. The sensation that his hand gave her made her dizzy with excitement and pleasure. She could felt he began to rub it which causing her to instantly become frantic with desire. Opening her eyes, she put her hand on Niall’s hair and moaning lustfully, “more, please…Niall..” Grinning widely, Niall gladly bowed to Quinn’s need and teased her again. He can felt his body went harder and decided to end the teasing. 

 

Quinn didn’t bother to hold back her moans as Niall worked her into such passion, causing her hips to buck up and down, wanting Niall to fill her up. Quinn finally felt some sort of relief as Niall stuck his finger in her expertly and she let out a cry of pleasure. 

 

Quinn opened her eyes and smiled, let her hands wandered to Niall’s lower body. She pushed Niall until he was laid on his back, played with him by softly blowing against the tip. Quinn finally let her body on top of Niall’s completely and she felt his hands around her. She started to move up and down on Niall as he put his hands on her hips. His fingernails dug into her skin as he brought his hips up to meet her. As Quinn brought her hips down harder, Niall felt a moan of pleasure escaped his lips, as his orgasm became more intense. He panted breathlessly as Quinn stared down at him with a big smile on her face. He was again breath taken by how beautiful Quinn was. As she leaned down to his chest with a satisfaction sigh, he wrapped her hands around her completely. Niall planted a kiss on her forehead and whispered, “I love you so much.” He felt Quinn nodded on his chest and pulled herself closer against him. “I love you too.” 

 

**

 

The ringtone of his cell phone shrilled loudly across the room. Niall’s right hand searched through his ringing phone on the table besides the bed and picked it up. “Hello,” he answered groggily without looking at the caller id. “My house. Now!” Niall opened his eyes when he heard Zayn’s voice. Before he could say anything, the phone made a click sound indicated that the older brother had hung up on him.


	30. Chapter 30

Niall frowned and tossed his phone aside. By the tone of Zayn’s voice, he was not happy and Niall also detected some grumpiness in it. But Zayn always sounded grumpy especially when it was early in the morning. Niall looked at his wall clock and saw the time. 11 am. Okay, maybe not early, but still, it was not noon yet. Niall looked down on his left and smiled. Quinn was still curling on his chest, sleeping soundlessly. Niall brushed some of her hair away from her face. God, he loved her so much. He leaned closer and pressed a quick kiss on her forehead. 

 

“Niall?” Quinn asked sleepily. Niall chuckled and wrapped his arm tighter around Quinn. 

 

“Morning, fiancée.” Niall said and kissed Quinn’s lips softly. 

 

Quinn tilted her head and looked at Niall with a big smile after they pulled away from the kiss. “Morning.” Niall had called her as ‘fiancée’. It sounded like music to her ears. She shifted her body slightly and sat up against the headboard besides Niall. 

 

Niall was still looking at her with a serene look on his face. “Thank you for making me the happiest guy alive,” Niall said, pulled one of Quinn’s hands closer to his face and kissed it. Quinn blushed and leaned forward to kiss her fiancée. “So am I.” 

 

**

 

Both of their hands still intertwined with each other as they made their ways to Zayn’s house. Niall suddenly felt agitated and he didn’t know why. Part of him was excited to announce the big news to Zayn. After all, they always tell each other everything but something felt different. Ignoring his gut feelings, he looked at Quinn besides him and smiled. “You’re ready?” 

 

Quinn smiled at her fiancée. “Actually I’m quite nervous. What if Zayn get mad?” 

 

“Why must he’d be mad?” Niall asked, raising his eyebrows. 

 

“Cause he’s still engaged and not married yet. And we got engaged. It seems like we want to steal his limelight.” Quinn explained. 

 

Niall shook his head and chuckled. “Trust me. He’d be happy. And we’re not going to steal his limelight. He’d be married in like what, three months away? We will keep our news in private but he’d kill me if I don’t tell him now.” 

 

Quinn laughed softly. “Yeah, I got the feeling Ivy would be too. Guess we just have to ask them to keep our little secret. Just keeps this under wraps until Zayn’s wedding, right, baby?”

 

“Yes, my dear fiancée.” Niall said and planted a quick kiss on Quinn’s lips. They already discussed about how they wanted to share the news and they were both agreed just to keep it between their circles of close friends only. Family? Shuddered at the thought of his mom nagging him for not be able to wait after Zayn’s wedding to propose, Niall decided not to tell her. Not yet. 

 

When they reached in front of Zayn’s driveway, Niall frowned. There was one unfamiliar car parked on the driveway and several paparazzi were hung out near the house. It was weird though. It’s not that paparazzi never did that since the band got famous, but not when something wasn’t up. The last time those paparazzi filled their streets was when Niall was hospitalized after Liam’s wedding. 

 

Ignoring those paparazzi, Niall walked faster and tried to shield Quinn from their camera lenses. Not because he was embarrassed of her, but because he wanted to protect her privacy. He knew how much he missed his privacy but he chose to be in this line of job, so no complaining there. It was different story with Quinn. She was not in the same line of job, so Niall really wanted to protect her privacy. 

 

Once they entered Zayn’s house, Niall couldn’t be more surprised than Quinn. What the hell? Jessica was sitting on one of the couches, crying and being comforted by Perrie who shot him an angry look. Zayn who was standing on the other side of the couches gestured for Niall to come closer. The expression on Zayn’s face was no different than Perrie. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Niall asked hesitantly. He pulled Quinn along with him and tightened his grip on her hands. Something was wrong. He can felt it. “Ask her yourself.” Zayn replied. Sensing Quinn’s grip on his hands was tightened, he gave her an assurance smile before turned to focus on the person who was still crying on the couch. 

 

“Jessica, what’s wrong? Why are you here?” It wasn’t meant to be rude, but Niall felt weird why Jessica must come there instead of his house. Zayn was not a fan of her and Niall knew Perrie felt the same way too. 

 

“I’m pregnant.” _Oooo…kay._ Niall was not expected that. It didn’t even crossed his mind when he saw Jessica sat there, cried her eyes out. Not at all. 

 

“And…” Niall trailed off, clueless. So, she was pregnant. What it had got to do with her being here at Zayn’s house? 

 

“It’s yours.” _WHAT?!_ Niall felt his eyes nearly popped out from his socket hearing that statement. To say he was shocked was understatement. He just couldn’t believe it. Blinking rapidly and still focusing on Jessica, he decided to ensure whether he heard her right. 

 

**

 

“Come again?” Zayn’s head snapped to look at his brother and he can felt his blood boiled with anger. “She’s pregnant and it’s yours. Which part of that did you not understand?!” Zayn snapped at Niall, half shouted. He felt slightly guilty when the color drained from his brother’s face making him look paler than usual but his anger overcame that guilt feeling. He told Niall over and over again, that girl was going to bring him trouble, but no, Niall still saw her. He still befriended with her, being a nice guy and shit. See how’s that turned out? 

 

Shaking his head, Zayn saw Quinn released her hand from Niall’s grip and backed a little from the scene. Poor Quinn. She was caught up in this mess, thankfully created by his younger brother. Zayn looked over at Niall again and saw his baby brother swallowed hard probably trying to absorb the severity of the situation. 

 

“You’re lying.” Zayn raised his eyebrows when he saw Niall accused Jessica of lying. The younger lad’s voice was so confident penetrated the heavy silence that lingered across the room. 

 

“I’m not. It’s really yours.” Jessica sobbed harder and buried her face in Perrie’s shoulder. When his fiancée shot him a look that he knew better, Zayn yanked Niall’s arm and led him to the kitchen. Part of him pitied the poor girl who had been crying non stop since this morning when she came over. Being a popular socialite, she was definitely not expected to carry that baby either, Zayn was sure of that. 

 

“So, Niall. Anything you want to say?” Zayn asked and released his grip on Niall’s arm once they entered the kitchen. 

 

“She’s lying. It’s not mine.” Niall said confidently, looking straight into Zayn’s eyes. 

 

“Really? Is that what you want to tell yourself? You’re still going to deny that it’s not your child she’s carrying?” Zayn hissed angrily. Part of him wanted to believe his brother but part of him was thinking of the logical of the situation here. 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“She told us she’s almost 4 months pregnant, Niall. You don’t remember that I went over the next morning she came over to your house, huh? Probably like what, almost 4 months ago?” 

 

Silence filled over the kitchen. Zayn didn’t think Niall could be any paler than he looked at that moment. If the younger brother was not leaning towards the fridge, Zayn bet Niall would drop fainted already. 

 

“Fuck!” Niall said after a few moments of silence. Zayn was about to say something when Niall suddenly straightened out and looked over his shoulder. Zayn followed his brother’s glance and gasped. Quinn. Niall pushed Zayn out of his way and started to chase Quinn who had just turned around and headed towards the front door. Fuck. That was what Zayn thought too. 

 

**

 

“Quinn! Please, please. Please let me explain this first,” Niall pleaded still chasing Quinn until they were on the front porch of Zayn’s house. 

 

“Not now, Niall. Please. I need some time,” Quinn said and tried not to look at Niall’s face. She couldn’t. Not after what she heard back there. 

 

“Quinn, please. I didn’t do anything, you believe me, right? Please, trust me. I can explain this.” Niall said frantically and tried to straighten things up with Quinn. His heart dropped when Quinn shook her head and held back her tears. Why did he always fuck things up? They just got engaged yesterday and barely celebrated it and he already fucked it up. 

 

“Niall, please. We’ll talk about this later, okay.” 

 

“Quinn.” Niall tried again to hold Quinn’s hand but she refused. With a quiet whisper, she replied, “I need some time alone for now.” With that she turned around and walked away. Niall watched Quinn walked away and with a dreaded feeling, he walked back towards Zayn’s house. Ready to face whatever reality laid in there. 

 

**

 

“I don’t know what to believe, Niall.” Zayn sighed and plopped down on the couch besides Perrie. After Quinn left, Niall went back inside and asked Jessica to leave as well. The girl was in hysteric but Zayn knew Niall couldn’t handle that for the moment. The younger brother was clearly distraught by the situation. Hence, Zayn and Perrie convinced Jessica to go home first and assured her that they will talk about the problem later. 

 

“Just say that you believe me,” Niall pleaded. 

 

“I believe you. I do. It’s just..” Zayn said and shook his head. 

 

“Just what?” Niall asked, looking straight into the older brother’s face. 

 

“The timing, Niall. Like I said just now..she’s almost 4 months..you know..” Zayn said and sighed heavily. 

 

Niall nodded and mumbled quietly. “I know.” 

 

“How come you’re so sure it’s not your child?” Perrie asked, suddenly after few beats of silence. 

 

“I’m fucking sure.” Niall snapped. 

 

“Hey, watch your tone!” Zayn warned. 

 

Niall sighed and rubbed his face with both his hands. “I’m sorry Perrie. It’s just too overwhelmed for me.” He felt drained with this mess. He slumped further into the couch and sighed again, looking at Zayn searching for his reaction. Zayn looked mad earlier, but he couldn’t be mad forever, right?

 

“I’m not mad at you.” Damn. Brother connection. When Niall snorted disbelievingly, Zayn added, “I admit, I was mad at first. But I believe you.” 

 

“Thanks.” Niall released a breath of relief. Everyone knew Zayn had a quick temper and he really didn’t like to be at the end of that temper. 

 

“Just tell me one more time, you really didn’t sleep with her?” 

 

“I swear I didn’t.” Niall said firmly. He knew how Zayn felt about liar and he was sure he told Zayn the truth. He had made it clear the morning when Zayn asked him for the first time. And he didn’t mind to tell the older brother the truth over and over again. 

 

“This thing is huge, Niall.” 

 

“I know. But I don’t get why she’s lying. The baby clearly isn’t mine.” 

 

“But she sounded believable, Niall.” Perrie said. It’s not that she didn’t believe him, but Jessica seemed like she was telling the truth. And Zayn’s little accusation earlier did not help either. She almost believed Jessica but by the look of Niall’s face, he really didn’t think she was carrying his baby. And between Jessica and Niall, everyone knew who was more believable. 

 

Niall kept silence and nodded at Perrie’s comment. “You better straighten this thing with her, Niall. I don’t want her to start the rumor to the media. You know how paparazzi-magnet she is. Even though not everyone will believe her words, but some people might believe it.” Zayn added.

 

Niall nodded again. “I know. I will discuss this with her later.” Niall really hoped Jessica will not tell anyone about this. He knew he did nothing wrong. But between his words and Jessica, her words to people seemed to have more power than him. But for that moment, he didn’t care what other people will believe. His thought was only on Quinn. Would Quinn believe him? 

 

**

 

“No, Josh. It’s not true. I already explained it to Zayn and Perrie.” Josh sighed, listening to Niall’s voice on the other end of the phone. He was forced by Ivy to call Niall regarding this rumor. The rumor that laid across the headlines of most tabloids on the streets. Josh and Ivy were on their way to work when they saw the headlines. 

 

_'Jessica is pregnant with Niall Horan’s child?'_

 

Not one. Not two. Several tabloids had the same headlines and Ivy was freaked, she kept calling Quinn. But Quinn cannot be reached, thus she forced Josh to call his little brother to clarify regarding this rumor. Josh understood that by being in the entertainment line; his brothers would not get away with stupid rumors on the tabloids. But still, this one sounded serious. Huge. 

 

“So, it’s not true? I thought you guys got some things going on before?” Josh asked, remembering that Niall and Jessica had a fling at once time. “That was rumors too,” Josh nodded at Niall’s firm voice. When Ivy tugged his sleeves and looked at him intensely, Josh shot the real question that he wanted to ask. 

 

“What about Quinn?” 

 

Josh heard Niall sighed deeply and he can imagine his little brother was plopped down into the couch further and closed his eyes. Niall always did that when he was on stressful conversation on the phone. Josh had witnessed it so many times. 

 

“Yesterday, she said she wanted some time alone after she ran out of Zayn’s house. And last night, she called me and said she slept at Danielle’s house. I don’t know. I want to explain this to her. I just hope she’ll believe me.” Niall paused. “You believe me, right? I really didn’t do anything with Jessica. I don’t know why she’s been telling lie all around.” 

 

Josh raised his eyebrows. Of course Niall knew why. Jessica was fucking in love with him before. “If you say so, I believe you. You know I believe my family more than anything.” 

 

“Thanks, Josh. It means a lot. This is the most bullshit rumors that I’ve ever encountered.” 

 

“Yeah, and all thanks to the girl that you once called friend and turned out she was madly in love with you.” Josh spoke. Honesty was the key here. He just spoke the truth out of his love for his little brother. 

 

“Josh..” Niall whined and sighed again. “Fine. I admit I was stupid. But it doesn’t matter now. I have Quinn and I love her. And I want this rumor to be over soon.” 

 

“You better cross your finger, bro. Cause this really ain’t look good,” Josh said. After they spoke for a few minutes, Josh ended the conversation by assuring Niall that everything would be fine. 

 

“What did Niall say?” Ivy asked eagerly. Frankly, she was worried because she knew Quinn. With her history, Ivy knew Quinn would freak over this. 

 

“He said it’s just a rumor. And he loves Quinn. He didn’t screw Jessica over.” Josh explained to his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her. 

 

“Do you believe him?” Ivy asked. 

 

“I do. Do you?”

 

“If you ask me, between Niall and Jessica, of course I trust Niall over that bitch,” Ivy said and spat the ‘bitch’ word. That was what she saw Jessica as anyways. Josh laughed at his girlfriend’s words. Always being so feisty, that was Ivy. 

 

“Do you think Quinn will believe him?” Josh asked, concerned. Ivy sighed and leaned closer to her boyfriend, “I wish she will.”


	31. Chapter 31

Liam plopped down on the couch, sitting in front of Quinn who looked like she was lost in her mind. “Quinn?” Liam asked softly. 

 

“Hmm..” Quinn replied shortly. 

 

“Don’t you want to hear about what Niall would say?” Liam asked. He didn’t mean to interfere with Niall and Quinn’s relationship. But it had been two days and Quinn was still refused to talk to Niall. 

 

“You’re taking his side now?” Quinn snapped at Liam, slightly angry. 

 

Liam sighed. “I’m not taking sides. But maybe you can cut Niall some slack? He’s been trying to reach you for two days already. Just let him talk to you. It’s not easy being scrutinized by the media. I bet this is just a stupid rumor.” Liam said, tried to reason. Niall had called him and told him about the rumor. Liam felt pity at Niall’s situation. Being a member of one of the famous boybands may look like fun, but Liam knew the price that came with fame which Niall had to pay was beyond his capability. Liam felt lucky that he didn’t have to get involve with this kind of rumor since he was dating Danielle because he didn’t know how to handle the pressure of his moves being scrutinized by public eyes like Niall did. 

 

“I know.” Quinn said and sighed. She felt lost at that moment. Her mind was filled with confusion. Liam might be right, it could have been a stupid rumor only. But she heard some part of the conversation between the brothers at Zayn’s house and she was damn sure she heard something that led her to believe the rumor. She wasn’t usually feeling like this but lately she had been so sensitive and what she heard back at Zayn’s house really hurt her feelings.

 

Liam looked over at Quinn and saw her expression when suddenly the doorbell rang. Running over to the door, Liam opened and gave a sly smile at the person in front of him. “Is she up already?” Niall asked, shuffling his feet from left to right and scratched his neck as a sign of nervousness. 

 

“Yeah. She’s in the living room. I’d be upstairs.” Liam said and patted Niall’s shoulder, giving him a reassurance smile. “Thanks Li.” Liam nodded and within seconds, he fled to the upstairs leaving Niall alone to talk with Quinn. 

 

**

 

Niall walked over to the living room and saw the back of his fiancée. “Hi.” Niall smiled when Quinn’s head turned quickly to look at him. 

 

“Hi.” Quinn replied, a bit cold tone laced in her voice. Was Liam tried to set them up? 

 

Recognizing that Quinn looked a bit mad, Niall quickly spoke up. “Don’t be mad at Liam. I was the one who had bugging him all the time.” Niall admitted. “Look, can you just let me explain about this situation first, please? Hear me out?” Niall pleaded and stepped closer to where Quinn was sitting. Niall took a deep breath and sat besides Quinn and put his hands on hers. 

 

“Look, if you don’t want to talk to me, just let me do all the talking, okay?” When Niall was replied with a silence from Quinn, he took it as the sign for him to continue.

 

“Remember the night when we fought, about Richard?” Niall asked. Quinn nodded. “That night, Jessica came over. And we just hang out. As friends. That was it. No other business.” Niall explained, looking over at Quinn’s face to read her expression. 

 

Quinn looked thoughtful before she finally spoke up.“You’re telling me the truth?” 

 

“I swear I’m telling you the truth.” Niall put up his right hand and gestured like he was taking an oath. “Please Quinn, you know I never lie to you.” Niall pleaded, desperately. He didn’t know what to say anymore. It was all the truth. 

 

“But why did you never mention it to me?” 

 

“I thought it was nothing. That’s why I didn’t mention it to you. It wasn’t important. I thought it was a harmless visit from a friend. I didn’t know it would lead to this, the stupid rumor. I’m sorry. I thought killing some time with friend would take my mind off the problem that night. I swear nothing else happened.” 

 

Quinn looked at Niall’s eyes and looked at the sincerity that shown in those eyes. The eyes that had capture her heart on the first place. The eyes which always reflected the soul of the owner. It was true. Niall never lied to her, and why would she gave him a benefit of the doubt now? And she knew that Jessica started the stupid rumor without any proof. Quinn knew it was just her stubbornness that prevented her from calling Niall or anything. Or maybe she just wanted Niall to treat her feelings seriously. She didn’t know why but she really felt like she needed his full attention especially for the latest month. 

 

“What if I believe you this time? You promise that you’ll tell me everything about your daily activities? Even the slightest detail of your life like ‘hanging out with a friend named Jessica Arthur’?” Quinn said, with a cautious tone. She didn’t mean to be bitter, but everyone knew Jessica’s reputation. That girl brought controversies with her everywhere like it was her puppy. And Niall was somehow caught up in one of those. He was just guilty by association. Quinn thought it was not fair for Niall if she believed Jessica over him. 

 

Niall nodded vigorously. “I promise I’ll tell everything. Even if I know the details would make you bored as hell. As long as you forgive me for this. Please…” 

 

A few beats of silence. Neither Niall nor Quinn spoke up. It was Quinn’s voice that finally penetrated the silence. “I forgive you. Just, please, don’t go around and break my heart.” 

 

Niall pulled Quinn into his hug tightly. “I won’t. I promise you.” The hug lasted for a few seconds before Quinn pulled away and looked at Niall with a serious expression plastered on her face.

 

“And another thing. About our engagement. I think it’s better if we keep it between two of us only.” 

 

Niall wasn’t expected that. “What..why?” He stammered. He thought Quinn had forgiven him. But her words really took him by surprise. Did it mean that she wanted to call off their engagement?

 

Sensing that Niall was misunderstood her intention, Quinn quickly replied. “I don’t want another headline with your name on it especially with this mess still lying around the press. It’s not good for you. And for me. You understand that, right?” 

 

Niall exhaled in relief and nodded. Of course he understood. Like he said, he didn’t want Quinn’s private life to be scrutinized by public eyes like him. It was not fair for her. Giving his fiancée a slight smile, Niall spoke, “Yeah, I understand.” Please God, let me be happy with Quinn for once, Niall prayed silently. 

 

**

 

“Fuck!” Niall cursed under his breath. He was just went out to get a coffee like he always did every morning when suddenly he was being followed from his house to the coffee shop. And when he was holding his coffee cup, one of the paparazzi accidentally knocked him over and the coffee was spilled on his shirt. And Niall Horan would not tolerate anyone who messed with his coffee, and shirt, especially when it was early in the morning. That was when he started to become a little aggressive. 

 

“What the fuck do you guys want?” Niall snapped and raised his voice slightly. He didn’t care with several camera flashes sounds that can be heard. He was just getting fed-up with those people that had nothing else to do. Why would the paparazzi wanted to follow celebrities around even when they did bored stuff like getting coffee? It made no sense to Niall. Not at all.

 

“Is it true that Jessica’s is pregnant with your child?” First voice asked. 

 

“We heard that Jessica was sure it’s your child she’s carrying, what’s your comment about that?” Second voice was heard. 

 

The third, fourth and so on also had the same point of questions. At least that was what Niall was heard. Jessica here. Jessica there. Pregnant with his child. Blah blah blah. 

 

“No comment.” Niall replied and tried to get into his car that was parked outside the coffee shop. And another paparazzi managed to bump his camera on the car’s window. Niall stared at the crack on the window. That was it. First the spill on his shirt. Now his car. His baby. Turning around slowly while he was clenched and unclenched his fist, Niall finally said it. 

 

“You guys know what? Jessica is a liar. It’s not my child. And God forbid if I have a child with her.” Niall snarled, gritting his teeth. “And if you guys don’t want to end up in the hospital, let me get into my fucking car and leave me the hell alone.” When the paparazzi backed away, Niall quickly jumped into driver’s seat and drove away. He felt like a jackass when he said those words but that was what he felt at that moment. 

 

**

 

 _“…and that was what Niall Horan said about the rumor of Jessica Arthur claiming that she’s pregnant with his child. So false or so true? We’ll be back later with the glimpse of the latest movie that would be released next month. Stay tune with E-News..”_

 

Louis shook his head and switched the channel when suddenly he felt someone sitting besides him and sighed. Louis titled his head and looked at the person. “What’s up? Where’s your other half?” Louis asked and looked over to see if the other one was coming too. 

 

“He’s stuck in the studio room.” 

 

Louis raised his eyebrows. “I thought you guys had finished the vocal parts for the song?” 

 

“We did. Then the bitch came over and stormed into the room, demanding to talk to my brother.” 

 

“Oh. What do you think she wants, Zayn?” Louis asked, curious. Didn’t the bitch know when to back off if she was being rejected over and over again? 

 

Zayn shrugged and sighed. He really didn’t know. He was surprised to see Jessica came barged through the studio looking for Niall and by the look of the younger brother’s face, Zayn knew Niall was surprised to see her there too. 

 

“Not sure. I just caught some yelling before I got here.” 

 

Louis nodded. He really had no idea what to say anymore. His life was simple compared to the brothers. He had perfect set of family while the brothers had the broken one. He was blessed with Eleanor, the one for him and he was perfectly happy with her while the brothers always had bumps in their love life. Especially Niall. 

 

Stretching out, Zayn looked at his surrounding. ”Where’s Harry and Liam?” 

 

“Went out to grab a lunch.” Louis replied simply when suddenly the door of the room was widely opened and a very distressed face of Niall took a seat on the couch in front of them. He put his face on his hands and sighed loudly. 

 

“I don’t fucking know why I even befriended with that bitch on the first place! The girl brings trouble everywhere!” Niall groaned. 

 

Zayn raised his eyebrows and started to open his mouth when Niall cut him off, “and Zayn, save your ‘I told you so’ speech. I’m not in the fucking mood to listen.” 

 

Zayn closed his mouth and grinned. “What did she do?” 

 

Niall sat up straight and looked at both Louis and Zayn. “She wanted me to confess to the press that I’m the father of her child. Who the fuck in the right mind that want to do that?!” Niall screamed towards the air, showing his frustration. His voice was quite scratchy not just because of the songs recorded in the studio earlier, but also because of the screaming match between him and Jessica. 

 

“I don’t understand why she keeps insisting that you’re her baby daddy.” Louis stated. When he looked at Zayn, he saw Zayn nodded too. 

 

Niall sighed. “Me neither. And she said I’ll regret if I don’t want to admit that I’m her baby daddy.” 

 

Zayn sat up straight and looked over at Niall worriedly. “What did she mean?” 

 

Niall shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s probably nothing.” If only Niall knew how serious Jessica was. 

 

**

 

Jessica threw her handbag on her bed and screamed. She was mad at Niall. First, he told the media that she was a liar and then he dared to yell at Jessica for being a bitch. Nobody dared to call her a bitch. At least not to her face. Fished out her cell phone, she punched the numbers quickly. 

 

“Hello..” the voice answered groggily. 

 

“I want to meet you.” Jessica said sternly. 

 

“Now?” 

 

“Yes. Nick. Now!” Jessica yelled over the phone and hung up. Fine. If Niall wanted to play hard, she would play the same game too. She threw her phone on the bed and lied down. Slowly, she rubbed her stomach and smiled. “Oh, baby. I’m going to make sure you get a perfect daddy. For both of us.” 

 

Couple of minutes later, Nick reached at Jessica’s house and she then pulled him straight to the room. The room that where everything about Niall was kept there. As Jessica closed the door and locked it, Nick wrapped her in his arms and started to kiss her hungrily. Jessica kissed him back and pulled away shortly. She really wanted to end thing with Nick but it would spoil her plan. But pretended to kiss Nick back made her felt disgusted with herself. Nick was so out of her league. Plus, she loved Niall. 

 

“Baby, why so sour? What happened?” Nick asked, lingered his hands on Jessica’s face. He didn’t know why but he really attracted to this girl. Maybe it was her bitchy personality that had turned him on. 

 

Jessica sighed and went along with her plan. “I think you need to distribute those pictures to the press.” 

 

Nick was taken aback by the idea that he was left speechless. He thought those pictures were for Jessica’s private collection only. “I thought you wanted to keep those pictures in this room only?” 

 

Jessica cringed, well on the inside. Outside, she threw a sweet smile and leaned closer to Nick. How this guy was was stupid enough to believe her words were beyond her mind. She really had to pat herself on the back for a good job that she pulled through. 

 

“I was thinking like that. But then, Niall insulted me.” Jessica whined and pouted. She made a victory dance in her head when she saw Nick melted away at her pout. “And he also insulted our little baby.” Jessica said pulling Nick’s hand and put it on her belly that started to have a little bump. As expected, Nick was blown away with that gesture. 

 

“Our baby.” Nick cooed softly and had a dreamy look plastered on his face. 

 

Jessica leaned closer and whispered. “Yes, our baby.” 

 

Nick smiled a little before suddenly he frowned. “But..if this is our baby, why do you insist Niall is the father?” 

 

“Nick honey. It’s cause I want to ruin Niall’s reputation. I thought you wanted the same too? Remember our little agreement back in the days?” Jessica said softly and traced her fingers on Nick’s face, started to plant a small kisses on it. 

 

“Of course I remember. And I hope you’re doing the right thing. I don’t want him to get our baby.” Nick replied and kissed Jessica. 

 

“No, he won’t. I just want him to pay for what he said and did.” Jessica said and right back on her mind, she was happy she managed to manipulate the guy in front of her. Jessica was sure that Niall would came crawling to her after the pictures were exposed and that was what she wanted exactly. For Niall to be hers.


	32. Chapter 32

Josh whistled on his way through the streets that would lead him to his office. Ivy gave him a really good ‘treatment’ last night and he was really over the moon about it. Special ‘treatment’ once in a while was fun. Especially lately he had been so stressed with his business. Well, his and the two baby brothers of him. But when his girlfriend decided to ease his stress level, he was so fucking happy. That was when he woke up early in the morning, he couldn’t help but felt like it was a perfect morning for him. Josh smiled and waved at several people that he had bumped into. He loved living in New York. Most of his friends were staying there as well. Even though sometimes, he missed his baby brothers. They used to be three musketeers back in the day. Now they lived on the opposite sides of the world. Thank God for created Wright brothers who had invented the airplanes so that people can visit each other frequently by flying. That was what they always did if they missed each other and had some free time. Speaking of his two baby brothers…

 

Josh had talked to Niall and it seemed like the youngest brother really had sorted things out with Quinn. Josh smiled as he remembering the conversation. He knew Niall really loved Quinn and would never jeopardize their relationship. As Josh walked passed one of the magazine stalls near the subway, he suddenly froze on his spot. His eyes blinked once. Twice. Thrice. “Oh my fucking God.” That was what Josh managed to blurt out at that moment. His perfect morning was shattered by those magazines covers. Almost all of the magazines on the stand had the same pictures on the cover. Frantically, Josh reached his pocket and pulled out his money. “I want all of these.” Josh pointed to all of the magazines and the worker raised her eyebrows at him. He didn’t care. He needed to clear out all of those magazines that were placed on the stand. After he paid, Josh grabbed all of the magazines and made his way to the opposite direction of his office. He wasn’t going to the office anymore. Not when he found out something like this. Something awful which associated with one of his family members. Walking fast, Josh somehow managed to fish out his cell phone from his pocket and dialed one of the numbers that he knew by heart. “Pick up. Pick up.” Josh chanted and finally after fourth ring, the person from the other end of the line picked up his phone. 

 

“Josh, what’s up?” 

 

“Zayn, we got a situation.”

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Where are you?” 

 

“I’m on my way to the studio. I’m quite late actually. Everyone’s already there. What’s up? You sounds..off..” Josh sighed as he heard Zayn asked him with worry laced in his tone. 

 

Josh exhaled deeply before finally he spoke up. “It’s about Niall.” 

 

**

 

Zayn strode towards the studio room angrily. He was beyond mad. He was furious as hell. After Josh told him what happened, Zayn went straight to the nearest store and sure enough, the magazines section was filled with the pictures on the cover that Josh had told him about. Grabbing most of the magazines that he can reach, he paid and drove straight to the studio. On one purpose. To beat the hell out of the younger brother. 

 

“Niall James Horan!” Zayns creamed and slammed the studio door’s open, startling all of the persons in that room. He didn’t care about everyone else. He just walked straight to one person and punched the guy. His brother. 

 

“What the fuck, Zayn?!” Niall screamed back and wiped away a little blood that came out from the cut on his lips. When Zayn screamed his full name, Niall knew he was in trouble. But before he could ask anything, the older brother punched him without an explanation. The force of the punch made him staggered backwards and he would have been fallen onto the glass table if it wasn’t for Liam’s steady hands that caught him on time. 

 

“You fucking bastard! You’re a liar!” Zayn growled and if he had not been restrained by Harry and Louis, he would punch Niall again. Probably again and again. 

 

“What?! What the fuck are you talking about? Are you high?!” 

 

Zayn let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head. “Am I high? Coming out from an ex-drug addict, it was a little bit hypocritical, right Nialler? You know what? Not only you were a drug addict, but you're also a big fat liar, aren’t you Niall?” 

 

Niall winced at Zayn’s words. That was harsh. That was fucking harsh when Zayn said it out loud. He thought his past was already put behind but clearly enough Zayn knew how to push the right button to hurt him. But the last part didn’t make sense. “I don’t understand. Why do you keep calling me a liar? You know I never lie to you.” Niall said. 

 

Zayn snorted disbelievingly and wriggled free from the grips of Harry and Louis. Violently, he opened his backpack and threw out all the things from the inside and laid it across the table. He grabbed one of the magazines and shoved it onto Niall’s chest roughly. “Look at this! You told me nothing happened! But what’s this, huh?! I can’t believe you. I trusted you. We trusted you. And apparently, you lied straight to our faces!” Zayn yelled. 

 

Niall looked over at the front cover of the magazine and gasped. No wonder Zayn freaked out. There it was. A picture of him and Jessica. Naked on the bed. They were curled in fetal position and his arms were wrapping Jessica’s body close to him. The only parts that were blurred on the cover were their private parts. Everything else was crystal clear. His face, his naked chest, his arms…his tattoed arms. Of course he recognized the tattoo, the one that shaped like a ‘screw’. All the band members had got the same tattoo as him and he knew Zayn recognized that too. “But..I..I don’t remember this..I..” Niall stammered and looked up to see the other guys’ reaction. Sure enough, everyone was giving him a pissed off looks and each of them had another magazines with same cover on their hands. 

 

“Stop lying, Niall. Just stop. I feel like I want to puke hearing all of the words that coming out from your mouth. How dare you? You know I hate liars! I never thought that my brother would become one of those people that I hate.” Zayn said harshly. 

 

Niall swallowed hard before he spoke up again. “But how come you’re so sure it’s me in the pictures?” Niall backed a little when he saw Zayn stepped closer to him after he finished. Zayn’s face was merely apart with Niall’s and the younger brother can see how mad the older brother was. His face was red and even his ears had turned red, a sign of fury. 

 

“Because I..” Zayn hissed, pointed at himself. “..We..” Zayn pointed at the other band mates before his finger poked at Niall’s chest. “..are not stupid! Look at those tattoes Niall! Who else had the same tattoes as you?! Huh? Look at the face! It’s clearly showing your face! You want to feed us with more lies? Is that it?” Zayn hissed and gritted his teeth. 

 

“I swear..I didn’t do anything with her..I don’t even remember..” Niall said before he was cutting off by Zayn. 

 

“Just shut the fucking up, Niall! I heard enough of your bullshit. I don’t really think I could see your face at this moment. You disgust me.” Zayn spat. With that, Zayn turned around and left the room. 

 

Niall blinked his eyes rapidly. Had Zayn really said that? This was worst than before. Worst compared to what Zayn said to him couple of years ago. At least, at that time, Niall knew he was wrong. But this time, he was innocent. Helplessly, he looked over at three other guys in the room. “Guys..” And again he was cut off. “Enough, Niall. We backed you up all this time. And this is how you repay us?” Louis said and shook his head in disappointment. “Liam even helped you out when Quinn was mad at you when this shit started to hit the fan. Apparently, you lied to us too, huh?” Before Niall could respond to that, Louis left the room like Zayn did followed by Harry and Liam who also shot him a disbelieving and disappointed looks. 

 

Niall staggered to the nearest couch and sat heavily. What the fuck had happened? Everyone was mad at him for something that he didn’t even remember doing it. He looked over at the magazine again and threw it away. That was when what Louis had said registered on his mind. Quinn. Standing up quickly, Niall grabbed his phone and tried to call his fiancée. When she didn’t pick up her phone after umpteenth times, Niall feared for the worst. If he was jogged his way few minutes earlier before he tried to call his fiancée, he quickly ran towards the parking lot when she didn’t pick up his call. 

 

**

 

Niall kept trying to call Quinn over and over again on his way to his home but he still got the same result as before. He had been so distracted with calling Quinn he almost knocked over the car that stopped in front of him on the red light. He knew something was wrong. Quinn never ignored his calls especially when she was at home. Home. Feeling like wanted to smack himself, Niall wondered why didn’t he tried to call his phone at home earlier. Several rings later, Niall started to freak out again. His call went straight to the message box. Within seconds, he stepped hard on the accelerator and sped towards his house. 

 

Niall barely cared about how he parked his car and went straight into his house. He knew Quinn was home. The door wasn’t locked and the upstairs windows were opened. Niall ran quickly to his bedroom and that was where he found her. Her back was on him and Niall can heard her sniffles. Niall stepped closer and he saw several magazines laid out on the bed. Their bed. The magazines that had his pictures. Naked. With Jessica. And Quinn had seen it. He was too late. He knew that. Niall knew he was too late to spare the hurt for Quinn. He thought if he could make to the home early, he could explain it to her first before she found out from other people. Apparently, his prayer on the way home was not answered by the highest power up there. 

 

“Quinn..” Niall started, softly. When he tried to peer over her shoulder, he literally felt his heart dropped. Quinn was mindlessly filling the suitcase with her clothes and things from the closet. “What are you doing?” Niall asked, fear for the worst. “I’m getting out of here.” Quinn replied, monotone. Niall knew she had been crying because her voice was quite scratchy. “You can’t leave me. Please. We have to talk about this. Give me a chance to explain.” Niall pleaded desperately. 

 

Turning around, Quinn snapped at Niall. “I’m done giving you a chance over and over again! You lied to me! You said you did nothing with her!”

 

“I wasn’t lying! I really didn’t do anything!” Niall replied, trying to get Quinn to listen to him. 

 

Snorted disbelievingly, Quinn snapped again. “Really?! So you’re going to deny that it’s you in those pictures? It wasn’t her that lying naked besides you on our bed? Oh, I’m sorry; I want to amend my statement. It wasn’t her that stuck to your naked body on our bed?!” 

 

Niall tried to reach Quinn’s arms but she backed away from his touch. Shaking his head, Niall spoke up. “I..I didn’t even remember about that night..I was sure that I did nothing with her.” God, Niall. Very convincing. Niall mentally slapped himself for his hesitation. 

 

Quinn turned back to the bag and closed the zipper roughly. “If you didn’t remember anything, doesn’t mean it was not true.” Quinn took the bag and pushed her way past Niall. She walked quickly and was on the bottom of the stairs when Niall grabbed her left arm, tried to stop her. 

 

“Please, Quinn. Don’t leave me. Let’s work this thing out. Please, I love you.” 

 

“Let go off me.” Quinn said, gritting her teeth and tried to break free from Niall’s grip. When Niall didn’t bulge, Quinn thought that was it. With a great force, she pulled her arm away and glared at Niall. 

 

“You love me?! How could you still say that after what you’ve done?! You lied to me! You lied to my face! You really break my heart, Niall. I thought you’re better than the other guys I dated! Apparently I was wrong!” Quinn yelled and tears rolled down her cheeks. 

 

Niall swallowed hard and blinked back his tears. He really had hurt her. He can see it in her eyes. “I’m sorry..” Niall whispered. He really was. He didn’t mean to hurt her like this. “..but I love you Quinn..please, don’t leave me..” Niall pleaded. 

 

Quinn shook her head and turned around, picking up her bag again and walked towards the front door. Frantically, Niall followed her and tried to persuade her again. He was almost knocked her over when she stopped abruptly and turned around to face him. Slowly, she took his right hand and Niall felt his heart stopped. Was Quinn tried to forgive him? He really hoped Quinn gave him a second chance. A chance to fix this matter. But his hope was shattered when Quinn pried open his palm and put the small thing on it. The small thing that he gave to her last month. He choked back his sobs, looked at that thing before looked up to see Quinn’s face. It brought tears to his eyes. He felt like he understood what Quinn was implying there, but he refused to believe it. He saw Quinn was trying to hold back her sobs too. 

 

“Quinn…” 

 

“I think it’s better if we called this thing off.” Quinn said, in a surprisingly calm manner. 

 

“What thing?” Niall asked, playing dumb and trying to stall some time for him to persuade Quinn. 

 

“This. Engagement. Us. That things. So I return this ring to you. I don’t want it.”

 

“It’s not fair. I gave you this ring because I love you. I wanted to marry you. I still do.” Niall whispered, pleadingly. His heart crushed into million of pieces when Quinn shook her head and backed away. “But I don’t. I don’t want to. Not anymore.” Quinn said. “I’ll send someone to get the rest of my stuffs later.” She turned around and left Niall standing alone in the living room. When the sound of the front door was slammed shut, Niall snapped out of his trance and ran towards Quinn. 

 

“Quinn!” Niall yelled and ran straight to the cab that he didn’t even realized was parked in front of his house, with Quinn already sitting on the backseat. Pounded hard on the window, he begged for Quinn to listen to him. He sighed in relief when Quinn rolled down her window a little. He didn’t care if the driver gave him an odd look with the tears rolling down on his cheeks. All he wanted was for Quinn to take back her decision. For Quinn to stay with him. “Please Quinn. I love you. Don’t leave me. I can’t live without you. Please don’t go away.” Niall begged over and over again but Quinn still didn’t bulge from her decision. “Goodbye, Niall.” With that, she told the driver to drive away and left Niall alone, standing on the middle of the road. When the cab disappeared from his view, Niall started to sob. Quinn didn’t even look back at him. Niall didn’t realize how long he was standing there and was snapped out of his trance when one of the cars that passing by the streets honked him. Lifelessly, he walked back into his house and went into the living room. That was when he realized the ring was still in his palm. He opened his palm slowly and stared at the ring. Shaking slowly, Niall fell helplessly on the floor curling himself into a tight ball not wanting to move. He just wanted Quinn back in his life. Bawling his eyes out when he realized he really had lost her, Niall finally drifted off into a restless sleep on the cold tile floor.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zayn is a sweet guy in real life and this mean-fictional Zayn is just a fiction. I'm sorry I made him mean. xx

Ivy searched the face among the crowds in the airport and after several minutes, she found her. Quinn. Pushing her way past the crowds, she went straight to her best friend. When Quinn saw Ivy, all hell broke loose. Ivy enveloped her into a needed hug and she clung tightly to Ivy and sobbing her heart out in the middle of the airport. 

 

“Shh. Shh. It’s gonna be okay.” Ivy repeated over and over again while rubbing her hand over Quinn’s back, tried to soothe the crying girl. Quinn had called her couple of hours ago, informing her that she would fly back to New York. Ivy had been freaked when Quinn’s voice was coated with hysteric tears on the phone. But she was also glad that Quinn decided to call her and ask for her help instead of doing something that Ivy didn’t want to think about. 

 

“How could he?” Quinn said mumbled through Ivy’s shoulder. Ivy sighed before she answered. “I don’t know, Q.” Ivy really didn’t know. That morning when Josh barged into their house and had a furious look plastered on his face, Ivy thought his business was in trouble again or something. But when Josh explained to her and showed her all those magazines that he bought, Ivy was quite shocked. She wasn’t expected that Josh could be that furious especially towards his brother. The brothers had the tightest bond that she had ever seen. It seemed that Niall really had fucked things up if Josh could be mad like that. Josh was the calmest person that Ivy had known. 

 

Ivy hugged Quinn and let her friend sobbed her heart out until finally Quinn pulled away and shed her tears. “Sorry.” Quinn said. Ivy raised her eyebrows. “What are you being sorry for?” Quinn shook her head a little. “This. For being so messed that I cried here. I didn’t mean to cry on you. At least not here.” Quinn said and what she meant was they were stood in the middle of airport with several passerby had given them an odd glare. Ivy smiled and put her arm on Quinn’s shoulder. “Nah, we’re entitled to be drama queens once in a while. Let’s go home and then we can continue our little crying and hugging drama there.” Ivy said and helped Quinn to pick up her bag. Quinn returned Ivy’s smile and whispered. “Thanks, Ivy. You’re a great friend.” 

 

**

 

“Hey, you’re okay?” Josh asked and glanced through the rear view mirror. When Ivy and Quinn emerged from entrance of the airport, Josh couldn’t help but felt pity for Quinn. She looked like a mess. Her eyes were puffy and the tip of her nose was red. The signs of post crying. After all three of them got into the car, Josh started to make a conversation with Quinn. 

 

“Maybe.” Quinn mumbled, not making an eye contact with Josh. It was not Josh’s fault but Quinn felt like she cannot saw Joshs face at that moment. The hurt was still fresh that Quinn cannot see Josh without reminded her of Niall. 

 

Josh sighed. “I’m sorry for what happened, Quinn. That brother of mine..” Josh was cut off before he could finish his sentence. “That’s okay. It’s his fault, not yours. Can I take a nap? I’m tired.” Quinn asked and started to close her eyes. 

 

Josh looked at her worriedly and nodded. Josh knew she was trying to change the subject. He felt so mad at Niall for ruining the good thing that he had in life. Out of all Niall’s girlfriends, Josh liked Quinn the most. She was like another sister to him and for Niall to hurt her, it was like he messed up with Josh too. Tilted his head to the left, he saw Ivy threw him a sad smile. Josh knew Ivy was worried about Quinn and was sad to see her best friend being so miserable. That was one of the reasons that made Josh mad at Niall too. Niall didn’t just manage to hurt Quinn, but also other people around him. 

 

**

 

Niall blinked his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He woke up couple of hours earlier due to the constant ringing of his phone at the living room. He didn’t make an effort to get up at all. His back was still on the cold tile floor where he had been asleep the day before. He let all of the calls went through the message which he had heard in the hours of his waking. Josh was the first one to call and left a series of lecture or what Niall would call as ‘Josh mad words’. Followed by Zayn, who had called just to curse at him and thrown some words that managed to hurt Niall. Then his mom. Her voice was near hysterics, scolding him for cheating on Quinn. After his mom, Alicia had called. Niall heard her screamed and yelled on the phone, accused him of being there and didn’t want to pick up his phone. That was indeed true. But he didn’t care. All he knew that everyone of his family were mad at him. He didn’t know whether to feel angry or sad about it. He thought he was angry at first because he didn’t get a chance to explain before they were all jumped on him. But then he felt angry at himself for being associated with Jessica on the first place. He felt angry at himself that he cannot recall a single thing about that night. He didn’t recall if he was so drunk that he can’t remember if he had sex with Jessica. And then he felt angry at Jessica for kept ruining his life. But after that, he felt sad. He felt sad that none of his family members called him to check on him or asked him if he was alright. He felt sad that he managed to hurt Quinn until she decided to leave him. Decided to call off the engagement and their relationship. A single tear escaped his left eye. He was so caught up in his thought, he nearly jumped out of his skin when suddenly someone knelt besides him. “Niall? Hey, you’re okay?” Niall rolled his head and looked up. 

 

**

 

“Danny?” Danny nodded at Niall’s confused voice. He decided to check on Niall after Zayn called him, asking him if he knew about the pictures. Of course Danny knew. As well as other people. The pictures were on magazines all over. Not to mention, on the internet too. And one of his friends had confirmed that the pictures were not photo shopped. It was all real. Coming from the photography expert, Danny accepted that. But it didn’t mean that he was mad at Niall. Everyone made mistake. And by the way Zayn spat his words; Danny knew the older brother was furious at the younger one. Knowing Zayn and the rest of the family, Danny was sure that they were mad at Niall too. If they were mad at Niall, Danny couldn’t imagine what was Quinn’s reaction would be like. That was why Danny tried to call Niall’s cell to check on him. When Niall didn’t pick up his phone, Danny decided to drop by his house. When he got there, the front door was slightly ajar and he called Niall’s name only to be replied with silence. When Danny stepped into the living room, he saw Niall lied motionlessly on the floor. At first Danny thought something had happened and rushed towards his friend, but when he saw Niall’s eyes were opened, he sighed in relief. Slowly, he knelt and called for his friend who looked so lost in his own world. A single tear was slowly trailed down Niall’s cheek. And when Danny called his name and Niall responded, even though he looked confused, Danny can’t help but felt glad. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Niall asked. His throat was dry and his voice cracked up due to all of the crying. Danny pulled one of Niall’s hands to make him sit while replied. “Just wanna check up on you. I called your cell but you didn’t pick up, so I got a little worry and come here.” 

 

Niall nodded. He took Danny’s hand and let the older guy to bring him to the couch. He felt Danny sat besides him and gave him a worry glance. “You’re alright?” 

 

Niall nodded again. When Danny put an arm around his shoulder, Niall’s lip quivered. “Quinn left me.” Danny shook his head and brought Niall into his hug. Niall tensed at first before finally returned the hug. “Sorry, bro. That’s suck.” Yeah, that was Danny’s comfort words. Who can blame him? He wasn’t raised to be a sweet talker. You had to say what you got to say. 

 

Pulling away from the hug, Niall looked at Danny. “Aren’t you supposed to be mad at me?” Danny shrugged. “For what?” 

 

“I dunno. For this fuck up situation. Feels like everyone’s mad at me.” Niall sighed. 

 

“Nah. I’m not mad at you. Slightly disappointed, maybe.” Danny looked at Niall’s reaction and quickly added. “But, everybody makes mistake, dude. Who am I to judge you? Plus, you helped me a lot during my stupid phase before. With the groupies and the strippers and whichever girl that I used. You name it. What I did was worst and you still accept me as who I am.” 

 

Niall smiled a little at Danny’s rambling. That was true. Danny always called him whenever he needed someone to clean up his mess with all the girls. Zayn was too lazy to deal with the girls but Niall was kind enough to help Danny. Anything for a friend. When Danny saw Niall smiled, he smiled back. Niall’s smile was contagious. 

 

“So, when will you start?” Danny asked. 

 

“When what?” 

 

“When are you going to stop moping around here and act like Niall that I know?” 

 

Niall looked at Danny like he was losing his mind. What the hell was Danny talking about? 

 

Danny shook his head at Niall’s confused expression. “Look. Niall I know would not give up when the world is against him. He would defend himself and fight back. He would not allow himself to wallow in self pity and being kicked around. So, I’m asking you, when will you start to be _that_ Niall?” 

 

“I..” Niall hesitated. 

 

Danny cut his friend off and patted him on the back, as a sign to encourage him. “Don’t say you give up, Niall. I believe you can solve this problem. You always figure out how to pull yourself out of the mess in your life. Just consider this as one of the messes.” 

 

Niall thought for a second before he replied. “You believe in me? You believe I could pull myself out of this?” 

 

Danny nodded firmly. “Yes, you can. Try your best. I know you can do it.” 

 

Niall smiled. A first real smile since the mess happened. Pulling Danny into his hug, he mumbled through his friend’s shoulder. “Thanks, Danny.” 

 

**

 

Quinn managed to run into the bathroom and puked her gut out into the toilet. Tears of frustration and pain rolled down her cheeks as she vomited. This thing had been going on for the whole week. At first she thought it was because of the stress with what had been going on in her life. But part of her was afraid that was because of something else. She was late for her monthly period and with the sickness, she couldn’t help but felt nervous. What if? She quickly dismissed that thought and rinsed her mouth with the tap water, cleansing the foul taste in her mouth because of the pukes. 

 

Quinn went out of the bathroom to some things from her purse and brought them back into the bathroom. She removed the device from the foil wrapper and started to do the next steps. Three minutes had gone before Quinn finally saw the result. Quinn felt a single tear slipped out from her eyes. Refusing to believe the first test, she picked up the other two devices from the different brands and started the test again. Both gave the same results as the first. “Oh my god.” Quinn put her face on her hands and started sobbing. She can’t believe it. She was pregnant. _Again._ This time it was Niall’s child that grew inside her body. What will she do?


	34. Chapter 34

“Morning, Quinn.” 

 

“Fuck!” Quinn cursed when her apartment keys fell since she was shocked to hear that voice. Niall’s voice. She tried to pick her keys back but Niall beat her to it and gave her the keys. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Quinn snapped at Niall who stood on the opposite wall of her apartment door, smiling at her clumsiness. 

 

Niall looked at Quinn and smiled. God, he missed her so much. It was over a week before that he last talked to her. Or rather begged for her to stay with him. And after Danny encouraged him, he started to call Quinn again but as usual, she didn’t pick up his call. And after over a week, Niall finally decided to fly to New York and met her face to face. 

 

“I want to meet you.” Niall said. 

 

“I don’t want to.” 

 

Niall sighed. That was expected. In fact, he was glad that Quinn did not chase him away the moment she saw him. He was ready to brace himself if Quinn screamed and yelled at him to go away.

 

“Please, can we talk?” 

 

Quinn shook her head and was ready to say no when Niall cut her off. “I just want to talk to you, Quinn. I just want to sort things out with you. Please. I promise you, I won’t take long.” 

 

Rolling her eyes at Niall, she finally nodded and opened her door’s apartment. “Let’s talk inside. I’m giving you 10 minutes top.” 

 

Niall grinned and nodded before he followed Quinn’s lead into her apartment. Quinn stopped abruptly and turned to face Niall, with her arms crossed over her chest. “So. Talk.”

 

Niall’s smile faded when he saw Quinn’s hostility towards him. Exhaled deeply, he finally started to speak. 

 

“I miss you.” Niall confessed.

 

“Niall.” Quinn warned. 

 

“Look, I know you wanted to end our relationship. But perhaps you were just mad at that time. Can’t you give me one more chance?” 

 

Shaking her head, Quinn replied. “I did the right thing, Niall. I wanted to end our relationship. And I still want the same thing. Please, if you just come here just to talk about that, I suggest that you seek yourself out.” Quinn said stubbornly. 

 

“But Quinn..” Niall started to protest. 

 

“No, Niall. It’s better this way.” 

 

“But I miss you. I can’t live without you.” Niall tried to reason again. He really wanted to fight for Quinn’s love back. He didn’t want to lose her. 

 

“I’m sorry Niall. But that’s my final decision. I know you can live without me.” Quinn said, still stick with her decision. 

 

Niall threw a sad smile at Quinn. “Maybe. Maybe I can live without you. But I just don’t want to.”

 

Quinn rolled her eyes. This Niall was different than the Niall that she knew when she first met him. This Niall was more confident with himself. She noticed that a lot. Especially at moment like this, the old Niall would never have a gut to spill his heart out directly but the new Niall was very forward. 

 

Still crossing her arms and put a distant between Niall and her, Quinn decided that enough was enough. “Look, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. For me, there are no us anymore. And if you can’t accept that, maybe we don’t need to talk again.”

 

Niall sighed softly. Quinn can be so stubborn when she wanted to. Decided to not pushing it any further, Niall finally chose the safest route that he can thought at that moment. “Okay. But at least, can we still be friends? I mean, I always talk to you about my life. Well, besides Zayn. I think I need some time to adjust to not having you to listen to my rant again.” Niall asked hopefully. 

 

Quinn thought for a moment before she replied. “Maybe you can call me sometimes and then we can chat or something.” Quinn shrugged. 

 

Niall mentally did the victory dance in his mind. At least, Quinn didn’t push him away completely. He still had a slight hope. “I can do that.” 

 

**

 

Paul sat on his chair and let out a loud sigh. Once again, he dialed the same number for the umpteenth time. He was close to being mad when suddenly the person on the other end picked up his call. “Where the fuck are you? Why weren’t you picked up my call?” Okay. Maybe he was already mad. First the person was managed to make himself fell into such a big controversy and now this. Being out of reach when he was needed. 

 

“I’m sorry. I was on the plane.” 

 

“On the plane?! Where the fuck did you go at time like this, Niall? Don’t you remember that we have a meeting?!” Paul scolded, raising his voice. 

 

“I..Sorry. I forgot. I’ll be there in 15.” Niall said and hung up on Paul. Paul shook his head and stared at his phone. That kid really started to get on his nerve. Turning around on his chair, he was finally faced with the four of other band members with pissed off looks plastered on their face. Great, Niall. Now you managed to make them being more pissed at you. That was what Paul thought. Paul cleared his throat and started to talk about the next tour schedule with the rest of the members while waiting the last member of the band to arrive. 

 

**

 

Zayn glared at his brother when he entered the room. He didn’t even bother to ask Niall where he went before. He was still mad at the younger lad. But from the bottom of his heart, he knew where Niall went to. Zayn knew Quinn left Niall and went back to New York. Liam told him that. And knowing his brother, Zayn bet Niall went to see Quinn earlier. 

 

“Sorry, I’m late.” Niall said and took his seat which was at the other end of the table, facing the other four band members opposite him. 

 

“Yeah, guess now you have many things to be sorry for.” Zayn snapped. He can’t help it. Mad Zayn was equal to snappy and sarcastic Zayn. 

 

Niall sighed and refused to reply his brother’s snap. He really had learned how to control himself over the years. Couple of years before, Niall would probably snapped back at Zayn right away but at that moment, he really wanted to avoid that. That action made Zayn felt madder at the younger lad. “That’s it? No explanations where have you been and why you make us waiting for you like you’re some kind of diva?” Zayn snarled and put his arms on the table, leaning closer to face his brother. 

 

“Fine. I went to New York to see Quinn? Satisfied?” Niall snapped back, raising his voice slightly. Okay, maybe he was not really can control his anger, but at least he tried for the first time, right? 

 

“Oh, I see. Guess she left you, huh?” 

 

Niall shook his head and looked over at Paul. “Can we just start the meeting?” Niall said tried to change the subject. He really didn't want to deal with Zayn's crappy behavior at that moment. 

 

Zayn let out an annoyance snort. “Niall, the subject changer.” Zayn taunted. Grinning evilly, Zayn started to speak up again. “I just want to say something here, Niall. I think it's the right thing that Quinn left you. She is too good for you. I guess you don’t deserve anything good in you life. Nothing.” 

 

“Enough, you guys! Let’s focus on the band.” Paul cut off before the worst thing could happen. He saw Niall’s feature changed completely after Zayn’s words and even though Paul was mad at Niall, he didn’t have the heart to see the hurt look on Niall’s face. Within seconds, Niall turned to look at Paul and nodded gratefully. “Guess, we better do that.” 

 

When the meeting was over, Niall got up first and went out of the room. He just can’t stand being in the same room with his other band mates. Especially Zayn. The tension was so thick that it could have been cut by the knife. At one point of the meeting, all of them managed to argue about what happened and as Niall defended himself, nobody believed him, so what was the point? Then Louis had the gut to ask whether he would get together with Jessica for the sake of the baby and of course Niall said hell no. He said it wasn’t his child and once again, nobody believed him. Paul even suggested him to get together with Jessica to put up a good image in front of the press. What the fuck? Of course he refused. He wouldn’t be such a hypocrite plus he didn’t even want to connect with Jessica at any level. And of course, the other band mates accused him for being selfish that he didn’t want to mend the band’s image. Niall can’t believe this. Everyone that close to him were against him, he felt like he had no one to turn to. 

 

“Niall.” He heard someone called him from behind. 

 

“What, Zayn?” He asked, tiredly. Wasn’t it enough for Zayn to continue to hurt him? 

 

Zayn stepped in front of Niall and crossed his arms. “Mom would fly out here tomorrow with Alicia and Josh.” 

 

When Niall looked confused, Zayn rolled his eyes. “Her birthday, don’t you remember?” 

 

“Oh.” Was all that Niall can manage. He knew that actually. He just can’t remember it at that moment. 

 

“So, the celebration will be held at my house tomorrow’s night. I’ll pick them up. Just wait for me at my house.” Zayn said and turned around, leaving Niall before he could reply. 

 

Niall stared at the back of Zayn until the older brother disappeared from his sight. His mom will come tomorrow? That was the chance that Niall needed to make things right again. At least with his mom. The woman who had gave him a family to live with. Smiling a little, Niall felt the heavy feeling that was lingered in his heart earlier was lifted off. 

 

**

 

Niall stepped into Zayn’s house only to find it empty. Looking at his watch, he thought that maybe his family was still on their way back from the airport. Niall went into the kitchen and pulled out some plates and glasses. He had cooked several dishes for his family especially his mom’s favorite for her birthday. Taking out the foods from the containers that he brought from his home, Niall finally managed to set up the tables. Satisfied with his job, he went into the living room and turned on the television. It was only 8pm. Maybe they will be back soon, Niall thought. 

 

9pm. Still no sign of them. Niall tried to call Zayn but his phone was turned off. 

 

10pm. Niall tried to reach Josh and Alicia, both gave the same result as Zayn’s phone. 

 

It was almost midnight and Niall was half awake when he heard the rumble of familiar car’s engine. Rubbing his eyes, he stood up from the couch and walked to the hallway that led to the front door. He leaned on the wall and smiled when he saw his mom kissed her kids’ cheeks and said her thanks. When she turned around, she gasped in surprise. 

 

“Hey mom.” Niall greeted and went to hug his mom. He noticed that his mom tensed a little before returning the hug and pulled away quickly. 

 

“I thought you were busy?” Niall raised his eyebrows at her mom’s question. 

 

“What? How can I be busy to celebrate your birthday?” 

 

Patricia looked back at forth between Niall and her three other kids. Was she missing something here?

 

“But they said you were busy and couldn’t come. We already celebrated my birthday at the restaurant.” 

 

Shocked and angry would be an understatement of the year. Niall looked over behind his mom and sure enough, the three other siblings of his smirked. That was when all of this clicked on his mind. Forcing a smile, he looked back to his mom and cleared his throat. “Yeah..yeah..I’m sorry.” He then hugged his mom again for comfort. “Happy birthday, mum” Niall whispered softly. When Patricia excused herself to hit the sack, Niall was left to face Zayn, Josh and Alicia. 

 

“You told me we would celebrate mom’s birthday here.” Niall accused, glaring angrily at Zayn. 

 

“I did? Oh, maybe I forgot.” Zayn mocked sarcastically. Shaking his head, Niall looked over to Josh and Alicia. “So you guys were involved in this lying scheme too?” Niall hissed in anger tone. 

 

Josh shrugged and he was about to say something when Alicia interrupted. “Yeah, so what?” She replied rudely. Gone was the sweet Alicia that Niall had known. He knew Alicia was mad at him because she and Quinn were not as close as before. Whose fault was that? Of course it was your fault, Alicia said to him not so long time ago. And that when she stopped saying she loved him like she always did before all of this messes started. 

 

“Why? I mean it’s mom’s birthday for God’s sake. Can’t you guys at least cut me some slack? I’m trying so hard to fix things up. Why did all of you lie to me like this?” Niall said angrily and tried to slow down his voice so their mum wouldn’t have to listen to their little fight. 

 

Zayn snorted. “Well, it’s the taste for your own medicine. How do you feel to be the one who had been lied to?” Zayn snarled. 

 

Niall looked at the three of them and shook his head. That was harsh. He felt like his heart had been stepping over and over again by his siblings. He can felt tears built up in his eyes. Blinked back his tears, Niall shook his head. No. He would never give the satisfaction for them to see him cry. Never. 

 

Niall inhaled deeply, “night,” before dashed to the front door. When his hand was already turning the doorknob, he mumbled. “I love you guys.” 

 

Niall walked and walked until he reached the beach. He saw one group of teenagers hang out at one side of the beach and no other people were there. It was past midnight already, nobody wanted to sit on the beach in the dark. But Niall wanted to. He wanted to sit in the darkest place that he could ever be. He was really hurt by his brothers and sister. Found his spot on one of the biggest rock on the beach, Niall sat and wrapped his arms around his knees. The night was quite chilled and he forgot to take his jacket from Zayn’s house earlier. “Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!” Niall screamed towards the air loudly, trying to release his anger. Shivering slightly, Niall buried his face in his arms. He was so mad at his siblings but he was also sad that they treated him like he was the worst guy in the world. At times like this, it made him realized that he really had no one to turn to in the world. His real family was dead and his adopted family hated him. He tried to hold back his tears. But as people always said, the harder they tried to stop crying, the easier for tears to come out. That was what happened to Niall. He tried to stop his sobs but it came out louder than he intended to. Even the sounds of waves that usually managed to calm Niall down when he was upset couldn’t overcome the sadness that engulfed him. 

 

**

 

Josh stared at the door when Niall had left and sighed. He thought he heard Niall said he loved them but he might be wrong. “I’m going upstairs. Night, guys. Love you.” Alicia said and made her way up. Josh turned to look at Zayn and started to speak. “You didn’t think it was harsh? He looked hurt by our actions.” 

 

Zayn glared at Josh and shrugged. “He deserved it. What, you’re on his side now?” 

 

Josh sighed. “No. I’m just feeling..I dunno..guilty.” Josh trailed off. Zayn put an arm on Josh’s shoulder and squeezed it. “No need to feel like that. It was his fault to begin with. By the way, I’m beat. See ya tomorrow. Night.” Within seconds, Zayn was out of Josh’s sight. 

 

Josh walked over to the kitchen to turn off the light and he gasped when he passed through the dining table. The plates and glasses had been set up for five people. When Josh stepped closer, he saw the foods that had been served on the table. “Oh, my god, Niall..” 

 

Josh knew very well who had prepared the foods. Niall was the only one who had the talent in kitchen compared to the others. Plus, one of his mom’s favorite dishes was on the table, so Josh knew it was Niall who had prepared the foods. At that moment, Josh couldn’t felt guiltier. He shouldn’t have joined Zayn’s and Alicia’s little plan to lie to Niall. He was the oldest; he should have been more responsible and not taking sides. He knew everyone was mad at Niall including himself but to be denied to celebrate his mum’s birthday was too much. With a heavy sigh, Josh started to clean up the dining table and no one knew that on the other side, Niall was still bawling his eyes out. Alone.


	35. Chapter 35

Niall dialled the number and waited for the other person to pick up. He was lying on his back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. “Hello?” Niall smiled. He really missed that voice. 

 

“Hi, Quinn.” 

 

“Hi, what’s up?” Quinn asked. She looked at the clock and it was nearly midnight. She was about to sleep when her phone rang. Her first reaction was to ignore the call but when she saw the name on the phone’s display, she couldn’t help but picked it up. She knew they were over, but from the bottom of her heart, she missed Niall so much. 

 

“Nothing. Just want to hear your voice. I miss it.” Niall simply stated.

 

“Oh.” Quinn replied. She wanted to admit that she missed his voice too but she couldn’t. Not when part of her was still mad at him. 

 

When Niall sensed that Quinn didn’t want to reply other than simple _‘oh’_ , he cleared his throat and started to talk again. 

 

“So, how are you? How’s work?” 

 

“I’m fine. Work’s good too.” Quinn answered. The truth was she was not fine. She kept having the morning sickness and somehow it affected her work too. Her new boss wasn’t as understanding as her old one. But Niall didn’t need to know that. It was her life, not his. “What about you? Any new recording to do?” 

 

“I’m fine too. Yeah, just have to finish a couple of songs for the new album.” Niall answered. The truth was he was not fine. His band mates were still giving him a cold shoulder. The press kept releasing false rumors about him and Jessica until he was sick of it. His family was still mad at him. But Quinn didn’t need to know that from him. It was his life, not her. Not anymore. That realization made Niall sad. But he was thankful that Quinn wasn’t going to cut him off her life completely. At least he knew he could find comfort in her, just by listening to her voice, it made his life better. 

 

Niall didn’t know how long their conversation went on but when he heard Quinn yawned, he realized they had been talking for about..”Wow, we’ve been talking for about two hours already.” Niall said out loud. He heard Quinn laughed softly at the other end of the phone. “Yeah, can’t believe we didn’t realize that.” Quinn replied. 

 

Niall couldn’t agree more with that. He didn’t realize that they had been chatting about random topics but frankly speaking, it was fun. It really did take his minds off his problem at that moment and listening to Quinn’s voice when she chattered was a blessing for him. 

 

“I love you.” Niall blurted after few beats of silence. He didn’t know why he chose to say it at that moment but he really meant it. 

 

“Niall, we talked about this.” Quinn replied quietly. 

 

“I know. I know we agreed to be friends. But I just can’t help it. That’s how I feel and I’m not gonna lie about it. I love you and I miss you.” 

 

Quinn fell into silence after those words. She loved him too. She really did. But she was afraid to be hurt again. “Hurm, I think I better go to sleep now. I got something to do in the morning.” Quinn said, changing the subject completely. 

 

Niall sighed softly. He knew Quinn tried to avoid the subject. “I’m sorry I blurted that. But I’m not sorry about what I said.”

 

“Yeah.” Quinn quickly replied. 

 

After few beats of silence, Niall finally spoke up. “Goodnight. Have a nice dream.” 

 

Quinn released breathe of relief when Niall didn’t push her to talk about the same subject again. “Night, Niall. You too.” 

 

“Just remember, I love you and I’ll wait for you to accept me again. Talk to you later. Bye.” Niall said and hung up on speechless Quinn. 

 

** 

 

Ivy was focusing on the latest episodes of FRIENDS reruns on her television when the doorbell rang. “Josh baby, can you open the door?” Ivy yelled. After she was replied with a silence, she slapped her forehead, literally. How could she forget that Josh had gone out to a club that she didn’t even bother to know? Maybe she could blame the series. She just fucking loved it and always had reruns her DVD collection just to watch all the episodes from the earliest seasons over and over again. Reluctantly she stood and went to the door. 

 

“Quinn?” Ivy asked, surprisingly. Not that she didn’t like that Quinn appeared suddenly in front of her house but it was late at night. And Quinn looked breathless liked she had been running all the way there. Only one thing popped up in her mind. “What’s wrong with the baby? Are you hurt?” Ivy asked, frantically and led Quinn to the living room. 

 

Quinn sat down on the couch and chuckled at Ivy who was crouching in front of her with a worried expression. Finally, she shook her head at Ivy’s question. Raising her eyebrows, Ivy stood and sat beside Quinn on the couch. “Then, what’s wrong?” 

 

Quinn inhaled and exhaled deeply before she turned to look Ivy straight to her friend’s eyes. “I think, I want to get back together with Niall.” 

 

To say she was surprise was not really the right word. Ivy was downright shocked. She never thought Quinn would make such decision. 

 

“But..” Ivy stammered. She really didn’t know how to react. It was so sudden and unexpected. 

 

“I know I was the one who broke off the relationship. But I was mad at him for lying to me. I’m still mad. But I’m also still in love with him. And he told me he still loves me, and will wait for me. I guess maybe I can give him a chance. I mean, for the sake of our baby.” Quinn explained. 

 

Ivy was stunned. Again. “Are you sick? Ivy asked and tried to put the back of her hand on Quinn’s forehead, checking for temperature. Quinn batted Ivy’s hand away. “No, I’m fine, Ivy.” 

 

“But he lied to you. Remember?” Ivy asked. 

 

“I know. I remember. But I….” Quinn stopped her talking. “I miss him.” 

 

Ivy sighed and nodded. Like she said, she felt that Niall wasn’t really the one to blame for that mess he got into, but she didn’t want Quinn to get hurt, again. 

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“I am. Plus, I owe the baby his father. Maybe it’s time for Niall to know that he’s going to be a father.”

 

Ivy stared at Quinn and looked into her friend’s eyes. Quinn looked determined and so sure with her decision. 

 

“But what about..you know, the controversy? Jessica?” Ivy asked. She wasn’t being pessimistic but what if Jessica really pregnant with Niall’s child. Then what will happen with Quinn? 

 

Quinn smiled at Ivy’s worried tone. She was really lucky to have Ivy as her best friend. “Look. I guess I’ll just tell him about our baby. Then, maybe we can see how it’ll go from there. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry, okay?” 

 

Ivy thought for a moment before she finally nodded. If that was what Quinn wanted, she would support her friend’s decision. “Okay. Of course I’m worry, I care about you.” Ivy said and smiled. Decided not to be feeling so mushy, she finally changed the subject. “Let’s watch re-run of FRIENDS with me!” Ivy said excitedly and motioned for Quinn to sit closer besides her on the couch. Quinn chuckled and shook her head. One minute Ivy was serious, the next minute she was back to her chirpy self again. Smiling, Quinn sat closer to Ivy and looked at the clock. She would call him the next day. She would call Niall and tell him about the baby. About her feelings towards him. And she promised herself that she would not run away from the problem. Not anymore. For once, she wanted to fight for her own happiness. 

 

**

 

Niall walked his way to the living room and still browsing through his phone when suddenly he heard the voice called his name. Snapping his head up, he couldn’t helped but gasped in surprise. 

 

“Mom?” Niall went over and hugged his mother. But when his mom barely returned his hug, he frowned and pulled away. That was when he realized that Zayn was there too. Of course. Only they had the keys to each other’s house. 

 

Before Niall could ask any further, Zayn quickly interrupted. “Mom wants to say something to you.” 

 

Niall frowned again and looked at his mom. “Mom? What’s wrong?” 

 

“I need you to marry Jessica.” 

 

WHAT?!!!! Niall felt his heart nearly jumped out of his throat at his mom’s words. He wasn’t expected that. Not at all. Especially coming from his mom. 

 

“Mom..you know I don’t love her..” Niall replied. How else he would reply? 

 

“But she’s pregnant with your child.” Patricia said. Niall rolled his eyes and shook his head. When will this issue would be over? He was sick of everyone blamed him for everything and now his mom was one of them too? 

 

“Mom. She’s not. And even if she is pregnant with my child, I wouldn’t marry her just because of that.” 

 

“But it’s a sin!” Patricia raised her voice slightly. 

 

God! Niall felt like he wanted to knock his head over the wall when he heard that. He loved his mom, really. But when she was full on religious mode, Niall couldn’t help but feeling weary. Now she wanted to talk about sin? Really? 

 

“I got kicked out from the religious community.” Patricia said and started sobbing. Niall sighed. “Why?” 

 

“Because you have an out of wedlock child! And you don’t want to marry the mother of the child! They told me I was a disgrace in the community.” 

 

“Mom..but you can join other group, right? There are many other communities in the area.” 

 

“But it’s not the same! I’ve been with them for so many years. They’re my friends! Can’t you just do what I want you to do?” Patricia scolded. 

 

Niall felt his anger rose. “Friends don’t judge their friends! Religious community members, my ass!” 

 

“Niall James Horan! I didn’t raise you to be rude like this!” 

 

“I’m not being rude! I’m being rational here! This is not 50’s anymore! I have choices in my life. It’s my life! Why does everyone need to make every single decision of my life?! I said I don’t want to marry Jessica even IF she carries my child and that’s it!” Niall raised his voice slightly out of frustration. 

 

“You have to!” 

 

“I don’t want to!” 

 

“Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to make me happy?!” 

 

Niall shook his head and let out a humorless chuckle. “Of course I love you. I want you to be happy. But that doesn’t mean I have to marry Jessica. It’s not fair to her. And to me.” 

 

Patricia slumped on the couch and started crying again. “Oh my god. My friends are going to hate me. And I will have nobody to talk to. And now they kicked me out of religious community. Later the neighborhood would boycott me and then what else?” Patricia babbled between her sobs. 

 

“Mom..” Niall started but before he could try to calm his mom, Niall saw her eyes rolled to the back and she slumped on the couch. Unconscious. “Mom!” 

 

**

 

“From my examination, I found out that she passed out due to hypertension and anxiety. Her blood pressure is slightly high and my suggestion is try to maintain the blood pressure in a healthy way. In her age, high blood pressure is not good. So, I guess that’s it. Nothing too serious but I would highly recommended that if possible, try to make her feel less anxiety to avoid the same thing to happen again.” The doctor explained. Niall nodded wearily. Almost an hour had been spent in the waiting room, waited for the doctor to emerge and told him about his mom’s condition. “Thanks, doc.” Zayn said. Niall snapped his head up. Zayn. How could he forget the way Zayn snarled at him during the painful hour at the waiting room? It was not enough that Zayn was still not talking to him after their fight and now this? Even blind people knew who would be blamed for Patricia’s condition. “You’re fucking happy now?” Zayn growled at Niall. Decided not to fight with Zayn again, Niall made his way to his mom’s hospital room, ignoring Zayn completely. The doctor told him that his mom would be hospitalized for a day so they can monitor her blood pressure. 

 

Slowly, Niall opened the door and there she was, lying on the bed, looking pale. Niall felt guilty as hell when he looked at his mom’s condition. Clearing his throat, Niall walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed. 

 

“Mom..” Niall said and his mom still didn’t want to look at his direction. 

 

“Where’s Zayn?” 

 

Ouch. That hurts so much. He was there yet his mom just asked about Zayn? What about himself? It makes Niall realize that he was only an adopted child, he can never be compared to Zayn. “Calling Josh and Alicia, I guess.” Niall mumbled. When Patricia nodded and still refused to look at him, Niall sighed.

 

“I’ll marry her. I’ll marry Jessica.” Niall said clearly. Only after that, his mom turned to look at him. 

 

“Really? You’d do that?” 

 

Niall nodded. “If that’s what makes you happy. I’m sorry about just now.” Niall apologized. 

 

“Oh my God. Thank you. I love you.” Patricia said and sat up slightly to hug Niall. Niall returned the hug and laid his head on his mom’s shoulder. He felt like he wanted to curl up in the corner and cried his heart out. But he thought about it over and over again at the waiting room. He wanted to make his mom happy and if it meant that he would sacrifice his future, he didn’t mind that. As long as Patricia loved him for doing the right thing, he would gladly do it for her. He lost his real mom; he didn’t want to lose his adopted mom either. But he knew he would lose Quinn’s. Why would God put him in this situation? Blinked back his tears, Niall mumbled. “I love you too, mom.” 

 

**

 

Niall walked over to the bench and sat down. He left his mom with Zayn and to be honest, he couldn’t deal with being in the same room with Zayn at that moment. He was too overwhelmed with his situation. His eyes stared at the number displayed on the screen of the phone and still considering whether to call the number or not. He nearly jumped when his phone rang and the caller was none other than the person he wanted to call earlier. 

 

“Niall, I have something to tell you.” Quinn said in a serious tone. Niall nodded and closed his eyes. He felt his heart constricted just by thinking of it let alone break the news to Quinn. But he wanted her to know it from him instead of other people. He didn’t want history to repeat itself. “Me too, Quinn. Me too.”


	36. Chapter 36

Quinn felt her heart beat faster at Niall’s words. Did Niall know about the baby? She never told anyone except for Ivy. And the doctor of course. But the seriousness that laced in Niall’s voice scared Quinn. He sounded….off. 

 

“You talk first.” Quinn suggested. The truth was, her initial courage to tell Niall about their baby was slowly losing due to Niall’s tone. 

 

“Are you sure? I mean, you called me in the first place. Is something wrong? You’re fine, right?” 

 

Quinn finally broke into a smile. Niall really reminded her of Ivy. Speaking of Ivy, her best friend had supported her decision to tell Niall about the baby. Frankly, Quinn wanted to do it in person but with her never ending puke condition, she didn’t think she could travel far to the other country to meet Niall and tell him about the baby. It was better be done by the phone. 

 

“Yeah. I’m fine Niall. I can tell you the thing later. But you sounded off. Is there something you want to tell me?” 

 

Niall sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. “Niall, is everything okay?” Niall heard Quinn asked on the other end of the phone when he was still not answering her question. 

 

“Quinn.” Niall called her name softly. 

 

“Yeah?” Quinn replied. Suddenly she can felt pit in her stomach. Something was wrong. She can sense it by Niall’s tone. 

 

“You know I love you, right?” 

 

“Yeah..” Quinn trailed off. Inside of her mind, she mentally screamed that she loved Niall too but her voice was caught in her throat. Plus, Niall sounded tired. Or maybe sad. Why would he be sad? 

 

Niall nodded even though he realized Quinn can’t see him through the phone. “I….I really want to build my future with you..” Niall said. This time his voice was cracking a little. He felt like he couldn’t do this to Quinn but he had to. He had to because he promised his mom. He loved his mom. But Quinn, she was like the love of his life. The first girl that he loved with all of his heart. Sure he had fair share of ex girlfriends but Quinn was the most special. The one. At least, for him. 

 

“Niall..”

 

“You know. I still keep your ring with me. Our rings. I really hope we could rekindle our relationship. Our engagement.” Niall spoke again. A single tear slipped out from the corner of his left eye. 

 

“You do? I..I don’t know what to say Niall. You’re scaring me here. What’s wrong?” 

 

“Just tell me. Please. I really need to know. Do you still love me?” Niall asked. 

 

Quinn sucked in her breath at the question. Who was she kidding? How much longer she wanted to deny about what she felt? “I do, Niall. I still love you.” Quinn confessed. 

 

Niall’s face broke into a smile. A real smile. A smile that he only reserved for the people he loved. Listened to Quinn’s confession, Niall realized Quinn was the only one that could make him happy at that moment. 

 

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You make me the happiest man alive.” Niall said. “Let’s elope.” He added. 

 

Quinn gasped in surprise. “What?!” 

 

“Let’s get married. Please. Just the two of us. I really want to marry you, Quinn.” Niall pleaded. He really wanted to. 

 

“Niall, we can’t just elope. I mean..what about your family? Your friends? Your career?”

 

“I don’t care. I just care about you. I just want to marry you.” Niall said desperately. To hell with all other people. They didn’t really care about him so why should he care about them? 

 

“Niall. Hey, listen. It’s not that I don’t want to marry you. But I know this is not you.” Quinn soothed. “Really. Tell me, what’s wrong?” 

 

“Quinn…” Niall started. His lips quivered and his voice cracked. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” 

 

Quinn shook her head. What was Niall apologizing for? “You’re confusing me here, Niall.” 

 

Niall stared at the empty road in front of him and inhaled a deep breath. His heart felt empty just like the road. “My mum wants me to marry Jessica.” 

 

“Oh.” Was the only responded that manage to come out from Quinn’s lips. She was too shocked to response. 

 

“And I..I kinda agreed with her decision.” 

 

Quinn felt her heart was crushed and stomped over and over again and would never get a chance to be whole again. The pain of knowing that Niall was agreed to marry Jessica was greater than the pain of finding out if Jessica was really pregnant with his child. 

 

Niall stood up from the bench and walked to the nearest wall that he could find. Slowly, he slid down the wall and sat on the cold floor. “Quinn, you’re still there?” 

 

“Yeah.” Quinn mumbled. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

“Don’t be.” 

 

“I really am. I love you so much. But my mum kept insisting and I..” 

 

“It’s okay, Niall. I understand. You’re lucky you still have your mum by your side. Don’t throw that away.” Quinn said. She knew by the first hand how it felt to be abandoned by your parents. Her parents never spoke to her again after Kent’s incident. They totally threw her out of their life. 

 

“But I don’t love Jessica.” Niall said. “I love you. I really just want to marry you. I want to build a family with you. Have babies with you. Have a future together.” 

 

When Quinn heard the word ‘babies’, her first sobs that she tried to hold back earlier, came out. Oh God, how could she tell Niall about their baby after his revelation? 

 

Niall felt his heart shattered when he heard Quinn sobbed. God, how could he manage to hurt her over and over again? 

 

“That’s why I was hoping that we could elope, Quinn. I’m waiting for your decision here. Please, just say the word and we could get away with all of this. Just name me the place and we’ll start over. I really mean it.” 

 

“Niall..” Quinn said between her sobs. “Your mum will hate you for that. Your family will be mad at you.” 

 

“I don’t care!” Niall said, raising his voice slightly. He didn’t mean to but he was tired of pleasing other’s wish instead of him. Can’t he be selfish for once? 

 

“But I care! I care about you. I want you to be happy. And I know you’re happy with your family. Your friends. Your band.” 

 

“Right now, I’m happy with you, Quinn.” 

 

Quinn shed her tears away and tried to speak again. “And I know you’ll be a great dad to the baby.” 

 

“Quinn…” 

 

“I know we still don’t know the status of the baby but I know whether it’ll turns out to be your baby or not, you’re still gonna be a great dad to the child. You’re a great guy.”

 

“Quinn, please…don’t say that. Please..let’s get married. Please. I’m begging you. I love you!” 

 

Quinn let out a sad smile and shook her head. “Niall, you know I love you too. But sometimes love is not enough to bring two people together. Maybe we’re not meant to be with each other.” 

 

Niall felt his spirit flew away with the wind. Another tears rolled down on his cheeks and he didn’t even bother to wipe it away. The pain hurts so much. 

 

Silence filled the phone conversation after Quinn’s words. Niall knew Quinn was crying on the other end of the phone but trying to be strong in front of him. He knew she was hurt too. 

 

“I guess..this means..I mean..” Niall stammered. 

 

“This means we’re really over.” Quinn said. “Just do as what your mum says, Niall. Don’t take your family for granted.” 

 

“Yeah..” Niall mumbled and closed his eyes. God, they fucking loved each other but somehow fate and circumstances had decided to split them up. 

 

Quinn curled on her couch and tightened her grip on her phone. Painfully, she managed to voice out her decision. Her final decision. Gone was the great news that she wanted to tell him in the first place. “Niall, I think it’s best for us not to contact each other after this.” 

 

Niall’s eyes snapped open. “What? Why?” He asked frantically. God. He didn’t want to lose her completely from his life! 

 

Because I’m pregnant with your child and I don’t want you to know about it, that’s why! Quinn screamed mentally. “Because if we really want us to be really over, it’s better if we start now. You’ll be leading a new life with a new person after all. I might be too. Last time I checked, love is only between two people. And it’s not fair to them to be treated as the third or fourth person.” 

 

Niall knew Quinn spoke the truth but he refused to go along with it. But if that was really what Quinn decided, he respected that. Even though part of his heart was crushed at that thought. 

 

Slowly and miserably, Niall spoke up. “You’re the great woman that I will always love with all my heart. Bear that in mind.” Niall said and paused. “Goodbye, Quinn. May you find a better person than me that can make you happier.” 

 

Quinn felt her tears poured down on her cheeks and from the tone of Niall’s voice, Quinn knew he was crying too. “You too, Niall. Goodbye.” And she hung up on Niall, refused to let him hear her wailing after that. 

 

Niall let the phone lingered on his hand for a moment before he finally put it in his pocket. Slowly, Niall tucked his knees under his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs. When he replayed the goodbye between him and Quinn earlier, he couldn’t help but started to cry harder. It hurts like hell. Buried his face in his hands, he started shaking and sobbed his heart out. 

 

**

 

“Shit!” Danny cursed after his phone dropped out because he was bumped into someone. Picking his phone up, he stopped abruptly when he heard the familiar voice apologized. 

 

“Niall?” 

 

Danny stood up abruptly and hugged Niall briefly before slowly pulling away. He looked over at Niall’s appearance and raised his eyebrows in concern. Niall’s eyes looked puffy like he had been crying for hours. And Niall avoided any eye contact with him. In fact, Niall smelt like cigarettes. Did Niall start to smoke again? 

 

Danny was about to asked his friend about that when Niall cut him off. “What are you doing here?” 

 

“Zayn called me and informed about your mum. How’s she?” Danny asked. He felt slightly worried when he saw Niall’s sad face earlier. Did something happen to Patricia? 

 

“She fainted due to hypertension. She’s better but the doctor wanted to monitor her blood pressure before releasing her. So she’s going to spend the night here.” Niall explained. 

 

Danny released breathe of relief when he heard that. Patricia was like a mother to him and he was worried about her especially when he saw Niall’s appearance. But if Niall wasn’t being sad about Patricia, why in the hell he looked miserable? 

 

“Hey, Niall. Are you okay?” Danny asked. 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just gonna get home and come back tomorrow.” Niall said and tried to pass through Danny to get to the exit of the hospital. However, Danny blocked Niall’s way out. 

 

Danny crossed his arms over his chest and stood still in front of Niall, blocking his friend’s way. “You’re smoking again?” 

 

When Niall answered with a shrug, Danny shook his head. “Niall. You know what the doctor said. It could damage your voice if you start to smoke again.” 

 

Once again, Danny was replied with a silence by Niall. Stepping closer to Niall, Danny grabbed his friend’s shoulder and tried to make Niall to look at him. “What’s wrong?” 

 

“Nothing.” Niall mumbled shortly. 

 

Danny felt like he wanted to smack Niall’s head but he released his grip on Niall’s shoulder instead. Niall was probably tired and worried about his mom, Danny thought. Once he released his friend, Niall excused himself quickly and within seconds, he was out of Danny’s sight. Sighing loudly, Danny made his way out to Patricia’s hospital room. Maybe Zayn would tell him what was wrong with the younger lad. But, maybe not. Danny knew the brothers were not in the good terms at that moment and that made Danny worried. But mostly he was just sad. Those two knuckleheads used to be inseparable and always had each other’s back but lately it seemed that they drifted apart. “Stubborn idiots.” Danny muttered silently. He just hoped that both of his friends will be like before, again. Hopefully. 

 

**

 

Niall drove aimlessly before he finally reached in front of one of the mansions that he knew in London. Stopping his car, he finally got out and talked over the intercom to meet the owner of the mansion. When he was escorted to the front door, he couldn’t help but feeling overwhelmed. When she saw him, she smiled widely and Niall felt slightly warmth at the sight. She was the only one who did not turning their backs on him. Partly because she was indirectly the reason why he got into this mess on the first place, but still, knew that no one else was there for you hurt so badly. 

 

Niall managed to let out a small smile when he nearly approached the girl in front of him. “Hey, Jessica.” 

 

“Hey.” Jessica replied and frowned. The guy in front of her looked haggard and tired. And when he called her earlier to say that he wanted to come over, Jessica felt happy but when she saw him in person, she knew something was wrong. Niall seemed down. 

 

Niall gave a tired smile and spoke up. “Sorry, I have nowhere else to go…” 

 

“Eh. It’s okay.” Jessica cut him off. “Let’s go inside.” She said and led him into her living room. They finally sat on the couches, facing each other. 

 

Niall sighed and rubbed his face with his hands before slowly looked at Jessica who looked at him worriedly. “My mum wants us to get married.” 

 

Jessica raised her eyebrows and looked at Niall disbelievingly. Was she hearing the thing that she wanted to hear all along? That she would be married to Niall? Or was she just dreaming about that?

 

“But Niall..what about your girlfriend?” 

 

Niall shook his head and swallowed thickly. Ex-girlfriend. Scratch that. Ex-fiancée. “We’re completely over.” Niall replied simply. But the hurts and pain between the lines was obviously showed. 

 

Jessica sighed and leaned forward, reaching for Niall’s hands and put it into hers’. “Niall, you know you don’t have to if you don’t want to marry me. I understand. I can raise the baby alone. Don’t worry.” 

 

“It’s okay. I want make my mum happy. Plus, the baby will need a father. If it’s really mine, I don’t want to walk away from my child.” Niall said. “But I understand if you don’t want to go on with this, Jessica. I mean, it’s not fair. You know I love her. It’s not fair for you.” Niall added. He felt like a jerk saying that to Jessica but he got to be honest with her. It was her future that would be put on hold too. Not just him. 

 

“Niall, it’s not fair for you too.” Jessica said softly. 

 

That was when the first tear rolled down on Niall’s cheek again. Since when did the world was fair to him? He lost Quinn and he felt like he would never be in love with another girl again like he loved Quinn. How was that fair? Angrily, he wiped away the tear with the back of his hand. “God, I’m such a pussy.” He muttered to himself. 

 

Jessica stood up and made her way to Niall’s side. Slowly, she pulled Niall into her hug and rubbed her hand on his back. “You’re not a pussy. You’re just as strong as other guys. In fact, you’re stronger than them cause you can face all of this messes alone.” 

 

Niall buried his face in Jessica’s shoulder and nodded. God, he really wanted a shoulder to cry on and he cannot believe that he got it from Jessica instead of his family and close friends. And with all the things that happened earlier with his mum and Quinn especially, Niall finally broke down again. 

 

Jessica felt her shoulder wet with Niall’s tears and hugged him tighter, tried to soothe him. “Shhh, Niall. It’s alright. I’m here for you. I won’t go anywhere.” Jessica cooed. 

 

Niall choked on his sobs and mumbled his thanks. Jessica nodded and spoke up again. “It’s okay. I got you, Niall. I got you.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is beta'ed by Veronibell. Thank you for your time :)

Niall coughed uncontrollably on his way to the studio. Shit! How was he meant to record a song like this? Damn cigarettes! He knew the doctor told him to stop smoking for a reason the last time he had a sore throat, it wasn’t just a typical sore throat. The doctor told him that if he really didn’t stop smoking, he could lose his voice and wouldn’t be able to sing again. Oh, where would he be if he couldn’t sing again? His thoughts were quickly interrupted by a pat on his back. Startled, he turned around to find Harry smiling at him. That was when he realized he was already inside the studio room with his band mates.

 

Clearing his throat, Niall managed to smile back at Harry. “So, which song do we need to start today?” Niall asked aimlessly of his band mates. “I think you guys called it Victims of Love.” Louis said, hesitantly. After all, it was the brothers that wrote the song, not him. 

 

Niall raised his eyebrows. “But I thought we hadn’t finished with the lyrics yet?” 

 

“I finished it.” Zayn, who had been silent from the beginning, cut the younger one off. Niall looked at Zayn questioningly. “You didn’t tell me about that.” 

 

“I don’t have to tell you about everything. Last time I checked, you did the same thing too.” Zayn quipped. 

 

Rolling his eyes, Niall ignored the older brother and went to the microphone. Grabbing the lyrics that were laid in front of him, he read the first verse of the song and sighed. This was definitely not the draft that he had written with Zayn. But whatever, he was too tired to think about those lyrics. The faster he finished recording the song, the faster he could go home. Because being there at that moment, didn’t really bring joy to Niall like it used to. 

 

When all of the music arrangements started, Niall heard Zayn sang the first part of the song. 

 

_“In the beginning…  
I tried to warn you..  
You play with fire..  
It’s gonna burn you..  
And here we are now..  
Same situation..  
You never listen..”_

 

Ignoring the sentiment of the lyrics, Niall started to sing his part. 

 

 _“I never listen, now..  
I’m thinking of a way that I can make an escape..  
It’s got me caught up in a web..  
And my heart’s the prey..”_

 

Niall stopped abruptly and started to cough continuously. Damn it! From the corner of his eyes, he saw Zayn glaring at him. Shit. 

 

Niall’s throat burned from the continuous coughing and he was glad when someone pushed a bottle of water into his hand. Greedily, Niall swallowed the drink and tried to ease his sore throat. 

 

“What the fuck, Niall?” Zayn said heatedly. Niall knew Zayn hated when they messed up during recording. But he couldn’t help it, his throat burnt so badly. He knew it was his own fault since he couldn’t stop smoking since he started again. After the phone call that ended up his relationship with Quinn officially. 

 

“Zayn, calm down. I don’t think he’s feeling well.” Harry said calmly. Niall made a mental thanks to Harry for at least defending him like this. At a time where he was so short of breath due to the continuous coughing that he couldn’t defend himself. 

 

“Sorry.” Niall managed to croak out after the coughing fit subsided. 

 

“It’s okay. Are you sick or something?” Harry asked again. Niall shook his head. “Nah, just a little sore throat.” Niall replied and smiled gratefully at Harry. 

 

“Or maybe because you’re fucking smoking again?” Zayn retorted. Niall rolled his eyes at the older lad. “So what if I am?” Niall challenged. 

 

“You really are fucking selfish.” Zayn said and shook his head at the younger lad.

 

Niall huffed angrily. “How the hell am I selfish now? First, I’m a liar. Now, I’m selfish. What the fuck, Z?” 

 

“Don’t call me Z. It’s only for those who I care about. And people I care about don’t include someone so selfish.” 

 

Damn it. How could Niall respond to that? All he managed to do was blink his eyes rapidly, trying to hold it together in front of his friends. He would not let Zayn attack him again. Not at that moment, he was tired of it. So, he decided to fire back. 

 

“What’s the fucking deal with smoking? and selfish? You smoked too.”

 

“But I stopped. With you! ‘Cause we _knew_ we are bound to lose our voices eventually. We knew that’s not good for the band. Yet, you’re still doing that. Tell me how in the hell is that not selfish?” 

 

Niall shook his head and sighed. “Fine! It’s just…I just need some break from all of the things happening right now.” 

 

“What things? The important things like you want to get married to Jessica probably at the same time as my wedding?” Zayn snarled. 

 

Niall’s head snapped up and of course he could see Zayn’s eyes were full of rage towards him. “What?” Niall asked, dumbfounded. What in the hell Zayn was talking about? 

 

“Don’t act like you know nothing about it, Niall. I know you want to marry her but why must you do it at about the same time as mine? How selfish are you? Why must you steal our limelight? Isn’t it enough for you that you’re getting all the attention for having a child with Jessica and now this? Can’t you at least give Perrie and me some space to share our best day? Why must you think the world revolves around you?” 

 

“But...I don’t plan on getting married that soon...we haven’t even talked about the date yet...” Niall said, trying to sort things out with his older brother. Yes, he told Jessica that he would marry her. But no, he wasn’t even thinking about the date yet. Hell, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that he would want to steal Zayn’s limelight for the wedding. Or that it would look like he was stealing his brother’s spotlight.

 

“Funny, that wasn’t what Jessica said to the press. I swear I could see her planning a double wedding with us.” 

 

“What?!” Niall shrieked. Shit! He didn’t know about that. “I bet it’s just a misunderstanding.” Niall said, while he mentally smacked himself for not reminding Jessica that she wasn’t to tell the press about that news. 

 

“Misunderstanding?! What, you’re defending the love of your life now?” Zayn yelled. 

 

Niall felt his blood boil with anger at Zayn’s words. Quinn was the love of his life. Not Jessica. He was fed up with this bullshit. Especially when it was coming from his own brother. 

 

“She is not the love of my life and excuse me, but you were there when mum asked me to marry her!” 

 

“But I didn’t think you’d agree to that!”

 

“So what?! When I did nothing, people hated me because I was being irresponsible. I was the bad guy for abandoning his unborn child. But when I agree to be responsible, I’m still the jerk too! What the fuck?” Niall snapped, lashing out his frustration. From the corner where he was standing, he could see Louis, Harry and Liam looking a little taken aback by his outburst. But Zayn wouldn’t bulge. He was still glaring at Niall and from the way Niall saw it, he knew the older brother was still not backing out. 

 

“It’s bad enough that our band was affected with your scandal now I don’t know where to put our credibility if you marry her. It’s like a big statement that you’re not living up with what you’ve said. You said that child was not yours and you would never marry her. But now? How do you think our fans will react? They’ll lose respect for us.” Zayn spoke. 

 

Niall felt his breath come in short. He looked over at Louis, Harry and Liam again to see their reaction and that was when Niall realized what Zayn said was probably true. He was bringing the band’s credibility down with his scandal. And now, he wanted to marry Jessica, of course it would be bad for the band’s reputation again. 

 

Niall’s anger was replaced with a guilty feeling towards his band mates. It wasn't fair for them to be caught up in a mess that he created. Niall took a deep breath before he finally spoke up. “Sorry guys. I didn’t mean to.” Niall apologized. All of the guys nodded, well except for Zayn obviously. The older brother was still glaring at Niall with his arms crossed over his chest. 

 

Slowly, Niall shook his head and stood up straight. “I want to quit.” Niall spoke up. 

 

“What do you mean you want to quit?” Harry asked, concerned. He tried to step closer to Niall but Niall waved his hand, gesturing Harry to stop moving. 

 

“I want to quit the band.” God, he can’t believe he said it. This was his dream. His ultimate dream and when he finally got it, he never thought he would ever quit. Not until that moment. Where he realized he was the reason why the band would lose their credibility and fans. Where he suddenly felt like he was the only one who didn’t really have a talent in the band. Who was he kidding? He can play guitar and that was about it. Liam and Louis wrote most of the lyrics. And singing? Hell, most of the time he was tired of people comparing him to the other members of the band. And most people said they sounded better than him, so what was the point of being in the band anymore? He would only bring the band down with his mess of a life at that moment. 

 

“Niall. This is serious dude. Let’s talk about this first.” Liam spoke up before suddenly he was interrupted by Zayn. 

 

“If he wants to quit, just let him be.” 

 

“Zayn!” Harry gasped and looked at Niall’s reaction at the older lad’s words. 

 

“I stick with my word. I quit.” Niall said and looked straight into Zayn’s eyes. What hurt the most were not Zayn’s words earlier, but his brother’s eyes which didn’t hold the same compassion that Niall used to see. Zayn’s eyes were empty when he looked at Niall and for the younger lad that was what hurt the most. Other than quitting the band. Than quitting his dream. 

 

“Niall...” Harry tried to speak again but Niall shook his head furiously. Turning away and heading to the door, he glanced once again at the studio room, capturing the view and the feeling of being there before he finally walked out. He walked as fast as he could from the studio room and ignored his surroundings. His heart felt constricted by the thought that he may not be able to come there again with his band. Scratch that. His ex-band. There would be no more Niall Horan from One Direction. There would only be Niall Horan. Period. And who was Niall Horan to belong to besides his band? Nowhere. Walking faster, there was only one thing that Niall really wanted at that moment; to get rid of the heavy feeling that lingered in his heart. Damn! He really needed those cigarettes. 

 

**

 

It had only been a week and Quinn already felt like she was losing her mind completely. She missed the feeling of waiting for Niall to call her everyday to talk about their day. Even after she moved to New York, Niall still contacted her like he said he would. And Quinn would be lying if she said she didn’t love it a little. but it was her own decision that caused her to suffer like this. She was the one who forbade any contact between the two of them. She even changed her phone number just for the sake of it. Stupid, she knew. But she couldn’t bear if Niall wanted to talk about his upcoming wedding. It was miserable enough to read about it in tabloids, Quinn didn’t need to hear it from Niall himself. That was why she thought she should end their relationship completely. At least part of Niall was still with her. In fact, it was still growing inside her body. That was her only hope of holding onto a little part of Niall.

 

Rolling to her right, Quinn closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep but failed to do so. Her mind kept whirling around the fact that Niall was getting married to someone that was not her. She couldn’t help but think about it every day since Niall broke the news. Today was the worst that Quinn had to deal with. She sighed and rolled to her back when suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. Curling into a tight ball, she put her hands on her stomach and sucked in a deep breath. Closing her eyes tightly, she clutched her stomach and let out a small yelp. God, it hurt so much! Quinn felt her heart pound faster. She opened her eyes slightly and looked down to her feet. She felt something running down her legs and to her horror, it was blood. Some of it had already formed a pool on her bed. Moving slightly to the side table, she finally managed to grab her phone. Her right hand was still clutching to her stomach and the other one was dialling the number that she knew by heart. “Quinn?” The voice answered. “Ivy! Something’s wrong!” Quinn spoke gasping in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used is Victims of Love- Good Charlotte. And yeah, they're still great in my opinion.


	38. Chapter 38

Ivy felt her heart beat faster as she walked nearer to the hospital room. After the frantic phone call from Quinn, Ivy called the paramedics and told them to go to Quinn’s address. And she was nearly caught into accidents, twice, on her way to Quinn’s. But she was so mad at the paramedics as they didn’t allow her to be near Quinn and ordered her to follow them to the hospital by driving her own car. Ordered! Damn it. She was mad as hell but part of her backed out of the unnecessary fight to ensure that her best friend would get to the hospital sooner. And yes, she had been waiting for the news like forever where in reality it was only for about couple of hours. She tried to call Josh but his phone was turned off and Ivy couldn’t help but feeling so lonely as she waiting for the news of her best friend, alone in the waiting room. When the doctor finally allowed her to go to Quinn’s hospital room, she walked as fast as she could. She knew Quinn needed her. 

 

Ivy took a deep breathe before she finally turned the doorknob and opened the door slowly and quietly. She tiptoed her way to Quinn’s bed and was met with the back of Quinn’s body since her best friend was rolled on her left, facing the window. 

 

“Quinn..” Ivy called softly and sat at the edge of the bed. She felt the bed shook slightly due to Quinn’s sobs and a single tear rolled down on Ivy’s cheek. She can’t bear to see her best friend suffered like this. “Quinn..” Ivy tried to call her best friend again and slowly put her hand on Quinn’s shoulder. “I lost it, Ivy. I lost the baby. Mine and Niall’s.” Quinn mumbled between her sobs. Ivy blinked back her tears at Quinn’s painful voice. Ivy leaned down and gave Quinn a slight hug. “I’m so sorry, Quinn.” Ivy said. She knew it wasn’t enough for Quinn. She fucking knew but that was the only thing she can offer at that moment. What was she supposed to say? That _‘I understand how you feel’_ crap? Of course she didn’t understand! She never got pregnant let alone lost the baby! How in the hell that she was supposed to understand what was Quinn felt at that moment? Being there for her best friend was what she can offer and she would gladly to be able to do that. She loved Quinn like a sister and watching her sister suffered like this was painful for her as well. 

 

Ivy let Quinn’s sobs filled the silence in the room and after a few moments, Quinn moved slightly and turned to face Ivy. That was when Ivy felt her heart shattered into pieces. Quinn’s eyes were filled with the saddest expression that Ivy had ever seen and Ivy’s tears flew down once again. But Ivy told herself that she had to be strong for Quinn. Hence, she wiped her tears away and put her thumbs on Quinn’s cheek, trying to shed the tears away from her best friend’s face. God, Quinn didn’t deserve to be miserable like this. Hasn’t it enough that she lost Niall now you want to take away her baby too? Ivy thought. 

 

“It was my entire fault.” Quinn’s voice that was still choking and hiccuping with her sobs snapped Ivy out of her thought. Ivy shook her head and stroked Quinn’s hair, tried to soothe her best friend. “It’s not your fault, Quinn.” 

 

**

 

Quinn felt her eyes burned with tears again when Ivy said it wasn’t her fault that she had lost the baby. Quinn knew it was her own fault. She was being careless. She let her emotions took over her own health and look what had happened. She knew that she was not supposed to be over stressed during the earlier stage of pregnancy but she couldn’t control it. And she was carelessly ignoring her healthy diet and somehow it affected her pregnancy. That was what the doctor explained to her earlier. She was so overwhelmed with the news that she barely even heard what the doctor had said. But she knew it was her entire fault. She knew it by heart. And the saddest part of it, now she was not only lost Niall, but she lost part of him in her life completely. She burst into tears again as she couldn’t help but crying over her losses. 

 

**

 

_“Quinn?”_

_Quinn turned around from the door of her car only to find herself being face to face with one of the persons that she knew she never wanted to see._

_“Jessica.” She breathed the name. Of course she knew Jessica. Besides being famous for her controversies over the tabloids, Quinn knew that she was the one that Niall would get married to. Of course Quinn knew her._

_“What are you doing here?” Quinn asked curiously. Yes. Why did Jessica was there? In New York? Wasn’t she supposed to be living in London? Quinn’s mind jumbled through all of those questions._

_“Can we talk? In private?” Jessica asked. Quinn raised her eyebrows and was planning to say no when Jessica added, “Please.” Crap. Mentally slapping herself, Quinn nodded and said, “Okay.”_

_And Jessica didn’t even take Quinn far from her own car as she walked to the limo that was parked nearby. Quinn scrunched her eyebrows and tried to remember why in the hell she was not realized about that limo sooner._

_“Shall we?” Quinn snapped her head and looked at Jessica who was leading her into the spacious limo. Quinn can’t help but feeling slightly nervous._

_Once they both were sitting in the limo, Quinn turned to her right and looked at Jessica. “What do you want to talk about? We both know we have nothing in common to talk about.” There, she said it. No need to get around the bushes. One point for her, Quinn cheered mentally._

_“That’s where you’re wrong, Quinn. We do have something in common.” Quinn nodded at Jessica’s words. “I understand. It’s Niall, isn’t it?”_

_Jessica looked at Quinn straight into her eyes and spoke up again. “You don’t understand. I love Niall, just like you do.”_

_Quinn felt the pang of jealousy in her heart when she heard Jessica said that. Yes, she knew Niall was loved by many other women, but Quinn knew it was mostly by his fans. She just couldn’t bear to acknowledge that one of the women that loved Niall, was sitting in front of her. Confessing about having a feeling towards the guy that Quinn loved._

_Quinn felt like she wanted to be out of this conversation in instance but Jessica's next words managed to stop Quinn’s intention. “I want you to leave Niall.”_

_Quinn was shocked for a moment before she felt anger ran through the veins of her body. “Who the hell do you think you are to ask me to do such things?” Quinn quipped. Hey, she might be soft but she didn’t think she would be bossed around by other people._

_“I don’t want my baby to grow up without a father.” Jessica said and gave Quinn a sad look. Quinn felt her breath sucked in deeply. That was when she realized what Jessica said was true. Quinn’s eyes traveled down to Jessica’s body and of course she could see Jessica’s baby bump. The pain that she was feeling at the moment made Quinn blinked back her tears._

_“I understand.” Of course she understands! She didn’t want her baby to be fatherless too but Niall didn’t have to know about that. He already had Jessica to be with and he would be a great father to that child. Quinn knew that._

_“But you can’t expect me to cut him loose from my life completely.” Quinn said, looking to Jessica who was already in tears and her mascara was already smeared up. In reality, Quinn knew she already had cut Niall off completely but part of her heart was still longing to contact him. Maybe not at that moment, but eventually she will._

_“Pleasee..he’s all I have. And I really don’t want to be alone with the baby.” Jessica said, choking her words and sobbing. Quinn felt slightly guilty when she saw Jessica’s distressed face. “Jessica..” Quinn started but was interrupted by the other woman._

_“Quinn..I’m begging you. Please let him go. I know you can find someone else after this. You’re beautiful. And you’re better than me. But me? I would be definitely alone if Niall doesn’t want to marry me. And I don’t know how to raise the baby alone. I don’t want my child to be like me. Growing up without parents was hard enough for me. I don’t want my baby to feel the same way.” Jessica begged. She leaned closer to Quinn and put Quinn’s hands into hers._

_Quinn swallowed thickly and suddenly she felt pity for Jessica. Everyone knew Jessica’s parents were dead when she was young and they left her all the wealth. But it was true what people said, money can’t buy all the happiness. Part of Quinn understood that. But still, she couldn’t bear knowing that she could lose Niall forever._

_“Jessica..”_

_“Please.”_

_Quinn sighed. “But I already left him, Jessica. I don’t understand what else you want me to do.”_

_“I know. He told me that. But, can you..I mean, can you..be gone from his life completely?”_

_Quinn raised her eyebrows. “What’s that supposed to mean?”_

_“Can you at least leave this state, away from him? Disappear completely?”_

_“What?” Quinn asked shockingly. She wasn’t expected that._

_Jessica started to cry again and hugged Quinn who was still in shock and buried her face into Quinn’s shoulder._

_“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But I’m afraid. You know he’s going to marry me. But I know he still can’t get over you completely. I’m afraid he’ll leave me for you anytime if he can reach you.” Jessica sobbed._

_Quinn rubbed her hands on Jessica's back trying to soothe the near hysteric girl. “Don’t worry, Jessica. I already told him that he cannot reach me again. I changed my number and email just to avoid him. I don’t think he’ll find me again.”_

_Quinn felt Jessica nodded on her shoulder. “Really?” Jessica mumbled. “Really. I promise you that I won’t find him either.” Quinn said. She realized that she didn’t really have a choice. Jessica was pregnant with Niall’s child. Jessica was the one who was going to marry Niall instead of her. And Quinn knew sooner or later, they would build their future together. Jessica and Niall. Not Quinn and Niall. Even though her heart felt that it had been stabbed by thousands of knives just by the thought of that, she can’t denied that she was actually willing to let Niall go to Jessica. At least Jessica loved Niall like Quinn did. Maybe Jessica would make Niall happy, who knew? Because at that moment, it seemed that everything that Quinn did, was bringing Niall down with her. He deserved some happiness in his life. Even if it was not her that gave him that happiness, Quinn was at least relieved to know that someone could give it to him._

_“Thank you, Quinn. Thank you so much.” Jessica said and hugged Quinn tighter._

_Quinn hugged Jessica back and whispered. “No thanks for me, Jessica. Thank you.”_

 

* * 

 

A liar. Yes, that was Quinn would like to call herself after her meeting with Jessica. Few days after that meeting, she was still cannot deal with the fact that she had promised Jessica to leave Niall completely. Especially when she too, was pregnant with Niall’s child. Her whirlwind of emotions that caught up with her made her forgot to take care of herself. She skipped meals and she felt overwhelmed with stress. Somehow, she forgot to take care of the greatest thing that she had and now that she lost it, she felt part of her heart was ripped apart. She lost their baby. Hers and Niall's. 

 

“Quinn..shhh. You’ll be alright. I’m here for you.” Quinn heard Ivy’s worried voice hovering over her. Quinn knew Ivy was worried about her especially when she was lost in her memory just now. Quinn, with her eyes still closed and her tears still flowing down her face, nodding at Ivy’s soothing words. But from the bottom of her heart, she knew she will never be alright. Not over this.


	39. Chapter 39

“I win!” Zayn shouted excitedly. Louis shook his head and cursed out loud. “You were cheating!” He protested as he glared at Zayn. 

 

Roared of laughter filled the space of Harry’s living room after Louis's comment. “Just accept your loss like a man, Lou!” Zayn mocked. They were hanging out at Harry’s house, chilling on the weekend since all the girls were busy with their ‘shopping spree’ weekend as they liked to call it. Especially when they needed to find their outfits for Zayn’s wedding. 

 

Louis pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. Here he thought he was stronger than Zayn, but how in the hell he could lose to his band mate? And in a fucking thumbs war for God’s sake! 

 

“Auww, Lou Lou. Don’t pout.” Danny teased. Yeah, Danny was tagged along with Zayn to chill out at Harry’s house too. And they had BBQ, played poker and all of the things that they loved to do on their break until it was nothing left to do after all of the activities. That was when the thumbs war started. Zayn won all the rounds and Louis, being the last one, was confident that he can beat Zayn but somehow he ended up lost to the unbeatable champion. 

 

Harry laughed out loud at the silliness of his friends. “Guys, remember when Zayn broke Niall’s thumb? I can still remember how Niall cried in pain after that.” Harry said, between his laugh, remembering the memory. 

 

“Yeah, I still remember how he whined and cursed at Zayn for that. His face when Zayn broke his thumb was fucking priceless.” Danny joined and laughed too. Louis and Liam nodded, agreed with the other two. They had to take Niall to the hospital for God’s sake. And when the doctor asked the reason on how he managed to broke his thumb, even the doctor couldn’t contained his laughter and burst out laughing at poor Niall. 

 

Harry was still laughing when he suddenly realized that Zayn had fallen into silence. _Oops._ Harry thought as he stopped laughing abruptly. “Zayn..I..” Harry was about to say something when Zayn cut him off. 

 

“Can’t we talk about something else that doesn’t have anything to do with him?” Zayn asked, coldly. The warmth atmosphere that lingered in the living room earlier was replaced with a cold, dead silence after that. 

 

Danny sighed and shook his head. “Zayn, he’s your brother.” Danny started. 

 

“I fucking know that.” Zayn quips. 

 

“Then why do you act like he isn’t?” 

 

Zayn snorted. “You expect me to answer that?” 

 

Danny sighed again. “No. But trust me, Z. You, acting like this, will bring out nothing good for everyone.” 

 

“For everyone or just him?” Zayn growled in a defensive mode. Can’t his friends just shut up about Niall for one second? It was all about Niall, Niall and Niall. Didn’t they know that world didn’t revolve around the younger lad?

 

Danny looked at Harry, Louis and Liam as they were sitting silently watching the exchanged between him and Zayn. Danny knew that they were torn between Zayn and Niall. But Danny couldn’t bear to see that the brothers were being further apart days by days. That was why he tried his best to knock some sense into Zayn’s head. 

 

“Z..” Danny started again. 

 

“Shut up, Danny. If you won’t stop talking about this, I’ll leave.” 

 

Danny finally gritted his teeth in frustration and held up his hands as a sign of surrender. “Fine.” 

 

Zayn nodded. “Good. Now, let’s play some poker again.” Zayn suggested, and started to grin widely, totally changing his mood 180 degree from earlier. Harry, Louis and Liam looked at Danny and shrugged, indicating that they needed to go along with Zayn. And Danny chose to just follow the flow. For now. 

 

**

 

Niall frowned as he looked at the cars that were parked in front of Harry’s house. He recognized all of those cars. It was all belong to his best friends. Niall made his way to the front door and opened it quietly. He heard some noises and walked through the hallway. He stopped and froze when he heard roar of laughter and his name was being mentioned. Were his friends talking about him behind his back? 

 

Niall went closer to the living room and tried to hear the rest of the conversation. He smiled when he heard they talked about his broken thumb's incident. But his smile faded as Zayn’s voice penetrated through the atmosphere clearly. 

 

“Can’t we talk about something else that doesn’t have anything to do with him?” Niall recognized the tone that Zayn used to do when he was annoyed with something. Niall stood with his back on the wall and stared at the ceiling, trying to control his emotion. God, did Zayn despise him that much? His thought was interrupted when Danny’s voice was heard. 

 

“Zayn, he’s your brother.” Niall heard Danny said. 

 

“I fucking know that.” Yeah, Zayn, I thought you forgot already, Niall said silently in his head. 

 

“Then why do you act like he isn’t?” Niall heard Danny tried to speak up again. 

 

Of course Niall heard Zayn snorted in annoyance after that. “You expect me to answer that?” 

 

“No. But trust me, Z. You, acting like this, will bring out nothing good for everyone.” 

 

Niall felt warmth at the thought that at least Danny was trying to knock some sense into Zayn’s head. Niall had tried to amend or made things better but Zayn had ignored him completely. 

 

When Niall heard Danny’s tone had changed to annoyed and frustrated with Zayn, Niall decided to show himself. He didn’t want anyone else to have a brawl because of him. He took a deep breath and stepped closer to the living room. “Hi guys.” He greeted. Niall saw all of his band mates, oh, _ex_ -band mates were there and Danny was alone, most probably tagging along with Zayn. As Harry’s surprised face came into his view, Niall had a hurtful realization that he was not supposed to be there at the moment, chilling out with his friends. No, they didn’t need to invite him anymore. Right? 

 

“Hey, Niall.” Harry replied and was obviously surprised to see Niall stood there, in his living room. Zayn had made it clear that he didn’t want to be in the same room with the younger brother and that was why Harry didn’t tell Niall about their little chill out session. But at that moment, looking at Niall’s eyes that clearly shone with hurt made Harry fell guilty as hell. 

 

Niall shrugged and started to speak. “Well, I was driving around and decided to stop by in case you want to hang out. But I can see that you’re busy, so I guess I’d better get going and hang somewhere else.” Niall said and turned around, walking back to the front door. 

 

Niall quickened his pace as he walked towards his car and heard Harry’s voice calling for his name. 

 

“Niall!” Harry panted as he finally caught up with Niall and gripped Niall’s left arm, trying to make Niall stop from walking away. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you were going to drop by.” Harry apologized sincerely. 

 

“It’s okay. Just go back to your little party with your friends.” Niall said, his voice was detached from any emotions but Harry knew better. 

 

“Hey, they’re your friends too. _You_ , are my friend too.” Harry said softly and emphasized the word ‘you’ that was meant for Niall. It was the truth, Niall was indeed his friend. It was just the circumstances with the brothers that had made the situations worst.

 

“Really? Nice to know.” Niall said, his tone was full of sarcasm. 

 

Harry sighed and shook his head. When Niall started to use his sarcasm, Harry knew Niall was upset. 

 

“Niall. I love to have you here with us, but you know Zayn. He gave us some ultimatum,” Harry tried to explain. 

 

Niall shook his head and let out a humorless chuckle. “Never mind. I’d just go somewhere else. Bye Haz.” Niall said and climbed into his car and quickly drove away from Harry’s crib. 

 

Harry watched Niall’s car until it was out of his sight and sighed for the umpteenth times that day. “Damn it!” He muttered to no one in particular and went back into the house. 

 

**

 

“My feet are killing me!” Danielle whined as Perrie laughed at her. 

 

“Well, I warned you not to wear high heels for shopping trip.” Perrie deadpanned. 

 

“It’s not that high!” Danielle defended herself. 

 

“What? 5 inches is not _‘that’_ high?” Perrie said and rolled her eyes. 

 

Danielle laughed out loud as she saw Perrie rolled her eyes. “Okay. Maybe it’s a little high.” Danielle said and rubbed her sore feet. “I think I know how to solve this problem. I need a new shoe!” Danielle said excitedly. 

 

“Danielle! You bought two pair of shoes already! And it was only within an hour!” Perrie shrieked and laughed at her friend disbelievingly. 

 

“Well, that’s for your wedding. But this one is for my casual wearing.” Danielle reasoned. Perrie laughed out loud and shook her head, making her ponytails bopped up and down with her laughter. 

 

“God, Danielle. Now I wonder whether it’s you or me that’s going to get married.” Perrie teased. 

 

“Ha ha ha. Funny, Perrie.” Danielle said and pouted. “But my feet hurt.” She added and gave a puppy eyes look to Perrie. 

 

Once again, Perrie laughed in amusement. “Fine! Let’s go find you another pair of shoes.” Perrie said and pulled Danielle’s hand as they walked around the mall. Once again. 

 

Both girls walked around and talked about random topics when suddenly they walked past a CD store where a big One Direction’s poster was plastered on the display window. 

 

“Hey, did you know that Niall quit the band?” Danielle asked and looked at Perrie. 

 

Perrie nodded. “Yeah. Zayn told me.” 

 

“Liam said Zayn didn’t even try to stop him.” Danielle said. There was a tinge of sadness that lingered in her heart. What had happened to the strong bonds between the brothers? 

 

Perrie sighed. “I know. It’s sad to see them being like this, you know? I don’t really blame Niall. Zayn can be so headstrong sometimes.” 

 

Danielle chuckled. “Couldn’t agree more. To be honest, I was mad at Niall at first. He hurts Quinn and because of him, she didn’t stay in touch with us anymore. But now, I feel bad for him. I know he loves his music, for him to quit the band was such a shame.” Danielle said. It was the truth. In fact, she and Liam had talk about this matter couple of days before. 

 

“Tell me about it. I tried to talk to Zayn about Niall but we ended up arguing. And Niall’s name never came up in our conversation again.” Perrie said and sighed. She too, missed the relationship between the brothers that she used to know and cherished. 

 

Danielle and Perrie both stood in front of the store and stared at the poster. “Do you think they’ll be okay again?” Danielle asked softly. 

 

Perrie, being as worried as Danielle was, replied, “I really hope so.” 

 

**

 

Niall wandered along the streets aimlessly. He had put on his cap and hoodie, trying to hide himself from any unnecessary attention. He walked passed by several stores that he loved to go before but that night, he was not in the mood. That was what he did, walking without a purpose until he passed a pub that had been opened earlier that month. He never tried to go there before, but at that moment, he felt something was pulling him to go inside. Maybe by hanging out at the pub, no one would recognize him since it was not his usual spot. That thought alone tempted him enough to give the place a try. He was fucking sick with the press and the condition between him and his family didn't really help either. He entered the pub and went straight to the bar stool. 

 

“What drink, sir?” The bartender asked. The boy couldn’t be more than 21 years old, yet he was already worked at place like that. Snapping out of his random thoughts, Niall looked at the shelves behind the counter. God, he knew he had promised to stay sober and he kept that promise successfully for years but that night, he felt like he could do a shot or two. He knew his family and friend would disappoint with his decision. He fucking knew that he would regret his action later. “Give me the strongest alcoholic beverages that you have.” But what the hell? He felt like he owed nothing to them at the moment. They were already disappointed and mad at him, so he might as well as go on with that.


	40. Chapter 40

“You can’t do this to yourself, Quinn. Would you at least talk to me? Don’t shut me off.” Ivy pleaded. She came over to Quinn’s apartment and to her surprise, it was so messy, that Ivy went to over-worried mode instantly. Because knowing Quinn, Ivy knew that her best friend was one of the organized and cleanest people that she had ever known. And when she found Quinn moped around in her bedroom, Ivy couldn’t help but felt sad. Sad that her best friend had to endure another misery in her life. Few days after Quinn was released from the hospital, Ivy went to check on her best friend every day. But it was over two weeks now and Quinn was still not getting any better. Quinn didn’t take care for herself, she rarely slept and barely eaten anything. Ivy knew that. And as she came over as usual that day, she told herself that she had to talk Quinn out of her depression. But as usual, Quinn was barely responded to anything. 

 

“I don’t have anything to talk about.” Quinn mumbled, still sitting by the window, staring into the view of the town that she was brought up. 

 

Ivy sighed and walked over to her best friend. She put her arm around Quinn and pulled her friend’s closer. “Quinn. Don’t lie to me. I know you’re sad. I know you’re depressed. But you can’t keep on going like this.”

 

“So what? You want me to be all smiling because you don’t like to see me right now?” Quinn snapped, shrugging away Ivy’s arm from her shoulder. 

 

“No. It’s not that.” Ivy quickly replied. Softly, Ivy started to speak again. “Look. I know it’s hard for you to lose….you know. But you still have me. You still have your friends. You still have your career. But you can’t keep bottling your emotions inside. You gotta vent it out to someone. I’m always here for you. If you don’t want to talk to me, fine. But please seek some professional..” Ivy said and before she had the chance to finish her sentence, Quinn glared at her furiously and stood up. 

 

“So what?! You think I’m crazy now?!” Quinn yelled. Her anger was shown through her red face as she stood to face Ivy. 

 

“No! I didn’t say that! I just said that maybe you need to speak to someone about this. For your own good.” Ivy replied. 

 

“And how it’s gonna bring me any good? Huh?” 

 

“Quinn, I know you. You tend to run away from your problem, but this is different, Quinn. You have to face it and go through with it, or sooner or later, it’ll bring no good to you.” Ivy deadpanned. She didn’t meant to be harsh, but she liked to keep it real. Honesty was the key here. She cared about Quinn and just wanted what was the best for her. 

 

“You don’t know me.” Quinn said, defensively. 

 

Ivy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. “Bullshit! I know you since forever.” Sighing slightly, Ivy took a deep breath and looked at Quinn straight into her eyes. “Look, Ivy. We both know your history..” 

 

“Really?! You’re going to bring that up? Huh? So it’s true, you think I’m crazy?!” Quinn yelled at Ivy. 

 

“No! Would you listen to what I have to say first?!” Ivy yelled back. God, her best friend can be so fucking stubborn. She didn’t mean to raise her voice to match Quinn’s but she felt her patience was wearing thin. She was trying to get her point across here but Quinn seemed to refuse to hear about it over and over again. 

 

“I think I’ve had enough of you talk. I don’t want to listen anymore.” Quinn said coldly, still glaring at Ivy. 

 

Taken aback with Quinn’s words, Ivy felt her anger was gone instantly and was replaced by some feelings that she can't even comprehend to. “What do you mean?” 

 

“I mean, I’m tired of you keep nagging to me over and over again. It’s my life, it’s my problem and it’s me that has to deal with it. And I really don’t ask for your help, anyway. So I suggest you seek yourself out right now and please don’t bother me anymore.” 

 

Ivy felt her eyes misted at those words. She came there because she cared about Quinn. She loved Quinn like a sister that she can’t bear to see Quinn being suffered alone. But Quinn seemed like she didn’t appreciate anything about that. 

 

“Quinn. You don’t mean that.” Ivy said, tried to tone down her voice. God, how could the fight escalated until this point? Her first intention was to get Quinn to talk about her feelings, but not to end up like this. 

 

“I mean that. If you don’t want to go now, I’ll go.” Quinn said and walked straight to her bedroom’s door. Ivy felt a single tear slipped out of her eyes and she wiped it away, refused to let Quinn saw it. Grabbing her purse on Quinn’s bed, she walked faster until she reached the door and pulled it open before Quinn did. “Never mind. I’d go.” Was all Ivy said before she turned away and didn’t even look back at Quinn. Not even once. 

 

**

 

“Shit!” was Niall first word that came out from his lips when he woke up. Feeling disoriented, he blinked his eyes for a couple of times and sat up slightly, leaning on the bedpost. He frowned as he looked around his surrounding. This was not his room. He was about to freak out when suddenly the door burst opened, revealing a face that he knew so well. 

 

“Hello, sunshine! Welcome to the land of the living!” The person yelled and went straight to window, pulled up all the blinds. Niall shielded his eyes with his hands and groaned. “Fuck, Danny. Can’t you tone it down a little bit?” Niall whined, still trying to shield his eyes from the blinding light that came trough the window. 

 

“What?! I can’t hear you!” Danny yelled near Niall’s left ear. Niall jerked away and winced. “Shut up, Danny. You’re escalating my headache here.” 

 

Danny laughed and shook his head. “What the fuck, Niall? Using extravaganza word when you’re having a hangover? Damn, those alcohols must bring out your hidden geniuses or something.” 

 

Niall snorted and smirked. Danny and teasing Niall, can never be separated. It had always been like that and even though sometimes Niall felt annoyed by it, Danny never stopped. Now Danny was making fun of his post-drunken state. Wait! Did that mean Danny knew that he was drunk? 

 

“How did I end up here?” Niall asked out of curiosity. 

 

“You drunk dialed me. I picked you up. You’re lucky I hadn’t gone to sleep yet. If not, you’re probably ended up sleeping on the street.” 

 

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to bother you.” Niall said, his tone was full of guiltiness. 

 

“No sweat. Anything for my little princess Nialler.” 

 

Niall laughed. Damn Danny and the nickname that his friend gave him. Somehow, God decided to make his life a living hell as Danny caught him watching Bambi and cried a little during the ending. Since then, Danny started to tease him about it and Niall couldn’t be more embarrassed. He knew Danny meant no harm, but still, he needed to maintain his tough image. 

 

Danny sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Niall laughed. He rarely saw Niall laughed recently. Hell, he even barely saw Niall lately. But as he saw Niall laughed at that moment, Danny couldn’t help but chuckled too. Niall’s laugh was so precious and contagious. 

 

“Niall, I thought you didn’t drink anymore?” Danny asked. He saw Niall’s remaining laugh faded away. Damn Danny, way to ruin the moods. But he didn’t want to hide around the bushes. 

 

“You’re mad?” Niall asked in a small voice, as he was afraid of Danny’s reaction. 

 

Danny sighed. “I’m not mad. I just..worry.” 

 

Niall raised his eyebrows as he looked at Danny. “Worry? Why?” 

 

“Cause I don’t want you to fall into the downward spiral like you did couple of years ago. You know, with the drinking and the drugs. Last night, I was glad that you called me. Luckily I reached there as you were just about to be kicked out from the bar. Don’t ask. I don’t know the details. But what if I wasn’t there? What if you were alone? You could be in the fight, or robbed and God forbid if you were raped or something. Trust me, those things really happen to guys nowadays.”

 

Niall smiled a little at Danny’s rant and spoke up. “Danny, you’re being overreacting here.” 

 

“No, I’m not. I’m worried.” Danny said sternly. 

 

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” Niall apologized as he realized that Danny was serious about what he said. 

 

Danny raised his eyebrows and looked at Niall skeptically. “You wouldn’t?” 

 

Niall shook his head and winced in regret as he forgot that he was still hangover. “No. Man, my head is killing me right now. That’s not fun. Not at all. Maybe I should turn to drink peppermint tea instead of alcohols after this.” 

 

Danny laughed out loud at Niall’s words. Yeah, maybe they should do that instead of getting drunk and being miserable for the next day. Danny looked around the room and looked over to Niall after that. 

 

“So, I brought you here. Sorry my guest room isn’t really cozy but I didn’t want to leave you alone at your house.” Danny said and shrugged. 

 

Niall didn’t reply for a few seconds and he smiled after that. “Awww, Danny. You’re so sweet.” Niall teased but deep down, he was happy to know that someone was still cared for him. It was really nice of Danny to do that. 

 

Danny waved his hands as to dismiss Niall’s teasing and spoke up. “That’s what friends are for.” 

 

“Yeah. Thanks dude.” Niall mumbled and started to lie down again. His headache hadn’t really gone and somehow he felt nauseated and he really wanted to sleep it off. 

 

Danny seemed to understand and got up from the bed. He was about to reach the door when he suddenly turned around. “By the way, Zayn called you last night.” 

 

“What? When? Why?” Niall asked frantically.

 

“Just as we arrived here. He talked about picking up suits or something.” 

 

Fuck! That was what Niall thought as he sat up in a flash. “Damn! I forgot that we have to pick our suits for the wedding at tailors today.” Niall said and rushed to get out of the bed. In his hasty state, his knees bumped on the wooden table besides the bed and he cursed out loud in pain. 

 

Danny crossed his arms and watched his friend amusingly. “Why are you so freaking out over this?” 

 

“I don’t want to add more reasons for Zayn to be mad at me.” Niall explained while trying to fix his hair so that it won’t look too messy. 

 

Danny sighed. He should have known that was the reason that got Niall so worked up. “Relax, Niall. He just wanted to tell you that the suits would only be ready by next week instead of today. And he asked on why I picked up your phone.” 

 

That made Niall stopped on what he was doing completely. “Oh.” Pause. “What did you tell him? Did you tell him that I..that I was drunk?” Niall asked hesitantly. 

 

Danny shook his head vigorously. “Of course not, dumbass. I told him that you fell asleep halfway through the movie at my house and you looked too cute that I didn’t have a heart to wake you up.” 

 

Niall’s face broke into a wide smile. For once, he chose to ignore Danny’s teasing and chose to read between the lines instead. Danny really saved his ass for his last night’s action. Without hesitation, Niall leaped closer to Danny and hugged his friend’s tightly and placed kisses on Danny’s cheeks. 

 

“Yikes! Niall! What the fuck are you doing?” Danny shrieked in horror and tried to wipe away his cheeks. 

 

“Thanks for everything, Danny. I love you.” Niall said gratefully and ignored Danny’s attempt to pull away from the hug. He knew Danny wasn’t really comfortable with people hugging him for too long but Niall didn’t care. He just really needed to let Danny know that he was glad Danny was one of his best friends. 

 

Danny smiled and hugged Niall back. “You know I love you too, Nialler. But I’m not _in love_ with you, so please cut the kissing act next time. My lovely girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate it either, you know.” Danny said and he felt Niall laughed on his shoulder. 

 

They stood in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Niall’s voice was finally heard through Danny’s right shoulder. “Danny..” 

 

“Yeah?” Danny replied as he heard the urgency in Niall’s voice. 

 

“I think I want to puke.” Niall said and within seconds, Danny felt his back was wet with Niall’s vomit. 

 

“Shit!” was the only word that managed to come out from Danny’s lips at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, I just made a tumblr blog :) 
> 
> http://niallhoranisasecretfurby.tumblr.com/


	41. Chapter 41

“Ivy, honey, you’ve been staring to that television for 10 minutes. Don’t you want to turn it on?” Josh said, looking at his girlfriend. He had been stood over the couch, watching Ivy as she stared into the blank screen of the television and sitting in silence. He knew something was wrong. Ivy didn’t usually act like this. She was always happy go lucky and that was one of the reasons why Josh loved her so much. She always managed to crack a joke that made him laugh and always eased up his worry. 

 

When Ivy didn’t even flinch at Josh’s voice, he sat besides his girlfriend and wrapped her body into his arms. Ivy looked startled for a moment before she finally buried herself into Josh’s embrace. 

 

“What’s wrong, baby?” 

 

“I miss her.” 

 

Josh raised her eyebrows. “Quinn?” He asked. Josh knew about the little argument that had happened last week. When Ivy nodded, Liam planted a quick kiss on her hair before he started to speak again. “Have you tried to call her?” 

 

Ivy shook her head. “No. Last week I was busy with my work so I kinda forgot, plus I was still mad at her for kicking me out.” Ivy said. She felt guilty at the thought that she hadn’t even tried to contact her best friend for a week but she was caught up with her works. The day after she fought with Quinn, Ivy was sent away to LA by her boss. The schedule was so hectic she barely eaten and slept let alone communicated with other people besides her colleagues. Luckily Josh understood that and didn’t retaliate when she didn’t even call him for a few days. But with Quinn, Ivy felt worried. And when Ivy landed her feet in her home that first day that she got back from LA, the first thing that was on her mind was how she missed her best friend. 

 

“Just call her.” Josh suggested. 

 

“But she was mad at me. I don’t know if she really wants to take my call.” 

 

“Baby, she’s your best friend. She can’t stay mad at your for too long. Plus, I know you miss her.” Josh said and stroked Ivy’s face, trying to look into her beautiful eyes. 

 

“You don’t think I miss you as well?” Ivy asked, testing her boyfriend. Josh was being so understanding that it kind of freaked her out. 

 

Josh chuckled and kissed the tip of Ivy’s nose lightly. “I don’t think about that. I know by all my heart that you miss me. After all, who wouldn’t miss this finer piece of ass, right?” Josh teased. Ivy laughed and smacked Josh’s chest playfully, rolling her eyes at his joke. Well, it was not really a joke since Josh had really sexy ass in her opinion but that was not the point here. 

 

Laying her head on Josh’s shoulder, Ivy started to speak. “You really think I should call her?” 

 

Josh nodded and smiled at Ivy, gesturing that he really thinks that she needed to do that.

 

Ivy smiled and nodded. To hell with the fight, she was willing to be the one that apologized first as long as she got to see and talk to her best friend again. She quickly tried to stand up and pick her phone to call Quinn when suddenly Josh’s hand pulled her body to be on top of him of the couch. 

 

“Josh, what are you doing?” Ivy giggled as she felt Josh’s hands made his way into her shirt. 

 

“I miss you,” Josh whispered in that sexy voice that Ivy always drooled about. “You know I miss you too, but I thought you said I need to call Quinn?” Ivy replied. Her body was still on top of Josh and she can felt her skin tingled as Josh’s hands rubbed his belly’s skin softly. 

 

Josh started to whisper near to her face again. “That..” Josh said, started to kiss her lips. “Could be..” He kissed her lips harder. “Wait until later..” Josh breathed and felt Ivy started to kiss his lips harder too. 

 

God, Ivy missed this so much. Their intimacy always made her heart danced with happiness. “Josh..” Ivy whispered and stared at Josh’s eyes. His eyes were full with desire that it made Ivy felt hot and heavy. She felt Josh’s hands traveled up over her belly and stopped right at her breasts. Thank God she didn’t wear her bra at that moment, because as Josh fondled with her nipples, she can’t helped but groaned in pleasure. Slowly, she felt he pinched her nipples making her bit her lips in satisfaction. Ivy felt Josh turned her over so that he was on top of her instead. Josh pulled off his shirt and pants and started to do the same to Ivy. As they were naked on the couch, Josh smiled at her and started to kiss her left breast. “You are..” Josh said and kissed her right breast. “Beautiful…” He breathed. Josh sucked her nipples for a while before he continued to kiss her bare belly and ran his tongue over it. 

 

Ivy felt her body moved along as Josh’s body started to harden against hers. When Josh started to move his finger around her sensitive area, Ivy couldn’t help but moaned in pleasure. As Josh filled her up gently, Ivy felt like she wanted to cry. How could she deserve to be with this amazing man? She didn’t realize what had happened but the next thing she knew, Josh’s hand cupped on her face and he had worried expression on his face. “Hey baby, why did you cry? Am I hurting you?”

 

Ivy shook her head. “No. No. I just..I guess I just feeling too overwhelmed.” She felt Josh’s thumb wiped away her tears on her cheeks and he started to kiss her cheeks gently. “Hey, don’t cry. Look, we just stop here, okay. Maybe you’re too tired.” Josh said. 

 

Ivy’s eyes went wide at those words and she began to shake her head again. “No. No. No. Don’t stop. Please.” Ivy pleaded, pulling Josh’s body closer against her again. “But baby, are you sure?” 

 

Ivy gave Josh a small smile and nodded. “I’m sure.” When Josh was still looking at her in worried, Quinn decided to push Josh over and roll him until he was on his back. As she felt Josh wrapped his arms around her and her body was on top of him completely, she started to kiss his neck lustfully. “I..” Ivy said and started to kiss his bare chest. “Love..” She started to kiss his bare abdomen. “You.” Ivy said and started to bring her hips down harder as Josh started to moan in pleasure. His orgasm became more intense with everything that Ivy did after that. And they both moaned each other’s name as they were finally reached their peak and started to release. Panted breathlessly, Ivy finally laid her head on Josh’s bare chest and Josh pulled her body closer to him. Planting a quick kiss on her head, Josh, whispered, “I love you too.” 

 

Josh was about to say something else when suddenly the doorbell rang. Groaning, he ignored it for the first time. “Don’t you want to get that?” Ivy asked, mumbled through Josh’s chest. “I don’t want to. I wanna lay here with you.” Josh said. Ivy laughed softly as Josh pouted and shook his head. Damn, Josh really knew how to pout perfectly. “But it’s been ringing for thrice times now, baby.” Ivy said. 

 

“So?” Josh said and shrugged. Damn whoever that came at that moment. Couldn’t they at least have their private moment for themselves? 

 

“What if it’s one of your friends? Or your brothers? What if they can open the door by themselves?” Ivy teased and sure enough, Josh went pale. It was not unusual thing for his family to come there unexpectedly, especially his brothers. They always turned up out of the blue just to hang out. And Josh was not really fond of the idea that anyone could walked in there, watching he and his girlfriend, naked on the couch. Or accurately, watching his girlfriend naked. “Fine. Put your clothes on.” Josh said reluctantly and put on his shirt and pants. 

 

As the constant ringing of the doorbell caught by Josh’s ears, he stomped his way to the front door. Roughly, he opened the door only to find out the young boy who looked like he was barely eighteen with his uniform. Mailman. Or should it be mailboy? 

 

“Hi, does Ivalyn Ackles live here?” 

 

Josh blinked like an owl before he finally responded. “Yeah. Yeah.” He was used with his girlfriend’s nickname that he almost forgot what her full name was. Almost. 

 

“She got a package for her. But I need her signature.” The boy explained. Josh nodded and backed away a little from the door. 

 

“Ivy! You’ve got something here.” Josh half yelled. 

 

Few seconds later, Ivy emerged with a curious expression on her face. Who would’ve sent her a package? Her birthday was far ahead, that was for sure. After she gave her signature, she went into the living room followed by Josh. 

 

“Who’s the sender?” Josh asked, closely to Ivy’s shoulder. She shrugged and looked at the box. It was a medium size box and was wrapped in a simple design paper wrap just like the one that she loved. Suddenly she felt her heart dropped at the name that popped up in her head a second after she saw the handwriting on the small card that was glued on the box. She knew the handwriting belonged to one person that she knows so well. Ivy recognized the letter ‘Y’ that always had the special crook when the person wrote it. 

 

“Quinn.” Ivy mumbled under her breath. Carefully, she opened the wrap and pulled out the things from inside the box. Ivy frowned as she found two sealed letters that was addressed to her and Niall. Ivy saw Josh frowned as he saw the name too. Shaking, Ivy pulled out another thing from the box and there it was, a small bear with a letter ‘I’m sorry’ on its chest. A small card was attached to the bear and Quinn opened it. 

 

_“Dear Ivy,_  
I’m sorry for everything.   
I didn’t mean about what I said before.   
I love you so much.   
Please remember that.   
And please, forgive me for everything.   
I’m sorry. So sorry.” 

 

Ivy closed her mouth with her right hand and gasped. Oh my God. Looking at Josh intensely, Ivy spoke up. “We need to get to Quinn’s apartment. Now.” 

 

**

 

Ivy pulled Josh’s hand and walked faster towards Quinn’s apartment. Something was wrong, she could felt it in the pit of her stomach. She fished the spare key from inside her bag and tried to open the door of Quinn’s apartment. Something was off, she knew it as soon as she stepped inside the apartment. The light was on, even though it was already noon. The atmosphere was too quiet, making Ivy felt her worried grew. She looked at Josh. “Something’s wrong.” 

 

Josh gave her an assurance smile and kissed her temple. “Maybe it’s nothing. You go look inside her room, I’ll wait here and check the kitchen, okay?” Josh said. Ivy nodded and started her way to Quinn’s bedroom.

 

Ivy made her way to the entrance of the bedroom and called her best friend’s name softly. “Quinn?” She frowned as she saw the door was slightly ajar and the light was still on. When Ivy stepped into the room, she found Quinn lying on her back on the bed. She smiled as she saw Quinn’s face looked serene as she was sleeping. “God, Quinn. You really had me worried. And now you’re sleeping peacefully?” Ivy whispered to no one in particular. She was about to turn around and went out of the room when she kicked something on the floor. Looking down, her eyes went wide open as she saw several empty bottles scattered on the floor near the bed. Oh my god! Ivy ran closer to the bed and tapped Quinn’s cheek. “Quinn! Quinn!” She called urgently. Please let her be sleeping. Please let her be only sleeping. Ivy kept chanted as she was freaking out when she felt Quinn’s cold cheek. That was when she realized that Quinn was not sleeping at all. Quinn’s lips were blue and her face was turned into white already. My God, how couldn't she realized that sooner? 

 

“Quinn!!” Ivy called and tried to shake her friend’s body but all she got as a reply was only an eerie silence. Shaking, Ivy moved her fingers to Quinn’s wrist try to find her pulse but to no avail. Ivy can felt her tears poured down on her face as she placed her fingers under Quinn’s nose try to find her breath. Ivy was now sobbing as she can’t feel anything, no breathe at all that was coming from her friend. No. No. No. Quinn can’t leave her. Not like this. Please let this be a nightmare. This was too much for her to face. Ivy closed her eyes and screamed at the top of her lungs. “Quinn!!!!”


	42. Chapter 42

“Quinn!!!!” Josh dropped the mug that he was holding as he heard Ivy screamed and ran towards the bedroom. “What happened?” Josh asked as he reached besides Ivy who had tears running on her cheeks and she looked at him frantically. “Quinn…she..she..” Ivy tried to tell him but she was choked on her sobs and Josh pulled her aside gently. When his view was cleared, that was when he saw the pale face of Quinn and the scattered bottles near the bed. Holy shit! “Ivy, call 911!” Josh ordered. When Ivy was still not moving and had her hands cupping her mouth, trying to hold back her sobs, Josh raised his voice slightly. “Ivy, move! Call 911 now!” That seemed to do it. Ivy snapped out of her funk and grabbed her phone, calling 911 frantically. 

 

Josh turned his attention back to the motionless Quinn on the bed and checked for her pulse, her breath and he got nothing. One last resort. He tried to imply what he had learned and started to do the CPR. First time. Nothing. Second time. Nothing. “Come on, Quinn. Don’t do this.” Josh said and tried to compress Quinn’s chest again. Yet, still nothing. God, please help us here, Josh prayed silently. His prayer was answered as two paramedics suddenly pulled him aside and tried to do their job. Josh stood and pulled the hysterics Ivy into his embrace. Josh knew if something happened to Quinn, Ivy would be devastated. Both girls were like sisters and Josh understood that. He couldn’t bear to face it if Zayn, Niall or Alicia was in Quinn’s condition at that moment. Niall! Holy shit! Josh closed his eyes and prayed again and again. He knew Niall was still in love with Quinn. What if something really happened..what if Quinn was really..

 

“Sorry, sir. She’s already dead.” ….Dead. 

 

**

 

Niall cursed out loud as the tip of the knife managed to make a small cut on his finger. Sucking the blood out, Niall tried to find the tissue when suddenly his phone rang. He let it rang for a few times before it reached the message tone. He just didn’t have the mood to entertain any phone call at that moment. “Hah! Got you!” Niall said as he found the tissue. “Niall, Josh here. I have something to tell you.” Niall stopped what he was doing abruptly as Josh’s voice came out through the speaker of the phone. His eldest brother sounded so serious and Niall heard that Josh’s voice was scratchy like he had been crying. Suddenly Niall felt uneasy and worried. He was about to reach the phone to pick it up when Josh’s next words made Niall’s heart nearly burst out. “It’s about Quinn.” 

 

**

 

Eight fucking long hours. That was how much time it took for Niall to reach New York from his house at London. As Niall stood at the lobby of the airport, he couldn’t help but felt anxious. Josh told him that they would wait for him at the hospital. Niall’s heart nearly jumped out of his throat when Josh told him to come to New York immediately. Niall just managed to process the words ‘Quinn’ and ‘hospital’ in the same sentence and that made him leaped over to the airport as fast as he can. 

 

When Niall arrived at the hospital and found Josh and Ivy, he felt his spirit flew away completely. Why were there standing in front of the morgue area? His question was answered by the complete mess that Ivy looked like at the moment and Josh’s red eyes. As both of them looked at Niall, he knew he was too late. He knew that the answer for his question was right. 

 

“Niall,” Josh called softly and stepped closer to his little brother. Josh looked at Niall’s eyes and swallowed hard. Those eyes of his little brother were begging Josh to tell him that everything was alright. That nothing was happened to Quinn. Slowly, Josh wrapped Niall into his hug and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Niall. She’s gone.” 

 

Niall closed his eyes and let Josh hugged him since he wasn’t sure whether he could stand if Josh didn’t hold him at that moment. Every limb in his body became weak at Josh’s words. He felt numb. “How?” Niall whispered. Josh fell into silence and as he felt Niall stiffened under his embrace, he answered. “Overdosed.” 

 

Short. Slow. Painful. Niall felt his body went completely on a shutdown mode. He wasn’t expected that. Sure, Quinn had history with suicidal tendency but Niall thought she really had gotten better over the years. And at that moment, Niall was sure that he was part of the reason that drove Quinn to do such thing. Thing that had ended up killing herself. And killing Niall’s soul as well. 

 

Pulling away from Josh, Niall couldn’t bear to look at Ivy who was sobbing her heart out behind Josh. God, he felt guilty to Ivy. Quinn was her best friend and seeing Ivy cried like that shattered Niall’s heart more. Ivy was always being the composed one. Seeing her sobbing her heart out really made Niall felt worse than ever. “I’m going to get some fresh air.” Niall said and turned away, leaving Josh and Ivy as well as the place where the smell of the death lingered. 

 

**

 

Niall jogged his way out of the hospital and walked until he finally reached the nearest park besides the hospital. His eyes took upon the scenes in front of him. A mother was talking to her child and laughing together. Kids were playing around with their friends. A father bought an ice cream for his child and they all looked so content with love and happiness. All in all, people that were at the park looked so happy, it made Niall’s heart ached. Quinn was gone. One of the reasons that made his life filled with happiness was gone. Forever. Staggering forward, Niall sat on one of the empty benches. He can felt his breathing increased rapidly as he finally grasped on the reality. There would be no more Quinn after this. She left him and would never come back. He would never hear her soft voice again. He would never get to hear her laughter again. He would never get to see her face again. He would never see how she will look like when they aged later. Niall felt his heart beating rapidly at that thought and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

 

“Sir, are you okay?” Niall heard the small voice besides him and tilted his head. There it was, a little boy around six years old looked at Niall with wide eyes and concerned manner. 

 

Niall swallowed and nodded. “But you don’t look okay.” The kid said and Niall raised his eyebrows. Was he being so transparent that the kid could see him through? 

 

“I just had a bad day.” Niall said and gave the little kid a slight smile. He knew it was mostly forced but he didn’t want to make the kid worry about him. 

 

The little kid crossed his arms across his chest and stared at Niall. “Sorry sir, I know you’re not.” Niall’s head snapped up and he straightened on the bench, glaring at the kid. He knew he shouldn’t be mad at the little kid but what did the kid knew about him? Huh? As Niall glared slightly mad at the kid, the kid wouldn’t even bulge and ran. Instead, he scooted closer to Niall and hugged him. 

 

“My brother said if we hug people when they’re not okay or sad or have a bad day, they would feel better.” The kid said as he wrapped his little arms around Niall. 

 

Niall who was initially taken aback by the gesture, returned the hug after a few seconds. “Thank you.” Niall said as they broke the hug. 

 

The kid stood in front of Niall and put his hands on his hips, looking at Niall with wide innocent eyes that made Niall felt himself drawn into it. “So, my name is Joey and my brother’s name is Kyle. He’s the one who taught me about the hug and all. I love him. He’s like my hero.” Niall can’t help but smile as the kid chattered. It was true what people said, kids really can make your heart warmth by their innocence. 

 

“You haven’t told me your name.” Joey pouted and looked at Niall. Niall shook his head at the kid’s outspoken attitude. 

 

“Niall.” 

 

“Wow! Your name is pronounced like my brother! Do you have any brother?” Josh asked excitedly. 

 

Niall nodded. “I have two big brothers.” 

 

“Wow! That’s so cool! What’s their name? Do they teach you everything like Kyle teaches me?” Joey asked with those big innocent eyes again. 

 

“Yes, they do.” Niall said shortly. God, somehow it made his heart ached on how he missed his brothers. 

 

“Cool! You know what? If I'm sad, I always tell Kyle, then he’ll make me feel happy again. Maybe you could do the same.” Niall didn’t have a heart to tell the kid that he was not in good terms with his brothers at that moment so he just nodded. 

 

“I’ll do that.” 

 

“Yeah! That’s the spirit! I think I have to go now. Kyle is supposed pick me up later. Don’t want him to be worry if I’m not at my usual spot. Bye, Niall. Nice to meet you.” Joey said and ran towards the other end of the park, leaving Niall alone with his misery. Again. Slowly, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and tried to call the person that he wanted to talk the most at that moment. The person who would tell him that everything was going to be alright again. That losing Quinn did not mean that he lost his soul too. The person who can make him smile instead of bursting into crying at that moment. The person who had accepted him into the family without any hesitation. The person who was always be there for him like Kyle did to Joey. 

 

Niall held his breath as he waited for the person to pick up the phone. After third ring, Niall released his breath as the voice on the other end of the phone was heard. “Hello?” 

 

“Zayn..I..I need to talk to you.” Niall mumbled as he felt his voice cracked. 

 

“What do you want to talk about Niall? I’m busy with the wedding planner here.” Zayn said and that was when Niall realized Zayn sounded distracted. But Niall really needed his elder brother. Zayn usually managed to calm him down. 

 

“But Zayn..it’s about..” Niall said and before he could finish, Zayn suddenly cut him off. “Look, I’m busy at that moment. Talk to you later.” And clicked. Zayn hang up on Niall. 

 

Slowly, Niall put his phone down and tears welled up in his eyes. Maybe Joey was wrong. Big brothers didn’t make you felt better at all. In fact, they made you became more sad than before. It was ironic how strangers like Joey that can make Niall felt better instead. But strangers didn’t stick around like family or people that Niall loved. Maybe his fate was to be alone and abandoned forever. Maybe that was why Quinn was taken from Niall forever, to show him that he was indeed destined to be alone. Without his family, friends and definitely without the girl he loved. 

 

**

 

Autopilot. One word that could describe the state that Niall was in at that moment. After he cried at the park, he went back to the hospital to find Josh and Ivy. They both told him that they already cleared out about Quinn’s death and her body would be sent to her family later for funeral arrangement. All Niall did was to follow Josh and Ivy and next thing he knew, he was already sitting on the couch in Josh’s house. 

 

“Hey, you wanna go to sleep?” Niall heard Ivy asked softly besides him on the couch. Her eyes were puffy and red but there were no more tears that were on her cheek like before. 

 

Niall shook his head. No, he didn’t want to go to sleep. He didn’t even know if he was able to sleep over this. In fact, he didn’t even know how he would survive over the fact that Quinn was dead. 

 

“Niall?” Ivy tried to call Niall as he seemed like he was lost in his thought. She looked over at Josh as he too was looking at Niall worriedly. Niall had been quiet since they left the hospital. 

 

“I’m thirsty. Can I go to the kitchen?” Niall mumbled quietly and looked at Josh and Ivy. Josh nodded. “Yeah, you know where it is, right?” Josh asked and as soon as he finished, Niall already went to the direction of the kitchen. 

 

Josh sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. God, he couldn’t bear to look at Niall’s eyes. It looked so sad and somehow it made Josh sad as well to see that his baby brother had to endure this pain. Pain of losing the girl he loved. Josh knew if he himself lost Ivy, he wasn’t sure how he would survive of it. Speaking of his girlfriend..

 

“Ivy?” Josh called his girlfriend as her gazed was still lingered on the direction to the kitchen. Turning around, Ivy looked at Josh and started to cry again. “I feel bad for him.” 

 

Josh sat besides Ivy and wrapped her arms around her. “Me too.” Josh said. Ivy laid her head on Josh’s shoulder and started to sob. Josh wiped away her tears and tried to soothe her. “Shyyh..don’t cry baby.” 

 

“Josh?” Ivy mumbled between her sobs. God, the word ‘baby’ triggered her tears to come pour down her cheeks. 

 

“Yeah?” Josh replied and looked at Ivy who had started to cry hysterically like when they were at the hospital. “I’m sorry I lied.” Ivy choked her words. Josh raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t expected that. “Lie? About what?” Josh asked in a very confusing tone. 

 

“I lied about Quinn.” Ivy said and sat up straighter. She was now facing Josh and tried to gather her words. “Remember when I told you that Quinn was hospitalized because of food poisoning?” Ivy asked, by then her tears were wiped away but her sniffles could be heard. 

 

“Yeah…” Josh trailed off. He was really confused. How was that related to what was happening at that moment? 

 

“It was not food poisoning. She had a miscarriage.” 

 

Josh sucked his breath deeply before finally managed to choke out his words. “She was pregnant?” Josh asked. He was not blind. Quinn never had any intimate contact with any other guys ever since she broke up with Niall. When Ivy nodded, Josh couldn’t help but felt like he wanted to crawl and ran away from all of this. He couldn’t bear to let Niall endured another pain again if it was his baby brother’s child. His heart ached at the thought for his baby brother. 

 

“Who’s the father?” Josh asked, fearfully. Please God, please let his instinct to be wrong. Please let fate turned around and showed that Quinn was not really carrying his baby brother’s baby. 

 

Ivy felt her tears spilled again and she finally manage to say the name out loud. “It was Niall’s.” 

 

**

 

Niall was already at the entrance of the living room when he heard Josh’s and Ivy’s voices floated over the room. They both didn’t seem to notice him there. Assuming that they wanted their private moment together, Niall was about to turn around and leave when Ivy’s words caught his ears. 

 

“I lied about Quinn.” Niall felt his heart ached at the mentioned of that name. “Remember when I told you that Quinn was hospitalized because of food poisoning?” Niall heard Ivy's question that was directed to Josh. 

 

“Yeah…” By the tone of Josh’s voice, Niall knew his eldest brother was confused. 

 

“It was not food poisoning. She had a miscarriage.” Niall felt his heart dropped at Ivy’s words. What the hell? Did Quinn have another boyfriend after him? Did she really move on that fast? Niall tightened his grip on the glass in his hand as he could felt anger took over his sadness and misery earlier. 

 

“Who’s the father?” Niall barely heard Josh asked that question since he was still blinded by rage. 

 

“It was Niall’s.” Those three words shocked Niall through the core that he felt his grip on the glass loosened and it shattered on the floor. And the last thing Niall remembered was the hard cold tile floor came crashing to his face.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I've finished with my other story, 'Small Town' so I'm going to focus on this story first before I start again with the sequel of Small Town. Enjoy xx

Josh wet the rag and put it on Niall’s forehead, brushing some of the hair softly. He smoothed over the blanket that was draped on Niall and sat besides his youngest brother on the bed in the spare bedroom. Josh sighed as he remembered the earlier incident when he heard the sounds of shattered glass and the loud thud as his brother’s body crashing down to the floor. Josh tried to wake Niall up but to no avail, so he finally brought Niall to his spare room with the aid of Ivy. 

 

“He’s not awake yet?” Suddenly Josh heard Ivy’s soft voice besides him and he turned his head to look at her. Josh shook his head. “Not yet. What are you doing here? I told you to get rest, Ivy. You had a long day today.” 

 

“I want to check up on Niall. Plus, I’m not tired.” As soon as the words left her lips, she failed to contain a big yawn and that made Josh chuckled a little. Standing up, he bent slightly to kiss Ivy’s temple and ushered her to the door of the room. 

 

“Babe, trust me. You better get some rest before you passed out from exhaustion. Plus, I don’t think I could look over two people at once.” Josh said and sure enough Ivy nodded and gave him a peck on his lips. “Okay. You take care too okay? I’m going to get some sleep.” Ivy said and looked at her boyfriend. After she was satisfied with Josh’s promise to take a rest after that, Ivy turned and made her way to the main bedroom. 

 

Josh watched until Ivy reached the main bedroom and turned around, walking towards the bed where his youngest brother was still lying and not waking up. He was so worried that he could call ambulance at any moment but part of him knew that Niall just passed out from the shock and there was no need to freak over that. 

 

Josh sat in silence for a few moments when suddenly he saw Niall’s eyes fluttered and he couldn’t be more grateful to see those blue eyes of his baby brother finally opened. As Niall stared at him, Josh felt his own eyes brimmed with tears. Because Niall’s eyes at that moment looked like he was begging Josh to tell him that the things that he heard before he passed out was not true. 

 

Swallowing hard, Josh decided not to touch on the subject, yet. “You’re feeling alright?” Josh asked, removing the wet rag on Niall’s forehead and put his hand on the forehead instinctively. Niall swatted Josh’s hand away and moved slightly so he was sat up against the bedpost. 

 

“Josh..” Niall trailed off and coughed slightly as his throat felt dry. He felt Josh put a glass in his hand and he sipped it greedily. He gave the glass back to Josh and watched as his eldest brother cleaned up the little spill that he made on the bed. 

 

“Josh..” Niall tried again and this time, he managed to grab Josh’s forearm and stopped the older guy from whatever he was doing. 

 

Josh stopped abruptly and stared at Niall’s face. Sighing softly, he sat down on the small space on the bed and sat on his back against the bedpost besides Niall. Tilting his head slightly, Josh stared at Niall before spoke up. “You heard us?” 

 

Niall nodded. “I wasn’t meant to.” He mumbled softly. 

 

“Are you okay?” Josh asked and tried to search the reaction from Niall but his baby brother was looking at anywhere but him. 

 

“I don’t know…” Niall confessed. Frankly, he didn’t know how did he felt at that moment. Shocked? Mad? Confused? 

 

“God, Niall. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that she was..” Josh trailed off. He didn’t have the heart to mention the word after that. 

 

Niall blinked back his tears and mumbled quietly. “Me too.” Paused. “My God, what have I done?” 

 

“It’s not your fault, Niall.” Josh said, trying to soothe his brother who looked like he could fall apart at any moment. 

 

Tears slipped from Niall’s eyes. The hell it wasn’t. It was completely his fault. 

 

“I could be a father..” Niall whispered brokenly. “We could build a family but I ruined it. My god…” Niall buried his face in his hands. Niall’s shoulder started to shake and Josh pulled his brother into his hug, wrapping his arms around Niall tightly. 

 

Josh felt his own eyes welled up in tears as he heard the muffled sound of Niall’s sobs on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Ni.” Josh whispered softly. He really was. That was the least that he can do for his youngest brother. What else can he say? 

 

The room was filled with Josh’s soothing words and Niall’s sniffles as time passed by. Until Niall’s phone rang.Josh’s hand reached the phone and tried to turn it off when suddenly he saw the name that flashed on the screen. 

 

“It’s Zayn.” Josh said and turned to look at Niall. “I’ll tell him that you’ll call him later, okay?” Josh asked. Niall shook his head and grabbed his phone from Josh’s hand and pushed the green button followed by the loudspeaker mode. 

 

“Hello,” Niall greeted, clearing his throat slightly. Frankly, Niall thought that Zayn was probably calling him because the elder brother could felt that he was upset. Their brother connection was so strong like that since they were younger. People called it as empathy. 

 

“Where the fuck are you?” Okay, Niall was completely wrong. Zayn’s tone didn’t match anywhere near concerned tone. Taken aback by Zayn’s angry voice, Niall kept silence until Zayn’s voice was heard again. 

 

“Niall?! I asked you, where the fuck are you?! Why aren’t you at home? Do you forget that we’re supposed to pick the suits for the wedding today?” Zayn’s loud voice boomed through the speaker of Niall’s phone. 

 

Josh saw the little color on Niall’s face drained and he was about to take over the phone from Niall when suddenly the younger brother spoke up. 

 

“Zayn..I’m sorry..I forgot,” Niall said and rubbing his temple. Josh saw this and he knew it was sign of Niall’s distressed. 

 

“What the fuck Niall? You’ve been missing for hours and I keep calling you but you’re not picking up. And now I’m missing my best man to do things for my wedding and so on. Don’t you think you should be more responsible?” Zayn lectured and Niall just closed his eyes, swallowing every words. 

 

“And by the way, your baby mama keeps calling everyone asking for you since you missed the doctor’s appointment with her today. I don’t know what to tell her and she started to get on my nerves, so you better call her as soon as you can. Cause seriously Niall, if you can’t be responsible for the child’s welfare before it’s born, I don’t know how you’re gonna be a good father later on.” Zayn continued. 

 

Niall’s tear slipped away after he heard that. Those words triggered everything back again. The dead Quinn. His unborn baby that he didn’t even know existed and was cruelly ripped apart from him without his knowledge. Coming from Zayn, the words hurt so much it broke Niall’s heart. Could it be really possibly that he would never be a good father? 

 

Josh sucked in his breath when he heard Zayn’s words and grabbed the phone from Niall’s hand. “What the fuck, Z?” 

 

“Whoa! Josh? Wait! Is Niall in New York right now? What the fuck is he doing there?” 

 

Josh was about to tell Zayn the whole story when suddenly he felt Niall’s grip on his arms. Looking down at his youngest brother, Josh raised his eyebrows at Niall. 

 

“Don’t tell him.” Niall mouthed. Josh shook his head, indicating that he didn’t agree with what Niall was suggested. 

 

Roughly, Niall grabbed his phone back and talked to Zayn again. “Josh needs my help for our clothing line. Forgot to tell you about that plus you’re busy with your wedding preparation so I don’t want to bug you. Look, I’m totally sorry about the suits but I’ll make it up later. Josh and I need to discuss something, talk later.” Niall said in a rush and hang up the phone, tossing it across the bed carelessly. 

 

“What the hell, Niall. I was about to tell him the real deal why you’re here.” Josh said through his clenched teeth. He was so frustrated with Zayn’s harsh words and when he tried to back Niall’s up, Niall refused to. 

 

“Don’t tell him.” Niall said and started to lie down again on the bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. 

 

“Why?! You could just tell him the truth and I’m not gonna just sit back and watch he treats you like that.” Josh said and looked at Niall, searching for his brother’s explanation. 

 

“It’s not important. It’s part of my life, not him. We’re not like before. I live my life and he lives his. Plus, I don’t want to spoil his wedding mode. I hope you and Ivy can just keep what happened to Quinn between us only. Can you?”

 

“But, Niall..” Josh tried to speak up again when suddenly Niall cut him off. “Can you?” Niall asked again. Josh stared at Niall’s eyes and held his brother’s gaze for a moment before he finally sighed. 

 

“Okay. I agree. But we have to tell Zayn about this after his wedding, okay?” Josh said and Niall nodded half-heartedly. Pulling up the cover up to his head, Niall rolled over to the other side of the bed so that his back was facing Josh. 

 

“Niall?” Josh called worriedly. 

 

“I’m tired. Night, Josh.” Niall mumbled and curled up into the blanket, completely ignoring Josh after that. 

 

Josh sighed and shook his head. Sometimes he wondered where did the brothers got their headstrong and stubborn traits. Realizing that Niall refused to talk him anymore, Josh stood up from the bed. Bent down slightly, he squeezed Niall’s shoulder softly as a sign of comfort and put a light kiss on his brother’s hair. “You can talk to me anytime, okay. Night, little brother.” Josh said. Turning around, he walked over to the door and glanced back to Niall once again but Niall didn’t seem to move a bit. Switching the light off, Josh closed the door behind him softly. 

 

Josh walked to the downstairs and went to his kitchen and sat on one of the stools. That was when the event of the day caught him up completely. Josh’s shoulder started to shake and he buried his face in his hands on the small table, crying silently. He cried for Quinn, for Ivy and of course he cried mostly because of Niall’s misery and pains. 

 

**

 

“We’re here.” Josh said as he turned off the engine. He looked over at the passenger seat and squeezed his girlfriend’s hand a little. Ivy gave Josh a sad smile before both of them turned to look at the person who was sitting quietly on the back. 

 

“Niall, shall we?” Ivy asked softly. God, it was hurt to see Niall being so miserable for these few days. Ivy knew Josh was worried about Niall and she couldn’t help but felt worried too.Josh told her about what Niall had suggested and although she didn’t accept it at the first time, she finally agreed reluctantly. But after that, Niall seemed to shut them off completely. He slept all day long, he barely eating and most of all, he won’t talk to either Josh or Ivy. Until it reached the day of Quinn’s funeral, which brought them at the local cemetery at that moment. Quinn’s parents want her to be buried in New York instead of their hometown in London. 

 

“I think I'll just wait in the car.” Niall mumbled, with his eyes still fixed on the window. 

 

“And why would you do that?” Josh asked, raising his eyebrows at his youngest brother. Didn’t Niall want to see Quinn for the last time before she was buried into the ground? 

 

“You guys know why. Her parents didn’t want me here.” Niall said and Ivy leaned forward a little until her hand reached Niall’s knee. 

 

“Niall, we talked about this.” Ivy said. A day before, Quinn’s parents ambushed Josh’s house, looking for Niall. Josh went out to the grocery store and it was only Ivy and Niall that were left at the house. The first mistake that Ivy made was to open the door and found that Mr. and Mrs. Jones strode their ways rudely into the house, calling for Niall. Second mistake that Ivy made was to convince Niall to accompany her in the living room earlier and sure enough, that was where both Quinn’s parents found him. 

 

To say Ivy was not happy when they blamed Niall for their daughter’s death was an understatement. She was downright furious as they kept calling Niall the worst names that they could find under the sun. Didn’t they know that they were the bigger reason on why Quinn felt like she didn’t have anyone to turn to when she had her problem? Ivy watched on how Niall didn’t utter a single word to defend himself and just stood there accepting everything they said. She was the one who chased them out and told them not to blame anyone but themselves. Of course they were mad but they left the house anyway. And Ivy talked to Niall about how he shouldn’t blame himself for Quinn’s death. 

 

“Look, if you don’t want to go, I don’t want to go too. Let’s just turn around and go back home.” Ivy said determinedly and Josh turned on his car’s engine. 

 

“Wait!” Niall said rather loudly trying to get Ivy’s and Josh’s attention back. “Both of you just go please. You guys are her friend. Don’t mind me. I’m fine waiting here.” 

 

“Ivy said it before, bro. If you don’t want to go, we don’t want to go as well.” Josh said and turned to look for Niall’s reaction. 

 

“I..” Niall started. “I can’t.” Niall whispered brokenly. “I can’t bear to look at her. It hurts. Please..don’t make me do that. I just can’t. I’m sorry.” Niall said and his eyes were filled with unshed tears as he spoke. Josh felt his heart broke as he watched Niall’s eyes brimmed with tears. 

 

Ivy nodded and couldn’t help but cried silently as she heard Niall’s words. If he said so, what else she could say? “Wait for us here, okay?” Ivy said and squeezed Niall’s knee to show him a little support. When Niall nodded, Ivy and Josh got out of the car and made their way to Quinn’s funeral service. Niall watched as Josh and Ivy disappeared from his sight before he leaned back on his seat and started to close his eyes. Part of him was hoping that if he went to sleep and woke up later, all of this was actually just a nightmare. 

 

**

 

“Thanks Josh.” Niall said as Josh pulled him into a tight hug. As they pulled apart from the hug, Josh put his hands on Niall’s shoulder and stared right into Niall’s eyes. “It’s no big deal. You’re my brother, Niall. I’m entitled to take care of you.” Josh said and both of them smiled slightly. “But are you sure you want to fly back to London today? I mean you’re welcome to stay at my house as long as you want.” Josh added. After he and Ivy went back to his car after Quinn’s funeral service was finished, Josh was surprised when Niall asked to drop him off at the airport. Niall didn’t tell him that he wanted to go back to London right after that. Josh thought Niall wanted to stay for a couple more days. 

 

“Josh, don’t you remember that Zayn’s wedding would be on the next two weeks? I’ve lot of things to prepare for him. Plus, I don’t want to disturb both of you anymore.” Niall explained. 

 

Josh shook his head and chuckled disbelievingly. If only Zayn knew how Niall always thought about others before himself. Come on, the guy had just lost the girl he loved and yet he put that aside just because he wanted to help for his brother’s wedding? Josh felt someone tapped on his shoulder and when he saw his girlfriend stared at him, he knew what she was going to do. Nodding slightly, he excused himself to go to the men’s room and left Ivy alone with Niall. 

 

“What’s with the look?” Niall asked Ivy confusingly. When Ivy kept being silence and pulled his hand to sit on the nearest empty seats, Niall couldn’t help but felt anxious. 

 

“Niall.” Ivy started. Swallowed thickly, she pulled out an envelope from her handbag and extended it to Niall. When she saw Niall’s eyes went wide and his face went pale, Ivy knew Niall recognized whose handwriting was on the envelope. 

 

“What’s this?” Niall whispered as his eyes were still fixed on his name on the envelope and the handwriting that he knew so well. 

 

“It’s from Quinn. She mailed it to me before….. I got one too.” Ivy explained as she tried to put the letter into Niall’s hands. Niall stood up abruptly and shook his head. “No. No. I don’t want that. Keep it. I don’t want to read it.” 

 

Ivy stood up and stepped closer to Niall, reaching for his arm slowly. “Niall, are you sure? I mean, don’t you want to know what’s written inside?” 

 

Ivy felt Niall shaking under her grip and she tried to pull Niall closer to her. And as she saw Niall’s painful eyes, she sucked in her breath and felt her own eyes filled with tears. But she had to do this for Niall. She knew Niall had to move on later and in order to move on, he needed some closure. And that closure was written in Quinn’s letter for him, Ivy knew that. 

 

“Niall. Just take this letter with you, okay? I know you don’t want to read it now, but you can read it later. Plus, I’m always one call away if you need someone to talk about that, remember that." Ivy said and pulling Niall into her hug. 

 

“You really mean it? I mean, shouldn’t you be mad and blame me for her death?” Niall said as he laid his chin on Ivy’s shoulder. 

 

“I’m not mad at you, Niall. If I want to mad at someone, I should probably mad and blame myself. I was her best friend. I should know if she felt like wanted to…” Ivy said as she started to cry. 

 

Niall pulled away from the hug and wiped away Ivy’s tears. “Hey, it’s not your fault. You’re the greatest friend that someone could ask for.” Niall said and smiled slightly. 

 

Ivy smiled back at Niall and nodded. When Niall put the letter into his backpack, Ivy patted his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “Don’t blame yourself too, Niall. You’re a great guy overall. Trust me, I know.” 

 

Niall pulled Ivy into a brief hug and thanked her. Somehow he felt relieved that Ivy was not against him after all. She was like another sister that Niall was thankful for. 

 

After a few minutes, Josh came back to the duo and the last call for Niall’s flight was already announced. The three of them exchanged hugs once again and as Niall started to walk to the departure gate, Josh couldn’t help but feeling worried about his brother. He can see that Niall’s step was not as lively as he used to be. His posture was dejected and Josh knew Niall was not alright. When Niall turned around to wave them, Josh raised his voice slightly so that Niall can hear him. “Take care little brother!”


	44. Chapter 44

“You guys don’t think it’s kinda weird?” Louis asked, looking over at Harry and Liam. 

 

“What do you mean?” Liam asked, raising his eyebrows at Louis. 

 

“This party does not seem like Niall’s style, yet he was the one who organized it, so I think it’s weird.” Louis explained. 

 

Liam shrugged while Harry looked thoughtful before he finally spoke up. “Maybe. I mean, we all know that Niall likes to organize a small party for family and friends but this one seems kind of…” Harry paused, searching for the right word to finish his sentence. 

 

“Over the top for Niall?” A voice came behind Louis, Liam and Harry making them startled for a second. 

 

“Yeah. I don’t know, maybe it’s just us.” Louis said and shrugged, looking at the person that suddenly came into their conversation. “Nah, it’s not just you guys. I’m feeling the same way too.” 

 

“Really, Danny? I thought this kind of party fits you well.” Harry deadpanned. Danny laughed out loud. Of course it was true, but it was usually organized by him or Zayn. But this bachelor party that they were at was organized by Niall, neither Danny nor Zayn. When Danny showed up earlier, he wasn’t expected that Niall would throw a big bachelor party for Zayn. 

 

“So, have you guys seen those brothers?” Danny asked over the loud music that suddenly blared through the stereo. A sign showing that the party had started. 

 

“Zayn was going to that direction,” Harry said and pointed to the direction of the area filled with women in nursing uniform. “But Niall, we have no idea.” Harry added. 

 

Danny nodded. “I’ll go find him.” He said and started to make his way through the large crowd that filled the spaces. “I want to go too.” Harry offered and tailing Danny’s led to find Niall. 

 

Danny and Harry had to search around the whole house looking for Niall since they were too many people that they didn’t know at the party. Seriously, it freaked them a little since Niall was known for not inviting strangers to his house. Something was off about the bachelor party. That was Danny and Harry talked about when they stopped walking abruptly at the entrance of one of the spare rooms. 

 

“Or maybe Niall had just changed to be another person?” Harry asked, eyes still fixing at the scene in front of him, not Danny. Before Harry could say anything more, his eyes went wide when Danny strode angrily towards Niall. 

 

“Get out!” Danny chased out two girls that was naked on the bed, with Niall lying in the middle. The girls quickly picked up their clothes and ran out from the room, leaving Danny, Niall and Harry. 

 

“What the hell, Danny? I was just about to get some fun!” Niall yelled and got out of the bed, just wearing his boxers. 

 

“Fun? This is what you called as fun?” Danny raised his voice slightly at his friend. What the hell was Niall thinking? Those girls barely looked over 18 years old! 

 

Niall angrily put on his pants as he replied to Danny. “Yeah. So what?” 

 

“So what? God, Niall. Look at this mess! You’re smoking while trying to have sex with underage kids and what is this?” Danny said and pointed at the bottles scattered on the floor. “You’re drinking again?” 

 

Niall rolled his eyes and spoke up again. “Geez, Danny. Chill out, will you? You nag worse than Patricia.” Niall said and blew out his smoke. 

 

Harry who was stood silently watching the exchange between Danny and Niall, shaking his head. “Niall, what’s wrong? You’re not acting like yourself here.”

 

“Huh? Nothing’s wrong. Geez, guys. Can’t I just let loose once in a while?” Niall asked with an annoyed tone. 

 

Harry and Danny exchanged a worried glance briefly. Niall didn’t seem to hear what they wanted to say so Danny tried a different approach. “But Niall, it’s not good for your image.” 

 

Chuckling humorlessly, Niall lit on another cigarette and blew out a big smoke. “Look, just so that we all clear, I am no longer attached to the band, so automatically, I have the right to live my life the way I want. Plus, this is a party. Of course I want to have _fun_ , you guys know what I mean.” Niall said, raising his eyebrows cheekily. 

 

“Niall..” Harry started again but was cut off by Niall. “Look, guys, I don’t have time for this. Enjoy the party.” Niall said and ran passed by a very stunned Danny and Harry and went out to the sea of the crowd outside of the room. 

 

**

 

Yawning, Niall rubbed the sleep off his eyes and got out of his car. He put of his dark shades and made his way through the sea of paparazzi in front of the diner. Sure enough, they spotted him as soon as he walked by. Ignoring all those flashes and voices, Niall finally got into the diner. 

 

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Niall greeted Jessica as he took his seat in front of her. Jessica called him that morning and said that she wanted to meet him at the cafe. And that was why he had to wake up early after last night's bachelor party. His head was buzzed from all the drinks he had and honestly, he wasn't really looking forward for this meeting with Jessica. Not that he didn't want to meet her, but he was just tired. 

 

“It’s okay. I just arrived.” Jessica said and smiled at the guy in front of her. He was dressed in black leather jacket with a dark blue jeans along with dark brown sneakers. Jessica noticed that his blonde hair was a bit messy but the little spike he had was still there. Lately, Jessica found Niall to be more attractive with the aging. He looked more mature and that made Jessica’s heart fluttered at the thought that she really was going to get married with this guy soon. 

 

“So, what’s up? You sound serious over the phone. Is something wrong?” Niall asked, concerned. Yeah, that was why he agreed to meet her actually. If only he didn't have a slightest caring instinct in him, he would probably have told her that he wanted to sleep all day long instead of meeting her. 

 

Jessica shook her head and leaned closer to her front. Taking Niall’s hand into hers, Jessica stared at Niall’s eyes and her face broke into a big smile. “I went to the doctor’s appointment. And they said that they could do the paternity test. So, I did it.” 

 

Niall felt his heart pounded faster as the words left Jessica’s mouth. Suddenly he felt himself choked on his words. “And..”

 

“And I got the result today." Jessica said and paused. "They baby is yours, Niall.” 

 

Gone was the headache that he felt earlier and his eyes went wide as soon as Jessica broke the news. Niall felt his own face broke into a big smile and he blinked like an owl. “Are you serious? I mean, you’re not joking, right?” Niall asked, looking for the assurance. 

 

As Jessica shook her head and said that she was serious, Niall felt part of his soul was coming back to him again. He can’t believe that he got another chance to be a father again. Even though it was Jessica who was carrying his child, it didn’t matter because he knew the child was not to be blamed in all the mess. His child. Just the thought of it made Niall’s heart filled with joy and proud. He missed the first chance he had to be a father but now God seemed to redeem him a little with the second chance. 

 

“Oh my God, this is great, Jessica. We should celebrate this.” Niall said excitedly and started to call for the waiter. Jessica chuckled as she saw Niall’s excitement clearly shone through his face. “Yeah, we should.” Jessica said and started to lean closer to Niall, kissing him on the lips. Niall stiffened for a moment before he finally brought Jessica’s face closer and returned the kiss. A thank you kisses for someone who was carrying his child. 

 

**

 

“Where’s Ivy?” Zayn asked Josh who was standing alone in front of him, carrying his luggage. Zayn took the luggage from Josh’s hand and went back inside the house followed by Josh. 

 

“She wanted to apologize to you and Perrie. She really wanted to come but something came up with her family, so she had to go back to her hometown.” Josh said, not really looking at his younger brother. The truth was, Ivy didn’t have the strength to face all of the people that had known Quinn without bursting out crying for her best friend’s death. Thus, she decided not to go to Zayn’s wedding. She didn’t want to ruin the big day for Zayn and Perrie. Josh understood that. But he had to come because Zayn was his brother, plus he hadn’t met his family for quite a long time. And he missed Bradford, period. 

 

“Oh. Too bad. I really want her to be at my wedding. But it’s all okay with her family?” Zayn asked Josh as they both sat down on the couches. 

 

“Maybe. She said don’t worry about her.” Josh said and smiled. “By the way, sorry I didn’t manage to come to your bachelor party. It was this last minute work that I had to do.” 

 

Zayn snorted and shook his head. “How dare you. I was hurt, you know.” Zayn faked a hurt expression. Josh laughed and punched Zayn’s shoulder lightly. “Yeah, right. I bet you forgot about me once you had your fun that night.” 

 

As Josh finished his words, Zayn laughed out loud. “Geez, Josh. I didn’t know that Niall could throw that kind of bachelor party. It was so..I don’t know, steamy and hot as fuck?” Zayn said and laughed. 

 

“Really? Doesn’t sound like him to do that at all.” Josh said and laughed, but deep inside his heart, he was worried. After Niall got back to London, his brother had changed, maybe not completely but it was too drastic for Josh’s liking. How could he forget the lifeless Niall who looked like he could fall apart at any moment after Quinn’s death? He witnessed how Niall became so depressed those few days at New York and he wondered how in the hell that Niall could be so completely different when he was back in London. 

 

“I don’t know. Maybe there’s a side of him that we don’t know.” Zayn said and shrugged. He couldn’t care less about that as long as Niall didn’t give him trouble. Sometimes he was tired for always being Niall’s keeper. 

 

“Hurm. I’m just kinda worry about him.” Josh said under his breath. 

 

“Why would you worry about him? As far as I can see, he’s fine.” Zayn said and stared at Josh. 

 

Josh cursed himself mentally. Shit. How could he blurt that out loud? “Nah. Harry and Danny told me that Niall seemed different lately. I mean, he started smoking and sometimes drinking again. You know anything about that?” 

 

Zayn huffed and crossed his arms across his chest. “Yeah, I heard about that too. But why would you worry? He’s 24 for God’s sake. I think he knows what’s good and bad for him.” 

 

Josh nodded. “I know. But..” Josh stopped and sighed. He was going to say that Niall acted like that because he didn’t want to deal with Quinn’s death properly. But he promised Niall that he won’t tell anyone else about that especially Zayn. 

 

“Why? Is there something else that you didn’t tell me?” Zayn asked bluntly. 

 

Hoping that he managed to hide his panic mode, Josh answered. “Nope. Well, you know me. When I’m in my big brother mode, I tend to over worried.” Josh said and grinned. Thank God Zayn bought it and grinned back. 

 

“So, where’s the rest of the clan?” Josh asked, changing the subject. 

 

“Mom and Alicia went out to do manicure and pedicure.” Zayn said and Josh rolled his eyes. “Girls.” Both of them laughed. 

 

“And if you’re asking for Niall, I think he’s still in his room doing God knows what.” Zayn said as he turned on the television. Josh nodded and stared at the television screen before he decided to go upstairs and checked up on his youngest brother. 

 

**

 

Josh knocked the door for a few times before he turned the knob and opened the door. As expected, Niall’s room was the tidiest one between all of them and Josh couldn’t help but smiled. Niall didn’t change too much after all. His eyes caught on his brother’s form hunching over the table. Stepping closer, Josh peeked through Niall’s shoulder to see what was so interesting that Niall didn’t even realized that Josh was in the room. 

 

“What are you doing?” Josh asked.

 

“Fuck!” Niall cursed as he put his hand on his heart and looked at Josh. “Geez, Josh! Way to give me a heart attack!” 

 

Josh laughed. “I called your name but you seemed like you didn’t hear me. What’s so interesting on the table? You’re writing a song?” 

 

Niall shook his head and pointed at the paper that was half filled with his handwriting. “I’m trying to write a perfect speech for Zayn’s wedding.” Niall said as he picked up his pen and started to write again. 

 

Josh stared at Niall for a moment and smiled. “You’re a good brother, Niall.” 

 

“Huh?” Niall turned to look at Josh, confused by his older brother's words. 

 

“Really. I know Zayn is always hurting you especially with your association with Jessica and all, but you..you don’t seem to mind it.” Josh said and sat on the edge of the table, making Niall turns his chair to face Josh. 

 

“It’s my fault at the first place. He has a right to be mad at me.” Niall said and shrugged. Josh looked at his brother’s eyes and he knew Niall was lying. Josh knew deep down Niall was hurt badly but trying to put up a tough face in front of everyone. 

 

Shaking his head, Josh softened his tone and started to speak up again. “Are you okay?” 

 

Niall raised his eyebrows. “I’m okay.” 

 

“No, I mean. Are you, okay as in okay completely? I know you’re still not getting over Quinn’s death yet. It’s too fresh..” 

 

“Look, Josh. I don’t want to talk about this, please. It’s all in the past. I’ve moved on.”

 

“It’s barely a month, Niall. I know you. You’re not even having the courage to read her final letter, let alone moved on from that.” Josh hissed. 

 

“So what? Am I supposed to curl in the corner and cry all day long, that’s what you want me to do?” Niall snapped. 

 

Josh sighed again and rubbing his face in frustration. “No, Niall. God, why it’s so hard for you to understand? Can you put your welfare first before others? It seemed like these two weeks you’re trying to please everyone else but yourself. Danny, Harry, Louis and Liam, they are all worried about you. They said you worked yourself out too much but they didn’t know why. Geez, Niall. If you’re not willing to stop acting like that, I’m going to tell everyone about what happened in New York.” 

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Niall said and stared at Josh disbelievingly. 

 

“I would if you won’t stop trying to please everyone else. You put all of your time and energy for Zayn’s wedding, for mom’s happiness, for anyone that wanted you to do something, but what about you, Niall?” Josh said as he softened his tone and stared at Niall. 

 

After a few moments, Niall blinked his eyes rapidly and swallowed thickly. “I don’t want them to hate me.” Niall whispered brokenly. 

 

“What?” Josh asked and crouched in front of his brother, looking at Niall in worried. What the hell was Niall talking about? 

 

“I mean..I want to make everyone happy because I don’t want them to end up like Quinn. She was not happy with me and looked what happened.” Niall’s voice was barely audible. 

 

Josh blinked back his tears and brought Niall into his arms. That was it. Josh knew it must have been something that made Niall acted like he was but he didn't know that Niall could think like that. “God, Niall. I’m sorry.” Josh said. “You can’t think like that. Everything that had happened was not your fault.” Josh added as he felt Niall nodded on his shoulder. Josh sighed softly as he added.“I’m sorry, okay. I won’t tell them. But you’ve got to promise me that you’ll deal with what happened, okay. Talk to someone. Talk to me. Or Ivy. Remember that, okay? It’s not good for you to keep bottling your true feelings inside.” 

 

Niall nodded and spoke up after Josh was finished. “I promise. Just please don’t tell them, especially Z.” Niall pleaded. 

 

Josh put his chin on top of Niall’s head and wrapped his arms tighter around Niall. “I won’t. It’s not my place to tell him. It’s yours.”


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit: The wedding vow and bestman's speech was partly taken from Internet, movies or any novels that I've read.

Zayn fixed his bow for umpteenth times as he looked on the mirror again. Was this what they called as cold feet? He kept walking back and forth in the small room and checking his watch. 

 

“Dude, calm down.” Louis teased his best friend. All of the other guys inside the room laughed along with Louis. 

 

“Shut up, Lou.” Zayn replied and the guys laughed again. “God, can’t believe I’m going to be a husband in a few hours.” Zayn grinned. 

 

Josh laughed and shook his head. If Zayn couldn’t believe it, neither can Josh. Zayn was the least likely to get committed soon compared to Niall or Josh, yet he was the one who was going to get married first. Josh stood up to help Zayn fix his bow. “Congratulations, bro. I’m proud of you.” 

 

Zayn smiled and pulling Josh into his hug. “Thanks big bro.” From the corner of Josh’s eyes, he saw Niall is fidgeting silently staring at anything but him and Zayn. When their eyes met, Josh smiled and beckoned for Niall to come closer to them. Within seconds, Josh pulled both of his brothers into his hug and wrapped his hands around them tightly. 

 

Niall stiffened for a moment, looking for Zayn’s reaction. He and Zayn didn’t really work things out yet and he was afraid if Zayn didn’t want to be in close proximity to him. But Niall’s worry flew away as Zayn pulled him into his hug. Relishing the warmth of the contact, Niall whispered his congratulations to Zayn. 

 

“So, are you ready?” Josh asked Zayn as they broke the hug. “Absolutely.” 

 

**

 

Perrie believed that anyone who told a bride not to be nervous during the walk down the aisle was very very very wrong. Because she felt like she could faint at any moment due to her nervousness even before she walked down the aisle. As her hand was finally linked with her dad, Perrie felt some of her anxiety flew away. Her father smiled at her and she could see some tears in those eyes. 

 

“How are you doing?” Perrie asked as they started headed towards the aisle. 

 

"I'm sad and happy. Sad I'm losing you and happy I'm gaining a new son-in-law." It was exactly how Perrie was feeling at the moment and had been feeling for much of her engagement. Her dad and her really had a real and lovely connection and Perrie was grateful for that. As they reached the entrance of the church’s hall, all the guests were standing. "Oh my God," Perrie panicked. "Did I not order enough chairs?" She asked as she turned to look at her father. "No, honey," her father said. "They're standing for us." Perrie’s dad said and chuckled slightly at the sight of his daughter’s panicked face. She really could be so clueless sometimes. Perrie laughed sheepishly as her dad nodded for them to go on. They held each other calmly and warmly down the meandering path to where Zayn, weepy-eyed and moved, was waiting for her.

 

**

 

Zayn felt his eyes teared up in joy as he finally turned and saw his bride was walking through the entrance of the church. Stunning, he was lost for words when he saw how beautiful Perrie was as she wore a classic, elegant and feminine white dress. The mermaid style gown fitted closely at her body and flared loosely just at her knees. Her shawl had corresponding beadwork on the ends and she really took Zayn’s breathe away by wearing that gown. 

 

As Perrie reached the front of the aisle, Zayn felt his heart fluttered when she smiled lovingly at him. “I love you.” Zayn mouthed as Perrie replied, “I love you too.” Turning around, they both faced the priest as he started to begin his speech. 

 

“Dear family and friends, on behalf of Zayn Javadd Malik and Perrie Louise Edwards, I welcome all of you for this marriage celebration. We are here today to encourage, celebrate and support the covenant these two people and to share in the joy that Zayn and Perrie are feeling as they pledge their love and commitment to each other.” The priest said. 

 

Zayn felt his throat dried as the priest turned to look at him. “The woman who stands by your side is going to be your wife. She will look to you for comfort, for support, for love, for understanding, for encouragement, and for protection. You must never take her for granted, and always stand by her for good or ill.” The priest said as Zayn turned to face Perrie and nodded. 

 

“Today in presence of God and family and friends, I join my life with yours. Wherever you go, I will go.Whatever you face, I will face. For good times or bad times, in happiness or sadness, come riches or poverty, I take you as my wife.” Zayn spoke as his eyes was shining with the sincerity of his words. 

 

The priest turned to Perrie and spoke up again. “The man who stands by your side is going to be your husband. He will look to you for comfort, for support, for love, for understanding, for encouragement, and for protection. You must never take him for granted, and always stand by him for good or ill.” 

 

Perrie turned to face Zayn and as her eyes tearing up a little, she started to speak for her behalf. “Today in presence of God and family and friends, I join my life with yours. Wherever you go, I will go. Whatever you face, I will face. For good times or bad times, in happiness or sadness, come riches or poverty, I take you as my husband.” 

 

Zayn felt a mix of emotions came rushing towards him as Perrie finished her words. When the priest started to speak to his direction again, Zayn knew he was so close to enter the another chapter of his life. 

 

“Do you, Zayn Javadd Malik take Perrie Louise Edwards to be your lawful wedded wife to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.” 

 

“I do.” Zayn had never been so sure in his life except those two words that had just left his mouth. It just felt right to him. He watched as the priest looked at Perrie and started to speak again. 

 

“Do you, Perrie Louise Edwards take Zayn Javadd Malik to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.”

 

“I do.” And Zayn knew that was the greatest two words that he had ever known coming out from Perrie’s mouth. As they both stared into each other’s eyes, Zayn knew he had finally settled down to the right one. To the woman that he loved with all of his heart. His significant other. 

 

The priest looked at both the bride and groom as he spoke his next words and asked for both of Zayn to repeat after him. 

 

“This ring, which has no beginning and no end, symbolizes the love and trust between us that will never cease. May its presence on your hand remind you of my love and vow. I place it on your finger as a visible sign of the promises which have made us husband and wife.” Zayn took his turn to say it first and placed the ring on Perrie’s finger. Perrie repeated the same words after Zayn and took her turn to place the wedding ring on Zayn’s finger too. There were some sniffles could be heard from both of their mothers after the exchanged vows and rings was finished. Zayn stared at Perrie’s eyes as she did the same and both of them held their loving gazes for a moment, relishing the memory. 

 

”Until now Perrie and Zayn have spent each moment of their lives as separate individuals. But from this day on, and every day after their each moment shall be shared and spent as one. By the power enthroned in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.” As the priest finished his words, Zayn and Perrie leaned closer to each other and started to share their first kiss as husband and wife. As they both pulled apart from the kiss, Zayn couldn’t help but to grin widely, whispering to Perrie’s ears. “I love you, my wife.” As his wife leaned to whisper back at him, Zayn felt like he could die from over joyfulness at that moment. “I love you too, my husband.”

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Malik.” As the priest finished, Zayn and Perrie turned around and hugged their families and friends. Congratulations were thrown all over Zayn’s ears as he smiled widely. He couldn’t comprehend what he was feeling at that moment, but he knew it was something that he cherished to. It was a mixture of happiness, joy and proud to become a husband to now Mrs. Perrie Louise Malik. 

 

** 

 

Niall stood up and cleared his throat, trying to get the guest’s attention and tapping a side of his glass with a fork. Raising his glass with his right hand, holding it straight from the shoulder, Niall addressed the glass directly to Zayn and Perrie. Smiling slightly, Niall started to propose his toast as the best man. 

 

"Hello people, I’m really finding it difficult to stand here in front of you and not taking the chance of making a fool of my brother despite the hard times he has given me all these days. Someone once said, blood is thicker than water. Let me tell you, my brother is thicker than both. Plus we’re not even tied by the blood so what the hell?” Niall started as the guests laughed. 

 

“In case you hadn't guessed, I'm Niall, the groom's younger brother or you could call me the more handsome brother. Yeah, I guess it's true when artists say that they make a rough drawing before the final masterpiece.” Niall added and once again the guests laughed. 

 

“Firstly, I think everybody will agree that the bridesmaids look absolutely gorgeous and only rightly outshone by our bride, Perrie. And, I'm sure it is a great day for both the groom and bride. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. But I know it's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man." And yet again the roars of laughter could be heard. 

 

Niall let the laughter died before he started to speak again. 

 

“When Zayn asked me to be his best man for today, part of me was honored, part of me was terrified, but mostly I was laughing inwardly that he’s finally admitting what we’ve known all along, that I am, in fact, better than him.” Niall said as he managed to pull out several chuckles from the guests and he saw Zayn rolled his eyes but smirk nonetheless. 

 

“Having never been a best man before, I had to spend several hours surfing the webs to try and find out exactly what my duties would be. I also came across several pictures of Britney Spears, but that’s by-the-by. Well after hours of finding nothing as close as I want to say, I guess what the hell, I might as well as giving the speech spontaneously, as that is what I’m doing now.” Niall said as he turned to face the guests. 

 

“Zayn and I have been great mates for a long time now, and inevitably we've shared many things over the years: football boots, a flat, my driving license when Zayn didn't have one... and now, a top table. Who would have thought it?” 

 

“Zayn is a brilliant guy and I’d like to thank him for the 10 years of friendship and brotherhood that he has given me. I know we’ve known each other for 18 years, but we tend not to count the eight years he spent in jail.” Niall said and paused. When his mom looked at him and raising her eyebrows, Niall chuckled slightly. “Okay, kidding. Sorry mom, bad joke. The truth is I’ve known Zayn since he used to have hair and as those of you who know him can tell, he hasn’t changed much. Well obviously his hair colour has, but not him.” Niall said referring to Zayn’s black with a streak of blonde hair. 

 

“I have very fond memories of growing up with Zayn. I’ve been his partner in crime on many a wild occasion and, in quieter times, a close confidant to whom he could tell almost anything. Over the years we've rode our bikes together, played football together, bunked school together, tried to chat up girls together. Note the word _“tried”_ there. And like all siblings, we’ve certainly had our ups as well as our downs. I remember back to times when a petty argument would arise from nowhere. Then Zayn would call me some nicknames that I hate and vice versa. And then it would spiral out of all proportion and we’d each end up ignoring each other. But sure enough, the next day, we’d make up as other siblings always do.” Niall said and surely enough, his eyes caught on Zayn’s as he spoke the last words but Zayn turned his head away quickly. Niall swallowed the big lump in his throat and tried to ignore his own feeling at that moment. He needed to keep it together; he didn’t want to ruin his brother’s wedding with his action. Clearing his throat again, Niall started to continue his speech. 

 

“It was particularly in our teenage years that these little spats became quite frequent, and would often arise over a young lady. They’d generally be of the _‘I saw her first’_ , _‘no, I did’_ variety. I’d like to say that we worked these meaningless spats out equitably, but Zayn was the smooth-talking, early-developer of the two of us and he genuinely believed he could have any girl he pleased. Unfortunately for him, though, he never managed to please any.” Niall said and turned towards Perrie and smiled at her. 

 

”Until, that is, he met his lovely bride. Since then I’ve never known him to be happier. They’ve now been together for a long time, and I can’t think of a single couple more perfect for each other. She brings out the good side in him, which takes a lot of effort; in fact I’d say she made him a better person since they’ve been together. Perrie, I’d like to thank you on behalf of humanity for that.” Niall joked as Perrie laughed at his teasing. 

 

“As I look to the future, I wonder how I’m going to get out of the car park to get home in time for America’s Next Top Model. But beyond that, I think of how Zayn and Perrie will be starting life on their own, and I wonder how I will fit into that picture. But whether they like it or not, I’m always there for both of them. Don’t be afraid to come to me for help. Just don’t ask me for money, I’m not that rich. Anything else is possible. I mean that, sincerely. Just phone first.” Niall said again as once again Perrie laughed and shaking her head. 

 

Niall looked at his watch and looked up again to face the guests. “God, I talked too much, didn’t I?” Niall asked and as the guests said “not at all.” Niall laughed. Shaking his head, he spoke up again but this time there was somberness in his tone. 

 

“I’d just like to say that marriage is not about finding someone you can live with, it’s about finding someone you can’t live without.” Niall felt his own heart shattered as he spoke the words. His mind wandered back to Quinn as he proposed her to be his wife and didn't even work out. As Niall caught Josh’s eyes looking at him in worried, Niall put on his smile back. But he knew Josh recognized that it was only a fake smile. Ignoring Josh’s stare, Niall raised his glass up again as the guests followed his action. 

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, join me in a toast to the new Mr. and Mrs. Malik. May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever. To Zayn and Perrie.” Niall finished his toast and everybody sipped their drinks. As Niall’s eyes caught on Zayn kissing Perrie lovingly, he couldn’t help but feeling envy of the couple. In fact not just the groom and the bride, Niall felt he was swamped with seas of couple at the wedding that he felt like he wanted to get out from there once and for all. Realizing that everyone had started to mingle around and dance, Niall slipped out from his seat hoping that no one realized that he was gone.

 

**

 

Perrie smiled widely as she finally found who she was looking for. Walking slowly to her target, she tapped his shoulder and made the person turned around. 

 

“Perrie? What are you doing here?” Niall asked in a confused tone. 

 

Perrie rolled her eyes and pointed at the sign that was posted on the wall. And as Niall saw the sign, he blushed and Perrie couldn’t help but finding it adorable. “Can’t a bride go to the ladies room, Niall?” Perrie asked, teasing Niall as the younger brother shook his head and his face and ears went red all over. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Perrie took her turn to ask her brother-in-law. Everyone was inside the hall, mingling and dancing yet Niall was out there alone doing God knows what. That made Perrie felt curious as hell. 

 

“Getting some fresh air.” Niall replied. 

 

“In front of the toilet?” Perrie asked and raising her eyebrows. The truth was earlier she had watched him smoking alone and was staring into space, lost in his thought. When Niall shrugged and didn’t offer any further explanation, Perrie started to speak again, but this time she decided to change the subject. 

 

“You owe me a dance, Niall Horan.” Perrie said as she pointed her index finger at Niall. 

 

“Do I have to?” Niall whined and folded his arms across his chest. Frankly, he didn’t have the mood to do anything. Everything about the wedding reminded him of the dream that he cannot achieved with Quinn. It hurts. But nobody knew that. And he planned to let it stay that way. 

 

“Yes! Let’s go!” Perrie replied and pulling one of Niall’s hands, leading him to the hall and straight to the dance floor. Niall let Perrie led him as it was her wedding day and he didn’t want to ruin her mood with his sad little life story. So he went along with whatever was happening at that moment and tried to keep it together in front of everyone. 

 

Perrie stopped and turned to face Niall when they reached at the middle of the dance floor. ‘Faithfully’ by Journey was playing as Perrie started to sway along with Niall. As they danced through the song, Perrie can’t help but feeling happy as she finally became a wife to her beloved husband. 

 

Niall smiled as Perrie put her arms around him when they started to dance. Despite the sorrowfulness that plagued his feeling, Niall couldn’t help but felt glad that Perrie was officially had became one of the family members at that moment. 

 

“I’m happy for you and Zayn.” Niall started the conversation as they moved along with the song. Perrie smiled widely as the words left Niall’s mouth. “Thanks, Nialler. I’m glad you’re officially my brother-in-law now. Guess now I entitle to have a sibling's rivalry with you, right?” Perrie teased and Niall chuckled. 

 

“You know you’re like a sister to me already, Perrie.” Niall said sincerely. 

 

Perrie stared at Niall’s eyes and couldn’t help but felt different. Niall smiled and laughed for sure but something was lost in those eyes. Was it related to Niall’s behavior that the guys always worried about lately? Well, minus her husband since Zayn didn’t even want to say his brother’s name in front of her. 

 

“Niall, are you happy?” Perrie asked softly. She noticed that Niall stiffened and a flash of smile was thrown by him but knowing Niall, even not for long, Perrie knew it was not really picturing his happiness. “I’m happy.” Niall replied shortly. 

 

“Why do I get the feeling that it’s not true?” Perrie said bluntly. 

 

Niall shook his head as he looked at Perrie disbelievingly. “You’re going to start our little sibling’s rivalry now?” Niall tried to joke but Perrie didn’t bulge for a bit. Her stare bored into him and Niall started to feel uncomfortable. He didn’t want anyone to know about his pain, especially his brother’s wife. 

 

“Perrie,” Niall said softly. “It’s your wedding day. You should be happy. Don’t mind me, I’m happy. Don’t you trust me?” Niall said and pouted, looking at Perrie with big blue eyes that he always used to get what he wanted. 

 

Perrie broke into a laugh and slapped Niall’s shoulder lightly. Damn Niall for using his secret weapon to melt her heart. “Okay. I’m just worry, you know.” Perrie said. 

 

Niall pulled Perrie closer to him and gave her a brief hug. “Perrie, like I said, it’s your wedding day. Don’t worry about me.” Niall said and pulled away from the hug and continued with their dancing. “And I got the feeling that I’m the one who should be worry right now.” 

 

Perrie raised her eyebrows, “and why is that Mr. Niall Horan?” 

 

“My brother seems not too happy that I'm dancing with his wife longer than necessary.” Niall joked and sure enough Zayn was looking at them but not in the way that Niall had told Perrie. 

 

Perrie laughed and shook her head. “Shit, Niall. I thought you were serious!” She teased as they both laughed. They fell into comfortable silence and danced through the rest of the song. Perrie laid her head on Niall’s shoulder as they started to sway slowly. If Niall said he was happy, Perrie thought that she better believe it. But why did her heart felt like there was something off with Niall?


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Deep inside his heart, he promised to himself that he would fix his relationship with Niall. The truth was he missed his brother but his temper got the better hold on him all of this time. Especially since the mess with Jessica started. With the scandals, the pictures, the lying and everything, he failed to notice that he was supposed to be besides Niall. But he knew that he will be there for Niall after this. Through thick and thin. But what worried Zayn the most was, would Niall forgive him?_

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here? I thought you said Zayn is throwing this little party for family members only?” Niall looked at the girl besides him and smiled. Taking her hand into his, he squeezed it softly, reassuring her. 

 

“It’s okay, Jess. Plus, you’ll be joining this family too.” Niall assured. Jessica smiled and nodded, letting Niall to lead her to walk into the party. 

 

Niall pulled Jessica’s hand with him as he made his way to the living room, greeting his family and close friends. He let Jessica entertained his mom while he went to the kitchen, looking for something cold to drink. He was about to take out a can of beer from the fridge when suddenly he was yanked to his back by someone. He let out a small yelp of pain as his back was connected with the kitchen counter. 

 

“Why in the hell that she’s here?” Zayn hissed as he stared angrily at Niall. He thought he made it clear to Niall that this party was only for family and close friends. But his blood boiled when he saw the couple that had just walked through the front door of his house earlier. What angered him more was the way Niall acted like Jessica was belong there with the family. 

 

“What do you mean? She’s family too. I mean, we’d be married soon, so it’s not wrong to say that she’s our family now.” Niall said and shrugged. 

 

“No, she’s not. I want her out of my house right now.” Zayn growled. 

 

“What the fuck, Zayn? We just got here.” Niall snapped. 

 

“I don’t care. I don’t want anyone named Jessica inside my house, acting like she belongs here and whatsoever. If you don’t want to tell her to leave, I will.” Zayn warned as Niall shook his head. He was about to shot back to Zayn when suddenly another voice is filled through the kitchen. 

 

“Never mind. I seek myself out.” Niall snapped his head to look at the girl who was standing at the entrance of the kitchen, looking hurt by Zayn’s words. 

 

“No. No, just stay Jess. It’s okay. Zayn’s just being a jerk.” Niall said as he tried to reach Jessica’s hand but she backed away slightly. Jessica shook her head as she said her goodbye and turned around, heading straight to the front door. 

 

“Jessica. Wait!” Niall called as he chased Jessica who was already walking to the front yard of the house. 

 

Jessica turned around as Niall grabbed her arm, asking her to stop walking. “Niall, just go back inside. It’s your family, not mine. I’ll see you later, okay? Have a nice night.” Jessica said and gave a peck on Niall’s lips before she walked away. Niall stood on the ground for seconds, speechless as he saw Jessica motioned for her driver to pick her up. Niall watched until Jessica’s car was gone from his sight before he finally stomped his way back to the kitchen. 

 

When Niall entered the kitchen, he found Zayn was talking to Josh and went straight to shove Zayn, ignoring Josh completely. 

 

“What’s wrong with you? Can’t you at least be nice to her? She didn’t even come to the wedding, what’s wrong for her to be here tonight?” Niall hissed angrily at the elder lad. He was so mad at Zayn’s hostility towards Jessica. She was going to be one of their family members sooner, can’t the elder brother tolerated that for a little bit? 

 

“You’re asking me what’s wrong with me?! What’s wrong with you Niall?! You’re acting like she’s your fucking girlfriend already!” Zayn snapped, raising his voice slightly. 

 

“So what?! We’ll be married soon and you know it. Nothing’s wrong with that. She’s carrying my baby, I might as well treat her as good as I could.” Niall snapped back. 

 

Zayn snorted and shoving Niall to the back. “I thought you love Quinn? Huh? I still fucking remember how you told me that she was the one for you, and now you’re marrying that blonde bitch just because she’s carrying your child?” 

 

Niall felt his heart shattered at the mention of Quinn’s name. “Don’t talk about Quinn, ever again.” Niall said and gritting his teeth. 

 

“Why? Cause now you got Jessica, you forget about your ex-girlfriend?” Zayn mocked the younger lad. 

 

“I said, don’t say her name. I’ve moved on.” Niall growled, as he was standing face to face with his brother. Both of their faces were red out of anger for each other. 

 

Zayn laughed out loud as he continued to mock Niall. “Moved on? With that bitch? Oh my God, Niall, I never knew that you could sink that low. The lowest, I might say. I wonder what Quinn thinks about this.” 

 

Josh who was frozen to his spot when Niall shoved Zayn earlier, finally decided to intervene as Zayn seemed to mention Quinn’s name repeatedly and Niall looked like he could kill Zayn at any moment. 

 

“Z, calm down.” Josh said as he tried to stand between his younger brothers before anything worst could happen. Thank God no one else seemed to notice what was happening in the kitchen. Everybody seemed to engross with the music blaring at the living room. 

 

“What?! Fuck, Josh. Are you on his side now?” Zayn snapped as he turned to stare at his elder brother. 

 

“I’m not siding with anyone. But Z, you’re out of your line here.” Josh explained as he stole a glance to see Niall’s reaction. The youngest brother seemed to calm a little and Josh felt slightly relieved. 

 

“Out of my line?” Zayn yelled. Josh sighed. Okay, Zayn was another story, Josh thought. Why can’t he just calm the fuck down like Niall did? 

 

“Z..” Josh warned as he heard the music volume was turned down as everyone already heard about the commotion in the kitchen. 

 

“You know what? Niall is the one who’s out of the line here. Not just he’s a liar, he betrayed Quinn too!” Zayn said, staring at Niall as he said those words. 

 

“She was the one who betrayed me!” Niall snapped back. God, he was so sick and tired of Zayn treating him badly he felt like he wanted to burst. 

 

Zayn snorted disbelievingly. “Yeah right. The first chance you got, you’re marrying Jessica instead of getting back together with Quinn. That’s you who betrayed Quinn, not the other way around.” 

 

“Shut up, Zayn. You know nothing about my love life.” Niall warned as he could felt his anger rose. What did Zayn know about him? About Quinn? About her death? And now he wanted to talk about betrayal and crap? 

 

“Oh trust me, Niall. I don’t have to know about that since I don’t really think that you actually know what the meaning of love is.” Zayn mocked Niall again. 

 

Niall clenched and unclenched his fist, he can felt his face was hot from the anger. “You wanna know why I don’t get back together with Quinn, huh?! Why I’m going to marry Jessica?! Is that it?!” Niall raised his voice as he spoke. He just couldn’t take it anymore. Zayn was so fucking out of line here. 

 

“Nialler..” Josh warned. Yes, he wanted Niall to tell everyone about Quinn’s death, but not like this. Not when the youngest brother was angry and Zayn was in the same state too. 

 

“Yeah, Niall. Enlighten me.” Zayn taunted. 

 

Josh turned his attention to Niall and shook his head. No, he was not going to let Niall broke the news like this. “Niall, don’t..”

 

Zayn felt his blood boiled as he watched the way Josh was talking to Niall. “What are you guys hiding now, huh? And Josh, I thought you were mad at him for lying to Quinn?” Zayn raised his voice as he grabbed Josh’s arm demanding for an explanation. 

 

“Leave Josh alone. He has nothing to do with this.” Niall raised his voice to match his brother as he pried Zayn’s hands away from Josh’s arm. 

 

“Why? Cause you got Jessica now, Quinn’s not important to you anymore?” Zayn hissed again as his head snapped to turn to look at Niall. 

 

Niall felt his patience went out of the line at that comment. He can felt his body shaking as anger flew through him. He grabbed the nearest glass on the kitchen counter and threw it on the wall, startling both Zayn and Josh. 

 

“You know why I can’t go back to Quinn?! You wanna know why?! It’s because she’s dead!” Niall yelled at his brother. 

 

“Huh? That’s cruel, Niall. Even for you.” Zayn laughed it off but he caught Josh’s worried eyes, staring at Niall and he suddenly knew that Niall was not lying about this. If he came to think of it, Niall would never joke about the matter of life and death. 

 

Niall stepped closer to Zayn and poked his finger on Zayn’s chest, shoving the elder brother backward slightly. 

 

“You’re satisfied now? Huh? She killed herself because of me. Is that what you want to hear? And you know what’s the greatest thing ever? That she had miscarriage our child before that. I hope you’re fucking happy!” Niall yelled. He can felt his chest rising up and down as he was so wrapped in anger and he glared at Zayn. Without any other words once he finished, Niall stormed off to the door, leaving a very stunned Zayn and a very worry looking Josh. 

 

After a few moments after Niall left, Zayn turned his head to look at Josh who was still standing besides him and spoke up. “Was that true?” Zayn asked. Part of his heart was hoping that Niall was joking but by the look of it, he didn’t think so. The venom in Niall’s voice cut through Zayn’s soul as his mind kept replaying what Niall had told him over and over again. 

 

Josh grabbed the nearest stool and sitting shakily, sighing as he confirmed what Zayn feared the most. “Yes, it was true.” 

 

**

 

Zayn looked at the watch on his hand again as he sighed for umpteenth times. He was about to give up to wait for Niall when suddenly the sound of the youngest brother’s steps was heard. Zayn stood up abruptly from the couch and tried to face his brother but Niall was heading straight to the stairs, ignoring Zayn completely. 

 

“Niall.” Zayn called his brother’s name softly. He trailed Niall who was already making his ways to the upstairs and didn’t even glance at Zayn once. 

 

“What are you doing here, Zayn. This isn’t your house. What more do you want from me? ” Niall asked tiredly, making his way upstairs and didn’t even look at his back. He was drained emotionally and physically, and with Zayn being there was not really helping at all. In fact, the elder brother was one of the main reasons that made Niall felt like he was so exhausted to deal with his life. 

 

“Niall, we need to talk. Josh told me everything.” Zayn explained as he followed Niall who was heading to his bedroom. As Niall shrugged off his jacket, Zayn could see that the youngest brother had really lost a few pounds; enough to notice a slight difference, with his clothes sitting more loosely on his frame. How could Zayn didn’t realize that sooner? He was too caught up with his own world without even realizing that his brother was suffering for the loss of the love of his life. And the fact that Niall didn’t even get the chance to know that Quinn was pregnant with his child broke Zayn’s heart the most. After the incident earlier, everybody left the party and as the entire family sat around the couch, all eyes and ears were focused to Josh as he explained about what Niall had said. Perrie, Alicia and Patricia were sobbing as Josh finished telling them on what happened. Zayn was too stunned to react. How could he didn’t know about that? He and Niall used to tell each other everything. But as soon as Zayn thought about it, he knew it was his own fault that pushed Niall away from him. That was when he decided to make things right again, starting by waiting for Niall at the younger brother’s house. 

 

Niall walked without even responding to Zayn until he reached his bedroom. Turning around, he started to close the door. With the door slightly ajar, Niall finally spoke up. “Don’t you have an early flight to catch tomorrow? Go home, Zayn. I’m tired.” Niall said and pushed the door to close it completely but Zayn held it firmly, refusing to let Niall close it. 

 

“Niall, please talk to me. Josh told me everything. I’m so sorry, Niall. Is that why you called me the other day?” Zayn tried to plead for Niall to talk to him. He could still remember the day when Niall called him desperately but he was too caught up in his anger towards Niall that he ignored the younger brother even though he can sense that something was off that day. When Niall just remained silence, Zayn felt his worry grew and started to beg Niall to talk again. “Niall, please, don’t shut me off. I’m your brother, please talk to me.” 

 

“Nice to know I still have one.” Niall said, his tone was dripped with sarcasm and hurt that it made Zayn felt like he wanted to smack himself for being the one who inflicted the pain. Niall stared at Zayn blankly without any emotion that Zayn could comprehend to before he spoke up again. “Good night. Have a happy honeymoon, Zayn.” Niall said and closed the door right in front of Zayn’s face. 

 

Zayn stood in front of the closed door for a few seconds before he heard the sound of the door being locked from inside. Niall really didn’t want to talk to him about what happened. But he can’t blame the younger lad, he was the one who shut Niall off every moment Niall had tried and came to talk him lately. Staring at the door for a moment, Zayn shook his head. With a dejected sigh, Zayn finally turned around and seek himself out of Niall’s house. Maybe Niall would talk to him someday. Maybe time was what Niall needed at that moment. 

 

**

 

“Honey, are you sure you want to keep going with our plan? We could postpone it if you want.” Perrie said softly as she stared at her husband. She knew Zayn was worried about Niall. Hell, even she was worried. And sad by the fact that she didn’t even know Quinn was dead along with the loss of Niall’s child. How could Niall manage to hide that from all of them? Maybe it was true what they said that looks can be deceiving. 

 

Zayn stared at his wife and kissed her cheek. Smiling slightly, he started to speak up. “We planned about this already, sweetie. But I’m sorry. I just..I dunno. Worried about Niall.” Zayn explained. 

 

Perrie nodded. “I know.” 

 

Zayn sighed and pulling Perrie closer to him. “Do you think he’s mad at me?” Zayn asked softly. The truth was he felt guilty that he was being mean to Niall when the younger brother was dealing with the unborn child and Quinn’s death alone. He was supposed to support Niall, not the other way around. But he didn’t know about both of that, so how could he know that Niall was not alright, right? Zayn tortured himself mentally as he kept repeating the same mantra over and over again inside his head. 

 

Perrie tilted her head until she can see Zayn’s face slightly. Frankly speaking, Perrie knew Niall was mad at Zayn. The younger brother didn’t even show up at the airport along with the others to send the newlyweds to board for their honeymoon. 

 

“I think he’s hurting at the moment.” Perrie said. “But it’s not your fault, honey.” She quickly added as she saw the change of Zayn’s expression. She knew that look so well. It was the look that he always wore when he felt guilty. 

 

“But..” Zayn sighed. “I feel bad that I keep taunting him about Quinn when in reality she was dead. It’s like I open his wound over and over again. And how could I deny him the right for him to be a father? He had lost his baby with Quinn, I should understand that’s why he really wants to look after Jessica and the baby.” Zayn said regretfully. Seriously, if only he had known earlier, he wouldn’t have to be so hard on Niall regarding his baby with Jessica. 

 

Perrie straightened up and leaned to give a small peck on Zayn’s lips. “I know you’ll make things right with him. Apologize to him and try to fix this. I know you can do it. I believe in you. And I believe in Niall too.” 

 

Zayn felt his eyes welled with unshed tears. He felt so grateful that he had Perrie as his wife. She was so understanding that he felt like he didn’t deserve her in his life. It was like that with Niall too. How could the younger brother acted like nothing was happened and managed to help him with the wedding and all, Zayn thought. 

 

“Thank you, sweetie.” Zayn said as he kissed her wife passionately. Deep inside his heart, he promised to himself that he would fix his relationship with Niall. The truth was he missed his brother but his temper got the better hold on him all of this time. Especially since the mess with Jessica started. With the scandals, the pictures, the lying and everything, he failed to notice that he was supposed to be besides Niall. But he knew that he will be there for Niall after this. Through thick and thin. But what worried Zayn the most was, would Niall forgive him?


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Zayn was slightly taken aback by Niall’s demeanor. The younger brother seemed like he could care less on what Zayn had said and the older brother didn’t like it a bit. “Look, Niall. I really mean for what I apologize for. We can move on but I need to know if you do forgive me or not.”_
> 
> _“It still haven't change the fact that you didn’t trust me at all.” Niall deadpanned._

Niall took off his dark sunglasses and sat on the empty seat. The other seat was occupied by none other than his brother. Zayn just got back from his two weeks honeymoon few days earlier and he kept calling Niall just to talk to him. Niall, being as stubborn as he was, ignored the calls at first. But as days passed by, Niall finally agreed to have a lunch with Zayn. The truth was, he missed to have a day out with his brother like this. They stopped doing it for months. But what hurts him was the fact that it was Zayn who pushed him away first, not the other way around. 

 

“Hi little bro.” Zayn greeted as Niall finally sat in front of him. The older brother scrutinized the younger lad’s appearance and he couldn’t help but feeling worried. Niall seemed thinner compared to a few weeks before and his eyes had a bloodshot like he hadn’t getting enough sleep. 

 

Niall raised his eyebrows as Zayn greeted him with ‘little brother.’ It had been months since the last time he heard Zayn calling him that.

 

“Hey.” Niall greeted back. He didn’t mean to sound less enthused but he was tired. Everything that had happened came crashing at once and he didn’t know how to let it all sank in. 

 

After they ordered their foods, both of the brothers fell into silence for a few moments before Niall finally spoke up. “So, how was your honeymoon?” Niall asked, starting to make a conversation. 

 

Zayn smiled and told Niall about his honeymoon which he described as great. He told Niall how Perrie had fallen in love with Mauritius so much that she suggested for them to move there. That part got Niall chuckled and somehow Zayn was glad to see that. Come to think of it, he barely even saw Niall smiled or laughed anymore. God, how could he didn’t notice that too? 

 

Zayn was about to say something else when suddenly the foods arrived. Yet again, Zayn cursed himself inwardly for not noticing that Niall just ordered a tuna rolls for lunch. “You want half of my spaghetti?” Zayn offered to the younger lad. 

 

Niall shook his head and gave a weak smile to Zayn. “I’m full. I had a heavy breakfast just now.” Niall lied through his teeth. The truth was he really didn’t have an appetite to eat lately. He tried to eat once but ended up throwing it up and that was when he decided to grab a small bite here and there instead of eating properly. He was glad that no one had noticed but by the look of Zayn’s worried expression at that moment, Niall knew Zayn suspected something was up. 

 

“It’s okay. We’ll pack something else for you later, okay?” Zayn suggested as he knew Niall was not being completely honest with him. Zayn watched as Niall struggled to keep his foods down and Zayn knew he had to do something. 

 

Niall nodded reluctantly. Luckily, he managed to finish his lunch and satisfied Zayn. When Zayn cleared his throat, Niall knew the older brother wanted to say something else. Frankly, Niall knew that this lunch meeting was not just to grab a bite together. 

 

“Nialler,” Zayn started nervously. He knew that there was still an elephant in the room, figuratively. When Niall slumped on his seat, giving his full attention to Zayn, the older brother continued to speak again. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Zayn apologized. 

 

“What for, Zayn?” Niall asked tiredly. This was exactly why he didn’t want to let anyone to know about Quinn and the baby. The pity stare and the apology that came after that. He really didn’t want that kind of attention. 

 

“For your loss. For everything I’ve said about Quinn. I didn’t know about her. And the baby.” 

 

“It’s okay, Zayn.” Niall dismissed Zayn’s apology. 

 

“No, it’s not okay. I really am sorry, Niall.” Zayn apologized again. 

 

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It was all in the past. Can we just move on?” Niall shrugged. 

 

Zayn was slightly taken aback by Niall’s demeanor. The younger brother seemed like he could care less on what Zayn had said and the older brother didn’t like it a bit. “Look, Niall. I really mean for what I apologize for. We can move on but I need to know if you do forgive me or not.” 

 

“It still haven't change the fact that you didn’t trust me at all.” Niall deadpanned. 

 

Zayn felt his heart beat faster as Niall finished his words. “Niall..” God, he didn’t know what else to say. 

 

“Look, Zayn. You can apologize all you want, I accept that. It just the fact that you and the guys turned your back on me for the first time hurts so much, you know? I kept being put aside over and over again until I could no longer care.” Niall said truthfully. 

 

“But Niall, I really want to fix that. I want to fix us, our relationship. I miss my brother who is practically my twin.” Zayn confessed as he can felt his eyes brimmed with tears. He really missed the younger lad. He missed on how Niall would roll his eyes whenever he was annoyed with Zayn’s action. He missed on how Niall would smile slightly whenever he watched something that he fond of. Zayn missed on how the younger brother would laugh with him whenever they did funny things together. He missed on how Niall could be so innocent underneath all of the superstar's swag that he got. As in short, he missed every little thing about Niall. 

 

“Is this because you pity me or what? You know this is one of the reasons that I didn’t want to tell anyone about Quinn because I don’t want others to pity me.” Niall said bluntly. He didn’t know where did he have the courage but he felt like he wanted Zayn to know that. To know at least a glimpse of what he was feeling inside all this time while he was being hurt by the older lad. 

 

Zayn shook his head vigorously. “No, it’s not about pity, Niall. I just really want to make things right with us again. I want to be besides you when you’re happy, sad or mad or whatever it is. I want you to talk to me again. I want us to be like before, where we could share our fears, our secrets and all our insecurities. Please, give me a second chance?” 

 

Niall fell into a silence and stared at the older lad. Zayn seemed sincere and full of remorse as he apologized. It was not because Niall was being so stubborn to accept Zayn’s apology but he was afraid. He was afraid to get attach to his brother and being hurt again like before. Going through it once was painful enough. Sure they had their share of fighting when they were younger, but the last few months really took it toll on Niall emotionally. He was scared that his heart would not be able to go through it once again. 

 

“You have Perrie now. You don’t need me for all of that anymore.” Niall reasoned. He wouldn’t give in easily, after all he had his heart to protect. 

 

“I need you! Still, you’re my brother, Niall. I love you.” Zayn said firmly. He loved Niall, he really did. How could he have been so fool before? How could he let his anger got the best of him? It was such a shame that it took two lives to finally make Zayn realized that he didn’t hate Niall as he said he was. 

 

Niall felt something tugged his heart as Zayn said the three words that Niall longed to hear for months. Closing his eyes, he let the words sank in before he finally spoke up again. “We could try again. I’m not saying that things would turn to be like before completely but we’ll see.” Niall said. When he opened his eyes again, he couldn’t help but felt surprised when Zayn towered over him and pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you, Niall. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Zayn whispered on Niall’s shoulder. 

 

**

 

Harry sipped his drink as he listening to Zayn’s story. Louis and Liam had interrupted once and twice but Harry chose to remain silent. 

 

“But it seemed like he didn’t really want to talk to me about how he feels.” Zayn sighed as he finished his story. He told his other band mates on how the lunch went couple of weeks before and how he and Niall were finally seemed to be close again. 

 

“What do you mean?” Louis asked. 

 

“We meet everyday and even calling each other daily like we used to, but still it feels different. He always talks about his days and all but he never talk about anything deep. He never mentioned about Quinn, not once.” Zayn said. 

 

Harry put his glass back on the table and looked at Zayn. “I think he’s not ready yet. I mean, he tried to talk to us at one point but we ignored him. So it makes sense that he’s scared to open up to other people about how he feels.” 

 

Zayn sighed. He thought about the same thing too. “You mean he doesn’t even want to open up to his brother too?” Zayn asked Harry, asking for his friend’s opinion. 

 

“Yes. Especially you, Zayn. You guys were so close before but you turned him down and hurt him. I know we did the same too but I don’t think it affected him as much as what you did.” Harry said bluntly. 

 

Louis smirked as he heard what Harry had just said. Louis really had to give his respect to Harry for being brutally honest with Zayn. That was one of Harry’s trait that the guys respected. He had a gut to being honest with people he loved. Even though it may look harsh, but he always got his point through. 

 

Zayn felt like he had been slapped by Harry but he knew his friend had only spoken the truth. He was the worst between all of them. Harry, Louis and Liam accepted Niall as time passed by after the big scandal occurred but not Zayn. He hurt Niall over and over again. Those words that he had said to Niall, Zayn knew somehow Niall took it to the heart. Zayn knew the younger brother was sensitive more than he let on. That was one of the reasons why Zayn had said things to hurt Niall before, because he knew that it would affected Niall one way or another. God, how he wished he could turn back time and handled things differently. 

 

Putting his head in his hands, Zayn groaned frustratedly. “So what should I do?” He asked his friends desperately. 

 

“Just give him some time, Zayn. He’ll come around.” Harry said as Louis and Liam nodded, agreeing with their friend. 

 

“But how long should I give him?” Zayn asked, as he slumped back into the chair and rubbing his face with his hands in frustration.

 

Harry shrugged. “I know you apologized to him about Quinn and all. But do you really accept him with Jessica now?” He asked Zayn. He knew his best friend for so long. Yes, Zayn was a nice person, but somehow he was so stubborn especially when he had made up his mind. And Harry knew Zayn had made up his mind about Jessica and Niall. Zayn thought that they shouldn’t be together at all. 

 

Zayn sighed and shook his head. “You guys know how I feel about them.” Zayn said as he looked at his band mates. 

 

“See? I think that’s one of the reasons why Niall was so guarded around you now. To him, you are still blaming him about the scandal with Jessica and all.” Harry spoke up. It was just his opinion but he knew the brothers for so long, that was why he blurted out his opinion to Zayn. 

 

Zayn closed his eyes and let Harry’s words sank in before finally sighed again. Yes, it was the truth actually. How could Niall talk to him about his feelings when Zayn himself didn’t even want to know about Jessica at all? After all, Niall’s life now was revolved around Jessica and his soon to be born child. Nodding his head, he looked at his band mates again as he spoke the next words that he himself cannot believe that those words came out from his mouth. “Maybe I should give them a chance, I mean, Jessica..” 

 

**

 

“Jessica..” Jessica turned her head sharply as she heard the voice that came creeping behind her. 

 

“Nick? What are you doing here?” Jessica asked surprisingly. She thought that she already got rid of him from her life. And now as he was standing in her bedroom, she couldn’t help butfeel scared. She was downright scared when Nick’s eyes traveled up and down to her almost naked body. 

 

Nick ignored the question as he stepped closer to Jessica and put his hand on Jessica’s belly. “My baby…” Nick whispered tearfully as he felt Jessica’s baby bump and rubbed on it softly. Last time Nick met Jessica, she was on early pregnancy and he couldn’t felt anything yet. But as time passed by and with every tabloid was showing her pregnancy pictures almost everyday, Nick felt something tugged inside his heart. He was going to be a father and he wanted to be there for his child. 

 

Jessica rolled her eyes as she pried away Nick’s hand from her bare belly. Yes, who could blame her if she wanted to wear two pieces in her own bedroom? It was her private place. Talking about privacy, where in the hell was her guards and maids? They knew better than to let Nick into the house. She already paid them double in order for them to do that. Jessica didn’t have a chance to open her mouth as Nick’s voice boomed through the bedroom. 

 

“Let’s get married.” Nick said as he stepped closer to Jessica. Jessica backed away slightly as she tried to avoid close contact with Nick again. 

 

“Nick, we talked about this.” Jessica said and shook her head. They really had talked about this. After he was done with his job, she paid him and that was it. No strings attached. And she thought Nick was agreed to that term.

 

“I know. But I love you, baby. I always do.” Nick said as he took a step further towards Jessica. “Plus, we’re going to have a baby together. I know I’m not rich, but I can work, babe. I would do anything for you, for the baby. My baby.” Nick pleaded. 

 

“Nick.” Jessica sighed. “ You know I’m going to marry Niall, aren’t you? Did you forget what our little plans were? You get your revenge, I get mine, right?” 

 

“Screw all of that! I love you! And you said you loved me too! Not Niall.” Nick raised his voice as Jessica mentioned Niall’s name. Something inside him snapped when he heard that name. 

 

“Nick..” Jessica tried again as she tried to plan her escape from Nick who had taken a step closer to her. Her back was already connected to the wall and on her left was only a window, a sealed one, unfortunately. And Nick’s left hand was blocking her way out, forcing her to face Nick after all. 

 

“I want you to marry me, Jessica! Not Niall!” Nick hissed angrily as he blocked Jessica against the wall. He wanted to be the father of his own child, and he wasn’t going to let that other guy fathered his child. Especially the guy that he loathed so much. 

 

Jessica shook her head stubbornly. “Nick, you have to understand. I paid you a big money for this, Nick. You fucking accepted it!” Jessica shot back. 

 

Nick chuckled humorlessly as his right hand went to Jessica’s face, caressing it smoothly. “I didn’t use the money, baby. I can return all of the money to you if you want. Let’s get together, baby. You know I love you.” Nick said as his hand traveled down to Jessica’s cleavage. God, he didn’t know that seeing a pregnant woman can turn him on like this. The way that the breasts blossomed and growing along the baby bump, made Nick’s desire reached the top notch. 

 

Jessica swatted Nick’s hand away as she tried again to escape. “But Nick..I love him. I love Niall.” Jessica said. 

 

Nick’s hand stopped where they were as his eyes glazed over with rage. How could she?! “You lying bitch! You said you loved me!” Nick yelled, crushing his body against Jessica on the wall. 

 

Jessica swallowed thickly as she finally realized that she had slipped out her words accidentally. “Nick, I’m sorry.” Jessica tried to plead again for Nick to release her. She was worried that something might happen to the baby if Nick didn’t move his position against her body. 

 

Nick felt something inside him snapped as he could see how ‘sorry’ Jessica was. Angrily, he grabbed Jessica’s hair and dragged her towards the bed as she tried to wriggle free. 

 

Jessica felt her body was thrown on the bed and yelped out in pain as Nick grabbed her hair again. “Nick! You’re hurting me!” Jessica yelled as she tried to break free from the grip but failed to do so. 

 

“No, Jessica. You’re the one who hurts me first!” Nick raised his voice as his other hand slapped Jessica’s face, making her lied down on the bed. Nick reached his backpack and pulled out the little things that he had carried along with him. He thought he would never get until this part. The initial plan was to get Jessica to listen to him but apparently she had completely rejected him and he would not accept it. Not again. 

 

“What are you doing?!” Jessica yelled frantically as Nick pulled out a rope and started to tie her hands on the bedpost. 

 

“If you can’t be mine, you can’t be other’s either.” Nick said as he tightened the knot and smiled in satisfaction as he finally got to tie Jessica on the bed. 

 

“Help! Help!” Jessica yelled, tried to get some attention from someone else, her guards or her maids. She tried to struggle against the ropes but the knot was so tight it made her wrists hurt. 

 

Nick shook his head when he saw Jessica screamed and sat on the edge of the bed. “Nobody could hear you, Jessica. What? You think I’m stupid enough to come unprepared?” Nick asked and when he saw Jessica’s wide eyes staring at him, he bent down and tried to kiss her lips. Jessica looked away and the kiss landed on her cheek instead. Nick felt his anger rose again and grabbed Jessica’s face forcefully and kissed her roughly. 

 

“That was nice. I haven’t kissed you since what..five months ago?” Nick said when he pulled away from the kiss. 

 

“What do you want, Nick?!” Jessica spat. She never felt so exposed like she did at that moment. Both of her hands was tied up and she was laid down on her bed only wearing her undies and Nick looked like he was completely lost his mind for doing this to her. 

 

Nick shook his head. “I want you, Jessica. But since you said you don’t want me back. I want something else.” Nick said as he took Jessica’s phone on the bed stand and pressed it on Jessica’s ears. One of his hands made its way to his pants and he picked up the gun that was tucked on his waist. With one hand pressing the phone to Jessica’s ear and another hand pressing the barrel of the gun to Jessica’s neck, Nick finally spoke up. 

 

“I want you to call Niall and ask him to come here.”


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“I’m going to kill her. If she doesn’t want to be with me, she can’t be with anyone else, including you!” Nick raised his voice as he pointed his knife at Niall, making Niall blinked rapidly. Shit._

“Good morning, dearest wifey.” Perrie heard her husband whispering on her left ear, making her shivered. She still can’t believe that she and Zayn were finally married. And thank God that she found him as her soul mate. Zayn may look like a bad ass punk-tattoed person but underneath all that, he was the sweetest person that she had ever known. Well, he was not perfect but so did she. As long as they can accept each other’s weaknesses, they would be fine. 

 

Perrie rolled to her back only to find Zayn was already sitting on the bed with a..wait a minute, is that…”You made breakfast in bed for me?” Perrie asked in awe. See, one of Zayn’s weaknesses that Perrie had learned was his laziness to be in the kitchen let alone making foods in there. 

 

Zayn nodded and bent down to kiss his wife before he finally smiled widely. “Yeah, you like it?” He asked as Perrie moved to lean on the bedpost, still looking at him in wonder. “I’m surprised. Are you the same Zayn that I married a month ago?” Perrie teased as Zayn faked a hurt expression. 

 

“Ouch, it hurts.” Zayn said as he put his hand on his chest, showing Perrie that he was hurt by Perrie’s words. Perrie laughed out loud and punched Zayn’s shoulder lightly. 

 

“Seriously, what’s the special occasion?” Perrie asked as she bit the French toast. Not bad, she thought as she chewed it. 

 

Zayn smiled widely and shook his head. “Nothing. I just feel like today’s going to be a good day. And I want to pamper my wife once in a while, is that wrong?” Zayn said and started to move closer to Perrie. 

 

“Uh huh,” Perrie said as she finished her foods and started to lean closer to her husband. God, he looked so damn sexy when he was only in his boxer. Perrie started to lie on her back on the bed as Zayn placed himself on top of her. As they started to kiss, Perrie let out a moan when Zayn’s hand started to caressed her bare chest. Perrie started spread her legs as ‘little’ Zayn started to feel hard on her sensitive area. As they were about to get hot and heavy, Zayn’s phone started to ring. Both of them ignored the constant ringing for the first time and continued their morning ‘exercise.’ But when the phone kept ringing after several minutes, both of them groaned in frustration as they pulled away from each other. Sometimes, technology can really be a pain in the ass. Zayn picked up the phone without looking at the caller id and answered with an annoyed tone. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Where the hell are you? Don’t you know that you have a meeting at 8.30? It’s near 9 already!” Paul’s voice boomed through the phone. Zayn had to wince at the yelling and slapped his forehead. How could he forget about the meeting? 

 

“Sorry, I overslept. I’m on my way.” Zayn apologized and hang up. Quickly, he got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. 

 

Perrie shook her head and laughed as she watched her husband cursed under his breath when he bumped into something on his way to the bathroom. Perrie threw away her comforter and went to the bathroom’s door, watching as Zayn brushed his teeth. 

 

“Who was on the phone?” Perrie asked. 

 

“Paul. I’m late for the meeting.” Zayn explained as he spat his mouthwash into the sink. When he turned his head to look at Perrie, he couldn’t help but felt like he wanted to forget about the meeting completely. There she was, leaning on the door frame of the bathroom, completely naked. She was so perfect from head to toe that it made Zayn felt that he was the luckiest man alive. 

 

“Hurm, sweetie. What are you doing?” Zayn asked as Perrie started to walk closer to him. 

 

“You want to take a shower, right?” Perrie asked as she finally reached her husband and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

 

“Urm, yeah. But I only wanted to take a quick shower. I mean..I mean..I’m late already, sweetie.” Zayn said. He was meant to be firm but his voice gave him away. How could he resist that beautiful body of his wife?

 

“It’s okay. We can take a quick shower together, right?” Perrie asked as she pushed Zayn slightly until they reached under the shower pipe. Slowly, she bent down and pulled Zayn’s boxers down, leaving them both completely naked. 

“Sweetie..” Zayn started to call but finally gave in when Perrie turned on the pipe and water drenched on them both. He pulled Perrie closer to him and as their body collided under the water, he felt Perrie’s body hardened on him. And they finished the earlier session that was interrupted, under the shower. 

 

**

 

Niall parked his car in front of the house and made his way through the front yard and headed straight into the house. The door guard knew him already and let him in easily, not like the first time he went there. Jessica had called him earlier and he felt slightly worried as she sounded distressed over the phone. As Niall stepped into the house, he felt slightly odd that it sounded too quiet. No signs of Jessica’s maids like he used to see and heard. Shaking his head, he shrugged the weird feeling and headed upstairs. Niall stopped in front of Jessica’s bedroom and knocked on the door. He frowned when he got no answer. “Jessica?” Niall called. When he was only replied with silence, Niall felt his worried grown. Did something happen to Jessica? Or the baby? Niall put her hand on the doorknob and started to open the door. “Jessica?” Niall called again as he stepped into the bedroom. He was about to step in further when the next thing he knew, something hard was connected with the back of his head and everything went black. 

 

**

 

Niall groaned as he tried to open his eyes but ended up panicked when he only saw darkness. His eyes had been blindfolded and as he was about to move his hands to open the blindfold, he felt his hands was tied behind his back. What the fuck?

 

“Easy, Niall. You can’t go anywhere.” Niall heard a male voice that came from in front of him. That was when he realized that he was trapped as his legs were also tied and cannot be moved. 

 

“Who are you?!” Niall asked, his tone might be calm but his heart beat so fast that he felt like he can hear it thumping loudly. 

 

“Auw, Niall. You don’t recognize my voice?” The man tsked and Niall felt a hand was put on his knees and he tried to jerk away but ended up crashing onto the wall, or so he thought. He winced a little as the back of his head connected with the solid wall. 

 

“No.” Niall replied shortly as he really cannot recognize the voice at all. He felt the man cupped his face as the blindfold was pulled off roughly, making Niall winced when he tried to adjust his eyes to the sudden bright light. 

 

“Now, do you remember me?” The man asked as he crouched in front of Niall. 

 

Niall swallowed thickly and nodded. “Nick.” Of course Niall remembered. Nick was the one who supplied him the drugs couple of years ago. As in short, Nick was practically his drug dealer during his dark days. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Niall asked, confused. As far as he knew, he was in Jessica house and he didn’t seem to know that Nick and Jessica knew each other. 

 

Nick shook his head and started to stand up. That was when Niall’s eyes caught on the scene in front of him. Jessica was lied on the bed with her hands was tied up above her head to the bedpost. Her mouth was taped and she seemed to struggle free from the rope. One thing that came into Niall’s mind was, what the fuck was happening? 

 

Nick grinned widely as he pointed at Jessica. “I wanted to marry her, but she rejected me and wanted to marry you instead. So, I’m here to make sure that she wouldn’t be able to do that. She’s mine.” Nick said as he sat on the bed and stared at Niall. 

 

Niall wasn’t expected that. And why in the hell that Nick had to do until this length to get things to be on his way? Niall felt his heart beat faster when Nick pulled out a knife from his backpack and started to sharpen it. Frantically, Niall tried to reach his phone in his pocket. 

 

“What are you going to do?” Niall asked, as he glanced worriedly at Jessica. He didn’t know what the real deal was at that moment, but from the look of Nick’s face, Niall couldn’t help but felt slightly terrified. 

 

“I’m going to kill her. If she doesn’t want to be with me, she can’t be with anyone else, including you!” Nick raised his voice as he pointed his knife at Niall, making Niall blinked rapidly. Shit. 

 

Nick laughed when he saw Niall’s face went pale after he pulled out his knife and pointed at the tied man on the floor. Turning around, Nick stared at Jessica as he started to put his knife on Jessica’s bare belly and made a small line, making Jessica screamed in muffled. 

 

Niall pressed whatever button on his phone as he watched horrifically when Nick put his knife on Jessica’s belly, making it bleed slightly. What the hell? She was pregnant for God’s sake! 

 

“Let her go!” Niall yelled when Nick seemed to enjoy a pain on Jessica face as he started to draw a small line on her belly. Nick’s head snapped and turned as he looked at Niall. His eyes were blazed with anger as he screamed the next words. 

 

“No way! I’ll kill her first. And then I’ll kill you.”

 

**

 

Zayn turned on his car’s engine and started to drive away from his house. Zayn was already late to the meeting with Paul and by the sound of Paul’s voice on the phone just now, he was not happy about it.

 

But Zayn didn’t care. He was whistling and smiling to himself on his way. If this content and warmth feeling was what if felt like when you’re married, he felt slightly regret that he didn’t get married sooner. He got the feeling that today was going to be a good day for him. 

 

The sound of his phone’s ringing startled Zayn from his thought. “I’m on my way Paul.” Zayn spoke through the phone. But when he was replied with silence, he frowned. He pulled the phone from his ear and looked at the caller id. It wasn’t Paul, it was Niall. “Niall? Hello?” Zayn called as he was only replied by silence. Maybe Niall was accidentally pushed the button on his phone, Zayn thought. He was about to end the call when suddenly he heard something that made his heart dropped. “Let her go!” Niall’s voice was heard. 

 

“No way! I’ll kill her first. And then I’ll kill you.” Zayn heard the other voice screamed in distance. What in the hell was happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I posted a new one-shot entitled 'Sick'. Check it out :) 
> 
> Oh, and I already finished with chapter 1 for small town part 2 but still have to edit and read-proof etc. so maybe not going to post it this week, probably by next week. In the meantime, enjoy this story. xx


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P/S: I actually wanted to wait for my editor, Veronibell before I posted this but I think it's good enough though. I'll post the edited (better) version later after she finishes editing. But for now, just enjoy xx

Shit. That was what came into Niall’s mind as Nick was frantically yelling at him, waving his knife in front of Niall’s face. 

 

“Nick, calm down. You’re not making any sense here.” Niall said as he was still trying to loosen the tied on his hands. Frankly, he really didn’t understand why Nick was acting like this. And why would Nick talk about killing him and Jessica both? 

 

Nick smirked as he crouched in front of Niall and grabbed the other guy’s chin, facing Niall closely. “I bet you’re confused now, right?” Nick said and stood up. He then went over to the bed, sitting at the edge of it, close to Jessica. Niall could see that Jessica was in pain and she was looking at him miserably. 

 

“Can’t you at least loose up her ties? She’s pregnant for God’s sake!” Niall said as his voice was laced with concern and care. Nick huffed angrily and started to laugh humourlessly, leaving Niall looking at the guy in confusion. What the fuck was so funny? 

 

“Poor Niall. You’re worried about her, don’t you?” Nick asked as he caressed Jessica’s cheek while his eyes were staring into Niall’s. 

 

“Of course I’m worried. She’s carrying my child and she’s going to be my wife.” Niall spoke up. Nick felt his anger rose as the words left Niall’s mouth. Angrily, he crouched in front of Niall again and punched Niall’s cheek, hard enough that Niall’s lips bled. 

 

“What the fuck?” Niall spat as he tried to wriggle his hands behind his back but to no avail. The rope was so tight but he felt glad that he can reach his cell phone earlier. He really hoped whoever he called could pick up and helped them. Niall’s thought was interrupted as Nick suddenly yanked his hair and pushed him to kneel closer to the bed, and he can see Jessica clearer than before. 

 

“Look closely, Niall. Cause after you heard about what I’m going to say after this, you’re not going to marry her and trust me, you won’t.” Nick said. 

 

“Huh?” Niall couldn’t help but felt dumbfounded. Nick was talking in riddles and Niall really didn’t understand any of this. Before Niall could speak any further, Nick cut him off. 

 

“She’s carrying my child, not yours.” Nick stated and Niall couldn’t help but had to blink his eyes rapidly. What was he supposed to respond to that? 

 

Nick watched as Niall blinked his eyes disbelievingly and that made him mad. “You don’t believe me?!” Nick yelled at Niall and started to punch the other guy again. He didn’t know why but he felt satisfied when he heard Niall whimpered in pain. Nick felt like Niall deserved it. The guy had left him dried and indirectly ruined his future years ago. 

 

Niall spat the copper taste in his mouth as he glared at Nick. “What the hell, Nick? Why are you doing this? Why are you saying nonsense things?” Niall yelled back. God, he was so clueless it made the pounding in his head increased with the thoughts that circled in his mind at that moment. “And what was the thing with the baby? Everyone knows it’s mine.” Niall added. 

 

Nick shook his head as he stood up and paced in front of Niall. “Your baby? Poor Niall..you think it’s really your baby?” Nick asked as he laughed out loud. “Guess what? You’re wrong. It’s mine!” 

 

Once again, Niall was left dumbfounded. Shaking his head, Niall decided to try a different approach to talk to Nick. “Nick, I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you can’t just barge in here and saying shit like this. The baby is mine and the paternity test also..” Niall said and before he could finish his words, Nick cupped his mouth and the rest of Niall’s words muffled under Nick’s hands. 

 

Nick smirked and shook his head as he once again sat in front of Niall, staring right into the other guy’s eyes. “Tsk, tsk..how foolish could you be, Nialler?” Nick asked and laughed. “So what, she told you that the paternity showed that the baby is yours and you fell for it? Have you even taken a look at the result?” Nick asked. 

 

Niall fell into silence at Nick’s question. Frankly, he didn’t even look at the result personally. But Jessica wouldn’t lie to him, would she? Niall’s eyes moved over to look at Jessica as she was still trying to wriggle her body free from the ties that bind her. With her face contorted in pain and her belly was still bleeding slightly from the cut that Nick made earlier, Niall just didn’t believe that she would lie to him about this matter. 

 

Nick watched as Niall fell into silence and the other guy looked at Jessica, making Nick’s anger rose once again. Fine. If Niall didn’t want to believe him, he would just blurt out all of the secrets that he and Jessica had kept from Niall. After all, he got nothing to lose. Niall would not marry Jessica and Nick was sure that he would get the baby that Jessica was carrying at the moment. His baby. 

 

Niall shook his head as he dismissed the thoughts that came rush into his mind. No, he would not fall into Nick’s lie. After all, he knew Jessica better than he knew Nick. “I don’t trust you. I don’t know what’s your intention are but I guess you better let us free and I promise you I won’t say anything about this to anyone else, even the authority.” Niall half pleaded as he could see that Jessica had a terrified look in her eyes when Nick kept swinging the knife that he was holding. 

 

Nick snapped his head towards Niall and huffed angrily. “Fuck you, Niall! It was because of you and your big mouth that got me here on the first place!” Nick started to yell. 

 

“What?!” Niall asked, shocked at the sudden accusation. 

 

“Don’t act like a fool! It was because you had told your friends, or more accurately your brother that I was the one who sold the drugs to you, that I got fired!” Nick said, still yelling at Niall. “And you know what the best part was? Your brother spread the news all around and I couldn’t get any job with other tours as well! And I was left cut and dried with no money and my girlfriend fucking left me because she was tired sleeping in my crappy apartment! And you fucking knew that I needed the job as the merch guy so bad but no, you kept telling everything about the drugs and all and look what happened! You ruined my life while you live with millions in your pocket! A little bit unfair, don’t you think?” 

 

“Nick..I..I’m sorry..” Niall said, stammered at the revelation. He didn’t know that Zayn would act until that length. He thought that by telling Zayn and the other guys, it was to ensure them that he would not do the same thing again. Niall never thought that he could ruin Nick’s life by opening his mouth. 

 

“Sorry doesn’t even cut it, man. You know how hard it was for me to get the job that I love? And how easy it was for you to ruin it? And trust me, Niall, I’m glad you had lost the job that you love too.” Nick said as he smirked and stared at Niall. 

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asked, his voice was full of confusion. 

 

“What I mean is, you finally quit the band that you love so much, right? Tell me, how does it feel? Hurts, isn’t it? Guess what, that was how I felt.” Nick said as he smirked again.

 

Niall shut his mouth as his minds raced for thousand miles per minute. “How do you know that? We never announced it officially.” Niall asked. Frankly, only his band mates and close friends knew about that news. He didn’t even tell Jessica about it. 

 

Nick laughed as he saw the shocked expression that was plastered on Niall’s face. “How do I know? You should rephrase your question to how do _‘we’_ know.” Nick said as he pointed to Jessica and himself. 

 

“What..I don’t get you..” Niall half whispered as his mind was so confused at the moment. 

 

Nick huffed and went closer to Niall until his face was barely inches apart from Niall’s. “I..” Nick said and pointed at himself, “and her,” he continued as he pointed at Jessica, “were planning on getting revenge on you, Niall. And looks like we got what we wanted. Too bad the baby would be the collateral damage in our little plan but it’s all good, I’m going to take care of it, it’s my child after all.” 

 

Niall kept silence after he heard about what Nick had said. “I really don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Nick. You keep saying that it’s your child, but how do I know that you’re not lying about it?” Niall challenged. 

 

“Cause we’ve been with you the whole time, Niall. Didn’t you realize that?” Nick asked and shook his head amusingly. 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“You know she loved you right? Oh, forgive me. She still loves you, but what I meant was, she was in love with you before you even knew her.” 

 

Niall frowned and opened his mouth to speak. “You mean, Jessica?” Niall said as he took a quick glance to see Jessica who was staring at both him and Nick. 

 

“Of course, dumbass. Who else I want to talk about? Quinn?” 

 

At the mention of Quinn’s name, Niall’s head snapped towards Nick as his voice laced with confusion when he spoke the next words. “How do you know her?” Niall was really confused at the moment. First, Nick acted like a psychotic man at Jessica’s house, and then he spoke Quinn’s name like he knew her before. How in the hell Niall didn’t know that? 

 

Nick laughed out loud as he sat on the edge of the bed, near Jessica’s body and ran his hand through Jessica’s hair. “I don’t know whether I should tell you this Niall. I promised Jessica that I wouldn’t tell anyone about this” Nick spoke as his eyes stared into Jessica’s. Jessica started to shake her head as to plead for Nick not to say anything further. Niall watched that action and couldn’t help but feeling like his heart had dropped. When Nick turned his head to look at him, Niall felt his stomach tightened in anticipation as Nick started to speak again. 

 

“Do you remember the night when Jessica had come to your house for the first time, Niall?” Nick asked. Niall’s mind started to work as he tried to recall and when he finally reached the memory, he nodded. 

 

“What about the night?” Niall asked. 

 

Nick started to speak up. “Well..”

 

**

 

_Nick startled a little as he moved his car’s seat up straight and answered his ringing phone. “He’s out. Come here, now.” Jessica’s voice was heard on the other end. Without a hello and goodbye, her call was short and simple. Shaking his head, Nick started to drive his car to the end of the road where Niall’s house was located. Earlier he saw that the older brother was already out, went to DJ at some club that Nick had known about._

_Nick looked on his left and right as to ensure that nobody was watching him and started to walk towards the front door of the house. Within seconds, he knocked on the door, waiting for Jessica to open it up._

_“Wow, so fast.” Jessica commented as Nick walked himself into the house. “I was just hanging around the corner.” Nick said. He followed Jessica as she led him to what he assumed as Niall’s living room._

_“You sure the other one is not at his home?”_

_Nick nodded his head. “Yes, I’m sure. I saw him leaving his house and I know he got a DJ gig tonight, so he won’t be home for a few hours.” He explained._

_Nick was about to ask Jessica about what was he supposed to do next when Jessica brushed her body to him and whispered close to his ears. “Nice job, Nick. I know I made the right decision to hire you.” Nick couldn’t help but nodded eagerly at those words._

_Nick cleared his throat and started to focus on his job. They didn’t have a long time after all. Someone might notice that both of them were at Niall’s house and it wouldn’t be good. “So, what’re we going to do?” He asked as he looked over at the slumped figure on the couch. Niall still looked the same as years before. The only change that Nick could see was the style of Niall’s hair and he was not as skinny as before._

_“Help me to drag him to his bedroom. Then, we can execute the plan as we discussed.” Jessica said as it made Nick snapped out of his little thoughts. Nick strode towards Niall and put one of Niall’s arms on his shoulder, trying to hoist the unconscious figure up. Jessica reached for the other one of Niall’s arms and together Nick and her lifted Niall and brought him to his bedroom._

_As Niall was laid across the bed, still unconscious from the drugs that Jessica had given him, Nick started to watch as Jessica began to undress Niall._

_“Urm, Jessica, are you sure you want to do that?” Nick asked as he now can watch Niall’s body as Jessica finished removing the guy’s shirt. When Jessica reminded him again about their plan, Nick couldn’t help but reluctantly agreed even though he was feeling uncomfortable watching another man naked in front of his eyes. But one thing for sure, he also can see Jessica’s naked body as well._

_Nick started to pull out his camera from his backpack and began to dim the room’s light. For once, he was glad that he took the job when Jessica had offered him. The money was so tempting and he could also take a revenge on Niall too. It was like killing two birds with one stone and Nick wouldn’t take it for granted._

_Nick watched as Jessica laid besides Niall and moved his arms across her naked body. That was the first picture that Nick snapped. After that, he began taking pictures from different angle so that the pictures would not show that Niall was actually unconscious during that time. It was their plan to ensure that those pictures would give impression like they hoped. They hoped that the pictures would show that Niall and Jessica really slept together. On the same bed. Naked._

_When Jessica snuggled closer into Niall’s arms, Nick couldn’t help but felt slightly jealous. Why must Niall always get what he wanted? Even Jessica was crazy about the guy. What was so great about him that everyone wanted him until it reached to this length? The length that Nick thought was not possible to think about._

_Nick continued on snapping pictures as Jessica adjusted her position so that she would lied intimately with Niall. When Jessica rolled over and laid on top of Niall, Nick snapped the pictures and grinned in satisfaction. That was one of the pictures that had turned out great. From his angle, no one could see that Niall’s eyes were closed but everyone could see the tattooed arms. It was like a blessing in disguise for Nick so that he could deliver his job perfectly._

 

**

 

“It..was..” Niall started as he couldn’t comprehend what he was felt at that moment. Shocked? Angry? Numb? “It was all setup?” Niall asked, finally able to form coherent words after the realization sunk in. He couldn’t believe that he was being drugged until he was unconscious and they let everyone believed that he had slept with Jessica. 

 

Nick nodded as he chuckled, looking at Niall. “Yes. It was our plan all along. Pity you can’t remember on the rest of the night. Jessica really did a number on you, didn’t you baby?” Nick asked as he tilted his head to look at Jessica. Niall saw that tears were streaked on Jessica’s face. Niall looked away and closed his eyes. God, please don’t let it be true, Niall prayed. 

 

“How did the pictures ended up going public?” Niall asked.

 

Nick turned his head to look at Niall and started to speak again. “You were the one to blame for that. The pictures were supposed to be in her private collection only. But you refused to marry her. That was when she ordered me to release the pictures to the media.” 

 

“So..those pictures…of me and her..” Niall trailed off, unsure of what to say next. “But if I was drugged, how did you know that I was unconscious for the whole night? What about the baby?”

 

Nick shook his head and went over to sit in front of Niall. “Gosh, Niall. For someone who looks smart, I don’t know how you could be so dumb. Didn’t you remember what I said about the baby? It’s mine. Trust me, she lied to you about paternity test and all.” 

 

Niall felt his heart beat faster at that thought. Could it be the truth or was Nick just lying about it? He was lost in his thought and didn’t realize that Nick had pulled out bundles of pictures and threw it in front of Niall. Looking down, Niall gasped as he saw the pictures of him walking across the street, buying coffee, talking with some friends and most of the pictures were random activities that Niall did, even including the BBQ that he had done in his house. His private house, for God’s sake. How did Nick even have the pictures? 

 

As Nick was reading his thought, Niall heard Nick spoke up. “I stalked you around, Niall. Jessica gave me good money for it, so I just went along with the plan. Pretty impressive, huh? You didn’t even recognize me as I followed you around. I was actually un-amused by that. We used to be close before, right bro?” Nick said as he put his arm around Niall’s shoulder. Staring down at the bundle of pictures on the floor, Nick started to scatter them again and found the one that he was looking for. 

 

“How did you get that?” Nick heard Niall hissed besides him and shrugged his arms off. Nick laughed out loud. “God, Niall. Didn’t you know that Jessica wanted me to stalk Quinn too?” 

 

“What the fuck?” Yes, that was what Niall could response at the moment. There were pictures of Quinn when she was in London but what shocked Niall the most was the pictures of Quinn in New York, after they broke up. 

 

Nick smirked as he saw Niall stared down at pictures of Quinn that were lying across the floor with disbelief eyes. Frankly, Nick found Quinn was very hot and damn Niall for always scored with the hot chick but it didn’t matter cause deep inside his heart, Nick knew that he only loved Jessica all along. But Jessica betrayed his love and trust when she decided to marry Niall instead of him. Nick frowned and huffed in frustration as he thought about that. 

 

“You know one more things that I forgot to tell you is about how Jessica had met Quinn in New York.” Nick said and stared at Jessica again, smirking as he saw Jessica’s eyes widened. Serve you right, Jessica. Nick thought. Why should he care anymore? She hurts him and now it was his time to hurt her. 

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asked quietly, afraid to look forward to the answer. Frankly, he was so overwhelmed with all the revelations. The baby, the pictures, the revenge and all of that. He never thought that this would be the price that he had to pay by being himself. 

 

“What I mean was Jessica went to New York to meet Quinn and begged her to let you go completely. Pretty smart plan, don’t you think? By then, Jessica told me that Quinn already let you go so she was fucking happy about it. Bet you didn’t know about that too, did you?” Nick asked, mockingly. 

 

Niall swallowed hard as his eyes stared into Jessica’s, looking for any reaction there. For sure, her eyes were full of moisture and tears and Niall couldn’t tell whether everything that Nick had said was the truth or not. 

 

“I don’t believe you..” Niall trailed off as he looked up to face Nick. 

 

Nick threw his arms up in the air in frustration and shook his head. “Fine! Let’s just ask the mastermind here, shall we?” Nick asked and without any reply, he ripped off the fold in Jessica’s mouth, making her winced and coughed slightly at the sudden air that came rushing through her lips. 

 

Niall tried to stand and helped Jessica but he was shoved by Nick making him staggered and his back was connected to the wall. He can only watched helplessly as Nick yanked Jessica’s hair and pushed her head to roll towards his direction, making her to stare right through his eyes. 

 

“Niall..” He heard Jessica called his name shakenly. Niall tried to move forward but the tied on his hands and feet restrained his movement. 

 

Nick watched as Niall started to step forward and he stood up abruptly, yanking Niall’s arms and tied him against the bedpost, near to Jessica. Nick punched Niall again as the other guy started to struggle to get free. When he was satisfied with the new arrangement of his two hostages, Nick smiled to himself. 

 

“So, are you ready for some confession, Niall?” Nick asked. 

 

“Nick..” Nick heard Jessica called his name, trying to plead. This time he didn’t care anymore. He was tired of being Jessica’s toy. 

 

Nick took a seat besides Jessica’s body and yanked her hair, making her winced and whimpered in pain. 

 

“Nick, you’re hurting her!” Niall half yelled. 

 

“Shut the fuck up!” Nick yelled and punched Niall again, making his nose bled. 

 

Niall shook his head as he started to feel dizzy. God, when can’t this nightmare would be over? He was being tortured physically and mentally and he didn’t think he can take it at once. 

 

“So, Jessica, you’re ready to tell this poor guy here about what you did to him?” Nick smirked as he watched on how Jessica’s lips started to tremble. 

 

“Nick, you promised..” Jessica started, trailed off her sentence as she looked at him pleadingly. 

 

Nick huffed angrily and started to yell again. “You promised too, bitch! You promised me that you’d marry me when you asked me to conceive the baby with you! But no! You broke your promise and guess what, now I’m breaking mine!” 

Niall felt his heart dropped as he watched the scene in front of his eyes. “Jessica…” Niall called out quietly. “Is that true? You lied to me all this time?” Niall asked. 

 

“Niall..” Jessica said as she shook her head but Nick was faster and slapped her cheek. “You lying bitch! Tell him the truth!” 

 

Jessica started to sob as she looked at Niall’s eyes, looking at her, pleading with her to tell him the truth. To tell him that all of what he had heard was all bullshit and Nick was only making up the story. But she loved Niall so much she can’t bear to hurt him anymore. 

 

“I’m so sorry..I’m so sorry, Niall..I didn’t mean to hurt you…” Jessica said with tears pouring down on her cheeks, begging Niall to forgive her. 

 

Niall felt his heart broke into a million pieces when Jessica started to apologize to him. So Nick was telling him the truth. All of the lies, the pictures..oh my..

 

“Why..” Niall whispered slowly, staring at Jessica as he asked her the simple question but to him, it was the big question that pondered in his thought at the moment. 

 

“Cause I love you, Niall. But you didn’t even look at me as you looked at Quinn. I was drove by jealousy and hurt. I tried to make you mine and..that was why I set you up with the baby..I thought you would wanted me right away but I was wrong..so I created all the scandals..I’m so sorry, Niall..I never meant to hurt you..” Jessica said and started hiccupping. 

 

Niall closed his eyes and shook his head. God, please…this hurts too much..

 

“Niall..don’t hate me, please..I regret all of that..I couldn’t bear to see you hurt anymore..I swear, I’ve changed..being pregnant really made me realize that I’m not going to be a bad person anymore..please, don’t hate me..I really didn’t mean to hurt you..” 

 

Niall felt his heart sinking deeper into an unknown place as Jessica spoke up. Hate Jessica? No. He felt nothing. He couldn’t comprehend his own feeling at that moment. What he wanted was to escape and ran far away until no one could find him. Until no one could recognize him as Niall Horan. He wanted to disappear so badly so that nobody could hurt him like this. 

 

**

 

Zayn’s car screeched as it reached the parking lot. He heard all of it. How could they do this to Niall? To his baby brother? And how in the hell he fell into all of the things that they did? He made Niall’s life a living hell before because of the scandals. He called Niall a liar, when in reality Niall was being honest with him. How could he neglect the fact that Niall was his baby brother that would always confided in him with everything. And right at that moment all Zayn wanted to do was to grab Niall and protected his baby brother from all of the evils in the world so he could not be hurt over and over again. 

 

**

 

“See, Niall? She’s not a good woman, right? Why don’t you let me settle this one out?” Nick’s voice snapped Niall out of his trance. 

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asked, suddenly freaked out by Nick’s words. 

 

“What I mean is, let me kill her cause she really had been a bad, bad girl for us, don’t you think so?” Nick asked as he started to pick up his knife again and started to cut Jessica’s neck slowly and laughed as it bled. Jessica whimpered in pain and begging Nick to stop. 

 

“Nick! Stop! Don’t kill her!” Niall pleaded as he struggled to move between his tied hands. 

 

“Shut up, Niall!” Nick yelled back, ignoring Niall. 

 

Niall looked around the room as in to find something that could stop all of this. Yes, he may hate Jessica for lying to him but he didn’t want her to be killed. And the baby that she carried was innocent and didn’t deserve to die too. 

 

“Nick! Listen to me! Don’t kill her! Please!” Niall begged as he watched Nick started to cut Jessica’s belly slowly. God, what exactly that Nick wanted to do? 

 

When Nick seemed to ignore his plead, Niall finally did what he thought was right. “Nick! Please, don’t kill her! Kill me!” 

 

As soon as the words left Niall’s mouth, Nick stopped on what he was doing and stared at Niall. Nick smirked and shook his head. “Don’t worry, Niall. Your turn would be next after I finished with her.” 

 

**

 

Fuck! “Niall!!” Zayn yelled into the phone, completely forgetting about the situation that was happening at the moment. Zayn cursed out loud as he started to yell for Niall’s name again through the phone. What the fuck was Niall thinking, offered to being killed by a pshycho voluntarily? 

 

** 

 

“What was that?” Nick asked suddenly, making Niall swallowed nervously. 

 

“Huh?” Niall asked, acting dumb. The truth was he had heard Zayn’s voice booming through his phone at the back of his pocket and unluckily, Nick seemed to hear it too. 

 

Nick made his way towards Niall and started to search through Niall’s shirt and jeans. “Found it!” Nick yelled in triumph as he found the phone. “Nice Niall, so you were calling someone all this time, huh?” Nick asked as he looked at the screen. “Oh, Zayn. Should’ve known it.” Nick said as he pressed the phone to his ears. 

 

“Hello, Zayn. Been a while, right?” Nick asked and chuckled. 

 

“What the fuck, Nick? Let my brother go!” Zayn yelled and Nick laughed out loud as soon as Zayn finished. 

 

“Nah, I bet you heard everything right? So you must have heard that your precious brother here would follow Jessica’s step to heaven, or I might say, to hell.” Nick said. 

 

“I want to talk to Niall!” Zayn demanded as he yelled frantically.

 

Nick laughed once again and pressed the phone into Niall’s ears. “Zayn?” Niall called his brother’s name quietly. 

 

“Niall! What the hell were you thinking?!” Zayn scolded angrily. 

 

Niall swallowed hard as he heard Zayn’s angry voice. He knew Zayn was mad at him out of worry, but it was his own decision. 

 

“Zayn..just let me go..” Niall said. 

 

Zayn gasped in shock and was left speechless at his brother’s words. “Niall..what the hell are you talking about? You want me to let him kill you?” 

 

Silence filled the conversation for a few seconds before Niall finally decided to break it through. “Yes."

 

Zayn felt tears welled up in his eyes and rolled down on his cheeks and he wiped it away angrily. 

 

“No! I won’t! Just hang on; I’m going to get you out of there.” Zayn said firmly.

 

Niall smiled bitterly as he heard Zayn’s firmed voice. “Zayn, if you love me, just let me go..” 

 

“Niall…” Zayn started to speak up again but he was cut off by his brother’s voice. “Bye, Zayn.” Click. And the line went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update my other story, "there's no way to run.." so I can't post the next chapter for this story yet. Maybe by next week (I'll be in 5-days vacation.) xx


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A VERY DISTURBING IMAGE OF BLOODS AND A VERY GORY MURDER. MIGHT BE SENSITIVE FOR SOME PEOPLE REGARDING THE MURDER SCENE.

Zayn stopped his movement as the realization dawned in him. Niall was saying goodbye to him and it might have been the last time that he can see Niall. Shakingly, Zayn drove as fast as he can to the police station. As soon as he arrived at the station, he got out of his car and ran into the building. 

 

“I want to logde a report!” Zayn half yelled to one of the police officers at the front desk. 

 

“Calm down sir. You have to fill up this form first before you can lodge a report.” The officer said in a bored voice and didn’t even raise his eyes to look at Zayn. 

 

“I don’t have a fucking time to fill these fucking forms! My brother’s life is in danger! I need you guys to help him!” Zayn yelled and ignored the stares that he got from other persons that were also in the room. He didn’t care. All he cared was about his brother’s safety. He didn’t want Niall to be harmed or worse, died. 

 

Before Zayn knew it, he was taken to a small room with one of the police officers and he turned to face the guy angrily. 

 

“God, Zayn. What the hell were you thinking yelling and screaming at police station like that? You could get arrested, you know!” The guy said in a stern voice. 

 

Zayn stared at the guy as the realization dawned in his head. “Gary! Please, Gary! I need your help!” Zayn begged as he stood in front of a very confused Gary. How could he forget Gary? Gary was the one who helped him with the case of Niall and Kent before. He was the one who Zayn had turned to until Kent got the punishment that he deserved for assaulting Niall. 

 

“What are you talking about, Zayn? You need my help with what?” Gary asked confusingly as he stared at Zayn. 

 

“Niall! He is being held as hostage! Please, help me to get him free!” Zayn said frantically. 

 

Gary raised his eyebrows and stood dumbfounded, speechless as he looked at Zayn. “You’re not kidding, right? This isn’t some pranks that you guys had pull on me the last time, right?”

 

Zayn shook his head frantically and grabbed both of Gary’s shoulder. “I’m serious, man! Please! We need to go now!” 

 

“Do you have a proof?” 

 

Zayn shook his head again. “Look, he called me, and I don’t know how but I heard everything. He’s at Jessica’s house and this one guy, Nick threatened to kill them both.” 

 

“Zayn, it’s not that I don’t want to help you, but we have strict procedure here, I just can’t call my team to barge through someone’s house with lack of proof.” Gary said sympathetically as he saw Zayn was closed to tears, begging him to help to save his brother. 

 

Zayn shook his head angrily as he backed away from Gary. Fuck the police, if they didn’t want to help him, he can go to save Niall by himself. He started to take off when suddenly Gary gripped his arms, blocking his way out. “Where do you think you’re going?” 

 

“I’m going to save my brother by myself! You and your fucking police department can go to hell!” Zayn yelled as he jogged his way towards his car at the parking lot. Before he reached his car, Zayn turned around as he heard someone followed him closely. “What?!” Zayn asked, annoyed at Gary. 

 

“Look, I’ll try my best to help you. But you do know that if this matter is a faux, we have to press charges on you?” Gary asked, making the situation clear. 

 

Zayn nodded frantically. “I know. Please, I just want to save Niall.” He begged again. 

 

Gary finally nodded. “I’ll gather up my team and we can go together. Just give me 5 minutes, wait for us here.” Gary instructed as he already making his way towards the station again. Zayn pulled out his cellphone and tried to call his brother again. But he was only replied by the sounds of the operator saying that the phone was out of reach. 

 

**

 

Nick threw Niall’s cellphone at the wall, leaving it shattered into pieces as he walked back to be besides Jessica. Roughly, he grabbed Jessica’s face as he kissed her repeatedly and enjoyed the moan of pain that was coming from her lips. It was such a satisfaction for Nick that he felt like he wanted to do it over and over again. 

 

Nick grinned widely after he pulled away from Jessica’s lips. When Jessica started to cry, Nick frowned and smacked her face roughly. “Shut up, bitch!” Nick yelled as he didn’t care that he was hurting the person he used to love, or probably still in love. It didn’t matter at the moment. What matter to him was the baby. _His baby._

 

Slowly, he trailed the edge of the knife that he held earlier on Jessica’s belly again, starting to cut it diagonally. He ignored the painful wail that came out from Jessica as he started to deepen his knife through her stomach. He enjoyed watching the blood spilled through the cut. So thick and red. It made him happy to know that he was almost got his baby from inside Jessica’s belly. When Jessica struggled in pain, Nick went furious and started to stab her chest repeatedly, until he saw that Jessica eyes had closed and she went limp completely. “Good. Now you can shut up!” Nick yelled, ignoring the fact that he was yelling at a very dead Jessica at the moment. 

 

Nick turned his attention to the belly again, as he pulled out the knife from Jessica’s chest and started to put it on her belly again. This time, Nick started to move the knife and cut the belly vertically, making it looked like a cross sign on the belly. He pushed the knife deeper and twisted it frantically, still enjoying the sprayed of blood that was now covered on his face and hand. 

 

Nick grinned as he finally threw the knife besides Jessica’s body and started to rip out her belly, and put both of his hands inside, searching for his baby. “My baby.” Nick whispered in triumph as he felt the fetus and started to pluck it out from the belly. “Oh, my baby. Papa loves you.” Nick said as he slowly pulled the fetus out and cradled it in his arms. He kissed the bloody fetus repeatedly as he whispered ‘I love you’ over and over again. 

 

**

 

Niall was frozen to his spot. He couldn’t move his eyes from the scene in front of him. He couldn’t remember how to blink anymore. Everything seemed to be in the slow motion for him. Was he dreaming? Was it his imagination? He couldn’t tell. 

 

All he could tell that he couldn’t felt a thing. His stare was fixed on the pool of blood in front of him. He watched everything. He watched how Nick repeatedly tortured Jessica with his action. He watched how Nick started to cut Jessica’s belly. He screamed for Nick to stop but Nick seemed so lost inside his own world. Niall tried to get his arms and legs free from the ties but failed to do so. He can only watch helplessly as Nick started to push the knife into Jessica’s belly. A very pregnant belly. Niall can only watch and hear Jessica screamed in pain and he was sure that his voice was mixed with her’s as he screamed for Nick to stop on what he was doing too. But again, Nick seemed to not acknowledge on his surroundings. 

 

Niall watched on how Nick stabbed Jessica’s chest repeatedly until Niall swore he couldn’t make on what was left on her chest. It was too torn and bloodied. And Niall couldn’t tear his eyes off the bloody mess in front of him. He can only watch in silence as Nick screamed at the once alive Jessica. The next thing he knew, Nick was starting to put his knife on Jessica’s belly again, and this time Nick cut it across the other line he had made earlier. Niall watched as the blood sprayed to Nick’s face and he couldn’t help but felt the blood sprayed to his own face too. He was just that close to Jessica and Nick. 

 

When Nick started to throw his knife away, Niall thought it was over. Boy, couldn’t he be more wrong? Nick roughly ripped apart Jessica’s belly, or what was left of it. Niall watched on how the skin was being torn apart by Nick’s hand as the guy put his hands into the belly. Niall barely felt anything when he can see inside it. He can see the glimpse of internal organs in the stomach and helplessly he watched as Nick pulled out of what look like fetus from the belly. Bloods were everywhere and Niall swore that he never saw that much of bloods in his 24 years of living. 

 

**

 

“Stay here! We’ll search through the house!” Zayn remembered Gary told him sternly before all of the officers went into the house. It was weird as hell when they arrived as the gate of Jessica’s mansion was not locked and the guard was nowhere to be found. That was when Zayn saw Gary nodded to other members of his team before they barged through the house. Zayn tried to follow but he was held back as Gary ordered him to wait outside the house. It was only about a minute for Zayn to stand there before he finally followed his gut. Something was wrong and he just knew it. It was about Niall and did he really want to just fucking standing in front of the house, doing nothing? Of course not. 

 

Zayn strode towards the house, silently slipped through the police officers as they stopped to search at the main living room. How did he know that Niall was upstairs? Just call it as a brother thing. He just knew. Once Zayn reached upstairs, he couldn’t help but felt that his nervousness increased. It was too silence. Too freaking silence. Jogging through the long hallway, Zayn stopped at one of the doors. He was about to turn the doorknob when suddenly he felt someone pulled his shoulder away. 

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Gary’s voice was heard and Zayn couldn’t help but had to turn around to face the faces of the officers. 

 

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to your order. But I’m too worried.” Zayn explained. 

 

Gary sighed and shook his head before he stepped forward, in front of Zayn. “Let us do our job, Zayn. Everything could be evidences here.” 

 

Zayn nodded silently as he let the officers stepped forward and opened the doorknob. 

 

And what Zayn saw, or just a glimpse of it, was not something that he wanted to see forever in his life. The sight was too messy with blood and he was afraid that he was too late to save Niall. He was snapped out of his trance when Gary shouted something that clicked in his mind. Niall. 

 

“Niall!” Zayn yelled as he pushed his way to his brother. He went besides Niall as he saw Niall’s eyes were fixed on something. Turning around, Zayn suddenly regretted his action. There was Nick, holding something tiny and bloody and….what in the hell? Was that fetus? Zayn quickly turned around as he faced Niall and softly called Niall’s name. But Niall didn’t seem to listen. Zayn nodded gratefully at one of the officers that untied all of the ropes that had bound Niall’s hands and legs. Wrapping his arms around the younger lad, Zayn pulled Niall into his embrace, pulling Niall’s face into his chest. God, did Niall saw everything that happened?

 

“Zayn, I called for medics to come, maybe you can bring Niall out of here now. Get him to be checked.” Zayn heard Gary said softly as the guy patted his shoulder lightly. Zayn nodded as he started to stand and pulling Niall with him. 

 

“Niall, can you stand?” Zayn asked softly as he felt Niall stiffened when he pulled the younger brother to stand properly. When he was replied with no answer, Zayn started to walk slowly to exit the room, with his arms wrapped protectively around Niall. He kept Niall close to him as Niall started to turn his face and look towards the room. No, he didn’t want Niall to see whatever that was happened inside the room. Again. 

 

“Zayn?” Zayn heard Niall’s voice weakly called for him. Tilting his head slightly, he saw that Niall’s eyes was starting to glaze over and he seemed to recognize Zayn. Before Zayn could reply, Niall shoved him away and started to stumble to nowhere. “Niall!” Zayn half yelled for his brother when suddenly Niall buckled on his knees and started to throw his gut out on the floor of the hallway. Zayn quickly reached besides his brother and started to rub Niall’s back in a soothing manner. 

 

**

 

He heard someone called his name but his mind didn’t register who the voice was belonged to. He felt someone led him to be out of the room but he didn’t know who the guy was. He felt the guy pulled his face so that he could not see the horrible scenes that he had watched earlier again. But it was too late. He already saw everything. Nobody could fix that. Not even Zayn. That was when it all clicked inside his mind. He knew the guy. Those arms that wrapped around him felt familiar like he used to know. “Zayn?” He called weakly. When did he become so weak? Before he knew it, he was on his hands and knees, throwing his gut out as the images of the bloody mess suddenly filled up his mind again. He barely felt Zayn’s hands on his back. All he knew was he couldn’t felt anything. At all. 

 

**

 

Zayn couldn’t tear his arms apart from Niall. Niall seemed traumatic enough that he didn’t want to talk at all. The bruises were already formed on his face and Zayn could only watch helplessly as the younger brother didn’t even wince as the medics personnel were checking and treating his bruises and injuries. Niall didn’t even flinch when the medics poked the cuts resulted from the tight restriction on his hands and legs earlier. Zayn felt worriedness engulfed him. Niall was the one who always winced even when it was a small cut. It was just the way he was. The way Niall shivered under his embrace; Zayn couldn’t help but felt his worry shot up. The medics were still checking on Niall as the younger brother stubbornly refused to go to the hospital. But part of Zayn didn’t want him to go too. The commission of media outside of Jessica’s mansion already started and Zayn felt like the world was not fair at the moment. Couldn’t Niall at least take a break from all of this shit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thought?


	51. Chapter 51

Zayn closed the door behind him quietly and sighed. He turned around and smiled slightly at the sight of his beautiful wife. Slowly, his wife wrapped her arms around him and Zayn buried his face into her hair, letting her comforting him. 

 

“How’s he?” Perrie asked softly. Truth to be told, she was shocked to the core when she first found out about what happened. It was the day before and it felt so surreal for her. When Zayn had called her and told her on what had happened, she had to sit down to listen to the frantic voice of her husband. So she started to wait for the brothers and couldn’t contain her sobs once she laid her eyes on Niall. His arms and legs looked beaten and there were spots of bloods on his shirt. And Niall looked so lost.. _so_..silent and empty that it saddened her when he looked like he didn’t acknowledge his surrounding at all. She helped Zayn hoisted the younger brother to the guest room and cleaned his up. Zayn asked her to throw away Niall’s clothes. It was too dirty, Zayn told her. 

 

“I don’t know.” Zayn replied shortly. He was overwhelmed with worry for Niall as he accompanied the younger brother overnight. Niall just stared at the ceiling all night, refused to speak and even look at Zayn. So Zayn did the thing that he used to do when Niall was restless. He stroked Niall’s hair softly until Niall was finally lulled to sleep somewhere around before dawn. Zayn just sit and stared at the younger brother, looking at the face of once an innocent kid who Zayn used to protect from all of the bad things. Zayn couldn’t help but felt like he failed to do his job as a big brother at that moment. How could he let Niall go through all of this shit? He was snapped out of his trance as a sunlight came from window and he stood up and closed the window’s blind. Pressing a quick kiss on Niall’s temple, Zayn glanced at his brother for the last time before he went outside of the room where Perrie had already waited for him. 

 

Perrie let the hug lingered for a while before she pulled away, putting her hands on Zayn’s face, stroking it gently. “They’re waiting downstairs.” Perrie said softly. 

 

Zayn raised his eyebrows and blinked his eyes confusingly. “They?” 

 

“Your family. They all flew here straight away as soon as I called them. And the guys also camped out here since late last night.” Perrie explained. When she had called her mother-in-law, Perrie tried her best not to worry Patricia but which mums don’t worry about their children? Patricia and Alicia were the first ones who arrived at the front door and Perrie had to convince them not to barge through the guest room to see Niall. Perrie knew Niall was not ready to see anyone yet. He needed his rest, which was what Perrie had told to the other two women. The same also went to Josh and Ivy who came not long after that. Liam and Danielle, along with Louis and Harry came around midnight, repeatedly apologizing to Perrie for disturbing her but they were too worried about their friend for not turning up there. 

 

Zayn nodded as he wrapped his arms around Perrie, silently thanking her for being there for him. For being so understanding and helpful. Together in linking arms, they went downstairs, ready to meet their family and friends. 

 

**

 

Dark eyebags, haggard face, worried eyes. That was Josh’s first impression when he saw Zayn as soon as his brother stepped into the living room. The truth was, all of them barely had any sleep last night, worrying for Niall but Josh knew Zayn was the worst. Josh stood up and went towards Zayn, pulling him into his hugs and before he knew it, his shirt was wet with Zayn’s tears. 

 

“Shh..” Josh shushed Zayn, softly rubbed his little brother’s back, trying to comfort him. Perrie nodded gratefully at Josh before she sat down besides Patricia on the couch. After a few minutes, Zayn pulled away and wiped the remaining tears on his face. “Sorry.” He apologized quietly. He didn’t mean to break down but he felt bad for Niall. The younger brother had been through so much it made Zayn’s heart broke for him. 

 

Josh shook his head as he smiled slightly. “It’s okay, Z.” Zayn nodded and went to greet the others who were in the room. After that, Zayn took his place on the couch, sitting besides his wife. Glancing around the room, Zayn cleared his throat before he started to speak. 

 

“So, how much that you’ve heard about this..I don’t know what to call it..” Zayn trailed off. “How bad it is?” 

 

“News was all over, as far as I know. They were newscasters along with paparazzi camped outside here, and Niall’s house also.” Louis spoke up. The truth was the news about the shocking murder of Jessica was all over the media. Many speculations had been made and police were not commenting on any of it but somehow they got the info that Jessica had been murdered tragically and horribly died in the hands of psycho man. And all throughout the tragedy, Niall was the witness. 

 

Zayn sighed and shook his head. He expected that. It was overwhelmed. Not just that Jessica had been killed tragically and the unborn baby was pulled out forcefully by Nick, the guy also killed the guard and maids who were at the house. Somehow late last night, Zayn knew that news from Gary. It was no wonder that it became big news for the media. Zayn was about to speak further when suddenly the heavy footsteps came into the living room, making everyone turned their heads to see who it belonged to. 

 

“Sorry, I wanted to get here as soon as I can but the flight was delayed. How’s Niall?” Danny asked. Zayn stood and hugged Danny briefly before asking him to sit anywhere he can. As Zayn sat back down again, he started to tell them on what had happened. 

 

“I was on my way to the studio when Niall called. I thought it was Paul but then I saw the name on the screen. But he wasn’t speaking so I thought he accidentally called me. And then I heard the screams. I got panicked. I tried to reach him but he was not answering. So I listened and started to drive to police station.” Zayn started. 

 

“What else did you listen?” Liam asked. 

 

Zayn sighed again. “I listened on how Nick had said that he and Jessica made a plan to bring Niall down. They drugged him and took the pictures of him and Jessica. Nick said Jessica was in love with Niall long before they’ve met. But Niall didn’t..you know..” 

 

“Holy shit..that was all lied?” Harry’s voice was heard. 

 

Zayn nodded before continued. “Nick said that the baby was his, not Niall’s. Niall didn’t even conscious the night that Jessica had claimed that they slept together. And Jessica lied about the paternity test. Nick went mad because Jessica refused to marry him and wanted to marry Niall instead. That was why he did what he did. He wanted to kill Jessica.” Zayn spoke before he stopped and shuddered. “He wanted to kill Niall as well.” Zayn felt Perrie’s patted his arms softly, trying to make him feel better. He knew he didn’t want to go through the same thing again. Thought of Niall being killed or died was something that he couldn’t fathom in his mind. 

 

“That is so fucked up!” Danny hissed angrily. How someone could did that thing to Niall? He didn’t care that Jessica got killed, she deserved it after all. 

 

“Yeah..” Zayn said, agreed with Danny. “I don’t know how Niall would get through this.”

 

Everyone was listening to the rest of the story when suddenly the doorbell rang. Perrie went to answer it and came back to the living room with three of the guys, complete with their uniforms. 

 

“Zayn, they wanted to talk to Niall.” Perrie stated. 

 

Zayn snapped his head up and started to stand. “Can’t you guys wait until later? He’s still resting.” Zayn said angrily, glaring at the police officers. 

 

Gary walked over to the living room and looked at Zayn. “I’m sorry, Zayn. I tried to hold the process but this case is bigger than what we expected, so the chief wanted to finish up the case faster.” Gary said apologetically. 

 

Zayn sighed and crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. He knew that the cops had to do their jobs but he had to do his job too, which at the moment was to protect his little brother. 

 

“Let them be, I’m up.” All of the heads turned towards the voice that was coming from the bottom of the stairs. 

 

“Niall..” Zayn said worriedly as he walked over to the younger brother, trying to drag him back upstairs, forcing him to rest. 

 

Niall shook his head and looked at Zayn. “Please, I just want to get over this..” 

 

Zayn stared at Niall and finally nodded after a few moments. “Fine.” Zayn said and turned to look at Gary, before he finally continued. “I want to be besides him throughout the whole process and I won’t take no for answer.” Zayn said firmly and satisfied when Gary nodded, agreed with his terms. 

 

*****

 

Niall took a seat on the chair and sat stiffly with Zayn sitting closely besides him. The younger brother stared at the police blankly as they started to introduce themselves. He really didn’t care about that. He was tired but he couldn’t sleep. The images that had flashed through his mind when he closed his eyes was too overwhelmed to handle. He just couldn’t. That was why he made his way downstairs and about the same time he heard the conversation between the authorities and Zayn. 

 

“Niall? Are you listening?” Niall blinked when he felt a soft tap on his shoulder and Zayn’s worried eyes was staring back on his own. He knew Zayn was worried and he really didn’t want that. 

 

Slowly, Niall nodded and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I spaced out.” Niall apologized, breaking eye contact with Zayn and turned to look at the police officers. 

 

“It’s okay. So, why don’t you started from the beginning. We think it’ll help the case.” Gary said as he placed a recorder on the table, and pushing the red button to record the next conversation. 

 

Niall told them on how he got a call from Jessica. How she sounded frantic that Niall thought it was related to her pregnancy. Niall told them on how he arrived and no one was at the mansion, but he dismissed the weird feeling and looked around for Jessica instead. Niall told them on how he was knocked out and tied up on the floor, near Jessica’s bed with Jessica was already tied on the bed. Niall continued his story up until the conversation between Nick and Zayn through the phone and how Nick smashed the phone against the wall angrily. 

 

“That’s when he started..” Niall trailed off, swallowed thickly as he closed his eyes. “He started to..” Niall stammered and shook his head. He felt Zayn wrapped his arms around him and Niall went stiff. No, he didn’t want Zayn’s sympathy. Snapping his eyes open, Niall finally spoke up the next words. “He started to cut her belly..to get the baby…or fetus..I don’t know..” Niall said, still cannot comprehend on what had happened in front of his eyes during that moment. 

 

“You okay?” Zayn asked Niall softly as the younger brother seemed to shake when he started to recall the story about Jessica’s murder. Zayn was worried as hell and slightly hurt that Niall seemed to pull away when he wrapped the younger brother in his arms to comfort him. Didn’t Niall want his comfort? 

 

Gary cleared his throat when silence filled the room. Niall had stopped talking and Zayn seemed to be lost at words after Niall had told them about the murder. “Thank you for your cooperation, Niall. We’ll be in touch about this case and I will inform you guys if there’s any development on this case.” Gary said as he started to stand up with the other two officers who seemed to take note on everything that had been told to them. 

 

Niall nodded before suddenly he tilted head up to look at Gary. “Did Nick say anything else about this..I mean..I don’t know why they set me up until this point..I mean..” Niall said helplessly. He just didn’t understand why. Jessica said she loved him but why in the hell that she wanted to ruin his life? 

 

Gary sighed. “Wait for me outside.” Gary turned to the other officers and ordered them to go. When the other two nodded and fled from the scene, Gary sat down again and leaned forward to face Niall and Zayn who was staring at him, waiting for him to speak. 

 

“Look, this info is kind of confidential and please promise me that it’ll stay between us only, okay?” 

 

“I promise.” Niall said and Zayn nodded, agreeing. 

 

“We searched the whole mansion and found this one room.” Gary started. 

 

“What room?” Zayn asked, now curious. 

 

“It’s like the room was dedicated for you, Niall.” 

 

“Huh?” Niall said, still confused. 

 

“The room was filled with your pictures. Everything about you. It’s like every movement of yours were filed there. Pictures of you with family, friends and even your ex-girlfriend, Quinn.” Gary said and started to open one of the folders in his hands and showed it to Niall and Zayn. 

 

Zayn had to bite back his gasps as he saw the pictures of the room. In his life, he never imagined that a person would do this to Niall. It was downright stalking or creeping out on Niall’s life. Obsessed was the perfect word to describe on what Jessica had done. It was too much. 

 

Niall shook his head and started to stand up shakily. It was too overwhelmed for him to digest all of this. First, he was told that Jessica had lied to him about the baby, the murder of Jessica in front of his eyes and then this? He felt like he had been toyed over and over again. He had completely lost his privacy and he was fooled to believe that Jessica was a nice girl where in reality she was the worst person that he had ever met. She did everything to make Niall fell for her and stupidly enough, Niall fell for it. He felt like such an idiot and look what’ve happened. He lost everything and at that moment he felt like he had lost his mind too. “Enough..please..” Niall begged, started to stumble backwards, away from Zayn and Gary.

 

“Shit.” Zayn cursed and started to stand up, grabbing Niall and wrapping the younger brother into his hug. He felt Niall wrapped his arms around his back and started to whimper. “Shh..Niall..everything’ll be okay..everything’ll be okay..” Zayn said soothingly but deep in his heart, he didn’t know how he could make everything okay with Niall again.


	52. Chapter 52

Danny sighed as he finally saw the person that he was looking for. Hell, it was not easy to find him. It took nearly all Danny’s time and effort, not to mention everyone else who cared to find the certain person that suddenly went missing and ignoring the rest of the people that cared about him. Danny was glad that he had made many friends all over the places. He was thankful when one of his friends recognized the guy at the hotel he was worked for and had informed Danny about it. And that was where Danny was standing at the moment. He was finally standing on the top floor of the hotel and maybe God really wanted to help him, he suddenly spotted the guy who was sitting lazily across the bench, looking out at the scenery from the top floor with a cigarette hanging between his lips. 

 

“So, this is what you do now? Smoking like there’s no tomorrow and hiding from the rest of the world?” Danny asked, his eyes glued to the boxes of cigarettes that was laying besides the guy and he knew he had surprised the other guy. 

 

“Fuck! Don’t sneak on me like that!” Niall huffed and threw the butts of his cigarettes into the ash tray. “What are you doing here?” Niall asked, his eyebrows rose in confusion. Nobody supposed to know where he was. He needed his own time and for Danny to find him there was not part of his plan. His plan was to disappear from the world and never came back. He wished he could do that easily but he just can’t. He didn’t want to be _that_ selfish. 

 

“I searched. Fuck, Niall. For someone who’s famous, I’m quite surprised that you can hide for this long. I mean, how long that it had been now, a month?” Danny asked.

 

“It’s only two weeks, Danny. What? I don’t have the right to have my own private time now?” Niall snapped. 

 

Danny sighed and shook his head. “No. It’s just because you fled without saying anything to us. I mean, everyone is worried, you know. Zayn nearly got a heart attack when he knew you had sold your house. You didn’t even tell him about that and you just disappeared. How in the hell would you think that everyone will react?”

 

Niall huffed and lit up another cigarettes, his face showed a complete of blank emotion. “So? The case had finished and Nick got his punishment. Everyone knew everything about me now. About how I had been lied through and through. So I thought why not move over somewhere else and started over, you know?” Niall said and shrugged carelessly. 

 

Danny sighed and took a seat besides Niall, turning his head to look at Niall’s face. Niall looked like a mess. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was dishevelled. His figure was also thinner and almost near to be the next skeleton that he could find at the hospital and that made Danny worried as hell. He knew Niall was suffering from all of the recent events that had took place. He knew Niall felt suffocated living in London where every goddamn cameras wanted to follow him around. Every goddamn channels wanted to interview him or get him to talk about his experiences, his feeling and all those bullshits. Danny cursed inwardly at all those presses. They were the ones who had made Niall’s life as hell when the scandal with Jessica got out and now they wanted to turn things around with Niall? Hell, even Danny wouldn’t do it, let alone Niall. Danny knew Niall was hurt by his family and friends. Come on, who believed Niall when he swore he didn’t do anything with Jessica? Danny knew one of the reasons that had driven Niall to flee away from London was because of the feelings that had been buried inside him. Not that Danny was a fucking psychiatrist, but knowing Niall, Danny knew him by the back of his hands. He knew Niall was mad at them for not believing him and looked at what had happened. One by one truth was exposed and the whole world now knew about the real story. 

 

“I know you need time, but it doesn’t mean that you have to deal with it alone, bro. We are always besides you. We need you to come home. Everybody misses you.” Danny said softly, trying to talk to Niall about the subject. 

 

Niall snorted and shook his head. He let the silence lingered for a moment as he exhaled out the smoke from the cigarettes. Frankly speaking, he didn’t know why he fled away at the first place. He needed time and space, sure. But part of him was lost. He thought that he would be able to forget everything at the new place but apparently he was wrong. It was true what they said; you can’t escape from your past unless you are ready to face your future. That was Niall’s problem, he was still stuck in the moment and didn’t know how to move to the future. He lost all of the feelings, the senses that he always had before. And at that moment, he was just… _lost._

 

“Don’t lie, Danny. I know everyone’s mad at me.” Niall said. 

 

“No, they don’t.” Danny said and quickly amended when he saw Niall looked at him in disbelief. “Okay, Zayn might have been mad at first when he found out about the house. But he wasn’t really mad, he was just worried.”

 

Niall nodded. “Okay.” He said shortly. “But I don’t think I can go back to London, Dan. It’s too overwhelming.” 

 

“But so are here.” Danny encountered. It was the truth. Somehow, Danny spotted some photographers and reporters lurking around the hotel, waiting for Niall to make an appearance outside and for Danny, it was basically the same situation that Niall had to deal with in London. “At least, in London, you have Zayn, you have the guys, hell you even have me to support you through this whole ordeal.” Danny continued. 

 

Silence. Niall blew a big ring of smoke and turned his head to look at Danny after a few moments. “Fine. I’ll come home.” Niall said and the next thing he knew, he was on the flight back to London.

 

******

 

“Fuck, Zayn! I don’t need you to babysit me!” Niall yelled and grabbed his keys, walking away from Zayn through the front door. Few seconds later, Zayn heard the rumble of the engine and Niall was out of the sight. 

 

Letting out a big frustrated sigh, Zayn plopped down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Niall had changed. So much that it scared Zayn. Couple of weeks ago when Danny had finally brought Niall back, Zayn was happy and relieved. He thought Niall had disappeared. Who could’ve blamed him for being worry? He still remembered the day after Niall had told him that he wanted to go back to his own house after living at Zayn’s for almost two months since the tragedy happened. So Zayn had let Niall back to his own house. But he didn’t expect that the day after that, he won’t see his brother again. He remembered on how he parked his car in front of the house, and found that the driveway was empty. No signs of Niall’s car and Zayn’s stomach suddenly dropped in fear. His fear was proven to be true when he opened the unlocked front door only to find out that the house were empty. There were only big furniture left in the house and when Zayn was about to call Niall, a tall guy came with a couple who seemed to be interested to buy the house. And at that moment, Zayn knew that Niall had sold the house and the tall guy was the property agent. Niall had fucking sold his house without telling Zayn about it and the older brother couldn’t be angrier but a big part of him was actually worried. So where did Niall go? He tried to call his little brother but to no avail and one week later, nobody knew where Niall was and thank God that it didn’t last for long. 

 

Zayn knew he owed Danny a big time to actually manage to find Niall and brought him home. Initially, Niall insisted to stay at the hotel in town but Zayn wanted the younger brother to stay at his house. When Niall stubbornly refused, Zayn used his secret weapon, his wife. And that made Niall gave in and agreed to stay at Zayn’s. Zayn thought it was perfect. He could take care of Niall and kept an eye of his little brother but apparently he was wrong. Niall was barely home and when he was home, he refused to communicate with Zayn or even Perrie. Even a simple ‘Hi’ was rarely thrown around by the younger brother and it made Zayn hurts inside. He knew that was a way for Niall to say that ‘look, Zayn, you were wrong about me.’ Zayn knew that. Niall had drifted apart from him and Zayn couldn’t help but blamed himself for it. He was the one who pushed Niall away on the first place and now Niall did the same thing to him to let Zayn knew on how he felt before. 

 

So Zayn tried a different approach. He knew Niall was not dealing properly with all the events that had taken place in his life. Niall’s eyes didn’t really hold the same sparkles anymore. Sure, he smiled but it did not reach his eyes, it made Zayn’s heart broken when he saw it. And not only Zayn, everyone else noticed that Niall liked to put on his dark sunglasses whenever he went. Zayn knew it was part of the younger brother’s action to hide his true feelings. And when he tried to help Niall about it, the younger brother only brushed him off and got angry, like he did just now. Zayn was just raising his concern about Niall when suddenly Niall got angry. 

 

“Fuck, Zayn! I don’t need you to babysit me!” Niall yelled and grabbed his keys, walking away from Zayn through the front door. Few seconds later, Niall was out of the sight. Niall was never the one who got the temper, Zayn was. It was one of the things that made Zayn felt like Niall had changed so much. Slowly, he picked up his phone and dialled the number that he longed to seek help to. 

 

*****

 

“What’s up bro?” Josh greeted as soon as he picked up his phone. 

 

“Good. I guess.” Josh frowned as he heard Zayn’s reply. It had been a while since Zayn called him and by the sounds of his younger brother’s voice, something was wrong at that moment and Josh instantly knew. 

 

“Niall?” Josh asked. 

 

“Yeah..” Zayn trailed off. 

 

“How’s he?” Josh asked as he lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling while waiting for Zayn to tell him about Niall. 

 

“God, Josh. I’m freaking over him. He seemed to be distant as days go by. He barely speaks to us. He barely eats and sleeps. But when I voiced over my concern, he got mad. Sometimes I feel like he’s living in denial.” 

 

Josh rubbed his face with his hand and sighed. “He’s not dealing well, you know.” 

 

Josh heard Zayn sighed on the other end of the phone. “I know. I don’t know how to help him, Josh. He seemed to be drifted away from me everyday.” Zayn said and paused. “I miss him.” Zayn continued in a small voice. 

 

“I know, Z. I miss him too. Well, we all miss him. Do you think we can help him to get over all of these things that happened?” Josh wondered out loud. 

 

“I don’t know, Josh. I tried. God, I tried so much but he didn’t seem to accept it. He is just so…I don’t know..emotionless? Frankly, I hadn’t even seen him cried after the shit about Jessica went down. I’m just scared that if he keeps bottling up, it’ll bring him no good.” Zayn said worriedly. 

 

Josh closed his eyes as he tried to remember Niall’s face after he found out that Quinn was dead. He remembered Niall cried after the younger guy had found out about Quinn’s miscarriage but after that the cry had just stopped. In fact, Josh hadn’t even seen Niall feeling upset or anything. It was just weird seeing that Niall who was always wore his heart on his sleeves can be so emotionless. 

 

“I wish I know how to help him, Z.” Josh said as he sighed again. He really wished to see those lopsided grin on Niall’s face again. Those adorable sly smiles that planted on his little brother’s face when he blushed or feeling shy. The small chuckles that would leave Niall’s lips whenever he found something that amused him. The loud laughter when he found something funny to laugh at. 

 

After they talked for a while, both decided to end the call for the day and promised to talk to each other later. “Yeah, take care, Z. Love you too, bro.” Josh said before hung up. He stared at the phone for a while before he sighed again and went to his balcony. It had a great view of the city and he really loved it. The truth was, he loved New York. It was the town that felt so close to home for him. Everything about New York appealed Josh and he couldn’t be happier to live there. Josh was so lost in his thought when suddenly he felt someone hugged him from behind. He knew perfectly who it was. Ivy. 

 

“What’re you thinking, baby?” Ivy asked softly as she laid her chin on Josh’s shoulder, staring at the view in front of her eyes. Josh seemed to be fascinated by the view just now but by the frown on his face, Ivy knew Josh was thinking deeply about something. 

 

“What do you think of London?” Josh asked suddenly, ignoring Ivy’s question. Ivy raised her eyebrows at the unexpected question. “I love it just fine. Why?” 

 

Josh turned around slowly and took Ivy’s hands in his, staring right into her eyes. “I want to move to London. Would you come with me?” 

 

Shocked was an understatement of the century. “But baby, don’t you love New York? I thought you like it here?” Ivy asked, her voice laced with confusion. 

 

“I know. But I love my family more. I love my brothers more than everything. And now, I think the right thing to do is to be besides them. I mean, I’m worried about Niall, yeah but it makes me worry about Zayn too. It’s just, I’m worried about both of them.” Josh said. When Ivy remained silence, Josh felt his spirit flew away. God, Ivy didn’t want to come with him. 

 

“I totally understand if you don’t want to follow me. I mean, New York is your hometown right. Why would you follow me to another country for the sake of my family, right? It’s not fair to you. I’m sorr..” Josh started to ramble and he was suddenly shut by the kiss on his lips. 

 

“Joshua! You rambling idiot! Who said I didn’t want to?” Ivy smiled and smacked Josh’s arms playfully. How could her boyfriend thought that she didn’t want to follow him to London? After all, the family-oriented quality that Josh had was one of the reasons why Ivy fell in love with him. 

 

"You'd do that?" Josh asked excitedly. When Ivy nodded, Josh smiled broadly and hugged Ivy tightly. “God, baby. Thank you! I love you so much.” 

 

Ivy hugged her boyfriend back. “There’s no need to compare me with God.” Ivy joked and Josh laughed. “But I love you too, baby. You’re a great brother.” 

 

Josh buried his head against Ivy’s shoulder and smiled again. A great brother. He might not be great yet, but he knew he was going to be a good one after this. Maybe he can finally help Zayn to reach Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p/s: posted this from office (internet is down at home *sigh*), oh and if you guys haven't read it, go check out my other new story "there's nowhere to run." :)


	53. Chapter 53

He laughed as he watched several guys who were obviously completely wasted, doing the chicken dance on the dance floor. He shook his head and turned around to face the bartender again. He ordered another glass of drink and started to sip it greedily. 

 

“Having fun Niall?” Niall almost choked on his drink as soon as he heard the voice. Rolling his eyes, Niall answered without even looking at the person. 

 

“In fact, I am. You come here just to add the fun, right?” Niall asked sarcastically. His speech was a little slurred due to the amount of drinks that had entered his body beforehand. 

 

“Come on, you’re going home with me.” The guy said and started to pull Niall up with him. Yanking his arm from the grip, Niall started to raise his voice at the guy. “Fuck off, Zayn! I don’t want to go back yet!” 

 

Zayn shook his head at Niall’s stubbornness. Ignoring Niall’s yelling and cursing, Zayn dragged the younger brother towards the exit of the club and headed to the parking lot. Zayn also ignored the flashes of paparazzi’s lenses as they made their way to his car. He didn’t mind all of that at the moment because it was because of the paparazzi, Zayn knew where Niall was. That was also when he decided to come and pick Niall up. Ironic, wasn’t it? 

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Niall yelled as Zayn forcefully buckled his seatbelt before he did the same to his own and started to drive once they got into the car. 

 

“Shut up Niall! I just want to take you home. You’re too wasted.” Zayn said, glancing at the younger brother once in a while as he tried to keep his eyes on the road. 

 

“I’m not too wasted! Plus, it’s freaking early to go back yet!” Niall said angrily. 

 

Zayn huffed as he shook his head. “It’s almost 3.00 am already, Niall. Would you just follow me this time? I don’t want to pick you up from somewhere where you didn’t even remember the address like last time.” 

 

“So what? I’m a burden to you now?” Niall snapped. His eyes dangerously stared at Zayn. He didn't ask Zayn to come and pick him up this time, right? 

 

“No. But can you at least be considerate? Perrie’s worried about you. And with her condition at the moment, could you at least consider her feelings and wellbeing?” 

 

Niall shrugged carelessly. He knew about Perrie. He knew about how Zayn was going to be a father. They announced the good news last week. Niall didn’t know how to react to that news. Frankly, that was one of the reasons on why he ended up getting drunk tonight. It hurts to watch and to think that he had missed his chance to be a husband, let alone to be a father. Everything was cruelly destroyed for him and it was just not fair. 

 

“He’s your wife, not mine. Why should I care?” Niall replied coldly. Liar! He thought to himself. Of course he cared, Perrie was like another sister to him. But at the moment, he was just talking out of his ass, not his brain. 

 

Zayn gritted his teeth in frustration. Why did Niall have to act like this? Where was the old Niall that used to be caring about everyone that he loved? “Niall..” Zayn warned. 

 

“What? I’m just telling you the truth. I don't give a damn about your wife.” Niall replied again, this time he crossed his arms over his chest, and acted like he didn’t have a care to the world. 

 

“What the hell, Niall?! How do you feel if it’s your wife that had to deal with shit like this, huh? What if it’s your unborn child that you have to worry about but instead you have to worry about your brother’s stupid behavior?” Zayn snapped. 

 

Niall stared at Zayn in disbelief. Zayn didn’t really say that, did he? How could he talk like that?! He fucking knew what happened! 

 

“Stop the car!” Niall said as he unbuckled his seat belt. 

 

Zayn shook his head. “Niall, look. I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean it like that.” Zayn said regretfully. Damn his mouth and quick temper. How in the hell that he managed to hurt Niall with his own words again? 

 

“Stop the car or I’ll jump!” Niall said as his hand already started to turn the door handle to open it. 

 

Zayn stopped his car at the side of the road and as soon as the car stopped, Niall got out and slammed the car’s door. He started to walk away from Zayn’s car as he heard Zayn followed him slowly. 

 

“Niall, get back in. Please. I’m sorry. I swear I’ll never talk about you ex-girlfriend again.” Zayn pleaded. He was about to apologize again when suddenly Niall stopped and turned to face him. 

 

“Ex-fiancee.” Niall said and Zayn blinked confusingly. What the hell? Since when? 

 

“What are you talking about, Niall?” Zayn asked as he thought that Niall was still drunk and was talking nonsense. 

 

“We were engaged that night before everything started. But then the shit happened when Jessica came to your house. So we decided to keep it quiet. Oh not ‘we’, ‘she’ decided it and I just went along with her plan. But she left me after all the scandals started. She didn’t even give me a chance." Niall said and paused. He shook his head before he started to speak again. "Guess that’s what people always do, huh? Leave me? So, just spare me the time and leave me alone Zayn. I’m just fine by myself.” Niall said and started to walk away from Zayn again. 

 

Zayn felt his eyes welled with tears as he heard Niall’s voice. If that was what really happened, Zayn knew Niall was hurt so bad. The younger brother always had issue with abandonment. “Niall..please, let's go home with me.” Zayn pleaded again. He didn’t want to leave Niall alone. This was the first time since all of the things happened that Niall started to open up to him. He wanted Niall to talk about his feelings, and not keeping those feelings inside him all alone. 

 

Niall tightened his jacket as he ignored Zayn’s pleading. No way in hell he’s gonna let Zayn hurt him again with his words. He didn’t know why he told Zayn about the engagement. It was just come out of his anger. They didn’t need to know what a loser he was. What a fucking loser he was to be dump by his fiancée not even after a month of engagement. Shaking his head, he started to take off, running away from Zayn, literally. 

 

*****

 

Danielle woke up and opened her eyes to the smell of foods and smiling slightly to herself. Liam must have prepared breakfast for her. Rolling to her side, her eyes widened as she saw the figure that was snoring lightly. “Li?” So who was in the kitchen? Slowly making her way to the kitchen, Danielle exhaled a breath of relief when she recognized who was the culprit. 

 

“Morning, Danielle.” Niall greeted chirpily. 

 

“Morning. What are you doing here, Niall?” Danielle asked in confusion. She didn’t remember anything about Niall dropped by at their house last night. 

 

“I crashed here last night. You went to sleep already. Sorry. But you don’t mind right?” Niall asked and relieved when Danielle shook her head. “Enjoy your breakfast.” Niall offered as he placed two plates of waffles and toasts in front of Danielle. 

 

“You don’t have to do all this.” Danielle said as she started to sit and eyed the foods in front of her. It looked tempting. She took a first bite and sighed in satisfaction. It was downright delicious. It was one of Niall’s talents that Danielle was always envy of, cooking. 

 

“You don’t want to eat with me?” Danielle asked as Niall only had a glass of juice in front of him. 

 

“Nah, I ate already.” Niall replied shortly. Danielle raised her eyebrows in disbelief. If was not a secret that Niall barely ate recently but Danielle didn’t want to bug Niall about it so early in the morning so she let it slide. In the back of her mind, she made a mental note to talk about it with Niall later. She loved her friend so much that she refused to let him dwelled in his depression continuously. 

 

They both sat in silence before suddenly another voice entered the kitchen. “Morning.” Liam yawned and gave Danielle a peck on her cheek before he took a seat besides his wife. His eyes caught on the foods that was served on the plates and started to ask. “You did all this?” Liam stared at his wife and grinned mockingly. Danielle laughed and shook her head. Of course Liam knew who had prepared the breakfast. Bringing his eyes to look at Niall, Liam frowned slightly. 

 

“Did you get any sleep last night? You look like hell.” Liam said and as soon as the words left his mouth, Danielle smacked his arms. 

 

Niall snorted and chuckled. “Thanks for the compliment, Li.” Niall replied sarcastically and shook his head. He missed this. He missed the normalcy of the situation. Living with Zayn, the older brother tend to treat him like he was so fragile and can be broken by a single touch. It made Niall felt frustrated and suffocated. 

 

Liam stared at Niall for a while before decided to talk about it with Niall later. He loved his friend to death and he didn’t want Niall to continuously deteriorate his health like this. Liam knew Niall rarely slept anymore. The dark bags under his eyes were so obvious against his pale skin. 

 

Liam shrugged as he took the first bite. “Good job, bro. It’s nice. I miss your cooking.” Liam said with his mouth still full with foods, making part of it sprayed on the table. 

 

Niall scrunched his nose in disgust but smiled nonetheless. “Thanks. Hey Li, you have a friend in motor cross right?” 

 

Liam raised his eyebrows at the unexpected question but answered it nonetheless. “Yeah, my former schoolmate. Why?” 

 

“Well, I’m thinking of trying the thing you know. It seems fun.” Niall said. 

 

“And dangerous.” Liam said but Niall ignored it. Sighing, Liam leaned back on his chair and stared at Niall. “You don’t even own a bike, Niall.” 

 

“I’ll buy one.” Niall replied simply. 

 

“You’re serious? But it’s dangerous, Ni. I’ve seen people got injuries from this and they’re professional, mind you.” Liam said, his voice laced with worry. Why did Niall acted like he wanted to try everything extreme lately? Liam still remembered couple of days ago where Niall almost drowned during surfing on the beach with Louis. Louis had warned Niall about the big waves and all but Niall still stubbornly wanted to try and thank God the incident didn’t really harm him. Although, Zayn was freak out about it when he knew what happened. Liam didn’t want that to happen again. He once read about adrenaline junkie but he can’t imagine of Niall being one of the junkies. It just seemed wrong. 

 

“I can handle it.” Niall replied stubbornly and Liam felt Danielle touched his arm softly, trying to calm him down because at the moment, Liam felt like he wanted to strangle Niall for being so stubborn. Didn’t he know that everyone was worried about him? No. He just wanted to waste away his life and health for doing something that totally irrelevant to him, Liam thought to himself about Niall.

 

“Let me ask Zayn about it first..” Liam said but suddenly a screeched sound of chair was heard and Niall was standing up, staring at him furiously. 

 

“Why do you have to ask him first?! It’s my life! Can’t I just live my life the way I wanted?! ” Niall started yelling, startling both Liam and Danielle. 

 

Liam started to stand up and touched Niall’s arm gently, trying to calm him down. “Ni, calm down. I’m sorry, okay. Here,” Liam said, writing a number on the paper and passed it to Niall. “This is his number, the name’s Frank.” 

 

“Good.” Niall said and kept the paper in his pocket. “Thanks anyway.” Niall continued before he dashed off the kitchen, leaving Liam and Danielle who looked at each other worriedly. 

 

*****

 

Red. All he could see was red. The sounds of baby crying and the woman yelling. First it showed the blonde hair and the face that he knew, but then it turned to the image that he had never forgotten. It showed the face of Quinn with her stomach ripped open and the sounds of baby crying came from inside it. Niall felt himself screaming at the guy to stop but it was useless. He watched on how Quinn exhaled her last breath and went limp. No more sounds were heard except his own heavy breathing. “Quinn!” Niall yelled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm just wondering what do you guys think about this story?


	54. Chapter 54

“Niall, wake up!” Josh shook his brother’s frame forcefully. He came to check on Niall quietly but instead he found his little brother was tossing around and whimpering in his sleep. He quickly came closer to the bed and when he heard Niall started to scream Quinn’s name horrifically, Josh knew his little brother was having a bad dream. That was when he tried to wake Niall up. 

 

Niall snapped his eyes open and bolted up. His body was drenched in sweat and he gasped painfully reaching for air before he felt someone was wrapping their arms around him. He looked up to see who the person was and couldn’t help but felt surprise. “Josh?” 

 

Josh wrapped his arms around Niall and brushing Niall’s wet hair that was plastered on his forehead. He felt Niall was trembling under his arms and he couldn’t help but felt worried. What was Niall had dreamed about? He pulled away when he felt Niall had finally breathing in regular pattern and finally those eyes of his baby brother met with his own. “Josh?” Niall asked again. 

 

Josh nodded. “You had a nightmare?” Josh asked but Niall seemed to avert his eyes before he shook his head to deny it. Josh sighed. “Niall. You know you can talk to me about it.” Josh said. 

 

Niall shook his head again and stood up from the bed. He went to the bathroom’s sink to wash his face. This was one of the reasons why he didn’t want to go sleep but this night he accidentally fell asleep. Look at what had happened, fool! You had a nightmare and what was worst that your big brother seemed to know about it! Niall thought to himself. “Niall?” Josh’s voice snapped Niall out of his stupor and he went to sit on his bed again, facing Josh. 

 

“What are you doing here?” His voice was raspy due to the scream earlier and he cleared his throat while waiting for Josh to answer. Glancing slightly at the clock on his bedside table, he found out that it was already noon, oo..okay. He forgot what day it was but to him it was just another day of misery. 

 

“I dropped by with Ivy. I wanted to meet you, actually. When was the last time we’ve seen each other?” Josh asked and looked at Niall. His little brother seemed to be thinner and now he finally understood about what Zayn had talked about. It’s not that he didn’t believe Zayn, but he can’t imagine the situation without looking at it with his own eyes. Now as he looked at Niall, he was glad that he had made the decision to come to London. 

 

Niall shrugged. Frankly speaking, he himself didn’t remember when was the last time he met Josh after the murder happened. It was quite blurred on whose who that had come and comforted him after the tragedy. And once it all cleared, he was the one who avoided everyone at all cost. Including Zayn and Perrie even though he lived in their house. Zayn said everyone was worried about him but Niall didn’t want that. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. Nobody understood on how he felt. How could they? He himself didn’t really figure out on what exactly was his feeling. By the worried look on Josh’s face, Niall knew that was why his big brother was here, sitting with him and staring at him like a hawk. 

 

“How long you’ll be here?” Niall asked with monotone voice. 

 

Josh cleared his throat before he started speaking. “Actually, I kinda live here now. With Ivy.” 

 

At that statement, Niall snapped his head towards Josh and looked at his brother in shock. “What? Why?” 

 

“Just cause. Plus, I figured my friends are mostly live here, so I guess it’s better for me too.” Josh answered. When he saw Niall was looking at him in disbelief, Josh mentally slapped himself. He should have prepared with more convincing answer. 

 

Niall snorted and shook his head. “You’re really a bad liar, Josh. What? Now, not just Zayn, but you want to be my other ‘keeper’ too, huh big brother?” Niall snarled. 

 

“Niall, it’s not like that. Fine, I admit that’s part of the reason. But I won’t apologize for intruding your life. You’re my brother. I care about you. It’s not wrong for me to worry and take care of you.” Josh said calmly. 

 

Niall threw his hands up in frustration. “When will all of you stop about that crap? Why worry about me? I’m fine!” 

 

Josh snorted in disbelief and started to stand up. “Look, Niall. I love you, okay. And I won’t let you be like this. You need to deal with your feelings before it’ll eat you alive. You may not asking for it, but I’ll always be here for you. We always are.” Josh said and stared at Niall’s eyes. He saw his little brother’s eyes flashed with something that he hadn’t seen for a while. Was it tears in Niall’s eyes that Josh saw? But it was gone quickly before Josh could make sure whether he had seen it for real or it was just his imagination. When Niall refused to say anything anymore, Josh went to his brother and hugged him once again. Niall stiffened and tried to break the hug quickly but Josh refused to allow it. He let it lingered for a while before he finally pulled away. Walking towards the door, he turned to look at Niall. “I miss my Nialler.” Josh said before he walked away from the room, leaving Niall standing in the middle of the room dumfounded. 

 

*****

 

Ivy fastened her pace as she felt someone was following her from behind. She cursed herself mentally for choosing to take a walk instead of getting a cab. Now she felt unsafe with no one was walking around and she felt the noise was coming behind her closely. Turning around, she started to pull out the pepper spray from her handbag and started to aim it at whoever that had followed her around. 

 

“Whoa!” The guy half-yelled was heard through his muffled voice. 

 

Ivy squinted her eyes and raised her eyebrows. She knew that voice. In fact that voice was almost close to her boyfriend that sometimes she got confused. But she knew her boyfriend would not bought the thing that was already parked in front of her. A superbike. Ducati 848 to be exact. Which Ivy knew it was a new model manufactured by the company. 

 

“Niall?” Ivy asked and once Niall took off his helmet, Ivy couldn’t help but chuckle. “What in the..” Ivy said and started to circle around Niall, looking at the bike admiringly. “Since when?” Ivy asked once she stopped and stared at Niall. 

 

“I bought it last week and got it just now.” Niall said and chuckled at Ivy’s reaction. 

 

“Holy shit! You guys and your money!” Ivy cursed and couldn’t help but feeling a little envy. She had to work her ass off just to buy the shoes that she wanted for months but Niall just had to say it and damn, he got what he wanted. Fucking lucky, she thought but quickly slapped herself mentally when she looked at Niall’s eyes. Sure, he smiled but it was true about what they said. His eyes didn’t hold the same sparkles anymore. It looked so _empty_. 

 

“So, you want the honour to be the first person that gets to ride with me?” Niall asked as he started to sit on his bike again, starting the engine. 

 

Ivy’s eyes went wide and she jumped excitedly. “Hell yeah!” She said before she took the extra helmet from Niall and started to jump on the bike. 

 

Niall brought Ivy around London and also to the beautiful hills where they decided to sit down and enjoyed the view. They sat sides by sides and sipped their drinks, enjoying the silence. 

 

“Niall.” Ivy started, breaking the silence. Frankly, she knew she would ruin the great time that they had during the evening but she had to. She loved Niall and at that moment, nobody could penetrate Niall’s wall that he had built after Quinn’s death. So Ivy decided to try to reach him. 

 

“Ivy, if you want to repeat about the thing that I’ve been hearing from everyone, and yeah by everyone I mean Zayn, Josh and whoever it is, I suggest you cut it off.” Niall said, his voice was firm and his eyes never left the view in front of him. 

 

Ivy sighed and shook her head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interfere.” Ivy apologized. 

 

Niall wrapped one of his arms around the girl and brought Ivy closer to him, pressing a quick kiss on her temple. “It’s okay. How are you?” Niall asked. 

 

Ivy tilted her head and looked at Niall in confusion. “I’m fine…Niall..it’s you that I need to ask about..” Ivy said. 

 

Niall shook his head. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. I know that her death affects you as much as it affects me. Everybody keeps asking me on how I’m doing but they don’t realize that you’re affected too.” Niall said as he refused to mention the name but Ivy knew who he was referred to. 

 

Ivy felt her eyes welled with tears as soon as Niall stopped talking. “Niall..please..can we not talk about this?” Ivy pleaded. Niall nodded and tightened his grip around her. They let the silence lingered around them once again before suddenly Ivy burst into tears and buried her face onto Niall’s shoulder. “I miss her.” Ivy said between her sobs.

 

“I know. I understand.” Niall said softly. She knew Niall understood. Nobody knew about how she felt about Quinn’s death. She felt guilty for baring her soul to Niall like this but she knew only they both knew how they missed Quinn so much. Even though Niall didn’t show it, Ivy knew. Ivy knew it was too painful for Niall to talk about it and that was why Ivy didn’t force him to. 

 

Ivy let herself cried for a while before she finally got her grip and tears had subsided. “Sorry.” Ivy said and sniffed, pulling herself away from Niall’s embrace. 

 

“It’s okay. Feeling better?” Niall asked as he stood, pulling Ivy’s hand to stand with him. 

 

Ivy nodded and smiled slightly. “Thanks, Niall. Shouldn’t it be me that comforts you instead?” Ivy said with a slight embarrassment. 

 

Niall smiled. “I don’t need comfort. I’m fine.” 

 

Ivy raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “Uh huh. Very convincing.” Ivy said and quickly regretted it as soon as Niall stopped walking and turned to face her with a serious look on his face.

 

“I really appreciate it if you drop the ‘investigate-Niall’s-feeling' attitude. I said I’m fine, didn’t I?” Niall snapped. When he saw Ivy’s face, with her puffy eyes, staring at him, Niall felt his anger subsided once and for all. Rubbing his face tiredly, Niall apologized. “Sorry. I was just..I’m tired of people keep bugging me about this ‘poor Niall’ crap. Can we just not talk about this thing again?” 

 

Ivy nodded. If that was what Niall wanted, she didn’t mind to give it to him. She stepped closer to Niall and hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry. But I’d be besides you whenever you want to talk, okay? About anything. And I mean it.” Ivy felt satisfied when Niall nodded on her shoulder. “And one more thing, can we just keep about whatever happened just now to ourselves? I don’t want everyone else to worry, especially Josh.” 

 

Niall nodded again before pulling away from Ivy’s hug. Staring at her eyes, Niall started to smile. “What happened just now?” Niall teased, playing dumb and Ivy laughed out loud at that. 

 

*****

 

Zayn peeked through his curtain as he heard the rumble of engine. It was not sounded like the usual sound. It sounded like….and then his eyes caught on the source of the sound……..a bike?! Who in the hell had bought a bike??! 

 

His question to himself was finally answered when the door of his house was opened and two of the people that he knew entered. And right at that moment, he knew whose bike that was now parking in front of his yard. 

 

“Where’s your car?” Zayn asked, interrupting whatever conversation that had took place between Niall and Ivy. Part of him was envy of Ivy. Niall would not talk that much with him but with Ivy, he seemed to talk a lot. Niall and Ivy spun around to face Zayn.

 

Niall who was suddenly realizing that Zayn asked him about his car, replied the question without even looking at the older brother. “Sold it.” Niall answered shortly. 

 

Zayn couldn’t help but felt surprised. “You sold your house, and now your car. And you decided to buy a bike instead?” Zayn asked. 

 

Niall nodded and started to walk to the stairs, giving Ivy a last hug. 

 

Zayn felt his curiosity got the best of him and the next question just slipped off his tongue. “Why?”

 

Niall stopped at the bottom of the stairs and sighed. “Just cause.” Niall replied before he walked straight to the upstairs without even looking at Zayn. 

 

Zayn was about to try to ask Niall again when he felt someone grip his arms. “Don’t.” Crap, he forgot about Ivy. 

 

Turning around, Zayn faced Ivy and started to ask her instead. “What’s with him? Did he just act on impulse right now?” Zayn asked. His voice was laced with a slight anger. Niall was the one who insisted about keeping the properties for the future’s sake yet at the moment he was the one who keep trashing it away. 

 

“Zayn, just let him do what he wants for now.” Ivy said. Zayn raised his eyebrows. “Why? Did he say anything to you?” He asked as he looked at Ivy. 

 

Ivy shook her head. “No. But I know he feels slightly suffocated with all of these at the moment. Let him has his own getaway for now. You know how he likes to keep things to himself, right? So just give him time.” 

 

Zayn sighed and rubbed his hand with his hands. Ivy had to smile at the similarity between those brothers. They didn’t realize how much they mirrored each other and Ivy thought it was adorable. Her smile was quickly faded as soon as Zayn stared at her again, this time his eyes was full of misery that Ivy felt herself choked. “I just want him to talk to me again. I just want him to open up to me again. He doesn’t even trust me anymore.” 

 

Ivy wrapped Zayn into her arms and soothed the poor lad. It felt like some kind of deja-vu but she knew it wasn’t the case here. “He trusts you, Z. I know he’ll open up to you. I bet on my life that he’ll talk to you again.” Ivy soothed and from the bottom of her heart, she knew it’d bound to happen. She just didn’t know when.


	55. Chapter 55

“Come on man. I really wanted to try.” Niall pleaded as he followed Frank’s trail. Frank shook his head at Niall and sighed. “Look, I don’t want any trouble about this. I’m not supposed to rent the circuit to unprofessional.” 

 

“Dude, I’ll pay double. And you can tell Liam that he doesn’t have to worry.” Niall said. He knew why Frank was reluctant to rent the circuit to him for couple of hours. Liam must’ve had a talk with Frank about him. Part of him was mad at Liam for that but part of him was glad that Liam was cared about his friend. But in that moment, he wanted to let off of his steam. He was so into the speed thing after he bought his bike and now he wanted to try riding in a circuit like professional bikers did. 

 

Frank sighed and finally raised his arms in surrender. “Fine. Do you have a bike?” He asked. 

 

“I have one. But it’s a superbike.” Niall said. 

 

“Dude, you do realize that this circuit is meant for scrambler, right?” Frank asked. 

 

Niall nodded eagerly and started to pull out his wallet. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I wanted to rent this place for couple of hours and I also wanted to buy one of the display scramblers.” He said. 

 

Frank widened his eyes. “You’re fucking serious, aren't you?” He thought Niall was joking about buying one of the bikes that was displayed at the place. 

 

Niall nodded again. This time he pulled out a bundle of money and put it on the table in front of Frank. “I’m fucking serious.” Niall said firmly. 

 

Frank looked back and forth between the money and Niall. He knew Liam had warned him about keeping Niall off the circuit but damn the money was tempting. Groaning, Frank finally decided on what to do. “Okay. You can take the bike and the time for you to use the circuit ends after two hours, deal?” Frank said and stretched his hand to shake Niall’s. 

 

Niall’s face broke into a grin and he shook his hand with Frank. “Deal.” 

 

**

 

Whistling to himself, Niall put on the jacket and tried to look at the bike. “Not bad.” Niall said to himself. He didn’t care that he had spent his money to buy another bike, a scrambler nonetheless. He just knew that the feeling of riding the bike in a fast way made he forgot about everything. Niall was about to fix his helmet when suddenly his eyes caught on someone that he knew. Shit! What was he doing here? Niall tried to turn around but it was too late when the guy started to call for his name. 

 

“Niall?” 

 

Niall sighed before he turned around to face the other guy. “Hi Danny.” Niall replied unenthusiastically. 

 

“Holy shit! It’s really you! What’re you doing here?” Danny asked, looking at Niall from head to toe. He was slightly confused about Niall’s attire. 

 

Niall shrugged and pointed at the bike. There’s no need to hide about it now. After all, he was not going to take drugs or whatsoever. He just wanted to ride a bike with high speed and challenges. 

 

Danny’s mouth formed an ‘O’ shape and he stared back and forth between the bike and Niall. He just couldn’t believe his eyes. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Niall asked Danny in return. 

 

“I come with my friends.” Danny said and pointed at two other guys that was standing a bit far from them. “They wanted to race each other on the circuit but we were told that the place is not available for couple of hours. Never thought it was you who rented it.” Danny continued. 

 

Niall nodded and suddenly an idea came into his mind. “They can race with me.” Niall suggested. 

 

Danny raised his eyebrows. “But they’re quite experienced, Niall. It could be dangerous.” Danny said and his voice was laced with concern. It was the truth though. He saw it with his own eyes on how some bikers got injuries from the activity. He didn’t want the same thing to happen to Niall. 

 

Niall rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance. “What’s with all of you? I’m totally capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much.” Niall said sarcastically. 

 

Danny was about to say something else when suddenly Niall walked away from him and headed towards his friends instead. The next thing he knew, both of his friends were ready to race Niall at the circuit. 

 

**

 

Danny took a seat on the bench as he watched the three bikes. The one that he was staring at the most was the middle one. He was just so worry about Niall because of his lack of experience compared to the other two. Why must Niall be so stubborn to listen on what he had said? Danny shook his head and sighed. “Stubborn idiot.” Danny muttered under his breath. 

 

When the first round started, Danny couldn’t sit still. Every sharp corners and turns made him jumped out of his seat to look if anything happened. Not that he was being paranoid, but he was just being a worried friend. After the first round finished, Danny couldn’t help but smiled. All three of them were safe and looked slightly happy with the race. Niall also managed to get the second place. Danny smiled to himself when he saw Niall was talking in motion with one of his other friends. Maybe that was what Niall wanted. A little getaway in his own way. 

 

The smile was still plastered on Danny’s face as soon as the other rounds started. Sounds of the rumbles and engines made his adrenaline pumping and Danny knew that was why his friends liked to do this activity. For him, he liked to be in the car’s race instead of bikes. He had a thing with balancing the two wheels transportation actually. Danny’s smile was quickly faded and turned into a frown when suddenly he saw one of the three bikes fell and was dragged on the circuit for a few meters. 

 

Time seemed to stop as Danny realized whose bike that had gotten into the accident. Jumping quickly from his seat, he ran towards the scene. “Niall!” Danny called as he kneeled besides the lying man on the circuit. He thanked God that Niall was still conscious but he didn’t know if Niall sustained a serious injury or not. The one that Danny had noticed was the big gash on Niall’s legs and slightly blood on his forehead. 

 

“Holy shit, Niall. Can you move?” Danny asked as he helped his friend to sit. Niall groaned and sat up, sighing slightly when he looked at the injuries. 

 

Danny took Niall’s silence in worry and started to order his friends to call the ambulance when Niall said had said no. Niall firmly said that it was a not a big deal and he was fine. Danny ignored it at first and still insisted for Niall to go to the hospital but the younger man was stubbornly refused. 

 

“Niall! Don’t be a fucking stubborn!” Danny said, raising his voice at his friend. 

 

“I said I don’t want to! I hate hospital!” Niall replied back. This time he tried to stand up by himself and ended up sitting back on his ass, making Danny shook his head at his stubborn friend. 

 

“Fine. But at least, can you just check the injuries at the clinic, please?” Danny pleaded. He didn’t always pull out the ‘Danny-wants-something-and-he-got-it’ look but this time he needed to. Plus, Zayn would kill him if he just let Niall wandered around bleeding and untreated. He smiled mentally when Niall finally agreed. By the look of it, the injuries were not so bad. Danny just hoped that he was right. 

 

**

 

Niall nodded emotionlessly as the doctor told him about his injuries and the prescription that he needed to take to get better. Sure, he received a couple of stitches on his leg and forehead but it didn’t make him felt anything. In fact, he kinda liked the pain. He stole a glance towards his left and saw that Danny was listening to the doctor’s words carefully. He was jerked off from his own thoughts when Danny nudged him. “Niall? The doctor said we can go.” Niall nodded and followed Danny to the front door of the clinic, limping all the way. 

 

“So, where to?” Niall asked. 

 

Danny turned his head to look at Niall before he answered. “Your home, of course. You didn’t expect to be up and running with those gashes, right?” Danny asked and shook his head when Niall was groaning in frustration. He didn’t understand why Niall refused to be at home nowadays. He knew Niall was the one who were always ‘homey’ compared to the rest of them before this. Danny was about to say something when someone was calling for his name. 

 

“Hey, Dan!” Zayn called as he approached his friend. When Danny had called him and informed about the little incident, Zayn felt his heart dropped. Even though Danny said Niall was alright, the older brother didn’t want to believe it until he saw Niall with his own eyes. 

 

Danny turned around and smiled. “Hey!” He replied and started to make his way to Zayn but his arm was caught in a firm grip of Niall. 

 

“What in the hell is he doing here?” Niall hissed angrily. He thought he made it clear to Danny that he didn’t want Zayn to know about his little incident.

 

“Look, I know you asked me not to tell him but I can’t. He’ll know by your appearance, eventually.” Danny said as he tried to reason with Niall. 

 

“But I didn’t tell you to call him to come here!” Niall said as his tone was still hard. 

 

“Well, he didn’t tell me to come. I’m the one who insisted.” Zayn explained as he finally stood in front of Niall and Danny. 

 

“Why bother? I’ll be going to your home eventually.” Niall said as he released his grip on Danny and leaned on the wall behind him, closing his eyes. Frankly, he was tired of Zayn chasing his every little movement and this was not an exceptional. 

 

Zayn sighed as he walked towards Niall, taking a look at his little brother’s injuries with his own eyes. He was slightly relieved that Niall seemed to be fine but he was also angry that Niall had the intention to hurt himself and hide it from him. 

 

“Why, Niall?” Zayn blurted out. 

 

Niall opened his eyes and look at Zayn. “Why, what?” 

 

“Why do you keep hurting yourself like this? Why do you always want to do something that can endanger your life?” Zayn asked, this time his voice was raising slightly as he looked at the younger guy. 

 

Niall shrugged and closed his eyes again. “I don’t know. Can we just go back please?” 

 

Zayn shook his head stubbornly. “No. Answer my question, Niall.” 

 

“What more do you want, Zayn?!” Niall said, this time his tone of voice had matched with Zayn. He was tired, he needed to smoke and Zayn kept making him annoyed with the 20-questions. 

 

“Z, calm down. Why don’t we discuss this at your home?” Danny interfered. 

 

Zayn’s eyes didn’t move as he stared towards his baby brother’s eyes as he replied to Danny. “No. I want to know why in the hell that the brother of mine really wanted to harm himself. Tell me Niall, why? Is that because you want to die so bad that you keep doing this to yourself?” Zayn asked. He waited for so long to ask Niall that question but he was afraid on what Niall would react. But at that moment, he just wanted to let it out. He was tired of being worry about Niall when the younger brother didn’t even worry about himself. 

 

“So what if I want to?” Niall said as he stared at Zayn’s eyes for a moment before turning around, leaving Zayn who was still speechless. If that was what Zayn wanted to hear from him, then let be it. That was by far the most honest revelation that he had told Zayn. He didn’t care anymore. A biggest part of him really wanted to die. 

 

Zayn blinked his eyes rapidly as soon as the words left Niall’s lips. He didn’t expect that reaction from Niall. The honesty that lied on Niall’s face and tone had made Zayn’s heart stopped. He didn’t even have the chance to say anything when Niall took off from him, limping and ignoring on his call. He can only watch as Niall walked away and took a cab, leaving him and Danny standing at the sidewalk silently. A single tear escaped from his left eye as his lips called his brother’s name quietly. “Niall..don’t leave me..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is quite short :( 
> 
> in the middle of writing the next chapter for "there's nowhere to run" too.


	56. Chapter 56

Niall put on his jacket as he walking downstairs and was checking on his wallet in the pocket at the same time. It had been couple of days since he went out riding his bike and he missed the adrenaline rush. Once he passed through the living room, he found out that all of his bandmates along with Danny were sitting on the couch with serious looks plastered on their faces. He shrugged to himself and was about to reach the front door when suddenly a voice stopped him dead on his track. 

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Josh asked his little brother, with his arms crossed over his chest. 

 

Niall turned around and looked at Josh. “Out.” Niall simply replied with a shrug. 

 

Josh shook his head. “No, you can’t. You’re grounded.” He said. 

 

At those words, Niall felt his anger rose suddenly. “What in the hell? What do you mean I’m grounded?!” He yelled. He didn’t care if his voice was so loud at the moment, he just didn’t understand what Josh had meant by _grounded_. 

 

Josh took a step forward and stared at Niall. He needed to do this. It was for Niall’s own sake. “What I mean is, you can’t go out from this house until I, or Zayn tell you when you can.” 

 

Niall looked around and saw that Harry, Louis, Liam and Danny had already standing up from the couch and nodded, agreed with Josh. “What the fuck?! I’m not a kid!” Niall yelled, getting mad at the situation. He was fucking 24 years old for God’s sake! 

 

“Then stop acting like one!” Josh yelled back. He saw that Niall had flinched slightly at his loud voice but he didn’t want to bulge. After Niall’s little incident with the bike and Zayn told him about what Niall had said, Josh decided to talk to Niall. And the rest of the guys agreed to do the little intervention with Niall. They loved him and didn’t want Niall to waste his life and always harmed himself on purpose. 

 

“I’m not acting like a kid!” Niall said, defending himself. 

 

“Yes you are! You run away from your problems instead of facing it! You keep hurting yourself over and over again without realizing that it hurts us too! You don’t know how worried we are, do you? Do you know that mom call everyday just to check on you and cried over the phone because she’s worried about you? Zayn and I had to see you destroy yourself days by days, do you know how much it hurts us?! No, you don’t. You don’t care about your family anymore, about your friends, and you don’t even care about yourself, Niall.” Josh yelled. 

 

It took several moments before Niall shook his head and chuckled humourlessly. “So what? Is this some kind of intervention? Cut it off guys cause it’s not gonna bring anything out of it. Seriously, I’m tired of hearing this crap.” Niall said as he started to turn around and made his way to the front door again. But his way was blocked by none other than Zayn. 

 

“You’re not going anyway, Niall. Didn’t you listen? And seriously, if you don’t want to listen, I’m going to sell your bike and trust me, you don’t want that.” Zayn said firmly. 

 

Niall clenched his fist angrily as he stared at Zayn. “Don’t you ever fucking touch my bike!” He warned. 

 

“I don’t care. If it’s what it takes to make you stop hurting yourself, I’d do whatever I can.” Zayn said as he stood against the door, blocking Niall’s way out. He knew Niall was mad but they didn’t have any other choice to talk to Niall. The younger brother had always avoided any confrontation with them so they decided to swing by this way. 

 

“Get. Out. Of. My. Fucking. Way.:” Niall said, gritting his teeth. When Zayn shook his head and still standing by the door, refusing to let Niall got out from the house, Niall finally lost it. He spat on Zayn’s face, shocking the older brother and also the other guys. 

 

Turning around, he snarled at the other guys. “Where were you guys when I needed all of you, huh?! You all left me alone! All of you didn’t even want to ask about how I was doing and now suddenly all of you care?!” He exploded. 

 

Harry swallowed hard as tears started to well up in his eyes. “Niall…we really apologize for that..” Harry said as he tried to tell Niall that they had already apologized for that matter and Niall told them that he accepted it. 

 

Niall shook his head. “I may forgive but I can’t forget.” Backing away slightly from Zayn, Niall tried to reach the doorknob but Zayn was faster and blocked his hand. Niall huffed angrily before he turned and started to make his way to the other door at the kitchen but his way was also blocked by the rest of the guys including Josh. He felt so angry that they treated him like a kid. He can felt his heart beat faster as his anger rose. When nobody moved out from his way, Niall got to the stairs and snarled. “Fuck you! Fuck all of you!” He screamed before he took off to his room, slamming the door angrily.

 

**

 

Niall locked the door as soon as he slammed it shut. He was so mad with his brothers and friends. How dare they did that to him? They refused to let him go out and told him that he acted like a kid? “Fuck them!” Niall yelled as he furiously threw his jacket to the floor along with the rest of his stuff in the pocket. He felt so frustrated with the situation.“Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Niall screamed as loud as he can before he grabbed the nearest thing to him and at that moment, it was the bottle of perfume on one of his little cabinets. Next thing he knew, the room was trashed and he saw that one of his hands got a little cut from the glasses. Without even bordering to clean it up, he flopped himself on the bed exhaustively and within seconds, he fell asleep. 

 

**

 

“He’s still locking himself in his room?” 

 

Josh tilted his head to look at the voice that had asked him the question and nodded. “Yeah.” He replied, sighing as he rubbed his face with his hands. 

 

“Do you think we..I mean, do you think I’m overreacted?” Josh asked as he felt Ivy sat beside him. 

 

Ivy looked at her boyfriend and wrapped her hands around him, pushing his head to rest on the crook of her neck. It had been almost 2 days and Niall didn’t even come out from his room. They tried to talk to him by the door on the second day but Niall just replied with a simple ‘Fuck off!’

 

“You guys did the right thing, baby. We have to let Niall know that we’re worried about him. He didn’t want to listen, hence the intervention. It was not wrong. It’s for his own sake. He just need time to let that sink into his mind.” Ivy soothed. 

 

“You think so?” Josh asked sleepily. 

 

Ivy smiled a little when she heard her boyfriend’s sleepy voice. He was so cute when he was in that state. “Yeah. And if by tomorrow if Niall’s still being stubborn, I think we have the right to use the spare key, you know.” Ivy said as she felt Josh nodded. 

 

They sat in silence for a while before Ivy finally realized that Josh had fallen asleep in her arms. “I love you.” Ivy whispered before she placed a quick kiss on Josh’s temple before she too, fell asleep with a mission in her head. To get the old Niall back into their life.


	57. Chapter 57

He turned to his left and tried to find a comfortable position but he can’t. Everything hurts. His throat felt dry and he couldn’t sleep properly since two days ago. He didn’t know what happened but after his outburst couple of days before, he refused to step out of his room. Hence, he didn’t even go out to eat. He just locked himself in his room feeling angry at the universe and ended up getting sick instead. Great job, Niall, he thought to himself. He let out another groan when suddenly his stomach made an uneasy moved and the next thing he knew he was kneeled in front of the toilet bowl, vomiting up liquid that he didn’t even know how the hell he still had any substances in his body. Niall shut his eyes tight as he felt headache built up and he slumped into a tight ball on the cold floor of his bathroom. 

 

**

 

“Nialler?” Zayn called softly after he opened up the door of the younger lad’s bedroom. The room was a mess and it was dark as the blind had not been opened and all the lights were switched off. Zayn scrunched his nose at the smell of the room and stepped inside after he was replied with silence. He walked over to Niall’s bed only to find out that it was empty. “Niall?” Zayn called again. As far as he knew, Niall refused to leave his room after they grounded him. So where the hell was he? 

 

A small whimper sound made Zayn turned his head and he started to walk towards the bathroom. It was unmistakably his brother’s voice. Once he reached the bathroom, Zayn felt his overprotectiveness mode kicked in. Lying on the floor, trembling and shaking was Niall. Zayn quickly kneeled down to reach his brother and tapped Niall’s cheek softly. What he had found out shocked him. Niall’s skin was so hot and Zayn put the back of his hand on Niall’s forehead. “Crap!” He cursed after he found out that Niall had a high fever. Without wasting time, he scooped Niall into his arms and carefully made his way to Niall’s bed. He put the younger lad on the bed and smoothed out the fringes that stick on Niall’s sweaty forehead. Niall’s skin was so hot to touch and Zayn couldn’t help but felt worry. Damn Niall and his stubbornness to take care of himself. 

 

“Niall, can you hear me?” Zayn asked as he stroked Niall’s face tried to get the younger lad’s attention. Niall seemed so out of it that Zayn worried that the fever had spike so high. Niall’s response was a merely grunt and Zayn couldn’t help but felt helpless. Standing up, Zayn squeezed Niall’s arm softly. “I’m going to get a doctor, okay? I won’t be long.” With that Zayn dashed out from the room to call the doctor. 

 

**

 

Niall groaned when he felt someone was poking on his body and he tried to avoid the touch. He didn’t understand the noises around him and he tried to move but he felt so weak. He let out a little cry as he felt someone pulled him to sit up. He didn’t want to sit. He wanted to lie down forever. Being vertical was not good as he can felt his nausea coming back in a rush and he didn’t remember anything except someone was rubbing his back soothingly as he let out whatever left in his body in the basket that he didn’t even know how it ended up in front of him. He felt someone wrapped their arms around him as he slumped towards the body. He didn’t care, he was just so tired. He just wanted to sleep all the pain off. He felt a prick on his arm and he can’t barely made out the words but he managed to heard something like “dehydrated”….“injection..”..”few hours..” before he drifted off into a restless sleep again. 

 

The next time Niall woke up, he felt confused. He was propped up at slight angle on his bed and he blinked tiredly. He waited for the nausea feeling to come again but surprisingly it had settled. 

 

“Hey, you’re awake.” Niall turned his head at the source of the voice and his eyes met Zayn’s face who smiled at him in relief. 

 

Niall just hummed his response but Zayn seemed satisfied with his non-verbal answer. “So the doctor said you were dehydrated and he gave you something to ease the nausea. He told me to make sure that you keep hydrated and have to take some antibiotics for the fever. How are you feeling now?” Zayn rambled on as he fussed over the blanket on Niall’s and helped Niall to sit up against the bedpost despite the younger brother’s weak protest. 

 

Niall just kept in silence and shrugged. It’s not like he didn’t want to talk but he wasn’t feeling well enough to be chatty like the older lad and by the way, he was supposed to give silent treatment to Zayn, wasn’t he? 

 

Zayn sat down on the edge of the bed, facing Niall and held up a bowl. “Perrie made you porridge. Try to eat some, will you?” 

 

Niall shook his head weakly but Zayn refused to bulge. Instead he sat closer to Niall and tried to put the spoon in Niall’s hand. When he saw that Niall’s hand was shaking due to the fever, Zayn decided to spoon fed his little brother instead. Niall was making a noise to protest but Zayn said that Perrie made the food and Niall, being himself, didn’t want to let down someone he loved to call as a sister. When Niall opened his mouth again for Zayn to continue spoon feeding him, Zayn’s smile couldn’t get any wider. 

 

**

 

Zayn watched as Niall finally managed to put on his shirt by himself due to the fact that he was getting better and the fever had broken after two days. Zayn felt his worries vanished after Niall finally managed to go to the bathroom by himself instead of leaning on Zayn when he was so weak to move to take a pee. What bothered Zayn the most was the silent treatment that Niall was giving him. The younger brother didn’t even speak a word to him since the day that they had fought. Zayn had tried everything to make Niall talk to him but the younger brother only response in hum and shrug instead of using words. Deep down, Zayn was hurt but he knew Niall was the one who had been hurt the most after all this time. 

 

Zayn tried to pat Niall’s arm when the younger brother had finally laid on the bed and pulling the comforter over himself but Niall rolled over and giving his back to Zayn instead. Zayn felt rejected and tears started to prickle in his eyes. 

 

“Niall…” He trailed off. He waited for a moment but no sound was made. He knew Niall heard him. He knew his brother long enough to know when Niall was asleep or _pretending_ to be asleep. When Niall didn’t even move, Zayn finally had enough. He sighed before cleared his throat before he started to speak. 

 

“I know you’re still hurting but it hurts me too, Niall. It’s alright if you don’t trust me but please don’t throw me out from your life completely. I know I was stupid before. I didn’t believe you. I know you felt like I betrayed you. I admit that I was wrong and I’m truly sorry for that.” Zayn said, his voice firm to show Niall that he really meant what he said. He really was sorry. 

 

“I want us to be like before. We used to be very close and we can always talk about each other’s feeling. Somehow along the way, we lost the connection and I know I was part of the reason why it happened. But allow me to redeem myself, Niall. To redeem our relationship. All I want is to be like we were before. I want to share your joy, your pain, everything about you again. I miss you so much, Nialler. I may never tell you this before but I miss everything about you. I miss my brother. My other half.” This time Zayn felt his voice quivered.

 

“Please stop torturing yourself because of my mistake. I’m here now. I know it’s hard for you to open up to me again but I really hope you will. I really hope that you will accept me to be part of your life again. To be your big brother again.” Zayn said and wiped the tears that was rolling down on his cheeks. His eyes stared at Niall’s back since Niall was rolled towards the other end of the bed instead of facing him. It hurts to see Niall like this. He looked so vulnerable that it made Zayn’s heart ached. 

 

“I’ll let you rest.” Zayn said after few moments and stood up, folding the blanket on Niall’s stiff body as the younger brother remained silent. 

 

“I love you, Niall. Don’t ever forget that.” Zayn said and leaned down to kiss the back of Niall’s head softly. 

 

Zayn was about to turn the doorknob open when suddenly he heard, “Z..” It was barely audible but Zayn swore on his life that what was exactly what he heard. It had been a long time since Niall called him ‘Z,’ the nickname that he reserved for the one he loved. And for Niall to call him ‘Z’ again made Zayn’s heart fluttered. 

 

“Yes?” Zayn replied as he turned to look at the bed again. A lump formed in his throat as his eyes finally met Niall’s who stared at him back. He can felt his eyes welled up with tears as he heard the next words that came from Niall’s lips. 

 

“Stay with me.”


	58. Chapter 58

Zayn woke up and rubbed his eyes. He didn’t realized when he had fallen asleep. Glancing towards his watch, the time showed that it was about 9.00 am. He looked over at Niall’s bed and found it empty. Niall must be headed to the bathroom, which was what Zayn’s first thought as he saw the bed. But then his eyes caught something on the bedside table. Walking slowly towards the table, he realized it was a note with Niall’s handwriting. By looking at the first word on the note, _‘Dear Zayn, I’m sorry..’_ , Zayn knew that Niall was not in the bathroom. Jumping to his feet, Zayn was practically running to the downstairs. It didn’t matter what time that Niall had left, Zayn just wanted to chase the younger lad. The last time Niall took off, it took weeks to find him back. Zayn knew if he let Niall gone this time, Niall wouldn’t probably come back. Part of Zayn didn’t understand why Niall wanted to take off. He thought last night when Niall had asked him to stay, the younger brother was ready to let Zayn in again. Apparently, Zayn was wrong. 

 

Zayn tried to call Niall for several times but it ended up with the same result, Niall didn’t pick up his call. “Come on, Ni!” Zayn repeated as he started to panic. He was so lost on what to do or where should he started to find Niall. He was about to call the other lads when suddenly his phone rang and Niall’s name displayed on the screen. 

 

“Zayn...pick me up..please…” Niall’s voice sounded hoarse at the other end of the phone. Zayn quickly realized that Niall was crying and he felt his overprotective mode kicked in. Grabbing his car keys, Zayn dashed out to his car and quickly started to drive. “Tell me where you are. I’ll come and get you.” 

 

**

 

Niall was driving aimlessly, with no direction to go and he lets out a frustrated sigh when he found no good song to listen on the radio. He fumbled through the channel when suddenly it stopped at one of the songs that he used to love. 

 

_I’m so tired of being here..  
Suppressed by all my childish fears..  
And if you have to leave..  
I wish that you would just leave..  
Cause your presence still lingers here..  
And it won’t leave me alone.._

 

It was only a song. A song that Niall didn’t know why he loved it at first besides the good tune it had. But suddenly the lyrics seemed to trigger something in Niall’s heart. He didn’t know how but Quinn’s face was suddenly flashed in his mind. 

 

_These wounds won’t seem to heal..  
This pain is just too real..  
There’s just too much that time cannot erase.._

 

Niall shook his head as the song went to the chorus. It was only a song, Niall kept telling himself as he found himself dwelled into the lyrics. 

 

_You used to captivate me..  
By your resonating light..  
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind..  
Your face it haunts..  
My once pleasant dreams..  
Your voice it chased away..  
All the sanity in me.._

_These wounds won’t seem to heal..  
This pain is just too real..  
There’s just too much that time cannot erase.._

_When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears..  
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears..  
And I held your hand through all of these years..  
But you still have..  
All of me.._

 

He didn’t realize when but his vision was suddenly clouded with unshed tears and Niall tried to choke back his sobs. 

 

_I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone..  
But though you’re still with me..  
I’ve been alone all along..._

 

Niall couldn’t hold back any longer and had to pull over before he put his head on the steering and started to cry. He cried as the realization hit him that Quinn had really left him to be alone. Forever. His eyes caught the blinking light from his cellphone on the dashboard and he took it. He needed someone at the moment and shakily, he dialled the number that he had memorized by heart. He needed his brother. He just couldn’t do this alone. He didn’t want to be alone. When his brother picked up, Niall started to speak up with whatever strength that he had left in his voice after the crying. “Zayn…pick me up…please…” 

 

**

 

“Niall?” He heard Zayn called his name. Niall didn’t lift up his face from the steering wheel until Zayn called him again worriedly. Niall knew the elder brother was on his way out looking for him. Niall turned his head slightly to face Zayn before the elder brother wrapped his arms around him and led him out from the car. 

 

Once he was outside of his car, Niall wrapped his arms around Zayn and buried his face on Zayn’s shoulder. Minutes later, they managed to sit with their backs on the car and they watched the road silently. Few minutes of silence had passed before Niall spoke up. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Niall apologized before he continued. “I really wanted to run away from here but then I realized..” Niall trailed off.

 

“Realized what?” Zayn asked. Zayn noticed that Niall had a backpack with him and he knew Niall really wanted to run away from his house. At the back of his mind, he thanked God that Niall didn’t really take off for whatever reasons that Zayn had yet to find out. 

 

“Realize that I can’t run from myself anymore. Josh was right. I need to face my feeling instead of running from it. Frankly, I’m tired of running.” Niall said as staring at the sky emptily. 

 

“Ni..” Zayn said, tried to say something to his brother. 

 

“Let me finish, Z.” Niall said as Zayn nodded, giving his full attention to Niall. 

 

“Since the moment she died, I keep asking myself ‘Why? Why must she did that?’ I _was_..no, scratch that. I _am_ mad, you know. She promised me that she’ll never hurt herself again but she broke the promise. She broke it and fucking killed herself and left me alone!” Niall said as he gritted his teeth in frustration. 

 

“I’m mad that she was so selfish and she didn’t even tell me about our baby!” This time a few tears rolled on his cheeks and he wiped it angrily with the back of his hand. 

 

“It’s hurt, Zayn. She left me alone. Forever! How could she?! I even asked her to get elope but she refused. She fucking refused and before I knew it, she was gone! How could she! How could she did that to me?! I hate her!” Niall raised his voice. He didn’t realize when but the next thing he knew, his face was buried into Zayn’s shoulder as Zayn soothed him softly. 

 

Zayn felt his own eyes welled with tears as he heard the hurtful confession and sobs that racked through Niall’s body against him. If only he could take the pain away from Niall, he would. He let Niall cried into his shoulder before suddenly he heard the younger brother’s voice again. 

 

“Z…” Niall called and Zayn replied. “Yeah?” 

 

“I lied.” Niall’s voice was barely audible and Zayn had to pull the younger brother closer to him just to hear on what he was saying. Zayn was about to ask about what did Niall meant by that when suddenly Niall continued. “I don’t hate her.” Zayn had to smile a little at that. That was Niall that he knew and loved. But Zayn’s smile was turned into a frown as he heard the next words that came out of Niall’s lips. “I hate myself for killing her.” 

 

Zayn shook his head. “You didn’t kill her, Ni. It wasn’t your fault.” 

 

“Yes, it was! If she never met me, this thing would not happen. If I wasn’t a singer, she wouldn’t have to face the pressure from the media. If I haven’t befriended with Jessica at the first place, all of these things would not happen..” Niall said with his voice was still coated with tears. 

 

Zayn decided to cut Niall off, cupping his hand on Niall’s face firmly as the younger lad refused to make an eye contact and forced Niall to look at him. 

 

Wiping some of Niall’s tears away with his thumb, Zayn stared at his baby brother’s eyes and started to speak. “Look, Ni. There’s a thing in this world as we called fate or destiny. You are destined to be a singer. You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it. And you are destined to meet Quinn. It’s not your fault that you guys had fallen in love. It’s not your fault that Jessica turned out to be a crazy psychotic bitch. And it’s not your fault that Quinn killed herself. Trust me, not even a slightest bit of all of the things that had happened is your fault. Don’t you ever think like that, okay?” Zayn said firmly as he wrapped his arms around Niall again. He let Niall cried on his shoulder and even though Niall seemed not to believe on what he had said, Zayn promised himself that he would make Niall felt anything but guilt again. 

 

** 

 

Josh peered at the slightly ajar door to look at his little brother who lied still on the bed. Slowly, he took his steps towards the edge of the bed. Zayn had told Josh about how Niall nearly ran away from the house and Josh couldn’t help but thanked the God that Niall didn’t really take off. As Josh reached the bed, he extended his hand and put the back of his hand on Niall’s forehead. He also worried that Niall just got better from the high fever and couldn’t help but feeling helpless as he felt like he didn’t take enough care of his brother. 

 

Josh jumped slightly when Niall swatted away his hand. “Geez, Ni. I thought you were asleep.”

 

Niall opened his eyes and stared at Josh who was now sitting beside him. “Couldn’t.” Niall answered simply. 

 

Josh nodded and understood. He knew Niall had a little problem with insomnia and that answer really didn’t surprise him. They fell into silence. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Both of them said simultaneously. 

 

Realizing that they had opened their mouth at the same time made them chuckled. Josh cleared his throat and started to speak again. 

 

“I’m sorry, Niall.” 

 

“For what?” 

 

“For everything. For not defending you, for leaving you alone to deal with everything..” 

 

“It’s not your fault, Josh.” 

 

“But I’m the oldest one! I’m not supposed to take side. I was supposed to look out for you too. I..” 

 

Niall shifted slightly and started to sit and looked at Josh. He put his hand around Josh’s lips to shush him out. “Josh..Zayn already did what you did and I know you’re sorry too. I’m not mad at you. At least, not anymore.” 

 

Josh blinked his eyes and nodded. Niall was so forgiving that Josh didn’t think that he deserved it. 

 

“So…are we okay?” Josh asked hesitantly. Slowly, Josh wrapped his arms around Niall and he was relieved when Niall didn’t pull away but scooted closer to him instead. Josh wrapped tighter when Niall’s head was on his shoulder and he felt Niall nodded before the youngest brother spoke. “Yes. We’re okay.” 

 

“Thanks, Nialler. You’re a great guy. You deserve to be happy.” Josh said as he tilted his head down to look Niall’s face. 

 

Niall stared blankly at nothing as he heard Josh’s world. He didn’t know if he can ever feel happy again but somehow he felt like he wanted to strive for it. He just didn’t know how and when to start. 

 

“Josh..” Niall called softly after few beats of silence. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I think…I think I wanna get help..” Niall stammered as he felt his heart beats faster. He really had thought about it but he didn’t know if anyone else can accept his decision. He didn’t want to be the one who needed help just to get through his life but he also realized that he cannot go on like this forever. He needed to start moving on. 

 

“Really? It’s great. I know it’s a small step but I’m glad that you decided to get through it.” Josh said happily as he smiled at Niall. Niall released breathe of relief before he returned Josh’s smile. So Josh was alright with his decision and that was all Niall needed. 

 

** 

 

“So?” Perrie asked Zayn as the latter grabbed his jacket and both of them were ready to head out for dinner with Josh and Ivy. 

 

“He said he didn’t want to come.” Zayn sighed. He had asked Niall to join them for dinner but the younger lad refused. Not that Zayn mind that before, but he just missed to have Niall hanging out with them like they used to do. 

 

Perrie hugged Zayn to soothe him when suddenly her eyes landed on someone at the top of the staircase. She threw a smile as she looked at the person. “Niall?” 

 

Zayn turned around as he heard his brother’s name and looked at Niall as the younger brother slowly walked towards them. 

 

Niall took slow steps towards Zayn and Perrie as he didn’t felt right to interrupt both of them. When he finally stood in front of two curious looks in front of him, Niall couldn’t help but feeling his confidence faltered. He fidgeted nervously as his eyes barely met those two people in front of him. 

 

“Niall? What’s wrong?” Zayn asked as his eyebrows scrunched. As soon as he took a proper look at Niall, that was when he realized that Niall was wearing his jacket and he looked like he was heading out. Shit. Zayn thought as he feared that Niall wanted to take off again. 

 

“Hurm…I…I think..I wanna to join…for the dinner..” Niall stammered as he felt his cheeks burnt with a little fire. He was the one who rejected the offer from Zayn but somehow he realized that he can’t hide from the world forever. He needed to get his life back on track and if that’s mean that he needed to fix whatever left of his and the others’ relationship, he would gladly to do so. 

 

Zayn and Perrie grinned and pulled Niall into a group hug. When they pulled away, Perrie linked her arm with Niall and started to chat animatedly. Zayn followed both of them and his heart swelled with pride as he realized that Niall was slowly getting better and finally put an effort to fix himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: this story is coming to an end already. 
> 
> but I'm on my way to post the next chapter for "there's nowhere to run" later. :)
> 
> and the lyrics are from my immortal by evanescence


	59. Chapter 59

“Good morning, Niall. How are you today?” The therapist asked as Niall was sitting down on the recliner in the room. It was the third session for Niall and he was feeling nervous because the therapist had asked him to tell about what had happened that made him lost his sleep because he always plagued with his nightmare. Previous sessions had been easy since they were on the terms of knowing each other. The therapist’s name was Mrs. Jackson and he was impressed by her motherly attitude the first time that he had met her. They clicked right on the first session and Niall was quite happy with the results. He knew he was reluctant to go to get help at first because he was afraid that he would be treated like another head case and not as another human being. But with Mrs. Jackson, everything felt at ease and Niall was thankful for that. She seemed to be genuinely concern about his wellbeing too and reminded him a lot about Patricia. That was why he agreed to continue with the next sessions with her and he knew his family was happy with his decision. 

 

“Good. Thanks for asking Mrs. Jackson.” Niall replied. 

 

“Nialler! I told you to call me Annie!” Mrs. Jackson playfully scolded and Niall chuckled. 

 

They ended up making small talk at first before Niall was finally asked about the question that he had been dreading about. 

 

“Now, are you ready to tell me about your nightmares?” Annie asked softly as she looked straight into Niall’s blue eyes. What a beautiful child, she thought. He reminded her of her own son at home. When she had learned a thing or two about Niall’s life before everything had gone down, Annie was told that Niall was so full of energy and were always happy. Annie swore to herself that he would bring back the old Niall, it might not be as whole as before, but at least, he would be happy again. 

 

“I…do I have to?” Niall asked as his finger played with the strings of his hoodie nervously. 

 

“Niall, you know you have to. You can’t keep bottling your emotions inside. It’s bad for you. You have to find a way to release it somehow. And I’m here to help you, remember that.” Annie assured. 

 

Niall sighed before he slumped on the recliner helplessly. “I bet you know about the murder of Jessica Arthur, right?” Niall asked.

 

Annie nodded. “Yes. It was all over the news.” Annie replied shortly before she waited for Niall to continue. She knew about it beforehand. She just wanted to hear it from Niall himself. 

 

“I watched with my own eyes how Nick killed her. And the baby..I mean the fetus..it was so small…but it looked like a baby already..it was so small and red..” Niall closed his eyes as he remembered the horror scene. 

 

“She was screaming and I was too…for Nick to stop..but…Nick..he seemed like he was lost in his own world..he kept digging..with his bare hands…and Jessica went silence…” Niall choked as he tried to recount the story. 

 

Annie tried to blink back her tears as she was listening to Niall’s words. How come world can be so cruel to put the kid in such situation? No one was allowed to witness on such a brutal murder. 

 

“Niall, you don’t have to tell me about that incident if you don’t want to.” Annie finally spoke up. 

 

Niall opened his eyes and looked at Annie for a moment before he shook his head. “No. I have to tell you because it’s related to my nightmare.” 

 

Annie nodded for Niall to continue. “Well..urm..then I started to have this nightmare..it is always the same scene after that..but the face is different..instead of Jessica’s face, I see Quinn’s face..” Niall admitted as a lone tear rolled on his left cheek. 

 

“And the fetus..it reminds me of my baby with Quinn..my unborn baby..I know it was a nightmare but it was so real...it feels so real...I can’t close my eyes knowing that I could see Quinn’s face and our baby that had been killed instead of what really happened…I just can’t..” Niall continued as he started to cry. He looked at Annie to see the older woman had shed some tears for him as well. 

 

“Tell me, Annie. Tell me how are you going to help me with that?” Niall asked between his tears. 

 

Annie threw her notepad away and went to hug the poor kid in front of her. “It’s okay, baby. You’re good. Let it out. I’ll help you until you get better. Trust me.” 

 

** 

 

“So, as you guys know, the purpose of this meeting is to set the date to record for the new album.” Paul started as he was staring at the five lads who were sitting in front of him at the meeting room. 

 

Liam nodded and smiled at his other bandmates. He knew the other lads were also excited about the new album. They had been working for the materials and were ready to record it for the fans. As Liam looked around, his eyes were finally rested on the blonde lad that was sitting at the end of the meeting table. The blonde looked like he was uncomfortable being in that room and Liam raised his eyebrows. He nudged Louis who was sitting beside him and whispered quietly. “What’s wrong with Niall? He doesn’t seem comfortable being here.” Liam pointed out. 

 

Louis tilted his head to look at Niall and agreed on what Liam had talked about. “Niall, are you okay?” Louis asked, making the others to turn and look at Niall. 

 

Niall cowered slightly as all of the other lads turned to look at him upon Louis’s question. “Fine.” Niall answered shortly. 

 

“Are you sure? You don’t look too happy to be here. I thought you’re going to be happy that we’ve a new album to record for the fans?” Louis asked bluntly. 

 

Niall sighed and ran his hand through his hair before he started to speak again. “Well..I thought I told you guys that I quit the band..” Niall said quietly. 

 

“Shit.” Zayn cursed as he heard what Niall had said. He had forgotten about that. He was the one who pushed Niall to the edge until the younger lad quit the band and he couldn’t help but felt bad. He knew how much Niall loved music. 

 

“Ni, I’m sorry.” Zayn apologized as he looked at his younger brother. 

 

“It’s okay, Zayn. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was my own decision.” Niall said as he started to stand up to leave. “I seek myself out. Have fun, guys.” Niall said before he turned to walk out from the meeting room. He was about to open the door when suddenly Paul’s voice boomed through. 

 

“Niall James Horan! Get you fat ass to sit again on the chair!” Paul scolded. 

 

Niall turned and swallowed nervously at the stern voice of Paul. “Paul?” He asked confusingly. 

 

“Sit!” Paul ordered and all the guys went silence as Niall quickly sat back on his chair. He felt like he was at the principal’s office. 

 

“Look. I don’t know if you guys had gone stupid or senile because this is ridiculous. Have you guys forgotten that you guys had a contract with the label? Have you all forgotten that you have signed a long term contract with the label and how in the hell that you guys had forgotten than Niall hadn’t even signed the contract that stated he would quit the band?” Paul said as all of the lads’ eyes went wide at the sudden realization. 

 

“Does that mean…” Harry trailed off, looking at Paul for confirmation. 

 

“Yes! It means that you’re still in the band, Niall! And don’t you ever thinking of bailing the band again, understand?!” Paul softened his tone and cracked a smile as four other lads suddenly stood up and went to hug the blonde one cheering “you’re still in the band! Yeay!” Paul shook his head at the childish behaviour that they seemed to have since the beginning of their career and it made Paul happy that some things had never changed. 

 

** 

 

Niall fidgeted nervously in the studio. He didn’t know why he felt so anxious. He used to be excited about the recording before. The other guys started to talk about the arrangement of the song but Niall felt unfocused. He even refused to play guitar initially because honestly, he hadn’t touched his guitar for quite a long time. 

 

“Okay, Nialler. You sing the next verse after Zayn, got it?” Liam said, breaking Niall out from his stupor and Niall nodded. He can do this, that was what he kept telling himself earlier. 

 

And when the music started, Harry’s voice boomed through the studio and Niall smiled. Harry’s voice had gotten deeper over the years and the curly-haired lad sounded amazing as always. Then, Zayn took the next verse and Niall inhaled deeply waiting for Zayn to finish his part. 

When Zayn finished, Niall looked at the lyrics in front of him and started to open his mouth to sing but suddenly he froze. Nothing came out from his mouth and Niall felt his panic mode kicked in. His eyes looked up from the paper to the other guys in the room and all of them stared at him curiously. 

 

“Nialler?” Zayn’s voice was heard after few moments of silence and Niall felt a panic attack came as the sudden realization dawned on him. Niall felt Zayn rubbed his back worriedly and other voices can be heard over the buzzing sound inside his head. Niall felt himself being led to sit on the nearest couch. Somebody was stroking his hair comfortingly and Niall finally managed to look up to see four pair of worried eyes were looking at him. He can felt his eyes welled with tears as he spoke the next words. 

 

“I cant….” Niall said brokenly. 

 

“You can’t? What do you mean you can’t, Nialler?” Harry asked softly.

 

Niall choked back his sobs as he spoke up again. “I can’t sing anymore.”


	60. Chapter 60

“Hey..hey..it’s okay..” Harry soothed Niall as he was left alone with the distressed blonde in his arms, still hiccupping over the fact that he can’t sing beforehand. The others had left them alone reluctantly, knowing that they cannot crowd Niall too much or he’ll become more distressed. Harry offered to stay and managed to convince an overprotective Zayn to leave him to take care of Niall. 

 

“I’m not okay…” Niall said within tears as Harry wrapped his arms tighter around the small guy. Harry may be the youngest but Niall was the smallest among them. That was why everybody felt so protective over him. Harry knew he had disappointed Niall in their friendship when he doubted Niall for the case with Jessica. But that was on the past. Harry was determined to be besides Niall to get the blonde lad to be better again. 

 

“Everything will be okay, Ni.” Harry assured. 

 

Niall shook his head. “I don’t think everything will be okay. I’m beyond broken, Harry..” Niall said, choking on his words. 

 

“No, you’re not.” Harry said firmly. He didn’t know whether it was more to convince Niall or himself. 

 

“Yes, I am, Hazza. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. You know how I used to have passion in singing and music? I don’t feel any of that anymore. I can’t. I don’t know why. What’s happening to me, Harry? Am I that broken that I can’t be fixed anymore?” Niall asked, his eyes daggered into Harry’s, looking so helpless that it made the younger guy choked. 

 

Harry shook his head stubbornly. He pulled Niall closer to his body as he whispered in Niall’s ear quietly. “You’re okay, Niall. You’re gonna be okay. We’re always here for you. We’lll fix you, Niall. Don’t you ever forget that.” Harry said, ignoring several tears that were rolling down on his cheeks too. 

 

** 

 

Harry closed the door slowly and turned around only to find Zayn standing in front of his face and he let out a small surprised gasp. “Zayn! Don’t scare me off like that!” Harry scolded quietly as he was afraid that he would wake up his friend who had fallen asleep in the room. 

 

“How is he?” Zayn asked worriedly as he looked at Harry. 

 

Harry grabbed Zayn’s arm and led the lad away from the studio room and started to talk. “He was out cold after he cried. I don’t know Zayn. He kept saying that he’s broken.” Harry said as he looked at Zayn’s eyes. “He said he doesn’t feel the passion anymore. Like he is so broken that he can’t feel anything.”

 

“Even his love for music?” Zayn asked, saddened by the fact that Niall thought that he was broken. 

 

Harry nodded and wiped his wet eyes, resulting from crying together with Niall beforehand. 

 

“God…” Zayn can only managed to utter one word before he let out a frustrated sigh and ran his hand through his hair miserably. “I don’t know how to help him, Harry. I thought by seeing the therapist, he would feel better..” Zayn trailed off. His voice was wavered with sadness at Niall’s pain. 

 

Harry nodded understandingly. “He is getting better, Zayn. I know it. I can see it. But it’s not a quick process. He needs time to heal and I believe he will heal as time goes by. But at the moment, all we need to do is be there for him, right? Show him that we support him all the way through his recovery. He needs us, Zayn. All of us. His family, his best friends.” 

 

Zayn smiled slightly as Harry finished his speech. Who knew that Harry can be so matured even though he was the youngest one between all of them? That was what Zayn loved the most about Harry. He might seem cheeky but he had sense of maturity that sometimes made Zayn felt ashamed for himself for lacking that sense. 

 

**

 

It was a happy month at Malik’s household as Perrie finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They were all thrilled and a small celebration was thrown at Zayn’s house a week after he became a proud dad. Louis couldn’t help but smiled as he watched all of the girls were cooing over the baby in the room. Perrie was holding her son while Danielle and Eleanor were besides her, gushing over the tiny bundle in Perrie’s arm. Ivy, Patricia and Alicia had long gone to downstairs, hanging with the other boys, and Zayn had asked Louis to call out the other girls because he wanted to say something. So there Louis was, standing at the door, waiting for anyone to notice him but to no avail. 

 

Louis cleared his throat once, to get the girls’s attention but failed. He made a louder sound but still no one was looking at him. “Girls!” Louis called out loud only to be glared by Perrie. “Louis William Tolimson! The baby is about to sleep, don’t shout.” Perrie half-scolded. Louis smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Well, I was trying to call all of you but you didn’t hear me.” 

 

“What’s wrong?” Perrie asked as she put down her sleeping baby in the crib and started to stand up, along with Danielle and Eleanor. 

 

“Zayn wanted to start his speech downstairs. You know…” Louis trailed off. Perrie nodded understandingly and smiled. Zayn had told her about his plan, with his other bandmates and family members. Only one person in the house didn’t know about the plan yet because Zayn and Perrie wanted it to be a surprise. 

 

**

 

Niall chuckled at one of Harry’s lame jokes before Zayn’s voice was heard over the living room. All of them turned their attention to Zayn as he stood at the center of his living room. 

 

“So, today, we gather here to celebrate the new baby in the house, Zachary James Malik.” Zayn announced as Perrie stood beside him, nodding approvingly. 

 

“Yeah! You finally got him a name!” Louis cheered and everyone laughed. It had been known to everyone that both Zayn and Perrie had some troubles to find the name for their son and everyone was glad that they had finally found the perfect name. 

 

Zayn nodded and stared at everyone in front of him before his eyes landed on Niall. “So as we had found the perfect name, we also want to announce that we had chosen the perfect Godfather for our little Zachary too.” Zayn glanced at Perrie and his wife smiled back at him before nodding, allowing him to continue. “We want Niall to be Zachary’s godfather.” 

 

Niall swore his heart dropped as soon as Zayn finished with his announcement. Zayn and Perrie had chosen him as their son’s godfather? “But..why?” Niall stammered. There were other people that deserved it more than him. What about Josh? He was the eldest, Niall thought Zayn would pick Josh instead of him. 

 

“Because you’re the perfect fit for it, Niall. We know you’ll love our son like we love him too.” Perrie replied to Niall’s answer. She smiled at Niall before she saw that Niall had turned pale at their little announcement. 

 

Niall didn’t know why he was acting like he was at the moment. He should be happy but he can’t. He was grateful but he was just….it was just too much to deal with at the moment. “Thanks to both of you. I’m happy for both of you but I just don’t think I’m the right person for him. Sorry.” Niall apologized before he fled off the living room, leaving everyone in shock. 

 

**

 

“There you are.” Niall snapped his head to look at the voice that belong to the person that he knew. 

 

“How do you know I’m here?” Niall asked. 

 

“I remember you told me that you liked to come here because you said the sound of the waves makes you feel calm.” Zayn replied as he took a seat besides Niall on the beach. It took him a while to figure out where Niall was heading to, but his instincts told him that he would find Niall on the beach, and he was right. 

 

Niall nodded and stared back on the sea in front of him. “I’m sorry, Zayn. I didn’t mean to ruin your celebration..” Niall trailed off. He knew he was overreacted but he just couldn’t stay there after Zayn and Perrie’s announcement. 

 

“It’s okay, Ni. I understand that..” Zayn said. 

 

“No, you don’t.” Niall cut Zayn off before the older lad could finish his sentence. 

 

“Well, make me understand, Ni.” Zayn replied softly. 

 

“I’m broken, Zayn. I’m so broken that I don’t know if I have the tendency to care again. I don’t even know how to take care of myself, how would I take care of your son if you want me to, Z? I’m nobody that he could look up to. I would be no help for him in the future, Z. He didn’t deserve someone who is so messed up to be his godfather. He deserves someone better..”

 

Zayn felt his heart shattered at Niall’s words. He wrapped one of his arms around Niall and let the younger brother laid his head on his shoulder. “You know we all love you, right Ni? You’re not broken. You’re just having a hard time right now. You’re strong, Ni. You survived the loss of your real family when you were so little. I know for a fact that I’m not as strong as you if I had the same fate, Ni. You’ll be okay, Niall. _We_ will be okay.” Zayn said and he can felt Niall sniffed besides him. 

 

They sat in silence for a moment before Zayn’s eyes caught on three familiar figures approaching him and Niall at the beach. Zayn nodded at them to come closer and wrapped his arms tighter around Niall as soon as the other three lads were sitting on the beach too. 

 

“What are you guys doing here?” Niall asked as soon as Harry, Louis and Liam sat in front of him and Zayn. Apparently, Liam had brought a guitar with him and they all smiled at Niall and Zayn. 

 

“Do you remember that we used to sing acoustically on the beach before our debut album?” Liam asked, ignoring Niall’s question and went straight to the point. Zayn had texted three of them to come to beach for this. They wanted to help Niall to get better and let Niall know that they were always there with him. All of them nodded and Liam smiled, starting to play on his guitar and they all started to sing together as they looked at Niall. 

 

_When you try your best, but you don’t succeed.._  
When you get what you want, but not what you need..  
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep..  
Stuck in reverse.. 

_And the tears come streaming down your face.._  
When you lose something you can’t replace..  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste..  
Could it be worse?,, 

_Lights will guide you home.._  
And ignite your bones..  
And **we** will try to fix you.. 

_And high up above or down below.._  
When you’re too in love to let it go..  
But if you’re never try you’ll never know..  
Just what you’re worth.. 

_Lights will guide you home.._  
And ignite your bones..  
And **we** will try to fix you.. 


	61. Chapter 61

“So I take it you’re feeling better now?” Annie asked the young man in front of her. When they began their session about half an hour before, Niall had told her about the little breakdown at his brother’s house and how his best friends had assured him that they will be with him until he got better. Until he can feel as whole as he had been before everything happened. And Annie knew that Niall believed their words because Niall seemed to be more open and there was a glimpse of light in his eyes, not like the first time that Annie had met him. 

 

Niall nodded and smiled slightly, answering Annie’s question. He did feel better. After Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn told him that they will stick by him, he knew they were sincere. Somehow, it made him believed that he will be able to heal again. To be Niall James Horan that he was used to be. “I think I’m getting there. I mean, getting where I used to be _me._ ” Niall said before he continued. “But sometimes, it’s hard you know. I’m not strong. It’s hard just to forget everything. To forget…” Niall trailed off. His eyes clouded with sadness and Annie knew exactly what Niall was talking about. 

 

“To forget Quinn?” Annie asked softly. When Niall nodded, Annie knew she had to do her job. “Look, Niall. I know it’s hard to forget everything but trust me if I said that you’re one of the strongest people that I’ve ever met. Knowing your history, losing your parents, your big brother at such young age and survived through all of that? That required strong will, you know. To be able to adapt to a new family and end up being a good young man, despite everything that happened, it shows how strong you are, Niall. Don’t put yourself down.” Annie said. She took Niall’s hand in hers and stared at Niall’s eyes before she spoke up again. “You know that God would never put you through all of the things that happened if He doesn’t think that you can handle it.” 

 

“Thanks, Annie. I’ll try my best.” Niall said. 

 

“I know you will.” Annie smiled. “But, have you really made a closure with Quinn?” 

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asked. 

 

“You told me you didn’t even go to her grave, Niall. Maybe to you it’s nothing but the truth is, it looks like you never made a closure with her. You’re still hanging on her memories and frankly you won’t get better if you don’t have a closure.” Annie explained. 

 

Niall blinked back his tears. He wasn’t ready for that yet, but he knew what Annie said was true. It was because he was reluctant to let go of Quinn that he felt like he would never get over her. That he would never find happiness again. 

 

“Do you have anything else that belongs to her with you?” Annie asked. 

 

Niall shook his head as he recalled. He had got rid of all of Quinn’s stuffs long time ago. “I don’t think so.” Niall said but suddenly he remembered something. “But I still keep this one letter…” 

 

Annie raised her eyebrows. “What letter?” 

 

“Her suicide letter to me..I guess. Ivy gave it to me after Quinn’s funeral.” Niall swallowed thickly. He had almost forgotten about that. 

 

Annie nodded, processing the information. “Have you read it?” 

 

Niall shook his head. “I never wanted to.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Because…” Niall trailed off. He himself didn’t know why. 

 

“Because you’re afraid that once you read it, it will hit you that Quinn is forever gone?” Annie didn’t mean it to be harsh but the way Niall flinched after her words, made her felt sorry for him. But if Annie didn’t do what she was supposed to do, how in the world that she would help Niall? Annie knew somehow Niall needed something to shake him out from trapping in his past. 

 

** 

 

Niall didn’t know how long that he had stared at the small envelope in his hand as he was sitting on his bed, alone. He had promised Annie that he would read the letter. He knew initially he had promised to do that for Annie’s sake, but deep down, Niall knew that it was for the sake of himself too. Shakily, Niall opened the letter and started to read it. 

 

_Dear Niall,_

_I’m so sorry for breaking my promise. I know I promised you that I would never hurt myself but I can’t take it anymore, Ni. I have a lot of baggage that you don’t deserve to share with me. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t keep our baby alive. I was devastated by it, Ni. I didn’t tell you about the baby because you’ll get married and part of me was selfish that I wanted to keep part of you with me, the baby I mean. Turns out, I failed, Ni. I failed and I realize that I lost myself along with the baby._

_If you’re reading this after I’m gone, I just want you to know that I love you so much Niall James Horan. I still love you but I couldn’t make you happy anymore. All I will ever bring to you is only pain. You don’t deserve that. I accept if you’re angry with my decision to end my miserable life but I’m not as strong as you. I give up on my life, doesn’t mean that you have to give up on yours, Ni. You have a bright future ahead, don’t waste that._

_I know you. You’ll blame yourself over my decision but please don’t. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Niall. You’re a great guy. You really deserve to be happy with someone who doesn’t have much baggage as me. I know you’ll find someone that can make you happier. I don’t know where I would end up after what I would do but I just want you to know that I would be looking after you from afar, as your guardian angel and I need you to believe that. I need you to be strong and keep moving on with your life. You’re young, you’re happy and you deserve all the good things in life, Niall James Horan._

_Maybe we’ll meet again in another life, where I would be a better person to you compared to who I am now. I’m really sorry if I hurt you, Ni. But I truly believe that you’re a strong guy. You’ll get over everything bad in your life ahead, including this chapter of your life. You already got over the death of your real family and end up with another set of family who loves you unconditionally and you love them back. See? You did it once, Niall. You can do it again. Believe in yourself. You’ll get over me, even if it’s not completely. Treasure our good memories instead of the bad ones. There’s no other person that I love deserves to be happy except for you Niall James Horan. I’m really really really sorry. I guess this is my goodbye to you. So long, Niall. Remember, I’ll be smiling from heaven for you._

_The one who always love you, Quinn._

 

Niall curled into a ball on his bed and cried as soon as he finished reading the letter. He cried with all his heart and he didn’t realized when Zayn had entered his room but he felt someone was pulling him into a tight embrace. Niall clung on the shirt and cried. He cried for the pain. He cried for the loss. And for the first time, he cried for himself. 

 

**

 

It took Niall a week before he can convince his overprotective older brothers that he wanted to go to New York, alone. He honestly said to his brothers that he wanted to visit Quinn’s grave and both of them offered to go with him but he refused. He wanted to do this by himself. He told them he really appreciates the offer but he really needed to go alone. And it took Perrie and Ivy to make Zayn and Josh understood on how important the visit was to Niall. 

 

And as Niall stood in front of her grave, Niall couldn’t believe that he was there. He took a seat on the ground and stared at the tombstone in front of him. 

 

“Hi, Quinn.” Niall started. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come earlier but I was a coward at that time. Still am, I guess.” Niall said and shrugged. He glanced around for a while before he started to speak again. 

 

“So, I read your letter. Yeah, if you’re here you’ll probably smack my head for being so late to read it.” Niall smiled. “I remember that you always said that I always look like I don’t give a fuck about anything and sometimes it annoys you that you end up smacking my head. And then when I pout, you kissed it better and I was alright again. What a weirdo couple we were.” Niall chuckled. He then started to talk about the good memories that they had together and he let out couple of loud laughs remembering it. 

 

Niall didn’t realize how long that he had talked about their good memories when he suddenly stopped talking and stared at the tombstone again. “I miss you, Quinn. I miss you so much.” Niall said as few tears rolled down his cheek but he wiped it away. He let out a shaky smile and nodded. “But I knew you meant well for me, Quinn. You mentioned it in your letter.” 

 

Niall blinked his tears before he spoke up again. “I was mad at first when I found out about what you had done but I knew that you had no choice. If only I was there for you…” Niall trailed off. “But it doesn’t really matter now, does it? You made your choice and you asked for my forgiveness. And here I am, Quinn. I forgive you so that you can be in peace and I will be too.” Niall paused. “I know I have to move on and get over you but trust me, part of me will always love you.” 

 

Niall then stood up and leaned closer to the head of the tombstone and kissed it softly. A single tear escaped his eyes as he whispered quietly. “Goodbye, Quinn Fiona Jones.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: and one more epilogue before this story ends. :) then I'll focus on "there's nowhere to run..."


	62. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter :)

Niall opened his eyes and rolled over to his back before he was staring at the ceiling. He smiled slightly at the thoughts of not having the usual nightmare the night before. In fact, it had been almost a month since he had his last nightmare and he finally can get a proper sleeping hours. It seemed like yesterday but it was two months ago that he had finally said goodbye to Quinn at her grave. The day after that, Niall had went back and Zayn had hugged him tightly at the airport during his arrival. But after that, Niall felt at ease. He continued to go to the session with Annie and he was really grateful that it helped him a lot. Maybe it was because Annie was a great psychiatrist but part of Niall knew that it was because Annie really cared about him. She was like another mum for him. Niall rolled to his side again and looked at the clock on his bedside table. 

“Urgh, too early.” Niall groaned since the clock was showing 7am but it was the date that had caught Niall’s attention suddenly. Shit! It was Zayn’s birthday! Niall quickly stood up and grabbed his towel, heading towards the bathroom. How could he forgot? 

 

** 

 

“Nialler!” Niall didn’t even have the time to reply before Patricia had come and hugged him tightly. He whined and rolled his eyes fondly as his mum when she ruffled his hair like a little kid. “We miss you so much!” Alicia said, suddenly appeared beside Patricia and went to hug Niall tightly as well. Niall returned the hug and chuckled as Alicia started to talk randomly. His little sister had never changed. Always so bubbly. The three of them made their way to the living room only to find his brothers and bandmates along with their wives and spouses, were enjoying themselves at the little party. 

 

“Happy birthday, Zayn!” Niall greeted as soon as he saw his brother. Zayn turned and stopped whatever conversation that he was having with Louis before he went to crush Niall into a bear hug. 

 

“What’s with bear hugs today?” Niall asked as soon as Zayn pulled away but one of Zayn’s arm were still lingered on Niall’s shoulder. 

 

“Well, it’s my birthday. Everyone deserves a bear hug.” Zayn replied and the others laughed.

 

Niall shook his head fondly at Zayn’s comment. He tilted his head to look at Zayn and he grinned sheepishly as Zayn was staring at him back. “Z, I’m sorry. I forgot to get you present.” Niall confessed shyly as he can felt the others were also hearing their little conversation. 

 

Zayn laughed as he ruffled Niall’s hair affectionately and pulled Niall into his hug again. Only Niall can blush madly over the fact that he had forgotten to buy someone a present. “It’s okay. I got my Nialler back as my present.” Zayn said, blinking back his tears. This time, it was the tears of joy because he knew Niall was finally back with all of them. Everyone can saw that Niall had gotten better as days passed by and Zayn was so happy with that fact. Zayn knew everyone really admired on Niall’s strong will to live and move on from a horror past. 

 

Niall tightened his arms around Zayn and buried his face into Zayn’s crook of neck after Zayn’s words. “Thanks, Zayn. For everything.” Niall said and Zayn shook his head a little. “You don’t really have to thank me, Niall. Thank _you._ ” 

 

** 

 

“So everyone is ready?” Niall asked through his phone which he had put on a speaker. He heard different voices of his bandmates throughout the receiver. 

 

“What the hell are you trying to tell us, Ni?” Louis whined and Niall chuckled. “Geez, be patient, Lou. So you guys are in front of your laptop now?” He asked. 

 

“Yup! I’m with Dani here.” Liam’s voice piped in. Niall nodded and smiled. “Everyone else?” Niall asked as he couldn’t hear Zayn and Harry’s voice. 

 

“Aye aye captain! We’re all here. I’m with Josh, Ivy, Perrie, Alicia and mom.” Zayn’s voice boomed through the speaker. Niall rolled his eyes. “Z, you don’t need to list everyone else, like I don’t know who are staying at your house right now.” And that comment elicited several laughter from the other end of the phone’s line. 

 

“Harry?” Niall called the curly-haired guy’s name as he didn’t heard anything from the younger guy. “Just a second! My laptop is tangled up under the comforter.” Harry said and Niall heard several thump sound before Harry’s voice is heard again. “Okay, I’m on!” 

 

Niall grinned widely and started to move back a little from his own laptop. “Hi everyone!” Niall waved at the camera. The truth was he was planning to do a twitcam to his fans and also his family and friends. Not that he didn’t want to do it in front of his friends and family face to face but he also wanted to do it in front of the fans at the same time. 

 

“So, this morning I woke up and had a feeling that I wanted to do a twitcam. It really had been a while, hadn’t it?” Niall started. He played through his hair nervously before he started to speak again. It had been a long time since he last twitcam and those were the times before everything bad had happened to him. “In case you guys are wondering, I’m at the studio at the moment. Sitting alone since all of my bandmates are too lazy to come.” Niall said and chuckled before he continued. “Nah, actually all of them have no idea that I’m here. In fact, I forced them to watch this twitcam also, so, hi guys!” Niall said and waved at the camera again. 

 

“So, the thing is, I had received a lot of mails and tweets and direct messages that had wished me to be strong and everything and I’m really really thankful for that. I know many of you had known my story from the paper or internet and there are some people that had sent me their experiences too. They told me that their bad stories are nothing compared to mine but the truth is, it’s not true. I know there are other people who had a lot worse condition than me and nobody should felt that their problem isn’t as big as mine because we’re all equal. Everyone have their own stories whether it’s good or bad. It’s what we called as _life._ Sometimes, life is hard but we have to keep moving on because in order to look at the future, you have to let go of your past. And live in the moment because nothing else is more precious than the present.” Niall said and smiled at the camera. 

 

Niall shifted his body slightly to grab his guitar and started to strum it. He missed the feeling and he was glad that he finally able to play the guitar again. “So, I wrote the song called as ‘Only Life.’ I know I’m not a lyrical genius but I hope this song can help you because I know it helps me too.” Niall said before he continued. “I just want to thanks everyone who had been with me throughout the whole journey. Thanks mum for accepting me into your little family. Zayn for accepting me as your little brother and doing a god job for being an older one, the same goes to you too, Josh. And for Alicia, thanks for being a great little sister. I love you guys so much. To my best friends who I proudly called as my brothers; Louis, Liam and Harry and yeah, you too, Danny. You guys had put up so much for me since we were kids and I’m really really thankful for that. And to my extended family, Perrie, Ivy, Danielle and Eleanor, thanks for being there for me too. And to the fans, thanks for being there for us, for me throughout this whole ordeal. I love you guys so much.” Niall said as his voice cracked slightly. He was so overwhelmed with gratefulness that it made him cried. 

 

“Sorry for the long speech.” Niall chuckled as he cleared his throat before he started to speak again. “Here is the song.” He said and then he started to sing.

[only life](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5Pl9iJsPjI)

_  
****  
_

Tears are forming in your eyes  
A storm is warning in the sky, yeah

The end of the world it seems  
You bend down and you fall on your knees   
Well get back on your feet yeah

Don't look away   
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life

But you were always playing hard  
Never could let down your guard, no

But you can't win  
If you never give in  
And to that voice within  
Is saying tick up your chin  
Baby let go of it

Don't look away   
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life

Take your hesitance   
And your self-defence  
Leave them behind, it's only life  
Oh, don't be so afraid   
Of facing everyday  
Just take your time, it's only life  
I'll be your stepping-stone  
Don't be so alone  
Just hold on tight, it's only life

Don't look away   
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life  
Yea it's only life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this is the last chapter. Thanks for everyone who had read and gave kudos and commented, I really really really appreciate it. This is actually the first story that I had written ever (so it's quite bad, sorry!). And now I'm writing "there's nowhere to run..". :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, and check out the song that inspired the whole story though. : [only life](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5Pl9iJsPjI)


End file.
